[Ill.u.s.tration: That Hat.

"Pop out and get it, Bert."

"Pop out yerself."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Springtime in Flanders.

"Personally, I think this is just what you want for laying your eggs in, but, as Bairnsfather says, 'If you knows of a better 'ole, go to it.'"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Dud Sh.e.l.l--Or the Fuse-Top Collector.

"Give it a good 'ard 'un, Bert; you can generally 'ear 'em fizzing a bit first if they are a-goin' to explode."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "What's all this about unmarried men?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Historical Touch.

"Well, Alfred, 'ow are the cakes?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: His Initiation.

No. 99988 Private Blobs (on sentry-go) feels that he has at last stumbled across the true explanation of that somewhat cryptic expression, "There'll be dirty work at the cross-roads to-night!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: When One Would Like to Start an Offensive on One's Own.

RECIPE FOR FEELING LIKE THIS--Bully, biscuits, no c.o.ke, and leave just cancelled.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Trouble With One of the Souvenirs.

"'Old these a minute while I takes that blinkin' smile off 'is dial."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Conscientious Exhilarator.

"_Every encouragement should be given for singing and whistling._"--(Extract from a "Military Manual.")

That painstaking fellow, Lieut. Orpheus, does his best, but finds it uphill work at times.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Its only a tumble down nest But--

The Nest.

"'Ere, when you're finished, I'll borrow that there top note of yours to clean the knives with."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Those Superst.i.tions.

Private Sandy McNab cheers the a.s.sembly by pointing out (with the aid of his pocket almanac) that it is Friday the 13th and that their number is one too many.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Professional Touch.

"Chuck us out that bag o' bombs, mate; it's under your 'ead."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Happy Memories of the Zoo.

"What Time do they Feed the Sea-Lions, Alf?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Observation.

"'Ave a squint through these 'ere, Bill; you can see one of the ----'s eatin' a sausage as clear as anythin'."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Immediate and Important!

Never has Private Smith's face felt so large and smooth as when he hands his Captain the following message at what he feels is an unsuitable moment: "The G.O.C. notices with regret the tendency of all ranks to shave the upper lip. This practice must cease forthwith."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Sir Plantagenet Smythe, at the battle of VIN ORDINAIRE "On! On! ye n.o.ble English!"

2nd Lieut. P. Smith, at the taking of "dead-pig" farm "Come on you chaps! We'll show these ----s Which side their ---- bread's b.u.t.tered!"

Other Times, Other Manners.

The Decline of Poetry and Romance in War.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: His Dual Obsession.

Owing to the frequent recurrence of this dream, Herr Fritz von Lagershifter has decided to take his friends' advice: Give up sausage late at night and brood less upon the possible size of the British Army next spring.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: The Communication Trench.

PROBLEM--Whether to walk along the top and risk it, or do another mile of this.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Letting Himself Down.