"For what?"

"I'm feature feature dancing this weekend! I dancing this weekend! I told told you that." She hit me on the shoulder affectionately. "You're an intelligent guy, Jesse, but I swear, you need to learn how to listen every now and then." you that." She hit me on the shoulder affectionately. "You're an intelligent guy, Jesse, but I swear, you need to learn how to listen every now and then."

Janine had long since ceased performing in adult movies, but she continued to cash in on the reputation she'd built over the last decade by dancing at strip clubs. The gigs paid extremely well and involved a lower level of personal investment than performing on film.

"Sweetie," Janine purred, after running up an enormous lingerie and high-heels tab, "could I borrow your credit card? I left my wallet in the car."

I frowned, but opened my wallet and handed it over to her.

"So, how much do you make at one of these clubs, anyway?" I asked, as we walked out to the parking lot.

"I don't know," Janine said, heaving her packages into the backseat of my car. "Honestly, I never take the time to count. It's pretty good for just shaking my a.s.s, though, I'll tell you that."

"But, like, how much?" I persisted.

"f.u.c.k, sweetie," she said, turning to face me, "I said, said, I don't I don't know. know. Five grand? Ten? More?" Five grand? Ten? More?"

"That is is a lot," I agreed. "So, I mean, excuse me for asking, but where does all that money go?" a lot," I agreed. "So, I mean, excuse me for asking, but where does all that money go?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well, all I mean is . . . why can't you pay for your own underwear?"

She shook her head at me sadly. "I can't believe you're being stingy with your own girlfriend. With your own lover. lover."

"I'm not being stingy, I'm merely trying to figure out . . ."

"I'd give you the shirt off my back, Jesse," she said, looking at me sincerely. "I just want you to know that."

"Thanks," I said, beginning to laugh. "Although I don't think your little pink tank top would look very good on me. Look, honey, all I want to know is . . ."

"I have debts, debts, okay?" Janine said, looking into the driver's side mirror and adjusting a strand of her hair. "I made some bad business decisions. And I bought a couple of bad cars-really bad deals, you know?" okay?" Janine said, looking into the driver's side mirror and adjusting a strand of her hair. "I made some bad business decisions. And I bought a couple of bad cars-really bad deals, you know?"

"What happened?" I asked.

"I didn't like them! They were lemons, lemons," Janine said. "So, I just dropped them off at the dealers."

"You can't do that," I pointed out. "Not if payments remain on the car."

"Yes, you can do that," Janine shot back. "I mean, I did. did."

"How many times?" I asked, frightened.

She shrugged. "Not more than a couple."

"Look," I said. "What else have you done?"

Janine cleared her throat. "Well, gosh, if you must must know, there are a few levies and liens placed against me by the IRS. But that is for know, there are a few levies and liens placed against me by the IRS. But that is for old old stuff, way back in the early nineties. My sense is that if I just wait long enough, all will be forgiven." stuff, way back in the early nineties. My sense is that if I just wait long enough, all will be forgiven."

"The IRS doesn't just forgive a lien, Janine."

"Why are you being being like this?" she cried. "I feel like I don't even know you!" like this?" she cried. "I feel like I don't even know you!"

"I'm not being like anything," I said. "Look, I love you, and I just want to know . . ."

"You what?" she said, brightening. "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, no," Janine said, sliding closer to me, poking me with her finger. "I heard you. You You said you loved me." said you loved me."

"You must have misheard me," I said, grinning.

"No, I didn't," she said, kissing me happily on my neck. "Oh, Jesse, you said you loved me!"

"Maybe," I admitted. "It's possible."

"Sweetie!" she cried. "I love you, too! Oh my G.o.d, I love you so much. Let's never fight over dumb stuff like this again, okay? Do you promise?"

"Yeah," I said. "I promise."

"Thank goodness, goodness," Janine sighed, settling back in her seat. She fingered her package of expensive underwear. "Now," she purred, "I think we should go home and, uh, sort through these."

I sped that car home as fast as I could.

Day by day, she drew me in. I understood that Janine was a volatile woman, given to making impulsive decisions. But she was extraordinarily bright. She spoke straight from the heart, and it wasn't nonsense that came out of her mouth. She was extremely articulate, and often very funny. Most of all, I loved how she watched me from across the room, totally absorbed in every movement. I felt seen seen by her. by her.

"I love her," I admitted to Tyson Beckford one day when he and I were hanging around the shop after hours, shooting a game of pool. "A lot."

Tyson and I had kept in touch ever since I'd built him a bike several years before. Whenever he came back into town to film a movie or do a shoot, he called me up. For a black supermodel from New York and a white-trash biker punk from Long Beach, we sure got along good.

"Is that right?" he asked politely.

"Yeah. I almost can't put my finger on it, but she's definitely got me hooked."

"Young lovers," Tyson said, laughing. He slid his cue stick back and forth suggestively.

"Real funny. But hey, dude, you want to hear something kind of crazy?" I said, lowering my voice. "I'm thinking of asking her to marry me."

"Whoa there, buddy," he cautioned. "That was quick. quick."

"You don't understand," I said. "Seriously, I have never felt this intense about anyone in my life."

"Fine," Tyson said, "I respect that. But all I'm saying is, do you really know know this woman?" this woman?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Nothing. All I'm saying is, she comes from kind of a funny business . . ."

"I don't care about the p.o.r.n stuff," I explained. "I really don't. That's behind her. She's done with that."

"Okay," Tyson said. "But didn't you say she had some weird IRS issues, too?"

I shrugged. "Look, if you love someone, then you should be willing to help them out. I have money. I can support both of us."

Tyson held his hands up. "Then, hey, great. That's cool. Who am I to judge, right?"

"Precisely," I mumbled. "Can we get back to shooting pool, now?"

To my annoyance, other friends voiced similar concerns when they heard I was planning to ask Janine to marry me. Chino asked me if I was asked me if I was sure sure I was sure. Other friends just nodded and changed the subject. It p.i.s.sed me off. It was as if they thought they knew Janine better than I did. After a while, I just stopped talking about it. I was sure. Other friends just nodded and changed the subject. It p.i.s.sed me off. It was as if they thought they knew Janine better than I did. After a while, I just stopped talking about it.

Instead, I bought a ring.

"Are you serious serious?" Janine cried. "Are you freakin' serious?"

"I'm one hundred percent serious," I said, laughing. "I want you to be my wife."

"OHMYG.o.d!!" she yelled. "YES! Yes, I say yes! I love you!"

She jumped into my arms.

"We're going to be so happy, baby," Janine said, her forearms hooking around my neck. "I'm going to be the best wife in the whole world for you."

"I know you are," I said. "We're going to have the best time. I think we should honeymoon somewhere great, like South America."

"I will go absolutely anywhere in the world with you," Janine said. She shook her head. "I . . . I can't believe it. This has got to be the best day of my life."

I didn't tell her about the prenup just then. That came a couple days later.

"Look, don't take it personally," I suggested, embarra.s.sed.

"I'm trying not to," Janine said. She forced a smile, but I could tell she was steaming.

"The thing is," I said, shamefaced, "I talked to my lawyers about it . . ."

"You talked to your lawyers lawyers. That's just great. That's just amazing. amazing."

"And they said that it's smarter to keep our finances separate. You owe the government a whole lot of money, babe. And I have a whole lot of money, now. So if we put our money together, they can come take it."

"I get get that," Janine said. "I'm not dumb, Jesse." that," Janine said. "I'm not dumb, Jesse."

I drew her closer to me. "Do you still love me?"

She sighed. "Yeah, of course I still love you. I'm just . . . a little hurt, that's all."

I said nothing.

"I thought you were going to take care care of me," she said. "I thought we were going to be a team." of me," she said. "I thought we were going to be a team."

"We are going to be a team," I promised.

"So why this prenup prenup?"

"I'm real sorry," I said, again. "I just . . . it's gotta be this way, and I don't know what else to say."

"Oh, fine," she huffed. She folded her arms across her chest, and stuck her tongue out at me. "You meanie."

"I'll make it up to you, okay?" I said. "We'll get married in style."

When Karla and I got married, we were still kind of financially struggling. We'd kept the event real small. This time, however, I wanted to go big. I rented out an immense church and invited everyone we knew. The Discovery Channel decided to record the ceremony for posterity. It was going to be a real California-style fiesta; a coming-out party for the couple made in Biker Heaven: the p.o.r.n Star and the Outlaw.

A week before the wedding, Janine and I met with the pastor of the church to discuss the specifics of the ceremony.

"Have you given any consideration to your vows, son?" the pastor asked me pleasantly. He was a gentle-looking old man, with gla.s.ses and a well-trimmed white beard.

"I'm gonna make them up as I go along," I confided to him.

"Are you sure?" He looked concerned.

"I'm kidding." I laughed. "I have something written out. It's pretty standard." I squeezed Janine's hand. "I'm just happy to be tying the knot."

"How about you, my dear?" The pastor turned his head toward Janine. "Have you thought about what you might say?"

"I don't know," Janine said, sulking.

"Would you like some suggestions?" the pastor asked. "I've heard many lovely speeches in my days . . ."

"All I want to know," Janine interrupted, "is, what am I getting out of this?"

The pastor stared at her. "How do you mean?"

"Well he he"-she hooked her thumb at me-"made me sign a prenup."

The pastor turned his head toward me, as if he were watching a tennis match.

I nodded. "It's true."

"So," Janine continued doggedly, "I would just like to know what would just like to know what I'm I'm supposed to get if this thing doesn't work out." supposed to get if this thing doesn't work out."

The pastor looked aghast. Janine tapped her fingers on the table. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

"G.o.d has a plan, my dear," he managed, finally.

Sitting there that afternoon in the back room of the church, I knew that something was up. A tiny little voice inside of me was pleading, get out while you still can! get out while you still can! But I was too stubborn to heed the warning. But I was too stubborn to heed the warning.

As usual, I would learn the hard way.