"Sure." It didn't feel good letting MG go home to that mess alone, but least her mom was there, and she was being helpful. Carrie tried to push it away quickly, but she felt a flash of jealousy toward MG. Sure she was in a big mess, but she wasn't in it alone. Her mom could be a little flakey sometimes, but she was there for MG and for Steve.

She was completely exhausted by the emotional roller coaster of her day and needed a nap. Before she lay down on her bed, she kicked a few of the romance novels on the floor under it. They seemed like such bullshit right now. They were full of too-beautiful people who were destined to meet their one true love, know it immediately, then ride off into the sunset. Where was the one about falling in love with the wrong person, the person who didn't love you back? Or what if the only love that finds you is a waste-case loser who cheats on you? Carrie reached up and got her blue bunny from the shelf above her desk. Her grandma had given it to her when she was born, and it had been worn thin from comforting her through the years. With blue bunny squished against her chest she curled into a ball and stared out at Ben's window. Where was the book with ideas on how not to fall in love with a guy whose girlfriend wears a promise ring ... and calls you a whore? Carrie let a few silent tears fall.

Chapter 16.

Steve did go home that afternoon. Stony had disappeared again. His dad seemed glad to see him but not really worried about where he had been for the past two weeks. MG guessed Christmas wasn't much of a big deal if your kid doesn't show up, and you aren't really concerned.

Guilt crushed her as she drove home after leaving Steve at his apartment. She had just left one of the coolest guys she had ever known in a place where his freaky, drug-addict brother might come home and beat or kill him. She wasn't in love with him, but she didn't have the heart or the guts to tell him. And now she was sure he had just spent the best Christmas he had in years hanging out with her, her mom, and an odd group of semi-related people.

She had pretty much told her mom the whole story, except for the love part. For that she could only talk to Carrie, so she called her as soon as she got home.

"I feel lower than dirt."

"Don't. You can't do anything about Stony, and Steve can't live at your house forever."

"I don't know. I think Amber was digging having a guy around all the time. He charmed the shit out of her."

Carrie could hear the smile in her voice and she smiled too. "I bet he did. He can charm almost any woman."

"Yeah, almost." MG's spirit sank again.

"You can't help who you love ... or don't" "If there was ever a guy I could stand to have as a boyfriend, he would be it, but ... jeezus, a boyfriend in high school? That's how you end up married at 18 and divorced at 19."

She didn't have to say it, Carrie knew MG was referring to her own parent's very brief marriage when her mom should have still been in high school. "But it doesn't have to be that way. You could go out with him now and still go to NY after you graduate."

"I don't think I could break up with him. If we stay friends I don't have to. We can be friends forever."

"I get it. I really do. Is he coming back to school?" "I don't know. He thinks he's got a job lined up at Tricon working nights. He still wants out of the apartment, in case Stony comes back."

"I hate to suggest this, but he could probably go live at Chuck's."

"Yeah, we'd have to make sure he was up to date on all his shots, but he could." Carrie giggled. MG could make anyone laugh no matter how bad things were. "We'll figure it out. We take care of each other."

"Yep."

"Are you picking me up tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah. I'm going to need you there if I see him at the smoker's table."

"Just talk to him like you always have. Maybe when things calm down he'll fall out of love with you."

"Thanks!"

"Or, realize that he just wants to be friends too."

"That sounds better. See you tomorrow," she hesitated, "Thanks, Sista."

"No prob."

Steve wasn't at the smoker's table, or at school the next day, or for the rest of the week. MG said he called her every afternoon before he left for his new job. At least on the phone it felt like they were back to being friends.

"Did you tell him to call Chuck?"

The girls were together at lunch, missing Steve and trying to figure out a solution that would bring him back. "Yes." They had been debating ideas all week and MG's frustration was starting to show, "He might go live there, but he still wants to pay rent, so he won't quit his job."

Casey offered, "Could he graduate early?"

"Have you seen his grades?" MG countered.

They all went back to thinking, dropping that idea.

"Well, he works from 11 to 7, couldn't he just come here after?" Gina was reaching and she knew it.

Carrie pointed out, "He has to sleep sometime."

"Not that him sleeping in class would be all that different than before," MG smirked. Not only did they really miss having him around, but the idea that they had to graduate had been drummed into them since childhood. None of them, except possibly MG, would be going to college, so finishing high school would probably be their one big accomplishment in life. They would fight to get Steve there.

Carrie was looking forward to passing Ben in the hall that afternoon. Their little flirt was one of the highlights of her day, and she really needed it to cheer her up after that lunch.

He must have seen she wasn't her usual silly self, because today he grabbed her hand as he passed and stopped her. "You OK?" He was standing very close in the crowded hallway, people passing on both sides, some blocked by them stopping. She looked up into her favorite blue eyes. God she loved how solid he was, and his concern today was almost her undoing. She had to fight the urge to wrap herself around him and hide out in his hug.

"Yeah," she nodded her head and looked down, trying to cut off the spark. But he still had a hold of her hand, so she squeezed tight, holding on.

He leaned down so his head rested on hers and he could whisper to her, "Come over after school." She shook her head yes, then reluctantly let go of his hand. When she looked up her heart plummeted. Joelle was watching them from the crowd, her face registering shock, anger, hurt. Carrie knew hers read guilt. They were headed in opposite directions, so they passed quickly without speaking.

Carrie hid behind a tall kid getting books out of his locker and watched Joelle 'til she caught up with Ben. She grabbed his hand and walked with him down the hall out of sight. There was no way Carrie could hear what they said to each other, but Joelle looked happy, so Carrie guessed she wasn't going to say anything to Ben about what she just saw. Carrie knew she had to.

When Carrie got home the house was empty. Her mom must have gone somewhere and taken Christopher. This was the perfect time for her to talk to Ben. It seemed like it would be so easy earlier when she thought through what she would say, but now, it promised to be awkward and uncomfortable.

She rehearsed ideas as she stepped around snow piles and ice patches to get to his back door. What came out when she got there was none of those ideas.