I flinched as we walked in the door. I like Aphex Twin as much as the next girl, but not at a volume that induced pain.

The booth was much quieter. Emilio was reading a Cuban newspaper and looking in a foul mood.

"They don't drink, so why should I care what they want to dance to?"

"They have to drink something, and something is better than nothing. I'll tell Trevor it's a well-known fact that d.y.k.e moms don't drink, and you did well to sell ice to the Eskimos. But they won't hang around if you don't turn the volume down so they can hear themselves talk, and pick some music they can dance to."

"What? Like the, uh, Beach-a Boys?"

"Yeah, like that. Put on 'Surfin' Safari' and suggest how good an ice-cold light beer would taste right now."

He snapped open his paper as if he was going back to reading, then he threw the paper on the floor. "Fine. Have it your way. Soon we will have nothing but the, uh, flower power crowd and we'll add prune juice to the daily special."

"They'll only be here a week, Emilio. I know you can dance their b.u.t.ts off the floor, too. Queue up five and offer to swing- d.y.k.es love queens. You'll be the belle of the ball, trust me."

He gave me a scathing look, but his hands were already flitting over the console. Moments later Lou Vega mellowed the room with "Mambo #5" and there was an audible cheer from the other side of the door. I bowed deeply to Emilio's good taste and hid my smile that he was peeking at the women. He'd be on the floor if any of them looked like they'd dance.

There was applause as I emerged from the booth, led by Celine.

"Please, please," I said, in my best Thanking the Little People manner. "No need to worship the ground I walk on."

"Thank you!" Celine was already moving in rhythm, and several couples were bouncing on their toes, evaluating the room's energy. I didn't realize Celine had moved closer until her mouth was on mine for a firm, not entirely tongue-free kiss.

"Oh!" I couldn't have sounded more gauche, so I tried to cover it by adding, "You like me, you really, really like me."

"That I do," she answered. "There's a whole group that wasn't ready to go to bed yet."

"Me, I'm about to drop," I said hastily. "I didn't sleep much last night."

"Neither did I. I'm not sure I'll sleep well tonight either." She made what I took to be a nod in the direction of one of the LOVE organizers.

"Enjoy," I said without any rancor. "I need to go talk to the bar manager." Last night had been fabulous. Maybe in a few days I'd feel differently about repeating it. Right then, all I wanted was my bed, alone.

Okay, if Tess had been there, asking me to make love to her, that would have been pretty good, too.

I made my way to the bar and told Trevor, the bar manager, that he might do well to run beer pitchers on some sort of special and get some baskets of tortilla chips into the disco.

"You think that'll work? Last night things moved okay, but tonight it was like booze was poison."

"It's too hot to sit out," I consoled. "And the ladies aren't big drinkers usually. Emilio's trying to be a good sport with the music."

Trevor gave me a considering look. "Thanks for being a go-between. Why don't you come work the bar when you're tired of sweating in the sun? You'd be good at it, and you've got a brain, which helps."

I was flattered. Trevor had a brain, too, and it was nice to be noticed.

"I'll think about it," I said noncommittally. Bed was starting to call really loudly.

The night felt heavy and smelled faintly of ozone. Thunderclouds were moving across the stars and the wind was rising. I quickened my step, expecting rain any second, and pa.s.sed several slow-moving couples strolling along the path outlining the beach, holding hands. They didn't seem to care where they were or what time it was or what the weather was planning to do. They were in their own worlds and part of me wanted to scoff, but another part of me was just plain envious.

I was most of the way up my stairs when I realized that Tess was going into her place, and she wasn't alone. Bleachie- Gloria, I supposed-was with her. They were most of the way in the door, making out like crazy.

I tortured myself for a minute, watching Bleachie unb.u.t.ton Tess's blouse. It started to rain and I didn't move. My mouth watered at the sight of Tess's nipples and I was suffused with heat. I wanted Tess so much I could feel her skin on me.

I tried to tell myself that I only wanted her because someone else had her. I wasn't in love, just trapped in a compet.i.tive l.u.s.t brought on by all the couple energy in the resort. I didn't want to do anything that remotely resembled settling down. I wanted to go on playing the field. I decided, right then, with raindrops running down my face, that if Celine asked, I would sleep with her again.

I nearly went back to dance, nearly went back to see if anyone wanted to take me to bed. But I knew if I did I'd close my eyes and pretend they were Tess.

Her throaty laughed flowed across the dark night, then her door was closed. The crackle of lightning got me moving up the stairs to my own door. I turned the bolt and stood in the dark for a long while, listening to the thunder but imagining I could still hear Tess's laugh.

Chapter Five.

My alarm woke me from a dream so delicious I immediately wanted to go back to that wonderful place. It wasn't even a dream, it was a memory, and I closed my eyes. I drifted in between whacks on the snooze b.u.t.ton, remembering the rest of that first night with Tess.

Tess had kept coming for me. I'd never been with a woman who could climax like that, and I had loved it.

"Yes," I crooned to her. "Let's get everything slippery and do that again, is that what you want?"

"Please," she hissed. "Please, Brandy. f.u.c.k me again, please, I need it... please..."

I shushed her. "I'm not going to stop, sweetie."

"I'm sorry," she said again, and her eyes were again br.i.m.m.i.n.g with tears. "Sorry to be so-"

"I love it, I love that you want it and can ask me for it. Don't be sorry for liking this, or wanting it." With lube, I was able to slide into her again. She held me against her b.r.e.a.s.t.s for a few moments, then drew my lips to her tightening nipples.

I could feel her relax, feel her melt. It was fantastic. Every movement I made with my hips drew a sigh or a gasp. Our bodies were slick against each other and every time she lifted her pelvis to meet my thrust I felt dizzy with l.u.s.t for her. Her nails raked over my back, my ribs, and I felt her spasm under me. It felt so good to know I was taking care of her itch, that I could be what she needed, and it was doubly pleasurable that every time she climaxed I got a little closer myself.

She was close again, and this time her cries were sharper, higher-pitched. I watched her face anxiously for any sign that I should slow but she never stopped groaning out "yes" as we moved. Then her legs were around my hips, crushing me until she shook under me so fiercely I could only hold on.

She was gasping so hard for breath I moved off of her. If she wanted more I'd be happy to oblige, but we both needed to cool off a little and drink some water. Her skin was flushed and eyes gla.s.sy in the way the trainer in me knew meant she was deprived of both oxygen and water.

"I'm just getting some ice," I told her. Remembering that she had been hurt by a guy who left without so much as a goodbye, I added, "I'm not leaving you."

She had caught her breath, mostly, when I handed her the tinkling gla.s.s. After several thirsty swallows, she sat up all the way. "I've never... never gone this far."

"How are you feeling?"

She gave me a sidelong glance. "Would you... could we... ?"

"Absolutely," I said. "I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you want."

She looked at me like she finally believed I wasn't going to leave her still wanting. "Whatever?"

"I'd be a fool not to agree to whatever you wanted." I'd finished half my gla.s.s of water and the curve of her hips was appealing to my mouth.

"Since you put it that way, I'd like you on your back this time."

"Oh." I was startled, but not unpleasantly. "You'll have no arguments from me."

She straddled my hips, just below the prominence of the toy. I thought she was reaching for the lube, but instead she got the gla.s.s, swishing water around in her mouth for several seconds. Then she was leaning over me and all in a rush took my breast into her cold mouth.

"Oh, d.a.m.n... Tess... that feels fantastic."

The look she gave me could have started a forest fire. Her fingers dipped into her gla.s.s and several chilly drops sprinkled across my stomach. I arched involuntarily under her. "You seem to like that."

"It reminds me how alive I feel," I said.

"I've never felt more alive." She set the gla.s.s down and picked up the lube. I watched her moisten her hand, then wet the d.i.l.d.o with more of the wonderful slippery stuff. "Like what you see?"

Breathless, I watched her rise up until she could slip the toy inside her. With a visible shudder she settled down on it fully, closing her eyes. "Yes, I like what I see," I managed. I closed my eyes as the sensuous movement of her hips above mine made me arch in response.

Cold drops made my eyes open again. Tess had an ice cube in each hand. "Let's feel alive."

I was panting as I watched her delicately circle her nipples with the ice. They grew so red and swollen that I ached to bring them to my mouth. Then Tess was using the ice on mine and I moaned, overwhelmed with sensation. "G.o.d, you're s.e.xy," I said. "You know what you want, what you like, and that turns me on."

She slipped what was left of one cube into my mouth and nothing had ever felt so refreshing. She likewise had the other cube in her mouth and then her cold fingers were trailing down my stomach. She leaned over me, her hips grinding on the toy.

"What?" I had to ask. I could hardly hear over the sound of my pounding heart.

"f.u.c.k me, Brandy, f.u.c.k me until you come."

I really wanted to, but I wasn't sure how I was going to climax. She felt unbelievably good on top of me, and I had always loved this position, but I didn't know how I'd come, too. I worried, for a moment, that she was wishing I was a guy who could more easily have some sort of mutual o.r.g.a.s.m, then all that went away. She sat up and arched her back, putting one hand behind her.

When I felt her fingertips opening my l.a.b.i.a I shook with a contraction, and I f.u.c.ked her, pushing up into her while her still cold fingers seemed to melt on my burning c.l.i.t. I f.u.c.ked her with hoa.r.s.e little cries of my own need, holding her thighs. I gasped her name, over and over, while her touch on my c.l.i.t drove me crazy. Then her s.e.xy half-cry of climax-a sound I was fast learning to adore-washed over me and my own urgency welled up. We froze together for a moment, holding our breath, then Tess gave one last cry and crumpled on top of me.

She was crying and I didn't know if that was good or bad. I hoped it was good. I felt beyond great. Beyond wow, more than incredible.

"Was it okay?" She finally found some coherent words. Between sobs she searched my face for my answer.

"It was fabulous, fabulous, Tess. You were incredible. I've never felt so good with anyone before. It was okay that you wanted-"

"No, no. Was that last, was that okay? Was that good for you? I wanted you to get something out of it-"

"More than something, Tess, it was fantastic. Don't torture yourself. It was all wonderful." I cradled her head on my shoulder, feeling like a G.o.d of love. "Thank you for caring that I did... it would have been wonderful without, don't get me wrong. But I've never had anyone do that before."

She had laughed, the low easy laugh of the Tess I'd known for the last year. The tears had disappeared. "Like I said, you need a chick with long arms."

I rolled over in bed, replaying that moment when I'd felt her gather me inside her, not just the toy, but my needs, too. The times we'd been together since had been equally energetic. Unbelievably so. It had taken a few times before we'd remembered that s.e.x could be had places other than the bed. Something inside me blossomed when I was with her. I felt grand, awesome, s.e.xy, attractive-I felt better about me and who I was when she was there.

What had changed? I hit the snooze b.u.t.ton one more time and asked myself why I felt so different today. We had been going along quite well, and the arrival of other lesbians on the scene had upset the balance, I guess. I kicked myself for not realizing Tess's interest in guys had always been somewhat weak. Sure, she talked pretty freely about s.e.x, and had a long list of things she really liked, all of which were possible with the male of the species. But she never talked about a future where she got married, had kids and all that. Men touched her physically but now that I was considering the possibility that Tess might prefer women, I could see that either she didn't let men touch her more deeply, or they just didn't have what it took to reach inside her. Women did, maybe.

Maybe I did. Maybe I'd shown her that a door she'd never considered was the very one she'd been looking for. But something was just not fair if in the end I fell in love with a straight woman who wasn't, only to lose her before she had even come out, lose her to a d.y.k.e she'd just met. None of that made much sense and it wasn't any fun at all to be living it.

Annoyed, I kicked off the covers and started my day. Shower, breakfast, Morning Stretch. I did not go to Tess's Body Pump because I had a two-hour stint at KidZone, one doing relief and the other working with five- to seven-year-olds on basic tumbling. On a day like today, my heart and head in turmoil, it was wonderful to lose myself in something so engrossing. Kids can be maddening, but they can also be refreshingly uncomplicated. Something hurts, they say so. Something p.i.s.ses them off, you know about it right away. Something makes their heart fill with joy and you can see them grow right before your eyes.

I'd always thought I was in touch with my inner child. Like Celine had said, I wasn't in a hurry to grow up. So why couldn't I walk up to Tess and say, "I like hanging out with you. You make me feel great inside. I want you to be my best friend and to spend all my time with you. And I like that grown-up thing we do, too. I want to line up on the starting line and see if we're running a sprint or a marathon together. So how about it? Want to go steady and see if it's fun?"

Right.

I raced from the big tent to the main guest pool, arriving in time to do my bit in the dunk tank compet.i.tion. I'd lost the draw this month. Stripped down to the sport bra and undies that pa.s.sed successfully as a swimsuit, I perched on the wobbly apparatus that had been set up over the six-foot end of the main pool. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, I thought. Usually the place was full of guys who just couldn't wait to show off their machismo. They'd let me barely get settled on the perch before throwing another pitch. The guests loved it, the kids loved it.

No guys this week, I told myself, and I relaxed on the perch.

Maybe it was the sun that made me forget about softball.

The first woman up slow-pitched me into the water five out of five b.a.l.l.s. At least she let me get settled again, nice and safe, before launching the next salvo. It was a long line and I had to acknowledge that for all my genuine belief that lesbians were cooler in so many ways, they suffered from bouts of machismo, too. Ten times, then fifteen, and the line just kept getting longer.

A voice rang out from behind me. "Pick on someone your own size!" The entire apparatus swayed as someone else clambered on and I turned to see Alicia, costumed as Wonder Woman, brandishing her golden bracelets. The next ball missed and the one after hit the target square on, but I didn't drop.

"Wonder Woman to the rescue!" I shouted. n.o.body but Alicia and me knew she'd set the safety latch to keep me out of the water. For a while everyone sort of bought the power of Wonder Woman saving my b.u.t.t, but as looks grew suspicious Alicia kicked the latch off with an apologetic glance.

I took my time climbing back up from each tumble, but d.y.k.es are patient, especially softball d.y.k.es. It turned out there was a party of twelve from a softball league and d.a.m.ned if they weren't going to prove something.

The torture finally ended-lots of laughter and revelry, ha ha-and lunch couldn't have seemed more welcome. I pulled on my shorts and tank, not caring that I'd soak them through, and headed toward the dining room. I needed water most of all.

"That's the one," I heard a woman say as I went past. "The one who let Celine do her the first night."

"She is kinda cute..."

I kept walking, more because I was stunned than I was consciously choosing my actions. I could feel my face and shoulders burning a deep, angry red.

Had Celine told the world? Was everyone talking about us? Judging us?

Okay, I'd forgotten about softball d.y.k.es, and I'd forgotten about how d.y.k.es loved to cla.s.sify, label and set up pyramids of righteousness, too. So I was the s.l.u.t this week, apparently. Fine. d.a.m.n Celine for anything she'd said. d.a.m.n it, d.a.m.n it. I'd been called a s.l.u.t by men and I just didn't care. But I did care when it was d.y.k.es. d.a.m.ned if I'd sleep with any of them now. Like they knew me, knew my life and had any business applying their definition of s.l.u.t to me.

Blinking back tears I grabbed a banana and headed for my quarters. I had about an hour to myself, then there was a staff meeting before my two p.m. Body Pump cla.s.s. Maybe I'd feel like eating something by then.

A tour group on Jet Skis rounded the marina, heading for a landing at the sailing hut. The roar of their engines drowned out someone calling my name. f.u.c.k and f.u.c.k it, it was Celine.

"Hey, wait up."

Fuming, I peeled the banana and starting eating it while I waited.

"I was wondering if you had plans for dinner." I took my time chewing and her cheerful expression faded. "Have I done something wrong?"

I shrugged. "Apparently I'm the one you did on the very first night."

She blinked, puzzled, then frowned. "Oh. d.y.k.e gossip travels fast. Are you sorry we went to bed?"

"No," I muttered. "I just didn't expect to get a scarlet letter." I heaved a long sigh. "It was just a chance remark, but it bothered me."

"I haven't been out bragging," Celine a.s.sured me. "I don't do that. But people saw us leave together and I don't have an angel's reputation. Have dinner with me and stay to dance with me tonight and we'll really give them something to talk about."