I shook my head in disbelief at Page's logic regarding the situation. I thought about telling her what had happened in Morrison's office. But I didn't. What he and his wife were going through was a private matter. I truly wished the Morrisons all the best. I hoped that they could come to an amicable conclusion to their marriage and move on with their lives. No one deserved to be trapped in an unhappy life.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

Brilliant morning sunlight illuminated the stained glass windows of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church. The solid mahogany pews were filled row after row of stoic uniformed police officers wearing black bands across their gold and silver badges. They had come from all over the country, some as far away as California, to pay their respects to their fellow fallen officer.

Sean and I took our seats in the back of the church. We had been married in this church. Looking back, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Haunting organ music floated over the congregation as more people filed in looking for seats. The music stopped and the church became deadly quiet. Six police officers in blue dress uniforms and white gloves stood at the entrance in the back of the church carrying Pam's casket. Two of the pallbearers were the other two officers who had been with Pam the morning she was killed, Randy Wilson and Steve Templeton. Wilson's shoulder was wrapped in a sling.

The six officers silently carried the white pall-draped casket down the center aisle of the church as the organist played "Amazing Grace." Seeing Pam's casket reinforced the fear wives and husbands of cops keep hidden in their hearts on a daily basis, the fear that someday their loved one will be lying there.

The church was silent as Father Mathew walked over to the lectern to give his sermon and Pam's eulogy.

"Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless when facing them to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Pam Grier was fearless, a brave soul who confronted danger daily and who risked her life so that the rest of us may be protected. Pam's death has touched many of us in a deep and profound way. Pam's death will not only touch those of us who knew her and loved her, but it will also affect the lives of many who have never met her."

When Father Mathew was finished with his sermon, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. There was nothing that pulled at my heart more than seeing strong, otherwise stoic police officers with tears in their eyes. Being a police officer is probably one of the most thankless jobs on earth. They help so many and are appreciated by so few. And when something like this happens, it can really rock their world.

Sean sat silently beside me. We attended many funerals together and even buried a relative or two while we were married, but nothing was this emotional. I looked over at him, and he too had tears in his eyes. I reached over and slipped my hand into his. He squeezed my hand gently, brought it to his lips, and softly kissed it. I brushed away the tears that had leaked onto his cheeks. He thanked me with a quiet smile.

When the service was over, we followed the other mourners out of the church and to our cars to participate in the procession from the church to the cemetery where Pam would be buried. The funeral procession was two miles long. I looked out the window of Sean's car as we crept along. The outside world seemed frozen in time. Store parking lots were empty. Businesses, usually busy at this time of day seemed abandoned. It was like the entire town shut down to mourn this officer's death. Not only were there police cruisers in the procession, but they were also stationed along the roadside the entire route to St. Mary's Cemetery.

I couldn't help wondering where Rosetti was while all this was going on. The funeral procession ended in front of St. Mary's chapel. Several cruisers moved ahead and parked along the side the road that led to the gravesite. Because of the amount of people attending the funeral, it would be a graveside service. It was a clear warm day, with a cloudless cornflower blue sky. I had forgotten how hard it was to walk in grass wearing high heels. Sean took my arm and helped me maneuver the five hundred-foot hike to the site where the interment would take place.

Four green velvet-covered chairs were placed close to the gravesite for Pam's mother and brothers to sit in during the service. Sean and I stood with the other officers from his department and their wives as people gathered around the gravesite. Being with these people again after all this time seemed strangely normal to me. I guess because we still shared that common bond of loving a police officer and knowing that losing any officer was like losing the one we loved.

It suddenly became clear to me that I loved Rosetti. I still had no idea whether these feelings would go anywhere, but I knew they were real.

Father Mathew spoke the rights of interment and sprinkled holy water into the open grave and onto Pam's casket. When the chief presented the folded-up pall that covered Pam's coffin to Mrs. Grier, the pain of what that woman was going through made me look away.

When the service was over, an announcement was made over the police radio that could be heard throughout the gravesite.

"To all units and departments monitoring this channel, Detective Sergeant Pamela Grier has reported her final 10-7," indicating out of service. "We will miss you, Pam."

Tears brimmed my eyes. After the final dispatch, there was a twenty-one-gun salute by various police departments. The sound of the gunshots was deafening, and it disturbed me to think that this had probably been the last sound Pam ever heard.

"You okay?" a familiar voice asked behind me. I spun around.

"Oh, my God!" I said, my voice trembling as I threw my arms around Rosetti's neck. I held her close. We were both shaking.

My face was soaked with tears-tears of sadness and tears of relief. "Where have you been?" I held her tight, afraid of letting her go.

"Working," she said quietly as if it were normal for her to be gone for days without contacting anyone. "Actually, I'm still on duty, but I couldn't miss this. I had to pay my respects to Pam and her family. I was hoping you'd be here, too."

"I'm so glad to see you."

"Wait here a minute, okay?" Rosetti walked over to Pam's family and knelt in front of Pam's mother, who was still seated in front of her daughter's casket. I couldn't hear what she said to the woman, but it was quite evident that they connected on some level. Mrs. Grier touched Rosetti's face, and they both wiped away tears.

When Rosetti came back, her face was stained with tears.

"My God, I was afraid I'd never see you again," I said as Rosetti and I walked back hand in hand toward Sean's car. Sean glanced over at us uncomfortably. I wondered if he would ever get used to seeing his ex-wife in this way.

"I'm fine, Mother Caselli. You worry too much."

"Sarge, how are things going?" Sean asked.

"They've got us on twenty-four-hour surveillance of these guys. We did find a weapon in a Dumpster that fit the ballistics report on the slug that killed Pam. It came back to one of the dirt bags we were watching before everything went down. Now it's just a matter of getting them pinned down and arresting them without any more casualties."

Sean nodded.

"Do you have to go back right away?" I asked Rosetti.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I've been gone too long as it is. Hopefully, this thing will come to an end within the next few days."

"I stopped to see your mom. She's doing well. She's mad at you because you haven't been over to see her," I said.

"I bet. Did you tell her I was working?"

I nodded. "She says you work too hard."

Rosetti smiled. "Thanks for taking care of her for me. It means a lot." Her eyes filled with warmth and tenderness. "I do have to go, Mina. It was good seeing you."

We hugged goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek. The closeness of her body felt so good. I never wanted to let her go.

"Bye, Sean," Rosetti said. She turned and waved as she headed over the grassy hill of the cemetery.

Sean opened the car door for me and I slid into the seat.

"What was that all about?" Sean asked as he started the car.

"What was what?"

"What's going on between you and Rosetti?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's obviously something more going on between you two than just friendship."

"Is it that obvious?"

"It is to me."

I didn't know what to say. This wasn't something that you discussed with your ex-husband.

"Meen...It's okay."

I looked up at Sean. He smiled.

"Rosetti is a great person. I'm glad you and her..."

"But...we're not there yet...I mean...before the shooting, we were going to talk about things...how things have changed between us. But we never got the chance."

Sean pulled the car into the parking lot of the apartment complex and killed the ignition.

"Mina, sometimes you just know if something's there or if it isn't. I think you and Rosetti both know that there is. You're great friends already."

"Yes, I know, but what if we try and make something more of it and we end up ruining everything?"

"That's the chance we all take. But if you don't take it, you'll never know, will you?"

I shook my head. I wasn't used to Sean being this insightful.

"I'm just scared. What if something happens to her...like Pam. I'm almost afraid to let myself fall in love with her."

"You fell in love with me once. You knew the risks of being married to a police officer. You must have felt I was worth it."

"Yes. I did."

"If you think Rosetti is worth it, you gotta take the chance."

I nodded.

"Thanks for going with me," Sean said as I reached for the doorknob and opened the car door.

"You're welcome." I gently closed the door behind me.

Sean waited for me to get inside the front door before pulling away. He rarely asked to come to our old apartment since he moved out. Memories of our life together were still too tender for him.

I got undressed and put on something more comfortable than a dress and heels. I peeled off my pantyhose and hung up the black dress, hoping I wouldn't have to wear it again for a long time.

I was restless, not used to all this idle time. I flipped on the TV, just for some noise, but it didn't calm me down. I tried to take a nap, but I couldn't stop the thoughts of Regan and Rosetti running through my mind.

Regan was back and we appeared to be picking up where we left off. But then there was Rosetti. I betrayed her by being with Regan again. Ugh! My head hurt with all the things that were knocking around inside it. Maybe a change in scenery would help calm me down.

It was time to take a drive out to the lake. Regan and I spent a lot of time out there when we were together years ago. It was our sanctuary. After she left, I continued to go out there. Walking along the shore always seemed to help clear my head. And that day, I was in need of a good clearing.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

Golds, greens, and reds sporadically spotted the shoreline in the most perfect of detail as the leaves of the oaks, maples, and birch trees had started their fall transformation. Sweatshirt weather would be arriving soon as summer took its final bow. Emerald-headed mallards flew overhead in their V formation, landing in concert on the tranquil slate gray lake.

I walked along the sandy shoreline. In the distance, a couple walked arm in arm, stealing kisses behind a tree. Oh, to be in love like that again when things are fresh and new and exciting. That seemed so long ago. My love life now seemed so out of whack.

I walked farther along the shore, not wanting to intrude on the couple. I found an old picnic table stuck in the side of a sand dune and sat down. I picked up a few rocks and skipped them across the lake's shimmering surface.

"I hoped I'd find you here" came from behind me. I spun around at the sound of Regan's voice.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I asked, sliding down on the picnic tabletop, making room for Regan to sit.

Regan climbed up and sat next to me. "I drove by your apartment and your car wasn't there. So I took a chance thinking you might be here."

"Everything okay? How's Tess doing?"

"She's doing great. She's been off the oxygen for five days, so they're going to let me bring her home tomorrow."

"That's great," I said. "She must be doing really well."

Regan nodded while looking out over the lake. She had pulled a few strands of beach grass and was shredding them between her fingers. "I'm a little nervous about bringing her home."

"I bet," I said, knowing how quickly things can change in a newborn's condition with a compromised heart. "They'll probably send her home with an apnea monitor to alert you any time her breathing or heart rate slows down. That should give you some piece of mind."

"Yes, it does. I'm supposed to pick up the unit later today. I just don't have a whole lot of experience taking care of sick kids," Regan said, now tossing the beach grass strands into the water.

"You'll do fine," I said. "Anyway, Tess's doctors wouldn't be sending her home unless they thought she would do well."

Regan nodded.

I looked over at Regan. I could see where this entire ordeal was taking its toll on her. The once glossy, perfectly coiffed hair and smooth skin were showing traces of stress. Regan's caramel hair was hastily pulled back in a ponytail and was at the longest I'd ever seen it. Her face, once smooth peaches and cream, now revealed tiny spiderweb lines that fanned out from the corners of her eyes and not a stitch of the perfect make-up she once would never leave the house without. Her eyes were puffy, I'm sure from lack of sleep. It's amazing how life can change you-how life's events can change everything.

"How do you think Jim will do with Tess coming home?" I asked.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since I asked him to leave," Regan said, looking down. "Anyway, I didn't come out here to talk about Jim, I came out here to see you." She slid her arm through mine and pulled me close. She rested her head on my shoulder. For Regan, this was big. She used to be so homophobic that any display of affection in public was not allowed. This was a sure sign that her feelings toward being gay were changing.

"Boy, being out here with you sure brings back a lot of memories," she said.

I looked out over the lake. "Yes it does, doesn't it?" I said, remembering that it was here that I finally found the courage to tell Regan how I felt about her, that I was falling in love with her.

"What did you think that day when I told you how I felt about you?" I asked.

Regan tightened her hold on me. "At first, I thought you were crazy. I knew we cared about each other, but never in a million years did I think about it that way...That was until you kissed me. I guess that's when things changed for me."

"I was scared to death that day, but I knew if I didn't do something, I'd lose you forever," I said, remembering that warm summer evening so many years ago.

"Those feelings in you must have really been strong for you to act on them," Regan said. "I don't know if I would have been that brave."

"I know what you mean." I turned to Regan. "They were strong. And for the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be with you."

Regan looked up at me and gently kissed me on the lips.

"Wow," I whispered. "Things really have changed since the last time we were here. Now you're the aggressor." I was unable to contain my smile.