"Look at the bright side. We did it."

She kind of croaked a chuckle. "Yeah..."

We actually crawled back to our clothes, and it probably took ten minutes to put 'em back on. My b.u.t.t hurt so bad I almost couldn't walk. But when we finally did limp out of the place, the basketball players all gave us a round of applause.

Kezzy chuckled back to the car. "Well. You ladies got filled up from both ends today, hmm?"

"We're not cannolies, Miss Kezzy! We're people!"

She stopped us and took my arm. "Is that what you think, Ann? You think you're just people? Please think again." Her eyes looked huge. "You are extraordinary people. Don't ever forget that."

"Home, Zenas," she said when we were back in the car. "And don't dilly-dally. I want my girls home and in bed without delay. They need their rest."

"Ee-yuh, ma'am."

That was maybe the weirdest part. Each thing we had to do got worse and worse but whenever we were done, Kezzy would act like she actually liked us and that she really wanted us in the sorority. Just another one of the things I couldn't figure, Half the time I thought it was pure bulls.h.i.t, that it was all an act, but other times?

Me and Hannah were kind of half-comatose during the ride back. A big, white moon followed us along the treetops, and the way the car kind of rocked and the tires hummed, it made me feel buzzed sort of. If my b.u.t.t hadn't hurt so bad, I'd probably even feel content.

I had the same sorts of dreams that night, and heard those same weird words a"in Kezzy's voice...

Shub neb hyr'ik eb hyr'k. Ogthrod ai'fgeb'l, ee'h yog-sothoth...

Our b.u.t.ts still hurt like a motherf.u.c.ker the next morning when me and Hannah came downstairs. Actually, it was almost noon; we slept late, and I still felt kind of s.h.i.tty 'cos I hadn't slept good a single night yet in this house. "I have weird dreams at night," Hannah mentioned, groaning across the foyer.

"Me, too," but for some reason I was afraid to ask her what the dreams were.

I was afraid...they'd be just like mine...

"Well, you girls are certainly looking a bit drab this morning," Kezzy said, forking into a big plate of scrambled eggs. The eggs had big chunks of lobster in them.

Hannah yelped when she sat down.

Drab? I thought. "You might feel drab, too, Miss Kezzy, if you'd gotten a.s.s-f.u.c.ked by a f.u.c.kin' basketball team."

"Yes, I suppose I would," she said with a great big smile. But then the smile collapsed. "But I didn't, did I?" Then she whistled laughter. "At the very least, I hope you were both able to make a unique contribution to the county sewage system last night."

I stared at her. "Yeah, we sure did, Miss Kezzy."

"Your acrimonious tone is actually quite understandable, Ann; you're merely experiencing the Fifth Day Blues. It's common. But don't be weak, ladies. Never lose your confidence."

I yelped when I sat down.

Zenas came out. His maid's suit was pink today. He put down two bowls of yogurt.

"Eat up, girls," Kezzy mumbled with her mouth full of lobster and eggs. "You'll want to keep up your energy, hmm?"

I grimaced at my bowl. "Can't we at least have the kind with fruit in it? This is the unflavored c.r.a.p."

"Does it taste better than sperm, Ann?"

I frowned.

"Good, so don't complain." She shoveled in another forkful of lobster and eggs. "There are people starving in the world, you know, and judging by your waistlines, I think it's safe to say that neither of you are among them."

Just then? I would've done anything to be able to kick her right in her c.u.n.t.

"I'm stuffed," Kezzy said after eating half the plate. "Can't eat another bite."

Me and Hannah both stared at her plate. I'm not sure, but I think I was drooling.

"Oh, I'm sorry, girls. How rude of me. Would you like to have the rest of this?

"Yeah!" me and Hannah both yelled.

She sneered. "Fat chance." She handed the plate to Zenas. "I'm finished, Zenas. Sc.r.a.pe the rest into the garbage."

"Shuh thing."

"Why are you busting our chops so bad!" I yelled. "You talk to us like we're sc.u.m! You talk to us like you hate us!"

"I'll forgive your uncouth tirade, Ann. After all, I suppose you both are a bit on edge." Then her shoulders slumped and she sighed. "Believe it or not, cruelty and hostile deportment aren't my forte at all. I don't hate either of you. I like you both very much, but I hara.s.s you simply because it's my responsibility as the Senior Sorority Sister. If I were all nice and warm and chirpy, I'd be circ.u.mventing my obligations. We can't have softies here, Ann. We can't have mollycoddles."

Mollycoddles. Terrific.

"So you must be squeezed to the bursting point, pushed to the breaking point. Only then, girls, will I be able to determine that you're both good enough to be admitted to Alpha House." She raised her f.u.c.kin' pinkie when she took a sip of water. "Alpha House is the hardest sorority to get into, but bear in mind, the hardest deeds deliver the best rewards."

It sounded like a crock of s.h.i.t. Rah, rah, rah. Go, team, go. s.h.i.t. "So what's it going to be today, Miss Kezzy?" I asked. "How many d.i.c.ks do we have to suck today? How many times do we have to take it in the b.u.t.t today?"

She popped her brow up. "Well, I can't say that I care for your att.i.tude, Ann, but in response to your rather uncivil query, I'm pleased to tell you that today there'll be no sodomy at all, and as for f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o? You will each only have to suck two d.i.c.ks."

"Two d.i.c.ks? Is that all, Miss Kezzy?" Hannah said, all excited. "That'll be easy!"

"Not if they're elephant d.i.c.ks," I spat. "Nothing's easy here, Hannah. Each day is harder. She's not gonna let us off the hook and only make us blow two guys. No way." I nodded to myself. "And you know, Miss Kezzy, I wouldn't even be surprised if you really made us do that. Drive us to the f.u.c.kin' zoo and make us blow elephants."

Hannah looked terrified. "You're not. Gonna really makes us. Blow elephants, are you. Miss Kezzy?"

She laughed. "No, no, don't be so morbid!"

At least that loosened us up a little. Hannah started drinking her water and I ate some more yogurta"

"Not elephants," Kezzy added. "Chimps."

Hannah hacked on her water and flopped out of her chair, and I spat a mouthful of yogurt clear across the kitchen.

"Chimps?" I yelled. "You mean, like, monkeys?"

"Indeed, Ann. Today you and Hannah will be 'Chimping.'"

I could feel my face turn red. "We have to blow monkeys?"

"Yes, but we won't be driving you to the f.u.c.kin' zoo," as you've so pristinely suspected. Today, the f.u.c.kin' zoo comes to us," and then we heard a loud rumbling outside. "Ah. That must be them now."

Me and Hannah ran to the window...

A big white truck, like a UPS truck only longer, had just pulled into the front of the house. Letters on the side read KINGSPORT ZOO.

"You've gotta be s.h.i.tting me!" I yelled.

Hannah opened her mouth, looked at me, then started crying.

"The sooner, the better, ladies," Kezzy said and took us out.

Two guys in gray jumpsuits stood behind the truck, smoking cigarettes and laughing.

Hannah jabbered, "Are there really, are there really..."

"Monkeys in the truck?" I blurted. "You bet your a.s.s, and we have to blow 'em."

Hannah started to gag. "I can't!

Neither can I, I thought, but I'm gonna do it anyway. I'm not gonna let that sick b.i.t.c.h break me. I practically dragged Hannah down the driveway. "Listen. It's just two chimps, Hannah. You know, little chim-chim things two feet tall, like what you see on TV. s.h.i.t, the other day you blew a German Shepherd and I blew a f.u.c.kin' Great Dane. This'll be easy compared to that."

"No it won't!" she wailed.

I grabbed her hard by the shoulders and glared at her. "We can't let Kezzy break us," I hissed at her. "We've been doing awful s.h.i.t all week, but if we don't do this, then it's all for nothing. That means we blew old men, b.u.ms, dogs, and a s.h.i.t-hole bar full of rednecks and then got b.u.t.t-f.u.c.ked by a basketball team for nothing!

"I know,but-but-"

"Think about it, Hannah. There's only two more days to go! We're almost there! Don't make me do this by myself."

"Well," she sniffled.

"We do like we been doing all week. We keep our minds blank, don't think about anything, just detach ourselves from what it really is. We won't think, Oh, f.u.c.k, I'm sucking a monkey's d.i.c.k, we think nothing. Now come on," and then I pulled her toward the back of the truck. "We'll blow the little b.u.g.g.e.rs and be done with it."

The two a.s.sholes from the zoo were honking when they helped us up a little ladder. Kezzy followed. I could smell the things before I even looked into the back of the truck, but then I did look into the back of the truck...

"Those aren't chimps!" I yelled. "They're f.u.c.kin' gorillas!"

Serious. They had the two monkeys' hairy arms and legs chained upright to a metal rack. Little b.u.g.g.e.rs? Chim-chims?

My a.s.s. These things were f.u.c.kin' taller than me.

Overhead lights snapped on, then the two guys from the zoo pulled the back door down.

"Ann, Hannah," Kezzy said. "I'd like you to meet Buddy and Ollie. And don't be deceived, they're not gorillas, they're full-grown chimps of the mammalian cla.s.sification Pan Troglodytes. The little 'chim-chims' you were thinking of are Pan Panis-cus a"pygmy chimpanzees..."

"That's really terrific, Miss Kezzy," I said, staring at these terrifying motherf.u.c.kers. I mean, they had gray beards and fangs. Then Kezzy told us they were forty-five years old! When the things saw us, their eyes jacked open and they howled.

Hannah and I screamed.

"If they break those chains, they'll kill us!"

"Naw," one of the guys said, "These chimps are about three times stronger than the strongest man, but that's 2000-pound test chain. Ain't no way they can bust it, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't kill ya."

"Yeah," the other guy laughed, "but they'd sure as s.h.i.t f.u.c.k ya!"

"Chop-chop, girls," Kezzy said. "Oh, and off with your clothes."

"Bulls.h.i.t! I'm not stripping for monkeys!"

Kezzy shrugged. "Fine. Then leave. Shall I call you a cab?"

Oh my G.o.d, I thought.

"Chimps get excited by the sight of naked human females," the b.i.t.c.h added. "They'll be more accommodating if they're happy."

Moaning, me and Hannah stripped, and when we were both nude, the things a"Buddy and Ollie, for f.u.c.k's sake a"started howling again and wouldn't stop. They were already pulling b.o.n.e.rs! Think positive, think positive, I kept telling myself.

"And, my G.o.d, they stink!" Hannah bawled.

"Aw, s.h.i.t, Hannah, they don't smell as bad as those b.u.ms the other night, and probably half those rednecks," I mumbled. "And, look. Their d.i.c.ks are tiny."

"Wonderful!" Kezzy said. "Always looking at the bright side. A positive outlook will always forge a better future. Hannah, you should take a lesson from Ann. With Ann, the cup is always half-full, not half-empty. Her observation is quite correct. A chimpanzee erection averages eight centimeters, that's about three and a half inches."

I elbowed Hannah. "See. This won't be so bad."

"And their typical seminal discharge is only a third of the average man's a"oh, and you'll both be happy to know that chimps tend to achieve o.r.g.a.s.m after only about nine seconds of direct stimulation."

"We can do this, piece of cake," I said.

But then Kezzy said, "That's the good news."

Me and Hannah glared at her.

"The bad news is, though chimps come quickly, they also refract quickly."

"What the h.e.l.l's that mean?" I snapped.

"The average Pan Troglodytes, after achieving o.r.g.a.s.m, has the ability to regain erectile and ejaculatory competence in less than a minute. We can't let you ladies off too easily, now can we? That is why you'll each be required to blow your chimp three times."

Hannah wailed, but I thought, It just gets sicker and sicker.

"Come on," I told Hannah and pulled her toward the back. "Come on-come-on-come-on!" and when we got closer, the chimps started howling so loud it sounded like we were in the middle of a f.u.c.kin' jungle. I guess the one I got was Ollie a"f.u.c.k. I just got down on my knees and started sucking its p.e.c.k.e.r, and once I did that, Hannah started too. It wasn't so bad a"at least not as bad as you'd think blowing a monkey would be a" kind of like sucking back and forth on half a Slim Jim, but I'll tell you, the second the monkeys had their d.i.c.ks in our mouths, they went crazy with these "ooo-ooo-ooo" sounds. Kezzy wasn't kidding about coming fast, either. After six or seven sucks on Ollie's little tool, he shot his load in my mouth. Tasted pretty much like a guy's j.i.z.z, I guess. I counted to three, swallowed it, then started sucking again. While I was doing it, I side-glanced over to Hannah, and when Buddy came, her head snapped back and she brought her hand to her mouth with her eyes squeezed shut. I guess that was when the reality hit her, Oh, s.h.i.t, I've got chimp c.u.m in my mouth, and then her stomach started sucking in and out.

"Don't spit it out!" I yelled.