Then in the next verse he announces his next killing: Ezekiel's wife.

Also the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Son of man, behold, I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroke. 24:15-16a Now, I don't think G.o.d meant to say here that he was going to kill Ezekiel's wife "with a stroke." Here's how the Revised Standard Version puts it.

Son of Man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke." 24:16a (SRV) So although we don't know how, we do know he's going to kill her right away, "in a stroke."

And when he does, G.o.d doesn't want Ezekiel to mourn her death in any way. He's not allowed to cry, take his shoes off, cover his lips, unbind the tire of his head, or eat the bread of men.

Yet neither shalt thou mourn nor weep, neither shall thy tears run down. Forbear to cry, make no mourning for the dead, bind the tire of thine head upon thee, and put on thy shoes upon thy feet, and cover not thy lips, and eat not the bread of men. 24:16b-17 And that's what happened. G.o.d killed Ezekiel's wife and Ezekiel didn't give a s.h.i.t.

My wife died; and I did in the morning as I was commanded. 24:18 Then G.o.d and Ezekiel explain the whole point of this killing to everyone in Israel. G.o.d will kill their sons and daughters, and no one is allowed to mourn them after they die, just like Ezekiel didn't mourn his wife when G.o.d killed her.

The word of the LORD came unto me, saying ... your sons and your daughters ... shall fall by the sword. And ye shall do as I have done: ye shall not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men. And your tires shall be upon your heads, and your shoes upon your feet: ye shall not mourn nor weep ... Thus Ezekiel is unto you a sign: according to all that he hath done shall ye do. 24:20-24 Well, now, that's a point worth killing for, isn't it?

133. Ananias and Sapphira Acts 5.5-10 Number Killed: 2 Ananias and Sapphira Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, sold some land, gave some of the money to the apostles, and kept the rest.

Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles' feet. Acts 5:1-2 The bible doesn't say how much the land sold for or what percentage they kept or gave away.

But whatever the selling price may have been, the percentage of the donation wasn't enough to satisfy Peter. Or G.o.d.

Peter accused Ananias of getting his heart filled up with Satan and lying to the Holy Ghost. Why? Because Ananias didn't give Peter all of the money from the sale of his property.

But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? Why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto G.o.d. 5:3-4 I don't know how Peter would know that Satan was involved in any of this. G.o.d must have told him. But what about this "lie to the Holy Ghost" thing? So far, Ananias hasn't said a thing. Don't your lips have to move when you lie?

Maybe not. Maybe you lie to the Holy Ghost every time you don't give all of your money to the church.

In any case, Ananias fell over dead before getting to say a single word in his own defense.

Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost. 5:5 A few hours later, they brought in Sapphira, who didn't yet know what had happened to her husband.

It was about the s.p.a.ce of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in. 5:7 Peter asked her if the land sold for a certain price, and she said, yes, that was what the land sold for.

Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much. 5:8 Then Peter asked her why she and her husband had tempted the Spirit of the Lord. And then, before she could answer, Peter told her that the guys who had just buried her husband were going to do the same to her.

Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. 5:9 After hearing Peter's words, she fell down dead. And the "young men" came in to bury her.

Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband. 5:10 And it scared the shekels out of everyone in the church.

And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things. 5:11 134. Herod Aggripa Acts 12.23 Number Killed: 1 Herod Aggripa One day, King Herod (Aggripa) gave a speech to the people.

Upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them. Acts 12:21 The Bible doesn't tell us what he said, but it must have been one h.e.l.l of a good speech, since when the people heard it they all shouted at once and in unison, "this is the voice of a G.o.d, not a man."

The people gave a shout, saying, It is the voice of a G.o.d, and not of a man. 12:22 But G.o.d didn't like the speech. And he was especially angry at Herod for not giving the glory to him. G.o.d wants all of the glory and it p.i.s.ses him off when someone else gets some. So he sent an angel down to kill him.

Immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not G.o.d the glory. 12:23a And then G.o.d fed King Herod to the worms.

And he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost. 12:23b (I give G.o.d all the glory for this Bible story.) 135. Jesus Romans 8.32, 1 Peter 1.18-20 Number Killed: 1 Jesus You've heard this one before: G.o.d killed his son in order to stop himself from torturing people forever after they die for something that someone else supposedly did thousands of years before they were born.

The story is known too well already. So I'm not going to waste any time on it here. There are only two things that you need to know about it.

1. G.o.d killed his own son.

He ... spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all. Romans 8:32 2. He had the whole thing planned from the very beginning.

Ye were not redeemed with corruptible things ... But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot: Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world. 1 Peter 1:18-20 It's hard to imagine something worse than a father planning to kill his own son. Except maybe a father killing his son in order to keep himself from torturing billions of others forever.

"He that spared not his own son" shouldn't be trusted by anyone.

Afterword.

Now that I've told you these stories, I have a confession to make.

I don't believe that any of these killings actually happened (with the possible exception of the last one). There was no world-wide flood of Noah, no fiery serpents, no prophet-eating lions, no children-killing bears, no divinely-fashioned hemorrhoids, no rotting body-part messages, no giants for G.o.d to kill. Samson didn't kill thirty men for their clothes, David didn't buy a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins, and Jehu didn't murder entire families for G.o.d. And although Jesus may have been executed by the Romans, G.o.d had nothing to do with it. G.o.d is, in fact, entirely innocent of all of the murders described in this book, insofar as an imaginary being can be innocent or guilty of anything.

I suspect that most Bible believers would like to agree with me on this (that G.o.d is innocent-not that he doesn't exist). But they can't have it both ways. If they believe in the Bible, they also believe in G.o.d's killings.

And yet believers have found a creative (if somewhat lazy and dishonest) way around the problem: either they don't read the Bible or they ignore the parts that are disturbing. It's easier to believe in cruel, nasty, and absurd things if you don't know that they exist.

But that only works when non-believers are as ignorant and dishonest about the Bible as believers tend to be. As the Bible becomes better known, people will know better than to believe in it. And believers will be rightfully embarra.s.sed by their own belief.

I hope that this book helps to make that day come a little sooner.

A list of G.o.d's killings with biblical numbers and estimates 1. The Flood of Noah: All Flesh Died That Moved Upon the Earth Estimate: 20 million 2. Abraham's war to rescue Lot Estimate: 1000 3. Sodom and Gomorrah: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?

Estimate: 2000 4. Remember Lot's Wife (Forget Jesus)

1.

5. Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)

1.

6. Onan spilled it on the ground (so the Lord killed him too)

1.

7. G.o.d's seven year, world-wide famine Estimate: 70,000 8. The Seventh Plague of Egypt: Hail shall come down upon them and they shall die Estimate: 300,000 9. The Lord smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt Estimate: 500,000 10. The Lord took off their chariot wheels At least 600 Estimate: 5000 11. The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation Estimate: 1000 12. Who is on the Lord's side: Forcing friends and family to kill each other 3000.

13. The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made Estimate: 1000 14. G.o.d burns Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire"

2.

15. A blasphemer is stoned to death

1.

16. When the people complained, G.o.d burned them to death Estimate: 100 17. While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague Estimate: 10,000 18. Ten scouts are killed for their honest report

10.

19. A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day

1.

20. The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families) At least 3 Estimate: 9 21. G.o.d burns 250 people to death for burning incense 250.

22. G.o.d killed 14,700 people for complaining about G.o.d's killings 14,700.

23. The Ma.s.sacre of the Aradites Estimate: 3000 24. G.o.d sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water Estimate: 100 25. A killing to end G.o.d's killing 24,002.

26. The Midianite Ma.s.sacre: Have you saved all the women alive?

Many more than 6 Estimate: 200,000 27. G.o.d slowly killed the Israelite army Estimate: 500,000 28. G.o.d the giant killer Estimate: 5000 29. G.o.d hardens King Sihon's heart so that all his people can be killed Many more than 1 Estimate: 5000 30. Og and all the men, women, and children in 60 cities More than 1 Estimate: 60,000 31. The Jericho ma.s.sacre Estimate: 1000 32. Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death At least 1 Estimate: 5 33. The Ai ma.s.sacre 12,000.

34. G.o.d stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight Estimate: 5000 35. Five kings killed and hung on trees Many more than 5 Estimate: 10,000 36. Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord G.o.d commanded Many more than 7 Estimate: 7,000 37. The genocide of twenty Kingdoms Many more than 2 Estimate: 20,000 38. The Anakim: Some more giant killing Estimate: 5000 39. The Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites 10,000.

40. The Jerusalem ma.s.sacre Estimate: 1000 41. Five ma.s.sacres, a wedding, and some G.o.d-proof iron chariots Estimate: 5,000 42. The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim

1.

Estimate: 1000 43. Ehud delivers a message from G.o.d

1.

44. G.o.d delivers 10,000 l.u.s.ty Moabites 10,000.

45. Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad 600.

46. Barak and G.o.d ma.s.sacre the Canaanites Estimate: 1000 47. Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's skull

1.

48. The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow 120,000.