'I don't know what you're talking about. Well, I do, but I mean I can't confess to something I didn't do.'

'You might even end up in the loony bin. Broadmoor or Rampton. That would be appropriate, wouldn't it? Rampton. Like the village where you killed her.' He smiled. 'Of course, you've been there before, haven't you?'

'Rampton?'

'No. The loony bin.'

'What do you mean?'

'Basingstoke, wasn't it?'

I felt the air go out of my lungs, and I slumped in the chair but only for a moment. Then I bit my lip and pulled myself up. Cannon came round and put his face so close to mine that I could smell him.

'Mike, I've pretty much got you. You had a car. You have a history of mental instability. You were obsessed by the girl. My chaps are in your flat in London at the moment seeing if they can match a typewriter to the address label on this envelope. In a moment you're going to give me some prints and we'll see if we can get something off the diary. You had no alibi for the crucial time on the night of the party.'

'That's all circ.u.mstantial c.r.a.p and-'

'Circ.u.mstantial's OK, Mike. Circ.u.mstantial gets convictions. People like you journalists, you don't understand that. You don't often get eyewitness evidence. And people don't often confess. I wish they would. It would make our life ever so much easier. And it would make it much better for you too.'

My mind had suddenly gone empty. I looked inside and there seemed to be nothing. I had the impression that my brain was actually emitting a sound, like that of a clean saucepan being scoured with wire wool, or perhaps of a wine gla.s.s being made to ring with the note that any moment would shatter it.

'Please let it be recorded that I am giving the suspect one last chance to confess.'

I couldn't confess because I couldn't think.

There was a long pause. I heard the ca.s.sette revolving.

Cannon bit his lip. 'Right. There's another kind of evidence we didn't mention just now.'

'Is there?'

'Yes. It's called forensic, by which we mean scientific. Ever heard of DNA?'

'Of course I have.' Part Two of Nat Sci had been full of it.

Cannon nodded to the constable, who left the room.

'DNA was first used in a case in Leicestershire. Just recently. It got a man off. A man called Pitchfork, oddly enough. But it could equally convict a man. I do wish you'd confessed. I really do, Mike.'

While we waited for the constable to return I asked myself what I was feeling. Not guilt, not fear, not apprehension. By far my strongest feeling was of curiosity. I really wanted to see what they'd come up with and whether it would prove that I'd done something wrong.

The constable eventually came back in with what looked like a gla.s.s museum display case. Suspended inside on a coathanger was an orange tee shirt. On it was the face of Donny Osmond.

'The suspect is being shown a tee shirt. Have you seen this before, Mike?'

'It rings a bell.'

'We took it from your room when we came to see you in college all those years ago. When we gave you your clothes back, we kept this along with a couple of other things. We looked after it well and kept it dry. Do you know why?'

'No.'

'See there's some of it missing down here?'

A square of about two inches across had been cut from the tee shirt just below Donny's chin.

'It had a bloodstain on it. Not a big one, but big enough. That's why it's taken me so long to get in touch with you these last few weeks. We were having a DNA match done in Leicester. It takes them ages. But we got the results yesterday. The bloodstain on your tee shirt is a match with the DNA from Jennifer's bones.'

I said nothing. I felt nothing. I was thinking of those two chemists who burst into the Kestrel that lunchtime to tell the uninterested boozers that they'd cracked the human code.

Cannon drew himself up and spoke clearly. 'We believe you picked her up after that party, drove her out to the place where she was found, or very near it, killed her with a blow to the head with a piece of brick or a lump of concrete, and in a fit of rage you also broke her leg. You buried her either then or when you returned with a spade. You buried her in such a way that you hoped she'd never be found. You showed no pity, no remorse. You little s.h.i.t.'

Cannon turned to face the ca.s.sette recorder and said solemnly, 'Michael Engleby, I am arresting you for the murder of Jennifer Rose Arkland on or about...'

To be honest, I wasn't really listening. It was hard to take it all in, the bad turn of events, the famous formula of 'anything you say may be taken down'. I wasn't thinking about Jennifer at all. I was wondering whether this would be a good moment to own up to having killed old Baynes as well.

Eleven.

I rang Stellings from Cannon's office to ask his advice. He was appalled. He said it wasn't his line of work, but he'd find someone and they'd be in touch. The odd thing was, he didn't ask me whether I'd done it.

Next, I was allowed to go to the toilet where I crammed in two blue pills before the constable who'd been sent with me saw what I was doing and stopped me.

Then they took me to a cell. I had to hand over the contents of my pockets, including pills, and I was anxious about how I was going to manage without them. There was a bed and a grey blanket in the cell. I lay down and curled up beneath it, but time had stopped and everything was crowding in on me. When a constable came with some food later I asked if I could see a doctor and he said he'd ask. I couldn't eat. The pills began to work and time realigned itself a little.

In the morning, I appeared in court, represented by a local solicitor provided by the police. I was remanded in custody for two weeks, and that night, when no one could see, was put in a van and driven to a prison. I was alone in my new cell, and I was relieved about that. The spyhole in the door opened at twenty-minute intervals through the night. I suppose they thought I might try to kill myself, though I had nothing to do it with. I just lay there and thought of Jennifer. The trouble was, I found it hard to picture her. It was all so long ago and she didn't seem real any more. I couldn't see or touch her. I had no real way of knowing whether she or I existed.

Some lag asked me the next day what I was 'in for'; I told him and he warned me not to tell my lawyer I was guilty if I was. 'If you tell him you've done it, then you have to plead guilty in court. You can't confess to your brief, then ask him to run a not-guilty defence.'

'What if I do?'

'He has to turn down the case.'

'And is he bound to pa.s.s on what I've told him?'

'Who to? If he turns you down then he's not in a case and there's no judge for him to tell. And there's client confidentiality.'

'But you're saying I can't have it both ways.'

'No. Make up your mind before you get a brief. Work your story out first.'

I was grateful for this unsolicited good advice but worried that an old lags' code meant that I now had to pay for it in some unspeakable way.

That afternoon, I had a visit from a Mr Davies, the solicitor that Stellings had found for me. I didn't know what to say to him, so I asked him to tell me what might happen. He looked young, maybe only thirty, but he seemed to know what he was doing.

'If you're charged with murder, you can plead not guilty. That's fine, then your barrister will do his best to overturn the evidence against you, which I gather is largely forensic, with some circ.u.mstantial.'

'That's right.'

'Or you plead guilty and we look for all the mitigation we can find. Just by pleading guilty you reduce the sentence. You show remorse and contrition. We look for circ.u.mstances in your past that would have had a bearing. We call character witnesses. That way we can perhaps get the minimum term recommended before parole is considered down to something like fifteen years.'

The chief reporter on one of the tabloids, it was well known, had done time for murdering his wife. He behaved well, got out early and went back to reporting salacious stories for Rupert Murdoch.

'And?' I said. 'Any other possibility?'

'Yes, there's the hybrid, by which you plead guilty to manslaughter but not guilty to murder by reason of diminished responsibility.'

'The loony defence.'

'If it's accepted, you go to an establishment that's more of a hospital than a prison. But no picnic. And it's not easy to get released. In any event, whatever you plead, I shall have to brief counsel. I have one or two very good barristers in mind.'

I thought for a minute. 'If I'd killed more than one person, would the diminished responsibility plea have a better chance?'

He looked at me a little strangely. 'I really couldn't say at this stage. I advise caution. You certainly shouldn't admit to anything you haven't done. Best to say not guilty at this stage.'

'I see. Then what happens?'

'We wait for a date for the trial. It'll be weeks, maybe months. It's a big case for the Crown and they'll need time to prepare.'

'And meanwhile I stay here.'

'Yes. They won't grant bail in murder cases.'

'This DNA stuff,' I said. 'Will they accept it?'

'It's too soon to say. It's only been used by the defence in this country so far, though it's been used by the prosecution to convict in America in Washington, I think. But it's new and untried and it's something the defence could certainly attack vigorously.'

'But if I plead not guilty and the jury accepts the DNA evidence and finds me guilty, then I'll go down for murder with the maximum time in a standard prison.'

'Correct. Though your mental condition can be reviewed later.'

I felt I needed time to think. Time was what I had. Time to think, time to do.

In my cell, I had a lot of diary sessions. I wished that Jen had written more because I knew them all too well by now. In that respect only they were like Vermeer's paintings.

The sole consolation was that there were one or two special entries revealing, surprising that I didn't allow myself to go over. I kept them back even from myself.

My barrister came up from London to see me. He was a fleshy man in a suit with grey curly hair and a high colour. His name was Nigel Harvey, QC, and he was accompanied by a 'junior' (who looked older than Harvey, though thinner and more anxious) and by Davies, the solicitor. We met in a stuffy little room set aside for such visits.

'Very well, Mr Engleby,' said Harvey, uns.c.r.e.w.i.n.g the top from a fountain pen and opening a blue foolscap exercise book, 'I've seen what you said to Mr Davies, but if you don't mind, I'd like you to go over it again for me. In your own words.' He had a rich brown voice that reminded me of Tubby Lyneham.

My own words? Who else's words could my mouth frame?

I told him about the party in Malcolm Street and how I left early and returned to my car in Park Street, how I drove round the corner into Jesus Lane to wait for Jennifer.

'Let's leave you there for a moment,' he said. 'I'd like to know more about this girl. How well you knew her, your feelings for her. Anything you think might help us.'

I thought very carefully. I was inhibited by the warnings I'd received about how I mustn't confess or say anything that incriminated me and still expect to be defended. This florid man was the closest I had to an ally and I didn't want him to walk out of the door; so it was a bit like being on trial already.

The trouble was, I only knew how to tell the truth.

I chose my words my very own with precision. 'she was attracted to me. Though perhaps she didn't know or admit how much. I felt I had to make her see how much she needed me. She wasn't right with the boy she was with and I didn't want her to go off with someone else, as a kind of second best, or rebound. I was the right man for her.'

'What were your feelings for her?'

'Profound.'

I told him a lot about my family and my father and mother and childhood. He kept nodding. He made a few notes. It was surprisingly enjoyable. I must have wanted to get some of this stuff out of me.

'Let's go back to your car.'

'I saw her coming up the street. She hesitated, then turned into Jesus Lane. She saw my car. She recognised me. I think she wanted to get in with me. But then she must have changed her mind. But I stopped alongside, and she sort of bowed to the inevitable.

'She was in my car and I was happy. It was as though everything had come right. We were happy together. She was laughing and it was easy, there was something right about it. I wanted it to last. For ever, maybe. I didn't want to have to let her out and go back to everything being all wrong again. But it ended too soon. And I couldn't face it ending. So at the moment I should have turned right, I went left just to prolong it. To prolong my time with her.

'Then I was worried that she'd jump out if I stopped, so I had to drive fast, very fast, through this sort of housing estate, then once I'd got out onto the Histon Road the main road I had to put my foot down.'

'Why?' said Harvey.

I thought for a long time. 'Because I felt a fool.'

'Go on.'

'The trouble was that she was reacting badly. She was behaving like a child and I didn't like that at all. It made me feel as though I was some kind of freak. She was screaming and shouting and banging at my arms. I felt she'd backed me into a corner.'

'What were your feelings towards her then?'

'I didn't like her any more. I wanted her to be like the girl I'd known before, not like this. She'd humiliated me and I wanted her to shut up. Yes, I wanted her to shut up.'

'All right. Gently does it, Mr Engleby. Carry on.'

I tried to remember. 'I thought I'd find somewhere quiet and let her out of the car and then drive off. That was bad, but not that bad. I could apologise, I could make it up. I wouldn't have harmed her. But I couldn't find find anywhere quiet. It was all villages, you know, like ribbon developments almost. Then finally I got to this place, Rampton. There was a dead end.' anywhere quiet. It was all villages, you know, like ribbon developments almost. Then finally I got to this place, Rampton. There was a dead end.'

'And?'

I looked at him.

He coughed. 'I'm sorry. I understand. Please take your time.'

The road called Cuckoo Lane wasn't tarmac, it was made of concrete, what's called hardstanding, I think. At the end was a cart track into the Fens. I turned off the headlights. I didn't want Jennifer to get out and run. There were houses not far away. I didn't want her to make a noise. I squeezed her wrist very hard till she screamed; then I said, 'stay there while I come round.'

I got out and went round to her side. I pulled her out. I couldn't see much in the darkness, but she was quiet. She wasn't screaming.

I said, 'Keep quiet and it'll be all right.'