"Ah--a--hem! my dear Mrs. Coleman," began her spouse, his usually pompous manner having gained an accession of dignity, which to those who guessed the cause of it was irresistibly absurd.

"A-hem--as I am, I believe, right in supposing Mr. Fairlegh is acquainted with the object of his friend's visit--"

"All right, sir!" put in Lawless; "go ahead."

"And as I am particularly requested to inform you of the honour" (with a marked stress on the word) "done to a member of my family, I conceive that I am guilty of no breach of confidence in mentioning that Mr.

Lawless has proposed to me, in due form, for the hand of my niece, Lucy Markham, offering to make most liberal settlements; indeed, considering that the fortune Lucy is justified in expecting at her father's death is very inconsiderable--an income of four hundred pounds a year divided amongst thirteen children, deducting a jointure for the widow, should my sister survive Mr. Markham--"

"Never mind the tin, Mr. Coleman," interrupted Lawless, "you don't catch me buying a mare for the sake of her trappings. In the first place, second-hand harness is never worth fetching home; and in the next, let me tell you, sir, it's your niece's good points I admire: small head well set on--nice light neck--good slanting shoulder -432-- --pretty fore-arm--clean about the pasterns--fast springy action--good-tempered, a little playful, but no vice about her; and altogether as sweet a thing as a man need wish to possess. Depend upon it, Mr. Coleman," continued Lawless, who, having fallen into his usual style of speech, was fairly off, "depend upon it, you'd be very wrong to let her get into a dealer's hands--you would indeed, sir; and if Mr. Brown isn't in that line it's odd to me. I've seen him down at Tattersall's in very shady company, if I'm not much mistaken; he's the cut of a leg, every inch of him."

Want of breath fortunately obliging him to stop, Lawless's chief auditors, who had gleaned about as much idea of his meaning as if he had been haranguing them in Sanscrit, now interposed; Mrs. Coleman to invite us to stay to luncheon, and her husband to beg that his niece Lucy might be summoned to attend him in his study, as he should consider it his duty to lay before her Mr. Lawless's very handsome and flattering proposal.

"And suppose Lucy should take it into her head, by any chance, to say Yes" ("Never thought of that, by Jove!--that would be a sell," muttered Lawless, aside),--"what's to become of poor dear Mr. Lowe Brown?"

inquired Mrs. Coleman anxiously.

"In such a case," replied her lord and master, with a dignified wave of the hand, pausing as he left the room, and speaking with great solemnity,--"in such a case, Mr. Lowe Brown will perceive that it is his duty, his direct and evident duty, to submit to his fate with the calm and placid resignation becoming the son of so every way respectable and eminent a man as his late lamented father, my friend, the drysalter."

CHAPTER LIII -- A COMEDY OF ERRORS

"Content you, gentlemen, I'll compound this strife.... He of both That can a.s.sure _my nieces_ greatest dower, Shall have her love."

"I must confess your offer is the best, And let your father make her the a.s.surance, She is your own."

--_Taming of the Shrew_.

POOR pretty little Lucy Markham! what business had tears to come and profane, with their tell-tale traces, that bright, merry face of thine--fitting index to thy warm heart and sunny disposition! And yet, in the quenched -433-- light of that dark eye, in the heavy swollen lid, and in the paled roses of thy dimpled cheek, might be read the tokens of a concealed grief, that, like "a worm i' the bud," had already begun to mar thy sparkling beauty. Heed it not, pretty Lucy--sorrow such as thine is light and transient, and succour, albeit in a disguise thou canst not penetrate, is even now at hand. As the young lady in question entered the luncheon-room, returning Lawless's salutation with a most becoming blush, the thought crossed my mind, that in his position I should be almost tempted to regret I was destined to perform the lover's part "on that occasion only". Such, however, were not the ideas of my companion, for he whispered to me, "I say, Frank, she looks uncommon friendly, eh?--I don't know what to make of it, I can tell you; this is getting serious".

"You must endeavour by your manner to neutralise your many fascinations," replied I, striving to hide a smile, for he was evidently in earnest.

"Neutralise my grandmother!" was the rejoinder; "I can't go and be rude to the young woman. How d'ye do, miss?" he continued gruffly; "how d'ye do? you see, we left Fred--" (here I nudged him, to warn him to avoid that subject)--"that is, we left Heathfield,--I mean started early--Let me help you, Mrs. Coleman;--precious tough customer that chicken seems to be--elderly bird, ma'am, and no mistake--who'll have a wing?"

"Really, Mr. Lawless, you are very rude to my poor chicken; it's out of our own farm-yard, I a.s.sure you; and the turkey-c.o.c.k, his sister, that's Lucy's mother, sent him here; she has thirteen children you know, poor thing, and lives at Dorking; they are famous for all having five toes, you know, and growing so very large, and this must be one of them, I think."

"They were Dorking fowls mamma sent you, aunt; you don't keep turkeys,"

interposed Lucy, as Lawless fairly burst out laughing--an example which it was all I could do to avoid imitating.

"Yes, to be sure, my dear, I said so, didn't I? I remember very well they came in a three-dozen hamper, poor things, and were put in the back kitchen because it was too late to turn them out; and as soon as it was light they began to crow, and to make that noise about laying eggs, you know, so that I never got a wink of sleep after, thinking of your poor mother, and all her troubles--thirteen of them, dear me! till Mr. Coleman -434-- got up and turned them out, with a bad cold, in his dressing-gown and slippers."

"Freddy begged me to tell you that he would write to you tomorrow,"

observed I, aside to Lucy; adding the enigmatical message, that "he had some good news to communicate, and that matters were not so bad as you imagined."

"Ah! but it doesn't--he can't know--Mr. Fairlegh," she added, looking at me with an earnest, inquiring glance; "you are his most intimate friend; has he told you the cause of his annoyance?"

"Allow me to congratulate you, Mr. Fairlegh, on the very excellent match your sister is about to make--the Oaklands family is one of the oldest in the county," said Mr. Coleman with an air of solemn politeness.

"Oh! yes, we are all so glad to hear of it, your sister is so pretty, and we had been told there was some young scamp or other dangling after her."

"Um! eh? oh! that's rather too much, though," said Lawless, turning very red, and fidgeting on his chair; "pray may I ask, Mrs. Coleman, whether it was a man you happened to hear that from? because he must be--ar--funny--fellow--ar--worth knowing--ar--I should like to make his acquaintance."

"Why, really!--let me see--was it Jones the grocer, or Mrs. Muddles when she brought home the clean linen? I think it was Jones, but I know it came with the clean clothes, and they had heard it from some of the servants," returned Mrs. Coleman.

"I'll boil Shrimp alive when I get back," muttered Lawless, "and have him sent up in the fish-sauce."

"Yes," replied I to Lucy, as soon as the conversation again became general, "Freddy gave me an outline of the cause of his disquietude; but from a hint Lawless dropped in our way here to-day, Mr. Lowe Brown is likely to have a somewhat powerful rival, is he not?"

"Oh! then you know all, Mr. Fairlegh," she replied; "what am I to do? I am so unhappy--so bewildered!"

"If you will allow me to advise you," returned I, "you will not positively refuse Lawless; on the contrary, I should encourage him so far as to ensure the dismissal of Mr. Brown, at all events."

"But would that be light? besides, I should be forced to marry Mr.

Lawless, it I once said Yes."

"I should not exactly say Yes," replied I, smiling at the nave simplicity of her answer; "I would tell my uncle that, as he was aware, I had always disliked the -435-- attentions of Mr. Brown, and that I begged he might be definitely informed that it would be useless for him to attempt to prosecute his suit any farther. I would then add, that it was impossible for me to agree to accept at once a man of whom I knew so little as of Lawless, but that I had no objection to his visiting here, with a view to becoming better acquainted with him. By this means you will secure the positive advantage of getting rid of the drysalter, as Freddy calls him, and you must leave the rest to time. Lawless is a good-natured, generous-spirited fellow, and if he were made aware of the true state of the case, I do not think he would wish to interfere with Freddy's happiness, or annoy you by addresses which he must feel were unacceptable to you."

"But what will Freddy say if I appear to encourage Mr. Lawless? you don't know how particular he is."

"If you will permit me, I will tell him exactly what has pa.s.sed between us to-day, and explain to him your reasons for what you are about to do."

"Will you really be so kind?" she answered, with a grateful smile; "then I shall do exactly as you have told me. How shall I ever thank you for your kindness?"

"By making my friend Freddy a good wife, and being married on the same day that I am."

"That you are! are you joking?"

"Never was more serious in my life, I can a.s.sure you."

"Are you really going to be married? Oh! I am so glad! Is the lady a nice person? do I know her?"

"The most charming person in the world," replied I, "and you know her intimately."

"Why, you can't mean Cla----"

"Hush!" exclaimed I, as a sudden silence rendered our conversation no longer private.

"Lucy, my dear, may I request your company for a few minutes in my study?" said Mr. Coleman, holding the door open with an air of dignified courtesy for his niece to pa.s.s out. She had acquired double importance in his eyes, since the eldest son of a real live peer of the realm had declared himself her suitor.

"Allow me, governor--ar--Mr. Coleman, I mean," said Lawless, springing forward, "it's for us young fellows to hold doors open, you know--not old reprobates like you," he added in an undertone, making a grimace for my especial benefit at the retreating figure of the aforesaid irreverently apostrophised legal luminary.

"Ah!" said Mrs. Coleman, by whom this by-play had been un.o.bserved, "I wish all young men were like you, -436-- Mr. Lawless: we see very little respect to grey hairs nowadays."

"Very little indeed, ma'am," returned Lawless, winking furiously at me; "but from a boy I've always been that way inclined: I dare say that you observed that I addressed Mr. Coleman as 'Governor' just now?"

"Oh yes, I think I did," replied Mrs. Coleman innocently.

"Well, ma'am, that's a habit I've fallen into from unconsciously giving utterance to my feelings of veneration. To govern, is a venerable attribute--governor signifies one who governs--hence my inadvertent application of the term to your revered husband, eh?"

"Ah!" returned poor Mrs. Coleman, thoroughly mystified, "it's very kind of you to say so, I'm sure. I wonder whether I left my knitting upstairs, or whether it went down in the luncheon-tray."