I want to cut the picture up, too, yet for some reason I keep it.

The same reason I keep listening to music like this.

The same reason I keep waiting.

As if eventually, it'll all make sense.

As if eventually, it'll all be okay.

92. A Change in Seasons Maybe ten or twenty years from now, I'll look back on this with fond memories. Fond memories that I got out of this nightmare. Fond memories that I left this school and this town in the dust. But at the moment I'm just wondering how to make it to tomorrow.

I really want to talk to Kelsey about the whole prom thing, but then one day at lunch I see her talking to an upperclassman.

His name is Sam, I think. He's not a jock, but he runs in the same circles as Ray Spencer. I think he might be competition for Ray, to be honest. Another good-looking, well-to-do guy who dates a lot of girls at this school.

Kelsey is laughing at him and bringing her head close to her shoulder in a way a cat might as it's purring.

I bump into someone, who curses at me, and I stop staring and find my seat next to Newt.

"That's crazy," I say, talking more to myself than anything else.

"There are two times when people get really crazy around here. May and December."

I look at Newt and wonder how he knows what I'm even talking about, then realize I'm lucky to have a friend like him. Before I can start picking at my lunch, Georgia strolls by and stops in front of us.

"You had your chance, but look who got her instead."

This girl really just needs a mop in her mouth.

"What did I do wrong today?"

"Oh, nothing," Georgia says with contempt. "Nothing at all. The news about prom wasn't hard on her at all. But she's still going."

"With Sam over there?"

Georgia nods.

"So are you going with the man of your dreams? Dan? Planning on eloping?"

"No. In fact, Ray asked me. Might've been a nice group if you had been smarter."

I thought Ray was going to ask someone else to prom. I'm going to say something, but she walks away. Newt is eating Cheetos and just staring at me.

"What?"

"Like I said," he says, shaking his head. "May and December."

Things do feel different, but it's the end of the school year and everyone is ready for summer. Poe still doesn't talk much with me at school, yet she wants to go to prom with me. Kelsey acts like a stranger, not even painting by me in art any longer.

Mom is a mess, drinking more than ever. She's no longer hiding it, which is not good since I'm no longer hiding my growing contempt at having to watch her self-destruct. This is one of those cycles that can only end badly.

I don't hear from Jared, nor do I hear from Sheriff Wells.

It's nothing except a vibe I get. Things are different.

All I know is that summer is coming, and maybe with it will come a change. Or at least a change of scenery.

Maybe if I could look into the future, I'd feel a little more at ease.

But something tells me otherwise. Something dark and oppressive is coming, something that's going to change everything, something that is even worse than what happened with Jocelyn.

Nothing could be worse than that.

Nothing.

93. Miss You The night before prom, and I'm not thinking about Poe.

I'm thinking about you.

I miss you. I miss your smile and your spirit and your sweet touch.

I miss knowing there could have been more. Knowing there should have been more.

I miss the days and weeks and months we could have spent together. I miss the future we could have looked forward to and the past we could have looked back on. I miss the memories we could have built.

I miss feeling missed, feeling wanted, feeling anything.

I miss everything that we had in that blink of time. Everything that got buried and blacked out and blown into the wind.

I miss knowing there's something to fight for. Something for us to fight for.

I miss everything that could have been and should have been.

I miss you, Jocelyn.

No amount of time changes that. It only cements it even more.

94. Save a Prayer Uncle Robert is deejaying the prom!

That's what I think as I enter the gymnasium. There's nobody else to have a conversation with, so I'm talking to myself. The music sounds like something out of Uncle Robert's record collection. It takes me a few minutes, but gradually I notice signs of the eighties everywhere, along with the way some of the students are dressed. I get it. A themed prom.

Guess it shows how much I've been paying attention to the whole prom thing.

I'm here by myself because of the last-minute call I received from my date. Thankfully Poe didn't call and say it was all a big fat joke. No, the message was short and tense.

"I have to meet you at the school and I can explain," she told me.

"Is everything okay?"

"No."

It's always a bad sign when someone says no to that question, because even if things are bad, people usually say yes. Yes, everything's okay even though my house just burned down and my dog died. But yes.

Getting the no means things must be really, really bad.

I start to ask Poe for details, but she cuts me off and says she'll see me at the prom.

So here I am, feeling like an idiot because I'm by myself and because I had no clue about this eighties theme, feeling uncomfortable in the tux that I rented that seems a bit too big, feeling just overall stupid.

Meanwhile, the gym is packed.

Our school prom back in Libertyville was held on a boat in Lake Michigan.

Harrington High goes all out ... in the gym.

I scan the room, but don't see Poe. I do, however, see Kelsey. And pretty much most of me wishes I hadn't.

She looks ...

Wow.

She's playing up the theme with her poofy hairstyle that seems like it's holding a bottle of hairspray. She's dressed in a wild black skirt and heels and looks about ten years older. Like Madonna when she first came out.

Older. And hotter.

And of course Sam has his arms around her.

I recall the dance I came to with Jocelyn and how she ended up slow dancing with some other guy.

This seems to be my place in life. To look from the sidelines at the pretty girl that I could and should be with.

So where is Poe?

The music begins to play Tears for Fears, and the kids seem okay with it.

I should be dancing and having a fun time, but Poe is nowhere to be found.

For a while I wait near the doorway. I even head outside to see if Poe might be waiting there.

I manage to kill time by wandering around as if I have somewhere to go or something to do. I've had good training doing that in the hallways at school. But after an hour of this, I'm done.

I'm five seconds away from walking out when the girl who kidnapped Kelsey's body comes out of nowhere with a smile and a stare.

"Are you on your own?"

I chuckle and try to act all cool. "Yeah. I was just about to leave."

"Even your best buddy has a date tonight."

"Who's that?" I ask.

"Gus."

"Wonderful."

As if on cue, that song that they played at the end of Pretty in Pink starts to play. If there's a God above, He has a sense of humor.

"What happened?"

"Not quite sure," I say. "I didn't know it was an eighties theme."

"I can tell."

"You look-great."

"Georgia had to force me into this."

"No, really. You look great."

She glances back into the mass of people. Corny lights are set up to try and make it look like a dance floor, but the whole thing is still pretty ridiculous. The sound of saxophones blasts through the speakers.

"So, big party afterward?" I ask Kelsey.

She nods and then looks away. She's wearing more makeup and no glasses, but still-it's Kelsey. She can't hide who she is. Or what she's thinking.

"Good seeing you," I tell her.

This is my way of saying I probably should have asked you to prom.

I don't want her feeling like she has to come and babysit me.

The DJ announces that it's the last song of the evening. As he does, Kelsey looks at me.

I suddenly get the feeling that she didn't just happen to come over here at this particular time.

Somewhere, her date is surely looking for her.

The song begins to play.

"I better go," I tell her.

"Do you want to dance?"

I shouldn't dance with her. It's not right. Poe's not here, but she still might show up. And then there's Kelsey's date. Some guy I don't know and don't really care to know, but still. He had the guts and the smarts to ask her. I know better and shouldn't be messing with Kelsey anyway.

"Sure," I say.

She walks out to the dance floor, and I realize that this is my fate. I know better, but I do things anyway.