Touch of Evil It may not have been coincidence how Debbie Harry of the band Blondie resembled Marilyn Monroe. The adopted Harry used to dream that Monroe was her birth mother. Of unknown parentage herself, Marilyn would have been 19 when Debbie was born.

_05:: Leonardo da Vinci (14521519) Everyone knows of Leonardo da Vinci, the h.o.m.o universalis who could be a painter, a naturalist, an engineer, a metallurgist, or a philosopher with equal ease. It's considerably less well known that this personification of the Renaissance was actually the son of a notary, Ser Piero, and a peasant girl of somewhat "easy virtue." In fact, the two simply took a tumble in the hay together before going their separate ways and providing Leonardo, from their marriages to other people, with 17 half brothers and sisters. Needless to say, these a.s.sorted half siblings were none too fond of their renowned relation, whose birth was something of an embarra.s.sment, and on his father's death in 1503 they conspired to deprive him of his share of the estate. Leonardo had the last laugh, however, when the death of an uncle led to a similar inheritance squabble, leaving him with sole custody of the uncle's lands and property.

Lies Your Mother

Told You

THERE ARE PEOPLE BURIED IN THE HOOVER DAM.

It's a good, spooky story. And with more than 100 fatalities occurring over the five years of its construction, there's a pretty good chance that at least one of them fell into the wet concrete and now rests there for all eternity, right? Nope. The construction of the Hoover Dam was notoriously devoid of safety considerations for the 16,000 workers who built the incredible structure. Men died from falls, rockslides, carbon monoxide poisoning (from the gasoline-powered dump trucks in the tunnels), and heat prostration (during the summer of 1931, the temperature routinely reached 140 degrees). But, oddly enough, the pouring of the 3,640,000 cubic meters of concrete went relatively smoothly. n.o.body fell in. Well, n.o.body who didn't get out again, anyway. So the next time someone tells you there are people buried in the Hoover Dam, look them in the eye and tell 'em with confidence it's just a dam lie.

_06:: Thomas Paine (17371809) and _07:: Alexander Hamilton (17551804) Two of the best-known fathers of the American republic, Thomas Paine and Alexander Hamilton, were the results of extramarital bedroom high jinks. Paine, whose Common Sense helped bring widespread support to the American Revolution, and whose other writings, like the anti-Bible tract The Age of Reason, scandalized all and sundry, had to flee England a step ahead of treason charges. In the end, however, he died penniless in the United States. Hamilton, on the other hand, was the illegitimate son of West Indian colonials, and made a name for himself as a brilliant orator and writer. He eventually became one of the leaders of the American Federalist Party, but had the misfortune to be challenged to a duel by Aaron Burr. He also had the even greater misfortune of accepting, bringing his career to a dramatic close one fine New Jersey morning. (See "Alexander Hamilton's Horrible-Terrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day," page 31.) _08:: Thomas Edward Lawrence (18881935) The illegitimate son of a knight and his children's nanny, T. E. Lawrence became the model for generations of British diplomats blindly idolizing all things Arabian. One of the organizers of the much-touted (but in reality fought more on paper than on the battlefield) Arab revolt against the Turks during World War I, Lawrence later became embittered with Britain's imperial policy and spent the last few years of his life sulking and tinkering with motorcycles (he died in a motorcycle accident). Though he largely tried to keep a low profile, his much-exaggerated accomplishments led to him being dubbed "Lawrence of Arabia."

_09:: Eva Peron (19191952) "Saint Evita" was the daughter of an adulterous relationship between two villagers in an impoverished part of Argentina. She made a name for herself as an actress before marrying Juan Peron in 1944, but, being illegitimate (and a peasant), she was never really accepted in the social circles in which he routinely traveled. As a rising military officer, Peron quickly found himself dictator of Argentina, and "Evita" was by his side. In fact, she was there to do more than just wave at crowds and manage the mansion. Evita actually ran several government ministries and almost became vice president in 1951 (the military bullied Peron into making her drop out of the campaign). And though she's best known to many from the musical and movie that bear her name, you really shouldn't feel obligated to cry for her. While the flick plays up the glamour and romance of her career, it largely ignores her corruption, oppression of political rivals, cozying up to n.a.z.i war criminals, and other questionable doings.

Oh, Say Can You Sin: The Dish on

5 National Anthems

A national anthem is supposed to symbolize everything that is good and true about a country. But these five patriotic songs have a slightly more disturbing past. Read on, and we guarantee you'll never watch Olympic medal ceremonies the same way again.

_01:: A Star-Spangled Drinking Song What better place to start than with America's own national anthem? Every third grader knows the story of Francis Scott Key penning the great poem while watching the siege of Fort McHenry during the War of 1812. But that's just a poem. So where exactly did all this music hoo-ha come from? When Key wrote the anthem, he had a song in his head as a reference for the poem's meter (a song from England, ironically enough). The tune, notoriously difficult to sing, is from a drinking song written by John Stafford Smith originally t.i.tled "Anacreon in Heaven." It was the theme song of a club of rich London men who got together to eat, drink, and thenfor good measuredrink some more. The Anacreontic Club took its name from Anacreon, a Greek poet who wrote about such things. Perhaps it's fitting, then, that the song is usually sung before sporting events, after fans have been tailgating (translation: drinking) for several hours.

_02:: The U.K.'s Illegitimate Anthem Most Americans recognize the tune of the United Kingdom's national anthem as "My Country 'Tis of Thee," but the Brits clearly had it first. Like the U.S. anthem, "G.o.d Save the Queen" (originally "King," but they switch it depending on the gender of the current monarch) was first sung to commemorate a military victory: the capture of the South American port of Portobelo during the War of Jenkins' Ear (17391742). At least, that's what we think. Other traditions link it to the Jacobite rebellion, when George II's troops sang it to restore morale after losing to Bonnie Prince Charlie at Prestonpans (verse 5, now almost never sung, refers to crushing the rebellious Scots). Oddly enough, the well-known tune is the U.K.'s anthem only by default. It has no authorized version and has never been officially sanctioned by either royal decree or an act of Parliament. And get thisit's also the national anthem of Liechtenstein.

_03:: Australia's Beloved Sheep-Stealing Tune Americans poke fun at themselves for not knowing all the words to the national anthem. But Australians share the same affliction. In fact, "Advance Australia Fair" has two official verses, but the second is usually a mumbled shadow of the first. And maybe it just comes down to the fact that Australians aren't really all that crazy for their national anthem. While most feel that it properly encapsulates good Australian values and whatnot, there are still mixed thoughts about it. So what song do Aussies really identify with? The correct answer is "Waltzing Matilda," a lovely and universally recognizable folk tune written by Banjo Paterson in 1895. There's a tiny problem with "Matilda's" lyrical content, though. It's about a swagman (itinerant worker or hobo) who steals a jumbuck (sheep), hides it in his tucker bag (food sack), and avoids arrest by drowning himself in a billabong (stagnant pool). Oh, and it's not about dancing with a gal named Matilda. In Australian slang, to "waltz Matilda" is to b.u.m about from place to place looking for work, carrying your Matilda, or a blanket with all your possessions in it.

_04:: A Dutch Song of Defeat The national anthem of the Netherlands, "Wilhelmus van Na.s.souwe," ranks as the world's oldest official anthem. Dating from around 1568, a turbulent time for the Dutch as they struggled with longtime enemy Spain, it's also one of the only anthems that's about a specific person, not a nation. But here's the really cool, borderline creepy part. If you take the first letter of each of the fifteen verses of the anthem, they spell WILLEM VAN Na.s.sOV, the Dutch name of Prince William I of Orange-Na.s.sau. And they did this on purpose. Amazing, huh? Well, maybe the content's a little less inspiring. The song recounts Prince William addressing the oppressed people of Holland after he triedand failedthree times to free them from oppression under the Spaniards.

_05:: South Africa's Song: Something for Everybody!

Every time you struggle a bit with "The Star-Spangled Banner," just be glad that you're not from South Africa. Like the nation itself, the anthem is a combination of several different ethnic groups. During the apartheid era, the white government had its anthem, "Die Stem van Suid-Afrika" ("The Call of South Africa"). Nelson Mandela's African National Congress had its own separate but unofficial tune: "Nkosi sikelel' iAfrica" ("G.o.d Bless Africa"). Then, when apartheid finally ended, blacks and whites (and their anthems) were legally forced to coexist. That is, until 1995, when the pieces were melded to form the current national anthem in all its disjointed glory. Just how awkward is it? The anthem changes key in the middle and uses five different languages. Starting as "Nkosi," the tune goes on to sample the more prevalent of South Africa's many native languages. Verse 1 is in Xhosa. Verse 2, Zulu. Verse 3 is Sesotho. Then the key switches and "Die Stem" powers through. Verse 4 is in Afrikaans, and verse 5 is in English. Phew!

Ignominious Things Named for

6 Napoleon Bonaparte

No matter what you think of him, Napoleon certainly did a number on this world. And whether it's as the savior of revolutionary France or the scourge of Western civilization, the little guy's name keeps on keeping on. Of course, not everything "Napoleon" adds l.u.s.ter to his legacy...here are a few examples to prove it.

_01:: His Son: Napoleon II Sadly, Napoleon Francois Joseph Charles Bonaparte (aka Napoleon II, or, as we like to call him, "the Deuce"), never had a chance to fill his father's tiny shoes. Despite being the son of Emperor Napoleon I, and garnering the t.i.tle King of Rome at birth in 1811, poor Napoleon II never ruled anything. By the time of his fourth birthday, the First French Empire had already collapsed. Then, after Napoleon I's brief return to power and his final military defeat at Waterloo in 1815, the emperor abdicated in favor of his son. This proved a futile gesture, however. The brilliantly resourceful statesman Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand, a high official in Napoleon's government, had arranged for Louis XVIII to take over a new royalist government. Napoleon's escape from exile on the island of Elba and his short-lived return as emperor didn't convince the French senate to anoint young Napoleon II instead of Louis XVIII. That wasn't the worst of it for junior, however. Under formal terms of the treaty ending the Napoleonic Wars, young Napoleon also was barred from ever ruling his mother's Italian lands. As duke of Reichstadt (a t.i.tle based on his mother's Hapsburg lineage), Napoleon the younger spent his short life essentially under guard in Austria, where he died of tuberculosis in 1832. He wasn't confined to Austria forever, though. In 1940, a fellow with an even more nefarious name, Adolf Hitler, disinterred Napoleon's body and sent it packing to Paris, where it could be entombed beside his father's.

_02:: His Quirk: The Napoleon Complex A Napoleon complex is nothing more than an inferiority complex that vertically challenged individuals self-treat with an unhealthy dose of belligerence, a healthy pursuit of achievement, or both. Think of the tough little brawler, eager to take on all challengers, especially big ones. Think of singer-songwriter Paul Simon (5 foot 3) and actors Judy Garland (4 foot 11), Danny DeVito (5 feet), Michael J. Fox (5 foot 4), and David Spade (5 foot 7). Then there are basketball's Earl Boykins (5 foot 5) and football's Wayne Chrebet and Doug Flutie (both 5 foot 10). Overachievers all. Think of Britain's prime minister Winston Churchill, for that matter, or Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin. At 5 feet 6 inches each (the same, by modern measure, as Napoleon Isee "Lies Your Mother Told You: Napoleon Was a Shrimp," page 11), either of the World War IIera leaders could have had the complex named after him if Napoleon had not gotten there first. The idea of a psychological "complex," by the way, wasn't around in Napoleon's time. It arose in 1899, with the publication of Sigmund Freud's Interpretation of Dreams. In that groundbreaking book, Vienna's pioneer of psychoa.n.a.lysis introduced the term "Oedipus complex," referring to a child's repressed s.e.xual desire for the parent of the opposite gender. Freud can't claim "Napoleon complex," however. It seems to have arisen in the early 1900s as a casual term, more a backhanded insult than a psychological diagnosis.

_03:: A Pig Named Napoleon George Orwell's 1945 novel Animal Farm tells of a revolt strikingly close to the one that transformed the Russian Empire into the Soviet Union. That is, except for one minor detail: Orwell's rebels and revolutionaries are a bunch of animals (in the farm sense of the word). Feeling a little oppressed, Mr. Jones's barnyard creatures turn against their owner, drive him off the land, and begin running things themselves under an "all animals are equal" banner. However, idealism crumbles pretty quickly as an unscrupulous pig named (you guessed it!) Napoleon wrests control, turns on his comrades, and becomes more tyrannical than old Jones ever was. In fact, the sacred "all animals are equal" mantra quickly finds itself warped into something significantly less utopian: "all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." In an allegorical sense, Napoleon stands for the USSR's Stalin. But the evil porker's name, after the little corporal who hijacked the French Revolution, certainly fits.

_04:: Napoleon Solo (19641968 Vintage) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. premiered in 1964 as TV's answer to the James Bond movies, and each episode was packed with espionage, intrigue, sophistication, and action. With Robert Vaughn in the role of Napoleon Solo, a dashing secret agent and ladies' man, the show's popularity grew through the first two seasons. In season three, however, the producers fell under the spell of the competing TV series Batman, starring Adam West. Impressed by the ratings Batman was drawing with its tongue-in-cheek comedy approach to action-adventure, they began taking The Man from U.N.C.L.E. in distinctly comic book directions. The lowest comic denominator didn't work out for the show's ratings, though, and Solo quickly degenerated from sophisticated to camp. In the worst episode, Vaughn danced with a man in a gorilla suit.

A Row Is a Row Is a Row BEN YOSEF V. BEN ZAKKAI.

In this corner: Sa'adya ben Yosef, one of the greatest minds of 10th-century Jewryand he knew it. He auth.o.r.ed dozens of philosophical, religious, and linguistic works (including the Agron, a Hebrew dictionary written when he was 20, an Arabic translation of the Bible, one of the first Hebrew prayer books, and the monumental Book of Beliefs and Opinions).

In the opposite corner: David ben Zakkai, the Exilarch (leader of Middle Eastern Jewry).

Round 1: David appoints Sa'adya as Gaon (rabbinic head) of the Talmudic academy of Sura (in modern Iraq) in 928.

Round 2: In 930, Sa'adya refuses to sign a court verdict that David issued, announcing repeatedly and loudly that he believes the decision unjust.

Round 3: David orders Sa'adya deposed from the academy.

Round 4: An outraged Sa'adya excommunicates David and announces that his brother Hasan is the new Exilarch (even though appointing Hasan wasn't really within his power).

Round 5: Sa'adya and David fight a decade-long war of foul words until they ultimately reconcile, but the experience makes Sa'adya a bitter man.

Round 6: In 933, Sa'adya pens the Sefer ha-Galui, a theological work in which he makes clear his belief that he is the most brilliant man who has ever lived.

_05:: An Anthropologist Named Napoleon Until 2000, Napoleon Chagnon was known as author of the best-selling anthropology text of all time: Yanomamo: The Fierce People. But since then, his research has been mired in controversy. The anthropologist, along with geneticist James Neel, inoculated many of the Venezuelan tribe's members. Unfortunately, it was right about this time that the Yanomami experienced their first-ever measles epidemic, leading to thousands of deaths in the region and reducing the tribe to half its original size. Coincidence? Perhaps. Allegations against Chagnon have divided the anthropological community. Many defend the expedition, claiming it would be impossible for a vaccine to spark such an outbreak. Critics, however, point to the expedition's financier, the Atomic Energy Commission, as proof that the accused were using the Yanomami as human test subjects. Either way, the scandal raised serious questions about the practices of studying indigenous peoples.

_06:: The Napoleon Complex Martini What's terrible about one part Napoleon Mandarin Liqueur to three parts vodka with an orange peel twist? Nothing, we guess, unless you're a martini purist. No offense to Chez Napoleon on West 50th Street in Manhattan, where the Napoleon Complex is a bartender's specialty, but we'll take ours cla.s.sic: fine, juniper-scented gin (not vodka); the merest suggestion of dry vermouth (wave the vermouth bottle in the general vicinity of the shaker); and a fat, green, pimento-stuffed olive on a toothpick.

Seriously Holier Than Thou:

5 Mortals with Minor G.o.d Complexes

Sure, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely, but what about Absolute power with a capital A? Here are four mortals who let their holier-than thou att.i.tudes go to other people's heads.

_01:: Narmer or Menes, or One of Those Really Old Egyptian Guys Around 2925 BCE, Narmer united the upper and lower Nile Valley into Egypt. Pretty nice feat. Unfortunately, it was so long ago that historians don't know if Narmer is the same person as Menes, considered the founder of the First Dynasty, or if Menes was Narmer's son. What they do know is that the ruler we're calling Narmer here definitely had a G.o.d complexnot that it wasn't merited! In unified Egypt, kings were considered G.o.ds. So, did that mean he was born divine? Early on, that seemed to be the idea. But during the First Dynasty, cunning priests did have a bit of veto power. If they deemed an ill king unfit, they were perfectly justified in killing him and making way for a more potent G.o.d (a practice done away with around 2659 BCE, presumably by a self-interested ruler). Slowly, though, Egyptian priests devised a better way to delay those holier-than-thou att.i.tudes in their royalty. Instead of decreeing kings G.o.ds at birth, they created a ceremony in which a mortal royal heir was merged with his spiritual counterpart, or ka, to become a G.o.d only upon coronation.

_02:: Alexander the Really, Really Very Great (aka Almighty to You) After his best friend (and presumed lover) Hephaestion died in 324 BCE, Alexander the Great demanded that his subjects (who by that point included the populations of Macedon, Greece, Persia, Egypt, and more) honor Hephaestion as a fallen hero. He also decided it was a good time to let people know that they could finally honor him as the G.o.d he was (or at least now claimed to be). Never a victim of modesty, Alex had been fond of comparing his accomplishments to those of the Greek G.o.ds for years. But, his newfound att.i.tude adjustment indicated that he now believed he was equal to the immortals. Greek cities, which under his rule retained some semblance of self-government, complied with the order, but not necessarily with the spirit. The less-than-enthused Spartans, for instance, issued a decree that said, "Since Alexander wishes to be a G.o.d, let him be a G.o.d."

_03:: Augustus Caesar: Like Holy Father, Like Son...

On August 19 of the year 14 CE, Augustus Caesar died at age 77. Two days later, the Roman senate enrolled him among the G.o.ds of the Roman state. And while being deemed a G.o.d by committee isn't exactly the same as claiming G.o.dhood while alive, the emperor had the keen foresight to plan his ascension to divinity years before. How so? Just after his great-uncle and adopted father Julius Caesar's murder in 44 BCE, the young man interpreted a comet as evidence that Julius had entered the company of immortals. The strategic proclamation worked in his favor. Later, as a member of Rome's ruling triumvirate, he issued coins with his own image and the inscription "Son of a G.o.d." Then in 27 BCE, the "first citizen," as he'd dubbed himself, had a compliant senate name him Augustus, meaning "superior to humanity" or "G.o.dlike."

_04:: Caligula Declares Himself a G.o.d Although he was emperor for just four years, Caligula (3741 CE) was still able to take Rome on a wild ride, according to the ancient historians Suetonius and Flavius Josephus. The adopted son of the previous emperor, Tiberius, Caligula was initially very popular with Roman commoners. You can chalk it up to his spontaneous distributions of gold coins to them or his wacky, unpredictable sense of humor. Whatever the case, the public's opinion quickly turned when (according to Suetonius) Caligula began cross-dressing in public, impregnated his own sister, declared war on Poseidon (bringing back chests full of worthless seash.e.l.ls as "booty"), and topped it all off by declaring himself a G.o.dthe cla.s.sical definition of "hubris." Poor Caligula. The seash.e.l.l sovereign was a.s.sa.s.sinated by his own disgruntled bodyguards not long after.

_05:: Carl Jung, Full-time Psychologist, Part-time "Aryan Christ"

One approach to psychology is bringing your patients together to live with you, declaring yourself a G.o.d, and suggesting that they worship you. And as unconventional (read: cultish) as it may seem, that's the approach taken by famed Swiss psychologist Carl Jung (18751961). In fact, his mystical theory of a ma.s.s collective unconscious that unites the human race propounded that human psychological problems are caused by a separation from the divine. Further, he claimed the malady can only be treated through interpretation of visions, dreams, and the occult. Fleshing out some of his ideas when he temporarily lost his mind during World War I, Jung embraced the Hindu concepts of karma and reincarnation and began advocating polygamy. In the end, however, Jung claimed that the only way to reconnect with divine forces was to deify yourself, and he practiced what he preached, encouraging his followers to think of him as their connection with the sun G.o.d.

GREED.

5 Things You Didn't Know about the Lottery 4 Kings Who Moved Their Entire Households into the Afterlife 7 Great Sports Scams, Scandals, and Hoaxes 6 Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous 3 Figures Who Supposedly Sold Their Souls 3 Religious Evangelists Who Received Until It Hurt 3 Shameful Cases of False Advertising 5 Leaders Who Spent Their Countries into the Ground for Fun 4 Celebrity Thieves 6 Greatest Art Heists and Scams of All Time 5 Historical Tattletales and $nitches 5 of the Worst Perpetrators of Corruption 5 Great Bank Robberies 5 Failed Attempts to Loot Las Vegas 3 Really Bad Historical Tirades 6 Generals Who Switched Sides in the Hopes of Reward 3 Double-crossing Agents (and the Countries That Paid Them) History's 5 Most Blatant Land Grabs 5 Shady Business Moguls and What They Did with Their Money 3 Marauders to Know Ticket to Ride:

5 Things You Didn't Know about the Lottery

Call it the poor man's dream, a casino without walls, or a tax on the stupid, the lottery has deep and widespread roots. Here's a look at five stories about the numbers game.

_01:: Lotteries of Yore (It's Older Than You Think!) Lotteries have been around as long as arithmetic. According to the Bible, G.o.d ordered Moses to use a lottery to divvy up land along the River Jordan (it's in the Book of Numbers, naturally). And that ain't all the "good book" has to say about it: lotteries are also mentioned in Joshua, Leviticus, and Proverbs. The lottery can also be traced back to China, where a warlord named Cheung Leung came up with a numbers game to persuade citizens to help pay for his army. Today, it's known as keno. Other famous lotteries? The Chinese used one to help finance the Great Wall; Augustus Caesar authorized one to raise money for public works projects in Rome. And in 1466, in what is now the Belgian town of Bruges, a lottery was created to help the poorwhich lotteries supposedly have been doing ever since.

_02:: The Founding Fathers Took Their Chances Displaying the astute politicians' aversion to direct taxation, early American leaders often turned to lotteries to raise a buck or two. John Hanc.o.c.k organized several lotteries, including one to rebuild Boston's Faneuil Hall. Ben Franklin used them during the Revolutionary War to purchase a cannon for the Continental Army. George Washington ran a lottery to pay for a road into the wilds of western Virginia. And Thomas Jefferson wrote of lotteries, "Far from being immoral, they are indispensable to the existence of Man." Of course, when he wrote it, he was trying to convince the Virginia legislature to let him hold a lottery to pay off his debts.

_03:: Louisiana: A Whole Lotto Love By the end of the Civil War, lotteries in America had such bad reputations, they were banned in most states. But not in Louisiana, where a well-bribed legislature in 1869 gave an exclusive charter to a private firm called the Louisiana Lottery Company. The company sold tickets throughout the country, and for 25 years, it raked in millions of dollars while paying out relatively small prizes and contributing chump change to a few New Orleans charities. Finally, in 1890, Congress pa.s.sed a law banning the sale of lottery tickets through the mail, and eventually all multistate lottery sales were banned. What's a corrupt U.S. company to do? Move offsh.o.r.e, of course! The Louisiana Lottery moved its operations to Honduras, and America was lottery free until 1963, when New Hampshire started the lottery cycle anew.

_04:: "Inaction" Jackson: Lottery's Biggest Loser Clarence Jackson's luck began to run out on Friday, the 13th of October, 1995, when the Connecticut Lottery picked the numbers on Jackson's lotto ticket, making his family the winners of $5.8 million. Only he didn't know itand he didn't find out until 15 minutes before the one-year deadline to claim the prize, despite a whole slew of lottery ads seeking the winner. Jackson, a 23-year-old who'd taken over the family's struggling office cleaning business from his ailing father, didn't make it in time, and lottery officials rejected the claim. In 1997, the Connecticut General a.s.sembly voted to award Jackson the prize, but the state senate refused to go along. Up until 2004, Jackson was still trying each year to convince the legislature. And still losing.

_05:: And Some Other Jackson: Its Biggest "Winner"

Andrew Jackson "Jack" Whittaker was already wealthy when he won the multistate Powerball lottery in December 2002. A millionaire contractor from West Virginia, Whittaker became the biggest single lottery winner in history after snagging a $314.9 million jackpot. But the dough seemed to carry more curses than the Hope Diamond. And when Jack decided to take a $170.5 million lump sum instead of payments over 20 years, it wasn't the only lump coming his way. Whittaker was robbed three times, once of more than $500,000 at a strip club. He was also sued for a.s.sault, arrested for drunk driving, and even booked for getting into a bar fight. And in September 2004, three burglars broke into his house and found the body of a friend of Whittaker's granddaughter, whose death may have been drug related. The sad truth? Simply that money doesn't guarantee peace of mind.

You Can Take It with You:

4 Kings Who Moved Their Entire Households into the Afterlife

We've all heard the old cliche "You can't take it with you." But that didn't stop a good number of royals from trying. Here are four examples of folks who didn't want just a thin slice of heaventhey wanted it served on the same silver plates they'd grown accustomed to.

_01:: Hauling Jeeves to the Afterlife It might not have been the most profligate tomb in history, but considering that it was built only a few centuries after the idea of cities came into fruition, Pu-Abi of Ur didn't make out too badly. We know little about her except that she lived and died sometime in the 26th or 25th century BCE. The most ornate of Ur's royal tombs, Pu-Abi's post vivos abode was excavated in the 1920s and '30s by Leonard Woolley. Among the artifacts discovered there were a complex headdress of gold leaves, a solid gold comb, and a dress covered with gems and beads. Of course, Pu-Abi didn't go alone into the next world; a number of servants poisoned themselves after being sealed in (possibly willingly) with their late mistress. Still, we're guessing that whatever service the queen was getting in the afterlife, it probably wasn't coming with a smile.

_02:: Here Comes the Sun (King) Since the j.a.panese traditionally revered their emperors as G.o.ds, it comes as no surprise that they spared no expense in preparing their rulers for the afterlife. Emperors of the Yamato era, particularly, were known for their enormous burial mounds. One grave in Sakai City, traditionally a.s.signed to the late-fourth-century-CE emperor Nintoku, is especially impressive. If you think the Great Pyramid is the sw.a.n.kiest tomb around, well, you're gravely mistaken. Just the sheer scale of the mound dwarfs Khufu's resting place; the artificial hill marking the grave site is the length of five football fields and has an internal volume twice that of the Egyptian's pyramid. And as if that weren't enough, the keyhole-shaped tumulus is surrounded by a triple moat! Twenty years were spent building the ma.s.sive structure and thousands of funerary offerings are enshrined inside.

Just the Facts INCLUDED IN FORMER GE CEO JACK WELCH'S 2001 RETIREMENT PACKAGE (Trimmed in 2003 in Response to

Stockholder Outrage)