"You don't trust me?"

"Oh, no, I trust you completely."

"You shouldn't. Because one of the things I said I wasn't isn't true." She poked him in the chest. "Vote Democrat."

He sensed that she was trying to let him off the hook, but he wanted to explain himself, even if his explanation was completely made up. "It's just that my parents are coming to visit for the holidays, and my mom is as antidrugs as you can possibly get, and if she even thinks she smells pot she will absolutely flip out."

Nice. Smooth. His great excuse for not getting stoned with Melissa was that his mom might not approve. Wow, she was going to think he was simply the coolest person who'd ever lived in the entire history of the universe.

"That's too bad," Melissa said. "Pot makes me horny."

Toby felt like an entire bathtub's worth of sweat suddenly gushed from every pore in his body. Maybe he'd just smoke a little, or fake the inhale.

No. He knew what would happen. One kiss from Melissa and he'd forget himself, suck in a deep lungful, and then chase imaginary bullies around the room with a hunting knife.

"Well, you you can smoke it." can smoke it."

"Nah, it's okay." She started up the engine. "Was there anyplace else you wanted to go?"

Toby shook his head. He'd screwed everything up. He always screwed everything up. He tried to maintain his composure, but inside he was trying to strangle himself.

"Don't worry," Melissa said. "There are other ways to get me horny."

"You're coming in, right?" she asked, as they pulled up in front of her apartment complex.

"I kind of have to," Toby said. "You drove."

"Yeah, you're trapped with me. What a scary position to be in. I'll try to be gentle with you, but I can't promise that there won't be broken bones."

After they parked and got out of the car, she took him by the hand and led him to her second-floor apartment. She put a finger to her lips as she unlocked her door, indicating for him to be quiet. "We don't want to wake my roommate," she whispered.

She led him through the dark apartment into her bedroom, quickly shutting the door behind her. She turned on a black light, illuminating posters of Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and Blue Oyster Cult.

The kiss happened so quickly that Toby nearly yelped in surprise. She threw her arms around him, kissing him with incredible fervor.

I can't believe this is finally happening, Toby thought.

Don't analyze it! Enjoy it Enjoy it!

They'd been kissing for less than thirty seconds before she took his hand and pressed it against her breast. He squeezed it.

"Ow. Not so hard."

"Sorry."

They kissed some more.

"Harder than that, though."

He stroked her nipple with his thumb, feeling it quickly harden underneath her shirt. The shirt was gone seconds later, as she pulled it over her head, tossed it aside, then unfastened her bra.

"You gonna do it with your clothes on?" she asked as she began to tug down her jeans.

Toby shook his head and took off his shirt as well. His heart was racing and he was trembling a bit and he wished that things were moving a bit more slowly-not a lot lot more slowly, but enough to let him better take in the experience. more slowly, but enough to let him better take in the experience.

She sat down on her bed, naked. "Are you a virgin?" she asked.

Toby considered lying, but decided against it. "Yeah."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. And you're twenty-eight?"

"I'm a loser, I know."

"Nah, you're not a loser. I think it's great. I've never deflowered anybody before. If you have any objections, you'd better get them out in the open now, because once I'm done with you, you will never find that cherry again."

Toby had no objections.

"Stop looking so grumpy. I'm sorry I woke you up." Toby continued shining the flashlight in Owen's face. "This wasn't something that could wait, and you don't have a phone out here. I've got news to share!"

Owen waved him away.

"Guess what it is. Give up? I just had sex."

Toby told him the whole story, leaving out the premature ejaculation but using gestures to make sure that Owen understood that they did it three times.

"I may be in love with her, I don't know, but it was an incredible evening."

Then he told the story to Owen again, from beginning to end. It was a great story.

The next evening they skipped the movie and went straight to her bedroom.

Mr. Zack explained that neither of them would be fired, this time, but that such indiscretions at work were completely unacceptable, and that he would never get the image out of his head.

"Mom loved her. I can't tell what Dad thought. I'm sure he liked her, too. But we're sitting in the living room talking, and Melissa says, 'Hey, Toby, I think there's something wrong with your toilet.' And I knew exactly what she had in mind, because of the way she said it, you know? You wouldn't think you could say something like that in an erotic way, but she did. And I'm almost positive that Mom knew what she had in mind, too. Isn't that gross?"

"Toby."

"Yep, I'm Toby. So I don't really want to do anything with my parents in the house, but I can't just ignore a broken toilet, right? I go in there, and Melissa drops down to her knees. Now keep in mind that the bathroom is only one door down the hall from the living room where they're sitting, and the door isn't closed all the way. So I'm trying to be quiet, but Melissa isn't, she's just slurping away, and I'm trying to finish quickly so we don't get caught. Of course, when we go back Dad wants to know what was wrong with the toilet, and being the master liar that I am I said, 'Oh, we just needed to jiggle the handle,' and I guess that sounded dirty because Melissa went into complete hysterics. Then we all sat down and Mom told us about Aunt Jean's hysterectomy."

Owen signaled. Big fun. Big fun.

"Yeah, it was fun. I don't think I'll ever be able to look Mom and Dad in the eye again, though. I'm glad they're leaving tomorrow."

Toby lit the marijuana cigarette and stared at the rising curl of smoke. Melissa had brought up the subject multiple times in the past month, and though she always seemed to be sufficiently horny without drugs, at some point Toby was going to have to cave in.

So he sat alone in his bedroom. He'd test it out. See what happened. Maybe it would kill some brain cells that he wanted wanted dead, and banish Larry and Nick from his mind forever. dead, and banish Larry and Nick from his mind forever.

He inhaled deeply.

He didn't really remember most of the experience, but he found himself on the floor, loudly sobbing and tearing at his hair.

CHAPTER T THIRTEEN.

1974. Age 29.

"It's not her best picture," Toby admitted. "We've got other ones that you aren't allowed to see."

Owen looked at the photo of Melissa. His talon was poking through the corner, but Toby didn't say anything about it.

"Pretty nice, huh?"

Owen gave him a thumbs-up.

"You probably can't even judge. But we're still together, which is pretty amazing, don't you think? We're not having as much sex, but there's still plenty, I mean, I have no complaints."

Toby didn't think that Owen understood the concept of sex, even in an animalistic mating sense, but he knew that Owen understood that he was in love. Owen seemed very happy for him.

"You'll get to meet her soon," Toby promised.

"So when do I get to meet Owen?" Melissa asked, gently stroking him.

"I don't know."

"Well, you spend enough time with him that it's time for me to meet him. I'm starting to think that you have another girl on the side." She winked, then took him into her mouth, ending her part of the conversation.

"You will someday. I keep telling him that I'm going to bring you over."

He'd told Melissa that his best friend Owen lived in a small cabin in the woods, and that he was horribly disfigured. His older brother had splashed a pot of boiling water on his face when they were kids. Owen was entirely homeschooled, had no friends, and never went out.

"It's great that you're so nice to him," Melissa had said.

"He's nice to me, too. We don't feel sorry for each other. I like hanging out with him."

"How bad is his face?"

"It's awful. You wouldn't even know he was human."

"Wow. That's really tragic. Nobody should have to live like that, no matter how they look."

Toby brushed her hair out of her face as he felt his orgasm approach. He did this every time. It somehow seemed more romantic than saying, "Just thought I should let you know that I'm about to come in your mouth."

As always, she pulled away and finished him off with her hand. They'd cuddle and talk for a while, and then when he was ready they'd move on to intercourse. They were in something of a rut, he had to admit, but as far as ruts went it was a pretty enjoyable one.

"So tell him I want to meet him."

"I have."

"Tell him again."

"I will."

"He's probably in desperate need of some action. Maybe I'll let you guys double up on me."

Toby gaped at her, horrified. The visual image this brought to mind was immensely distasteful, even in a brain that was filled with unpleasant images.

"I was joking joking!" she said. "Wow, Mr. Serious, I think you need to lighten up. You're the only stud for me. But while we're on the subject, Tina said that you're massively hot and asked if I'd share you with her sometime."