"Yeah. She won't see the light of day again in this lifetime, but she was most helpful putting the story together for us. We might have had her under a bit of duress." Stanton smiled. "Anyway, when we found Ms. Polluck beaten and unconscious as we canva.s.sed the entire area, we brought her in. We had no idea who she was. When she woke up briefly and told us, we called you."

"I want to see her." Jude turned to Jason and fought the dizziness that accompanied the movement. "Now, Jason."

Jason nodded. He stood and left the room.

"Sorry, Jude. Jason has told me the gist of your story. I'm so sorry, man."

"What's the prognosis?"

"Good. The doctors are monitoring her closely. They've run every test they can. She doesn't appear to have any life-threatening injuries or internal bleeding. They moved her to a regular room while you were out cold."

Jude tried to shake the dizziness from his head, but it only worsened. He flopped back down, aggravation eating him from the inside.

Stanton leaned in closer. "Jason is getting the doctor. I'm sure they can get you to Ms. Polluck soon. But you have a pretty bad concussion yourself. Take it easy."

A man in a lab coat came around the corner. Jude tracked him with his gaze. Jason followed on his heels.

The man smiled. "Sergeant Cavanaugh. How are you feeling? I'm Doctor Fuller."

"Like I fell and hit my head," he gritted out. "But I need you to get me out of here or my head is going to explode."

The doctor smiled again. "I know. I'm going to move you. Give me a second to get a wheelchair in here. The nurse is coming." While he spoke, he took Jude's pulse and then listened to his chest. "You're going to live, but your head is going to hurt like h.e.l.l for several days. And you need to stay still. No unnecessary movements. No driving. No alcohol."

Jude stared at him. Driving? Alcohol? Where did the doctor think he was going? To a party?

A male nurse came in then, pushing a wheelchair. He sidled it up to Jude's bed.

"Take it easy sitting up. You're going to be light-headed," Dr. Fuller said.

No s.h.i.t.

Jude ignored the throbbing and the dizziness and dragged himself into the chair.

The nurse said little as he helped him get settled, and Jason led the way from the room. After an elevator ride and a trip down one hall and up another, the nurse wheeled him into a private room and left.

Jason scooted Jude closer.

Jude held his breath as he leaned over Lori's bed and took her hand, the only thing he could see that wasn't beaten black and blue. She was barely recognizable. And her face looked worse than he remembered last night.

He set his cheek on her bed and cried, barely noticing as Jason stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him.

It seemed like forever before he moved again to lift his tired head. He must have fallen asleep because a nurse was working on the other side of the bed, checking Lori's vitals. He hadn't heard her come in.

She smiled and nodded at him. "Sorry, sir," she whispered. "Didn't mean to wake you."

He looked at Lori and cringed. No change in her appearance. "Why is she unconscious?"

"Her body is fighting. It's not unusual. Don't worry. She'll wake up when she's ready." The nurse patted his hand and left the room.

Jude stared down at Lori. He held her hand gently, trying not to cause her further pain. She looked horrible. And it was his fault. If he hadn't been so selfish and returned to her, this never would have happened.

Tears welled up in his eyes. Anyone close to him would never be safe. He'd seen too much, killed too many people. What if other missions he'd been on had ended similarly? There could be a host of a.s.sholes with a hit on him. Men he thought he'd killed or their protegees could be after him. He couldn't expose another human being to that kind of insecurity. Especially not someone he loved as much as Lori.

She'd never be safe with him. He could do nothing to ensure her protection.

Jude jerked his gaze toward the door as Jason sauntered in. "You okay?"

Jude's head felt clearer, but it throbbed. "Yeah, fine."

"She's going to be fine too, you know."

Jude stared at her. She'd never be fine. Not mentally. And she had him to thank for it. "I shouldn't have come back here."

"Stop it. You couldn't have predicted this."

Jude stared at the love of his life and swallowed back bile. Everyone involved in her pain was dead now. Lori would live, but what about the scars?

His chest hurt. He still held her hand and caressed it with one finger. She didn't stir.

He had to get out of there before she woke up. He couldn't bear to face her. She would be better off without him. You can't keep her safe. Ever.

He sat up straighter. His resolve strengthened. He turned to Jason. "Will you stay here with her? I need to do some things."

"Of course." Jason nodded. He pulled up a chair on Lori's other side and sat.

Jude stood. He felt weak and unstable, but he didn't mention any of that. Jason watched him for signs of distress, but he seemed satisfied.

Jude held his breath as he left the room. He glanced down, glad to find he was dressed in the same street clothes he'd been wearing when he first arrived. At least he didn't have to deal with that issue. He reached into his pocket. His keys were still there.

He walked right out the front door of the hospital in no time, and no one questioned him. In ten minutes, he was in his car and headed for the house he'd rented just weeks ago. f.u.c.k the doctors and their orders not to drive. He had to get away.

Had it only been weeks? It seemed like a lifetime. His head pounded, but he would live. What he needed now was to put as much s.p.a.ce as possible between him and the people he'd hurt. Leave them to live their lives. He could never make up for the damage he'd done to Lori, Margaret, even Jason. And every person he loved would be a target for anyone he'd ever attacked over the years.

He'd turned their worlds upside down and almost killed the most important person in his life. She might hate him for all he'd done to her. And he preferred to remember her the way she'd been when he'd held her all night Friday night. He'd erase the look on her face when he'd left her at Jason's the next morning. No way could he stand to add another expression of hers to his memory by hanging around to add her anger to his list.

It would be easier this way-for her and for him. Maybe it was selfish, a cop-out, to leave and not face her. But he couldn't do it.

Jason would take care of her and she'd go on to live a full life. Safer. Happier. Whole. Alive.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Lori stood at the kitchen sink, staring out the window. She held a mug of coffee that had long ago gone cold. She didn't care. She did that a lot lately. Ever since she'd woken up in that military hospital ten days ago, she'd been fighting long bouts of distraction.

Jason had filled in all the holes and been gracious enough to let her stay with him while she pulled herself together. He'd been there to rock her as she cried. He'd been there to bring her books and snacks. He'd been there to drive her back to his place when she was released.

Where was Jude?

She moved through the stages of grief rapidly. Denial. Anger. And now depression. She knew she shouldn't give Jude so much energy, but she couldn't help it.

At first she thought he would come through the door at any moment. She'd watched the entrance to her hospital room like a hawk until her eyes wouldn't stay open. He had to come. He would.

He didn't.

And then she'd gotten so mad she'd thrown things, screamed at Jason as though it were his fault. He'd taken her wrath and held her through her tears.

Now she was at his house, taking up s.p.a.ce. She couldn't go back to work for several more days. The bruises had faded to yellow, but the mark on her soul was purple.

She needed to pull herself together and find an apartment. Margaret was in the process of downsizing. Moving back in with her wasn't an option. The woman deserved her s.p.a.ce to find herself. What they'd had was over. Even without Jude, there was no way to repair her relationship with Margaret.

Her sister, Stephanie, had come by several times, but Lori hadn't been up to talking at length with anyone. She knew Jason would have filled Stephanie in on the details. That was all that mattered. Her sister would understand. One day Lori would give her the rundown.

Jason insisted she could stay as long as she needed. And thank G.o.d, because Lori didn't have the energy to do much more than stare into s.p.a.ce and think about the "what ifs".

She'd gone by the house she'd shared with Jude for seven days that felt like a lifetime now. He was long gone, no evidence he'd ever been there. The place had a "For Rent" sign once again out front.

She'd called his cell several times, but it had been disconnected. He'd erased his life here and left town. Again.

Lori set her full cup of cold coffee in the sink and wandered back to the guest room. She glanced at the window before climbing into the bed. No one would come through that window and kidnap her this time. She knew that, but still it niggled in her mind.

In moments she was asleep, like she was most of the day every day.

Jason sat at his desk at Emergence, his hands on the top, his fingers splayed. He did nothing but stare at the spot on the wall now twice repaired. It wasn't noticeable to anyone else, but he knew it was there, the exact location.

His cell rang and he flinched at the noise. Without looking he picked it up and answered. "h.e.l.lo."

"Jason."

Jason sat up straighter and came alert. "Jude." He tried to gather himself and not scream at the man. He took a deep breath.

"Sorry. I... I just need to know if she's okay."

Jason stood and ran a hand through his hair. "Where are you?"

Silence.

"You can't do this. She needs you. You're killing her. What the h.e.l.l were you thinking?" He knew. Oh, he wasn't stupid. He'd seen the look on Jude's face before his friend had left the hospital room that day. He shouldn't have let him go. He should have stopped him. Instead he'd hoped he'd been wrong and watched him walk away.

Jude was still on the other end of the line. Jason could hear him breathing. But he didn't answer.

"Tell me where you are. Let's meet. We can talk." Don't hang up.

"It's best this way."

"For whom? For you?" Don't start yelling. Keep him on the phone.

"For her," Jude whispered.

"Why? Who gets to decide that?"

Silence.

"Tell me where you are, Jude. Let's have lunch." He'd go to Alaska if it meant looking Jude in the eye and talking some sense into him. He intentionally didn't mention Lori's condition.

"Take care of her for me...please." Jude hesitated.

Jason listened closely. A dull roar in the background had accompanied the entire conversation. What was it? And then he heard a bird squawk.

The line went dead.

Jason dropped the phone on his desk and slumped back into his chair.

f.u.c.k.

Chapter Twenty-Four.

Lori entered the kitchen in the dim light of evening and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She wandered into the living room and found Jason sitting in the dark on the couch.

She took a seat across from him. "You okay?"

"He called today." Jason's fists were clenched in his lap. "Dammit. I've been debating if I should tell you all day."

Lori tucked her legs under her and prayed she wouldn't pa.s.s out as her blood pounded in her ears. "What did he say?" she whispered.

"Not a d.a.m.n thing. He wanted to know that you were okay and make sure I was going to take care of you."

Lori held her breath.

"What did you tell him?"

"To get his a.s.s back here and see for himself. I begged him to meet me somewhere. He hung up."

"That's it? Did you find out where he is?"