He groaned again.

"Yes, when I make you. That's what you look like. And I can't get enough. It's like I'm addicted." His voice was wavering now. "I can't get enough of your body, your mind, your soul."

"It's all yours."

His breathing was heavy now, the grunts more consistent. I could imagine his neck strained as he gave into his o.r.g.a.s.m. He was there and hearing him was the s.e.xiest, most erotically intimate thing I'd ever heard. I wished I was back at the flat, somewhere where I could try again.

But I wasn't back at the flat and a knock at the door pulled me back to my surroundings.

Paul Adams, the partner I did most of my work for, put his head round my door and saw I was on the phone and silently indicated I should call him. I was sure he could tell that I'd just got my boyfriend off at the other end of the phone. It must have shown in my face, surely. I nodded and he closed the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked me.

I laughed. "I am, it was Paul. I feel like we've been caught doing something we shouldn't be."

"Well, it's a good job we weren't on Skype."

"Yeah, I think that would be a slam-dunk breach of the anti-frat."

The rest of the day was better. I loved to hear him undone like that and even though we were three thousand miles apart, it felt like this morning had brought us closer somehow.

Sometime after lunch, I came back to my office after a meeting to find two pieces of post on my desk. The first was a courier package, the second a hand written envelope marked 'private and confidential'. I opened the courier package first, expecting some doc.u.ments from a client but instead I found a book. But not just a book. It was a book t.i.tled "Pumpkin Carving in New England". But before the word "Pumpkin" someone had handwritten the word "naked".

Lucy chose that exact moment to make her entrance, and it was always an entrance.

"What have you got there?" She asked seeing me with a book in my hand and a grin on my face. Not that my grin lasted long.

"What do you want Lucy?" I didn't want anything spoiling my mood.

"Just coming to say hi, that's all. What's this?" She asked picking up the book.

"Nothing." I s.n.a.t.c.hed it from her fingers. I hadn't had time to enjoy it yet. To think how thoughtful and silly and perfect a gift it was. I hugged it to my chest.

"Jeez, someone's touchy. You still p.i.s.sed you're not working with s.e.xy Scott?"

"He's back in the US."

"Yeah, but I'm still working with him. He emails me all the time. Can't keep away. He's such a flirt."

If I could have kneed her in the groin without anyone finding out I would have done. I wasn't one for physical violence but it was like she was trying to wind me up. Did she know about Ethan and me? Maybe she suspected?

"Okay, well enjoy that." I snapped. "I've got a lot to do, Lucy." I stood up and moved towards the door. She couldn't keep talking to me if I wasn't in my office. She got the hint and I went to the loo.

When I got back to my desk I grinned inanely at the book Ethan had sent to me. As I flipped through the book I saw that he'd annotated it so that every time 'pumpkin carving' was written he'd added the word 'naked'. The book was full of beautiful photographs of intricately carved pumpkins set against typical New England homes and landscapes. It was sweet and thoughtful and I loved it.

I texted a quick message.

A: I love my gift. And I love your obsession with nakedness. Oh, yeah, and I love you.

Still grinning, I turned my attention to the handwritten envelope that had been on my desk with the courier package. It wasn't Ethan's writing and I couldn't think who it could be from.

Inside was a handwritten letter. It started "Dear Anna" but I still didn't recognize the writing, so I skipped to the end.

It was from Ben. Ben the Biker. Ben the b.a.s.t.a.r.d. My ex-boyfriend who had been responsible for my flat being broken into, putting me in danger. What on earth was he writing to me for?

Chapter Four.

Anna "Have you got it with you?" Leah asked. I had called an emergency wine meeting to discuss the letter from Ben the b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

I handed it over and she began to read from the beginning. I concentrated on my wine.

For the next five minutes all I got was "G.o.d", "Oh, wow" and "Well that makes sense." And then I got a question. "And you had no idea?" she looked up at me.

I shook my head. "Like it says, he got very good at hiding it."

She nodded, like she understood. Like it was understandable that I hadn't realized he was an addict. I wasn't sure it was. What did that say about my ability to read people?

Leah continued to read. "Oh and this is him making amends. I see. It's brave." She looked up and I nodded. It was brave.

When she got to then end she exhaled dramatically. "What did Ethan say?"

"I've not told him yet. I'm going to call him when I get back. Anyway, this was all pre-Ethan. Before we met."

"So it doesn't change anything?"

"What? Between me and Ethan?" I looked at her to check she wasn't high on something. "Of course it doesn't change anything. What could it possibly change? Ethan and I are together."

"Okay, I just wondered if . . . well, whether you may still have feelings that might come back now you have an explanation about things."

"Leah!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing from her. She knew, she must know, how I felt about Ethan. He wasn't just another boyfriend to me.

"What? I'm just asking."

"You know what it's like between Ethan and me. How can you ask me that?"

"All I know is that you're three thousand miles away from each other without a plan."

"I have a plan. I have a f.u.c.king plan, Leah." My voice started to tremble a little and from her expression that she hadn't expected me to react as strongly as I had.

"I'm sorry. Anna, please, I didn't mean to upset you. I want you to be happy."

"I know, look, I'm going to go. I want to go home and speak to Ethan."

"I'm really sorry. Please don't go, I feel terrible."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. Really. I just need to go." I was standing already. I had to be at home. But I didn't want to make Leah feel worse than she clearly already did, so I sat down and topped up our gla.s.ses.

"I'm pleased you've found Ethan."

I stayed silent. I didn't want to carry on this discussion.

"And I'm glad you have a plan," she continued. I didn't really have a plan, other than I was determined that Ethan and I would be together.

"Maybe we'll end up having a double wedding!" Leah said, clearly trying to make me laugh.

"f.u.c.k off Leah." She knew how I felt about the whole wedding thing.

"What? I think it would be a brilliant idea."

"We're not getting married."

"Ever?"

"You know how I feel about getting married. It's silly and outdated and married people end up hating each other but staying together anyway. And I can't bear the thought of wearing some meringue of a dress and having members of my family trying to hide their disdain for each other while eating over-priced chicken."

"Okay, so no double wedding. But when you're bridesmaid at mine, I'm making you wear a meringue. And you're going to be eating chicken. The rest of us will have venison."

I laughed despite myself.

Ethan The whole world was literally talking out if its a.s.shole. No one had made any sense since I'd gotten into the office. It was like someone had infected everyone with a virus. Clearly I was immune, but the rest of them had it bad.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea. It doesn't take into account the fact that the value in this business has not been nailed down."

f.u.c.k, this was obvious f.u.c.king stuff. Why was I having to make these points?

I checked my phone and smiled at the text Anna had sent earlier. She'd liked the book. It was the least provocative of all the gifts I had planned for her. I was still holding my cell when another text arrived.

A: When are you free? Can we talk?

E: Are you okay? I'm in a meeting now, but I can excuse myself.

A: No, when you are home. I just had a fight with Leah and I want to hear your voice.

Jesus, the woman made me feel like a G.o.d.

E: I'll be home by 7pm again, beautiful.

For the second time in two days I left the office at six thirty. It wasn't sustainable. Just because I worked from home after I spoke to Anna wasn't enough. I needed to be in the office. Three weeks until she got here, and then we needed to talk.

I called her as soon as I reached my apartment. She sounded sleepy and the blood rushed to my d.i.c.k. The feeling of being ready for her when she wasn't here wasn't getting any easier.

"How was your day?" she asked.

"A f.u.c.king nightmare. I hate dealing with stupid clients."

She laughed and the tension in my voice suddenly sounded ridiculous. I could do nothing but grin in response.

"Anyway, none of that matters. Tell me about Leah. It's not like you two to argue."

"We're okay, it's fine. It's just, I got a letter from Ben."

"From who?" The pulse in the veins on my neck throbbed.

"Hear me out."

"Hear you talk about your f.u.c.king d.i.c.k of an ex?"

She sighed and I felt like a d.i.c.k, but really?

"No, whatever. I thought you would want to know."

"Anna, what the f.u.c.k did the f.u.c.king letter say?" I didn't need to ask. Of course, it would be begging her forgiveness, begging her to take him back. f.u.c.king d.i.c.k couldn't keep her in the first place and now wanted a second chance.

"I need you to calm down."

"And I need you to tell me what that f.u.c.king letter says before I get on the next plane to London to read it for myself." The throb in my neck was getting wilder.

"Calm the h.e.l.l down, I am going to tell you if you give me a minute and stop acting like an a.s.shole."

I had nothing to say to that. She was right. Some of that a.s.shole virus must have got to me after all.

"Okay, sorry, go on."

"I'm not one of your a.s.sociates that you can boss around, Mr. Bossy Pants. Well not outside the bedroom, anyway." That made me smile. "So, I got a letter at work from Ben today."

Was it me, or was she stringing this out. She needed to get the f.u.c.k on with it. And then I could arrange to have him killed or something.

"And it was to make amends."

"I bet it was, the limp-d.i.c.ked p.r.i.c.k."

"No, it was like part of his treatment. He's in AA or something for his addiction to drugs and alcohol. And it was a really lovely letter. Telling me how sorry he was for putting me in danger, for deceiving and manipulating me. How none of it was my fault . . ."

"Of course it wasn't your fault."

"Ethan, listen. It was nice. I was shocked to hear he was an addict. I didn't know. And it kind of makes sense. But he hid it well and I'm pleased for him that he's getting the help he needs."

"And does he want you back?"