I want to dance with her.

And yes, I really do. But sometimes you shouldn't do things you want to do.

It's amazing that a girl as shy and reserved as Kelsey seems to have no problem locking her arms around me and looking up at me as we dance.

For a moment, as the old eighties song I've heard a bunch of times begins to play, I find myself dancing alone with Kelsey.

I'm no longer in this town and this state. I'm no longer a student in school and a teenager in life. I'm dancing alone with a beautiful lady. One who holds me close.

I can't help but get lost in the synthesizers and the strobe lights and the softness of Kelsey's touch.

You shouldn't be encouraging this, Chris.

And as it does so many times in life, in my life, the song seems to know what's happening and it speaks to me. It speaks for me.

"And you wanted to dance so I asked you to dance, but fear is in your soul," the singer sings.

Fear is in my soul, and this girl has no idea.

No idea.

But for a moment, I don't care.

For a moment, I want to be here.

I want to be close.

And I want to be wanted.

When the song ends, Kelsey smiles as the lights get brighter.

"Thanks," I tell her.

She doesn't say anything back, but again, I can see it on her pretty and innocent face. It thanks me back. It thanks me back and also tells me not to let her go.

As I leave Kelsey and leave the gym, the words of the last song follow me. I want to say them to Kelsey as I leave to look for Poe.

I have a bad feeling about what I'm going to find.

95. Rage Hope and happiness are beginning to look a lot like big bubbles blown by some kid. They drift by and then pop and disappear, leaving only sticky drops on the ground behind.

I can still hear the song that played to my dance with Kelsey when I get out of my mom's car and walk up to Poe's door.

It seems like every light in the house is on. I've never been here before, but it's pretty much what I expected. A nice, traditional two-story home in a nice little subdivision about twenty minutes away from Solitary.

I'm still in my tux and feel weird that I'm knocking on this door after the prom.

Poe answers, and I instantly know things aren't good. She looks behind her and then walks out, almost into me, as she shuts the door behind her.

Then she grabs me and hugs me and starts to cry into my chest.

"What's wrong? What happened? Poe?"

She sounds like she's talking with a sock in her mouth. When she looks back at me, I can hear her say sorry.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, that I couldn't go. I was going to, I really was. I was going to force them to have to send me home."

"What?"

"I was going to do it, but then my parents-my dad-Chris, it's awful."

"What?"

"They got to him. I know that's what happened."

"What are you talking about? Poe?"

She clears her throat and looks up at me with sad eyes. "I got expelled from school."

I try to make sense of what she just said.

"They found drugs in my locker. And this isn't the first time. They'd found pot on me before."

"What?"

"The first time was legit-it was my sophomore year and-yeah, long story. But this-they're saying they found heroin in my locker. Heroin. I mean-really? Look at me. Come on. It's such a joke."

"Who-when'd you find out?"

"They told me Friday afternoon. That's why you didn't see me at the end of the day."

"I usually don't anyway."

"They got my stuff and I was escorted out by Sheriff Wells."

"What?"

"Yeah. So much for that, huh? So much for alliances."

"Did you tell them that it wasn't-"

"Of course. But no. Then today my father got fired from his job. Works as a marketing something-or-other for a company that-well, basically it's Mr. Staunch. That's what happened."

"Do your parents know?"

"Know what? They don't know anything."

Save a prayer, Kelsey. Save a prayer for the morning after. Or maybe don't wait that long.

"Poe ..."

She curses. "This is what they do, Chris. They make people disappear. They did it to Jocelyn and to Rachel. I was afraid this would happen."

"But why?"

"I don't know. I don't. But I know too much."

"We have to tell your parents everything."

"No." She looks around, since her voice echoed off the walls. "No, we can't," she says in a softer voice. "They don't believe the drugs. They know that I didn't do that."

"Then you can tell them what's going on."

"No. Because I don't want anything happening to them."

"And your expulsion? I mean-what does that mean?"

"It means that they'll be willing to go easy on me if I go to another school and am placed on probation."

"Another school?"

She nods.

"I'm-I don't know what to say."

"We should never have come up to you in the first place," Poe says. "Even if you were the new cute guy. Your life would've been a lot easier."

"Sometimes I think it's the other way around. That this is all because of-that it's all my fault."

"It's not anybody's fault except the monsters doing this." Poe looks out to the street as a car passes. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why?"

"Just-it's not good for you to be here. I don't want-you need to give me some space, Chris. For now."

"I've been giving you space."

She finally notices the tuxedo I'm in. "You look handsome."

"I'm sorry you couldn't come."

"How was it?"

"Surreal." I'm not lying to her. It was surreal. In a good and a bad way.

"I don't know what's going to happen."

"Don't disappear on me," I tell her. "Don't move in the middle of the night or anything like that."

"We just have to get through tonight. My parents are pretty shaken up."

I give her a hug and then watch her as she goes back inside.

I feel something that's been growing and mutating inside of me for some time.

It's rage.

Rage that I'm stuck inside some invisible cell. Rage that I'm being constantly watched. Rage that every good person who comes across my path gets taken away or hurt or worse.

A rage that needs revenge.

I turn up the music as loud as it can go as I drive home.

I tell myself that I'm going to find the people who did this.

I'm going to find the reason they're doing this and then show it to the world.

96. Driving Again I wake up and realize what I have to do.

I need to see Iris.

I need to get answers from her.

I trust this woman. There's something different about her. Something authentic and real. Something hopeful. And whatever mumbo jumbo she might end up sharing with me doesn't matter because I'll take anything. Anything that offers a glimmer of light, even if it's barely visible through the tiny peephole.

It's Sunday morning and ... yeah, I don't even need to say it. I'm awake and Mom's asleep and she has no idea I'm taking her keys and I have every idea why she's still sleeping. Enough said.

The car that I feel like I just got out of is covered in dew. I start it and turn on the windshield wipers and let them go for a few moments, listening to the steady beat in a trance.

I head up the road on this cloudy gray morning when I see something in front of me and swerve into a ditch.

When I look back up, I see Jared walking up to me. It takes a second to roll down the window.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asks.

"What are you doing?"

"I was coming to see you."

"Why?"

"Because it's time. Back up and let me in."

It takes me a couple of tries to get the car back onto the dirt road. Jared climbs inside and studies me.

"You're driving a lot these days, aren't you?"