"Of course we did," Baggy informs me. "We booked the same return flight you are on." I heave a sigh of relief. It might be selfish, but if I can't stay, I don't want them to, either.

"We will fly with you to Atlanta and pick up Gary's car." I squint my eyes because I'd be shocked if Gary hadn't already tracked down his car and picked it up, but I don't mention that. We will deal with getting them a flight or rental car when the time comes. "You can either take your scheduled flight from Atlanta or ride back with us," Baggy says, sounding surprisingly practical. It's not like her to be so levelheaded or to think these types of things through in advance.

"I don't want to go home," Ruthie pouts, actually sticking her lip out and stomping one foot. It looks like she might be the one who throws the toddler tantrum that I considered last night.

Baggy looks at her for a long moment. "Let's just stay then," she decides.

Quick as a wink, Baggy's practical moment is gone. I take a deep breath, wondering why I am always stuck being the Debbie Downer voice of reason with these two. For once, it would be nice if I were the one throwing the fits and announcing that I'm staying on permanent vacation. Alas, it's not meant to be, I decide, before jumping in to state the obvious.

"We can't do that," I tell them matter-of-factly. "It's time for us to get back to the real world." Two blank stares gaze back at me, so I forge on. "Besides, they probably have our room rented out," I try.

"Maybe, but we could always stay with our men." Baggy waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

I don't allow myself to think about how awesome it would be to stay at Kai's beach house. The nonstop temptation to make love would probably kill us both. I turn to Ruthie. "We need to get back to work."

"I'll give Jesse a call at the bar," she says flippantly. "I'm sure he won't mind if I take a few more days off. One of the other girls will be glad to pick up my shifts." I doubt if either of those last two statements are true, but I'm also quite certain that Ruthie really wouldn't mind if she lost her job at the Thirsty Dog Saloon. She'd find something else. She always lands on her feet. I, on the other hand, have a job at an accounting firm where people will be very upset if I don't return on schedule. Unlike Ruthie, I care about inconveniencing others, and I try my best not to ever do it.

I can't believe we are even discussing staying. I have responsibilities and people who count on me, and I'm a grown-up-unlike these two, who apparently think they can stay on vacation forever. "It's kind of expensive here," I point out, but even as I say the words, I know it's a moot point because money is never a consideration for Baggy.

I'm not sure where her never-ending supply of hundred-dollar bills comes from, but she never seems to give a thought to the idea that they might one day run out. Maybe she prints them in her bas.e.m.e.nt, I think crabbily before chastising myself. Baggy is wild and crazy and unpredictable, but she is also honest and loyal and faithful. She would never do something blatantly wrong like that-she's more of a "gray area" wrongdoer.

"Pish-posh." Baggy waves off the money issue like I had antic.i.p.ated she would. "I'll pay for everything. Don't you worry about it, sweets." She pats my cheek. "I'll go down and see if our room is available for a bit longer." I can't help but wonder what she considers to be a "bit." I briefly consider calling my office and telling them I have some tropical-sounding illness, but I just don't have it in me. The idea of telling them the truth-that I'm having a wonderful time and want to stay here longer-is not a viable option.

I shake my head. I can't believe these two have me trying to work out scenarios of how to stay here. "No," I say vehemently. "I can't stay here. It's time to get back to the real world."

Ruthie looks concerned as her eyes swoop between the two of us. "I'll just go check how long the room is available," Baggy announces before sailing out the door.

Chapter 26.

Ruthie beelines for the bathroom, presumably to get away from me angrily stuffing items into my suitcase. I'm not sure why I always have to be the responsible one with these two. You'd think for once-like maybe on my honeymoon-I'd get to be the carefree, spontaneous one.

I guess it just isn't meant to be. Apparently I don't have it in me. I shouldn't blame Baggy and Ruthie because I didn't inherit whatever loosey-goosey gene that allows them to not think about consequences or mundane things like jobs and bills. I wish I could do it, but I just can't. If the temptation of spending more time with Kai in Hawaii can't beat the sensibility out of me, I guess nothing ever will.

I try placing my paintings flat on top of my belongings in the suitcase, but I must not have packed as orderly as I did on the way here because the bag won't zip around them. Reluctantly, I decide to roll them up and place a soft ponytail holder around them. I'll carry them on board the plane by hand. It's not an ideal solution for my canvases, but it will have to do. At the last minute, I decide to leave one of them out of the scroll.

Once I'm packed, I flop down on the bed, already tired and frustrated. I look around the room and realize it won't take Baggy and Ruthie long to throw the meager belongings they have purchased here into a bag. Perhaps Baggy will come back with news that the resort is booked. Then it will be much easier to convince them to come home. The idea of leaving them here while I have to leave really irks me. It will be hard enough with the two of them in tow to leave Kai.

As if on cue, Baggy rushes through the door. "Oh good, I caught you," she says to me. "We get to stay!" She exclaims these words as if they are the answer to all of our problems. I guess she had expected me to jump for joy because when I don't, she continues, "Honey, there's no reason to be blue. I booked the room for a bit longer, so we don't have to leave today."

I just stand there looking at her. Ruthie emerges from the bathroom, evidently having decided, after hearing Baggy's voice, that it is once again safe. It is so tempting to stay, but I know it will just make it that much harder when we do have to leave. "Didn't you hear me?" Baggy seems perplexed about my lack of enthusiasm. "Unpack your things. We are staying."

"I'm not," I say flatly. "I have a job and responsibilities to get back to. It was nice of my office to allow me to go ahead and take the time off for the honeymoon, even though there wasn't a wedding, but they need me to come back." I'm not completely sure if I'm trying to convince her or myself when I continue, "I'll already have piles of work to catch up on when I get back. If I stay longer, that will only get worse."

"Do as you wish," Baggy tells me, as if I would wish to leave this paradise and the man of my dreams.

Realizing that I will never be able to explain it so the two of them will understand, I heave my suitcase off the bed. "I'll see you whenever you decide to come home." I hug them both, managing to hold back the tears despite the giant ball of fire in my throat.

"I wish you'd stay with us," Baggy tries one more time and Ruthie nods her agreement.

I just shake my head for fear that the tears will start flowing if I attempt to speak. With that, I scurry out of the room, almost flipping my suitcase from its rollers in my haste. Once I have it righted, I leave without looking back.

Peeking around the corner, I am relieved that Kai is not yet tending bar. I'm certain that I won't have the strength to leave if I see him again. I leave the present on the counter for him, along with a quickly scrawled note, which reads, To help you remember our time together. Always, Roxy.

Using my cell phone, I look up and call an island taxi service. I know that I am being a coward, but I don't think I can face Kai, and I know I can't bear to tell him good-bye. It is all I can do to leave without seeing him one last time, but my sanity requires it. I walk around the outside of the open-air lobby and find a bench out front to wait for my cab. I'm sure that someone from the front desk would contact Kai about my leaving if I walked through there.

I really don't think I can handle seeing him. Besides, it's better to make a clean break. He'll probably have moved on to a hot new tourist before the dinner show and forgotten about me, but I know that I will never forget him.

At this point, the tears start flowing, and by the time my cab arrives, it's all I can do to blubber out that I'm going to the airport. The driver gives me the sad, slightly frightened look that men reserve for crying women-as if he's trying to determine if he should comfort me or keep his distance because I'm loony.

He puts my bag in the back, but when he tries to take my rolled-up canvases, I snap, "No!" a little more harshly than I intend to. He bugs his eyes out at me, but doesn't say anything. I climb into the back of the minivan and the rest of our ride is in silence, except for my occasional snuffling.

In a daze, I check my bag and board my flight. I must look like a crazy person because the flight attendants don't even ask me to stow the paintings I am clutching in both hands. I spend the entire, ridiculously long flight and the shorter one that follows it silently freaking out, afraid that I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

By the time I give the local taxi driver my home address, I have resigned myself to my decision. I did the right thing. I can't just stay on permanent vacation. No one can. Eventually, even Ruthie and Baggy will have to come home.

If I had stayed, I'd have just become more and more attached to Kai, and I can't have him. He's amazing, gorgeous, sweet, intelligent, funny, kind, generous, honorable, and all of the things that any woman would want in a man. Why would I have thought that an average woman like me should be with such a catch? He deserves someone as wonderful as he is, and I'm sure he'll find her. I definitely don't want to be hanging around when that happens. I made the right choice, I tell myself for at least the 14,700th time since leaving. Surely, one of these times I'll start to believe it, right?

In the cab, I look at my cell phone, which I haven't turned back on after my flight. I am afraid that there will be a message from Kai, and I can't handle hearing his voice right now. I don't have the strength to resist him and stand by my plan. I want nothing more than to run back into his arms, even though I am almost certain that isn't the right answer for either of us.

If I'm completely honest with myself, I know the real reason I am refusing to turn on my phone is that I'm worried there won't be a message from Kai. I don't know if my fragile ego can handle it if he is indifferent over my leaving. The decision to leave was the hardest choice I have ever had to make. While I don't want to hurt Kai, it would shatter me to find out that he doesn't care.

In the end, I leave my phone off. When the taxi drops me off at home, I shove some money to the driver, drag my suitcase into the hall, and stumble to bed on autopilot. Once I am in bed, I realize that I have never before gone to bed without unpacking from a trip. The old me would have not been able to ignore the luggage in the foyer. The new, brokenhearted, post-Kai me can't drum up the energy to care.

Chapter 27.

"How could you leave without them?" I hold my home phone away from my ear so that my mother's screeching doesn't burst my eardrum. I should have known that this would all get turned around to be my fault. For some reason, despite the fact that I was sensible and came home when I was scheduled to, I am somehow responsible for Baggy and Ruthie not doing the same.

I resent the fact that they got to stay and I didn't. I especially resent the fact that I am inexplicably now being blamed for it. How is this fair? I want to scream at my mother, but I don't-of course.

As she prattles on about how I should have insisted that they come home with me, my mind wanders. For once, I'd like to be reckless and carefree. Maybe I should hop on a plane and go back to Hawaii. Wouldn't that shock everyone? Knowing my luck, Kai would already be with someone new, and I'd have to turn around and come home-again. I guess it just isn't meant to be for me to be wild and spontaneous.

After half a day of walking around my luggage in the foyer, I resign myself to unpacking and laundering my dirty clothes. I just don't have it in me to ignore it, but it seems so final to actually unload the contents from my suitcase. It is a depressing process, but it has to be done. Life must go on, I guess.

On Monday morning, I arrive at work a few minutes early-of course-going through the motions of being my "normal" self. Sadly, I watch my computer slowly boot up. It takes longer than normal because it has been off for so long. When my e-mail window shows on the bottom that it is downloading 1,348 messages, I feel like screaming in frustration.

Why on earth would I have so many messages?! This is ridiculous. Everyone knew that I was out. I had made arrangements with my coworkers for coverage on all of my open issues. I sigh deeply and start slogging through the onslaught of messages.

An hour later, I am staring off into s.p.a.ce, daydreaming about sitting at Kai's beach bar. I can't focus on my work, and I don't want to. This morning has been the most unproductive hour I have probably ever spent at work. I run a hand through my hair in frustration then look toward the ceiling and have what I can only describe as an epiphany. I may not have all the answers, but I know that sitting here is not the right choice for me.

In what is no doubt the most spontaneous and adventurous moment of my life, I grab my purse, get up, and walk out of my office. My coworkers watch me leave in stunned silence. They must be wondering what I am up to because I usually don't even leave for lunch. I am like a robot at work-well, I used to be.

I am tempted to yell, "See ya, suckers!" over my shoulder, but at the last minute I chicken out. Feeling incredibly bold and wild, I drive to the airport. I don't have any luggage and it dawns on me that a same-day flight will probably cost a fortune.

Even though the practical side of me is demanding to go home to pack and perform an Internet search for flights later in the week, I don't. The newly discovered, crazy-in-love side of me says to jump on the first plane and run into the arms of my man. For once, I am listening to that wild, reckless voice that I have kept buried for so long.

On the plane, my nerves start to kick in. What if he didn't miss me? What if he doesn't have real feelings for me? What if he has already moved on? What if he's angry about the way that I left? A flood of anxious questions bombards my brain.

By the time we land, I am a jittery mess, and I have nearly convinced myself that Kai will not want to see me. It is tempting to turn around and head home to save myself the agony and embarra.s.sment, but I need to see this through. Besides, those flights are way too long to turn around and do again so quickly.

I reach for my cell phone, deciding it is time to see if Kai has left me any messages, only to find that it is dead. I am so out of my usual routine that I failed to put my phone on the charger while I slept. I guess this visit is going to be a true leap of faith. I am returning to the island blindly-without knowing what Kai's reaction was to my departure. I can only hope that he'll be happy about my return.

One of the great things about not having any luggage is getting to bypa.s.s the baggage claim. I breeze through the airport and into a waiting taxi while my plane companions rally around the carousel, likely crossing their fingers and hoping their luggage made the trip.

When my driver pulls up at the resort, I toss some cash his direction and race inside. I am so anxious to see Kai that I am practically bursting with nervous energy and excitement. I hope he is thrilled to see me-or at least not furious with me.

I see from a distance that a woman is tending the beach bar, so I check all of his other usual haunts. Much to my chagrin, Kai is nowhere to be found. When I b.u.mp into Leilani, I inquire about Kai's whereabouts. If she is surprised to see me at the resort, she gives no indication of it as she tells me that she hasn't seen Kai lately.

Seriously b.u.mmed about my anticlimactic return, I decide to find Baggy and Ruthie. At least I know they'll be pleasantly surprised to see me. I spot them at a table near the pool, papers spread out around them.

"Roxy, you're back," Baggy says to me, barely bothering to look up. Their reaction to my arrival is no more enthusiastic than if I had just returned from napping in the room.

"You're just in time to help plan the wedding," Ruthie tells me.

"What wedding?!" I demand, wondering exactly how long I've been gone.

"Howie and I are engaged," Baggy beams, looking up at me at last. She shows me her gnarled, bony ring finger, which is weighed down by a marble-size pink diamond. "I have some serious ice now," she brags enthusiastically.

I fawn appropriately over the ring, until my eyes are drawn to a specific word that stands out on the paperwork. "Tomorrow?" I ask, pointing at the word, almost afraid to hear the response. "What is happening tomorrow-a meeting with the wedding planner?" I inquire hopefully, already knowing in my gut that my guess is incorrect.

"No, silly!" Ruthie rolls her eyes at me. "The wedding is tomorrow. We have it all planned out." She indicates their scanty notes. "The ceremony is tomorrow, on the beach." She points proudly at her stick figure drawing of a beach wedding, as if it will magically transform itself into a grand celebration.

I decide that I will have to deal with their crazy ideas later. For now, all I want to do is see Kai. When I ask them where he is, they tell me they haven't seen him in a while. That seems to be the popular answer, I think to myself, wondering where he could be.

When Baggy lowers her voice and says that he was "quite upset" about my leaving, I feel an awful sense of relief (which I immediately feel guilty about) that he missed me. I head to the beach bar, hoping that he was just on break earlier, and am thrilled to find that the painting I left for him of the two of us ravaging each other behind the secluded waterfall is hanging over the cash register. It has been framed in a lovely aged teak wood, and it looks fantastic-if I do say so myself.

The painting has to be a good sign, right? He can't be too angry with me if he went to all the effort to frame it and hang it so prominently. I keep trying to fill my mind with these positive thoughts, but I would much rather find Kai to see for myself how he feels. The guilt over the way I left is starting to become overwhelming, and I want to apologize to him.

Honi relieves the bartender for her break and begins wiping down the counter with a wet cloth. He beams a chubby-cheeked smile at me when he sees me approaching, then his face falls into a look of concern. I try not to let my insecurities creep in as I ask him where I can find Kai.

"He went to see you," Honi informs me.

"But I went home." At Honi's serious look, realization dawns on me. "He followed me?" A secret thrill runs down my spine as I begin to dare to hope that Kai might be as serious about us as I am.

Honi seems to register what has happened. "And you came back here for him," he squeals in his overly high voice. "It's so sweet." He claps his pudgy hands together in obvious delight.

I float back over to Ruthie and Baggy's table. "He followed me home," I inform them dreamily.

They both stop what they are doing. "That's amazing!" Ruthie finally exclaims.

Baggy nods in approval. "I told that boy he better not let you get away. He looked like a lovesick puppy after you left. I think that one's a keeper." She pats my hand sweetly. Seeing her giant ring brings me back to the dilemma at hand.

"If this wedding is tomorrow, we have some serious planning to do," I state in my all-business voice.

"It's all taken care of, sweetheart." Despite Baggy's confident rea.s.surance, I doubt if they have thought of a tenth of the things that need to be taken care of.

"Who is officiating the ceremony?" I start in with my questions.

"Oh, Howie and I used all of our magic jelly. We couldn't find Kai to order more, so I walked to the address listed on the bottle." I wonder what any of this has to do with my question, but I let her talk without interruption. "Kai's crazy grandmother lives in a cottage on the property." I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything snarky about Baggy having the audacity to call anyone else crazy. Nana Lana must be pretty eccentric for Baggy to think she's quirky. "We really hit it off," Baggy continues, "and she gave me a big ol' tub of magic jelly." She holds her arm up for me to admire. "My skin practically glistens with vibrancy."

I nod, but since she has stopped digressing, I verbally nudge her again. "Who is officiating the wedding?"

"Nana Lana, of course. Didn't I just tell you that?" She shakes her head as if I am the exasperating one. "She's some kind of Hawaiian G.o.ddess or witch doctor voodoo queen or something. It's gonna be a hoot!"

"It is going to be a hoot," I agree, and with that simple statement, I let the worry go. Every detail of this wedding doesn't need to be planned. It is Baggy's day, and it should be her way-so I guess we will fly by the seat of our pants.

"Only one thing left to do," Baggy proclaims. Ruthie and I look at her in antic.i.p.ation. Baggy sets her dated cell phone in the middle of the table. "Someone has to tell your mother."

We all lean back, staring at the phone as if it might bite us. Several long moments tick past. "Fine." I finally give in when I decide the standoff has gone on long enough. "You two owe me," I inform their now-smiling faces. They had both known that I would be the first one to cave.

I pick up the phone before I can chicken out. "h.e.l.lo, Mother." My voice sounds shaky and a little squeaky. "I have something to tell you . . ."

I barely get the news of Baggy's impending wedding out before my mother starts her tirade. I hold the phone out away from my ear as she yells. Baggy and Ruthie stare wide-eyed, wincing periodically as she rants. I try to intervene a couple of times, but she won't stop long enough to listen. Eventually I set the phone back in the middle of the table. Baggy, Ruthie, and I get up and leave her squawking at the palm trees.

Chapter 28.

When I go to our room, I immediately plug my cell phone in to the charger I find in the outlet. One of them must have been responsible enough to purchase a replacement after my departure. I am impressed that either of them thought of it. Maybe I haven't been giving the two of them enough credit.

I immediately nix that idea as I look around at the room. It is an absolute disaster zone-clothes are strewn everywhere (mostly on the floor), the beds are unmade, and wet towels are piled in the bathroom. It looks like they haven't picked up anything since I left, but good grief, I wasn't gone that long. They must have left the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door the entire time because housekeeping obviously hasn't been here recently.

Absentmindedly, I begin picking up their mess. As I retrieve the clothes from the floor, I realize the two of them must have gone on one heck of a shopping spree. There are plenty of clothes for me to choose from, even without the luxury of luggage. The sundresses will be just a little shorter and skimpier on me, but they will work. Deciding to utilize the resort's laundry service, I bag the clothing to be washed. As I'm doing so, I wonder what they would have done if I hadn't returned-pick up dirty clothes from the floor to wear again or buy more? I'm fairly certain they would just go buy more, but Baggy's stack of hundred-dollar bills will have to run low at some point, right?

My dead phone has buzzed back to life, so I take a deep breath and enter the code to check my voice mail. Since I am the only one in the room, I push the speaker b.u.t.ton, and Kai's voice immediately fills the air. On the first message his voice is perplexed as he asks where I am. There are several other messages where he begins to sound hurt, angry, and sad. I feel terrible for putting him through this. What had I been thinking?

The last message from Kai is simple and heartbreaking. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I'm on my way to find you."