"You're... I'm not sure I should say, Dan, but you're a little bit..." She stopped, sighed, obviously not willing to go any further. Could she tell what lay in my heart so easily? Was I an open book to everyone else as well?

"I knew what was going on," I said at last. "But I thought... I thought it was none of my business what they got up to after lights out... none of my business at all."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"I'd have told you if I was going to tell anyone."

She nodded, shifted across and pressed her leg against mine and this time I didn't pull away, but only because I was too tired to move.

"I guess so... So who did?"

"I've got a pretty good idea. But they're not exactly a secret."

Cherri shook her head. She picked up a piece of cold toast and chewed on one corner. "It's not exactly allowed, but people do get together at camp. And all the counselors are over eighteen. Not like anyone's doing anything illegal. I'd understand if it was a counselor and one of the campers, but this... Shit, Dan, this is plain wrong." She sounded sad, disappointed.

"You know why," I said, my voice so quiet Cherri didn't hear me.

"What you say, Dan?"

"It'd okay if it was me or you and, like, Jack or Brian. Everyone knows that goes on. But Tonya and Holly were in charge of a bunch of fourteen year old girls. You think they're gonna let that pass when they find out they're fucking each other next door?"

Cherri giggled. "Were they fuckin', Dan?"

"Oh yeah," I nodded. "They were fuckin'."

Cherri's shoulders shook as she tried to keep her laugh inside and I joined in, attempting to muffle the sound in my hand, my laughter having nothing to do with humor, a scratchy hysteric edge to it.

"I'd have paid to see that, Dan." Cherri appeared genuinely amused. Nothing was ever a problem to her.

This time I failed hold the laugh inside as it morphed from hysteria to relief. "I bet you would."

Cherri jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow and we sat giggling like twelve year olds until time came for flagpole, and then we had to take classes and I didn't meet up with Cherri until later in the day. Tonya and Holly were long gone by then, my mood somber. We sat at a picnic bench, no-one else around us. A ways up the shore a fire burned and occasional voices drifted down when someone whooped or yelled. Cherri plucked at her guitar, sang a few words, more often humming something with no words.

We sat for a while, neither of us saying much until I said, "I like that. What is it?"

"This?" Cherri played the chord run again, hummed a tune. It sounded both upbeat and sad at the same time, so familiar I must have heard it before.

"Yeah. That."

"Dunno. Just made it up."

"I like it."

Cherri laughed. "I'll dedicate it to you when I record it."

"Thanks." My voice came out sarcastic and Cherri snorted. "First or second album?" I asked.

"First, of course. In case there's no second." She played the chord run again. It sounded good, as good as anything I'd heard in a while.

"You got any words for it?"

"A few. Not enough to sing yet."

I listened to her play, comfortable in the fading evening. The light had almost entirely gone from the sky when I said, "It's going to be odd without Tonya and Holly."

"I liked aem."

"Me too."

Cherri raised an eyebrow, waggling it like Groucho Marx.

I grinned. "Not like that."

"Only wondering."

I frowned. "Wondering what?"

"You got a boyfriend back home?" Cherri asked.

"Sure. Pete."

"You fuck him?"

"Cherri!"

"That's what I thought. A minor, C. Needs something else after the G but I can't work out what."

"No good asking me. Besides, I'm not ready yet." My good mood evaporated as she reminded me of my one reluctant time. I didn't want to tell her about Greg. Didn't want to tell anyone about Greg.

"Uh-huh."

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing. Just uh-huh." She played a series of chords. "See, F's almost right but not quite. And B's too... too B, know what I mean?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I like boys, Cherri."

"You like Jack?"

"He's got a girlfriend."

"So? You still like him."

"Yeah, I like Jack."

"If he didn't have a girlfriend, would you fuck him?"

"What kind of question is that? Do we always have to fuck someone if we like them?"

"I guess. Maybe somewhere up here." Cherri moved to the top of the neck, played some experimental chords. "But if I do that I gotta transpose everything. Fuck. I'm curious, is all. Would you?"

"Maybe."

Cherri raised a brow. "Maybe really, or maybe fuck off Cherri it's none of your business?"

"Yeah. Fuck off Cherri it's none of your business."

"Mm-hm." She played a while, sang a couple of words: "Let me hold you in my arms, I need to taste forbidden charms... I liked Tonya and Holly."

"You said. I liked them too."

"You ever thought about... you know, what it would be like doing it with another girl?"

I stared at her with my mouth open.

"Hell, you must have. Everyone thinks about it, don't they?"

I still said nothing.

"Don't they?"

"Do you?"

"Sure. I've thought about it."

"And?"

"And what? I want to taste your hidden charms..."

"You ever done anything like that?" A tremble ran through my belly, treading on treacherous ground here, exciting territory.

"Not, like, all the way, no. But everyone messes around, don't they."

"Do they?"

Cherri laughed. "God, I love you to pieces Dani Walker. Do they? You're priceless."

"You have?"

"Messed about? Sure. Couple of times."

"You ever kissed another girl?"

"Uh-uh. Not kissed, no. Not like that anyway. Not the way you mean."

"What way do I mean?"

"Real kiss. Like tongues and stuff. Not like that. But I kissed cousins and friends. No tongues, just friendly, like saying Hi or something."

"You ever wondered what it'd be like?"

"Kissing a girl? Sure."

"So why not?" I couldn't believe what I was saying.

"Too many boys to kiss first." Cherri laughed. "Want me to kiss you, Dan? We could find out right now. I'm ready if you are."

"Don't be stupid." Scared now, scared she'd kiss me... scared she wouldn't.

Cherri stuck her tongue out. "Wanna do the tonsil turkey trot, Dan?"

"You're gross."

"Ah, but I'm purty too, ain't I?"

I slapped her and she slapped me back and we started pushing and shoving till we got too close, too personal and sat quiet for a while. Cherri left her hand on my hip.

"Seriously," she said, "I am kinda curious, and if you ever want to give it a try you only gotta say, because I wouldn't mind kissing you, Dan... wouldn't mind kissing you at all."

"I'll take it under consideration."

Cherri laughed. "You do that. Don't consider too long though, the offer might have a sell by date."

I never got close to any kiss that night because Brian and Jack sauntered up from the fire and dragged us back down there so Cherri could sing. By the time we split and returned to our beds it was gone midnight again and I swore tomorrow I really was going to get an early night.

Chapter 11.

I didn't want to, but over the next three days I started seeing less of Cherri. We still met up over meals because it was way too difficult to explain why if I started sitting with a different group, and Jack and Brian continued to join us even though Jack was meant to be going out with Sara. In fact I hardly saw Sara, only catching glimpses once or twice in the distance, as though she wanted to keep herself apart.

The world had become a dangerous place. Why did Cherri have to be so wonderful, so bouncy, so cheerful. Nothing got her down. Nothing surprised her. She discovered the best in everyone and, for some reason, she'd chosen me as her best friend for the summer and I should've been flattered. Instead I experienced guilt. I had feelings for Cherri I didn't want to acknowledge; feelings I'd never experienced before. Feelings I had to stamp on because if I succumbed Cherri and I would be taking the next bus home.

Cherri showed no inkling she knew of my stupid infatuation. She smiled at me, laughed with me, continued to seek me out but by Thursday of the third week of camp she started getting the message and my heart ached, broken so bad it was never going to heal.

Late Thursday before dinner she found me as I came out of the classroom.

"Let's talk, Dan." She stood with her arms crossed, dark green camp t-shirt and non-conforming skirt showing her tanned legs.

"What about?" My stomach gave a chill flip.

"Come on, let's walk down to the lake."