When he came on board I was not prepossessed in his favour; his manners were rough and bearish, although he had some redeeming qualities, for he was straightforward and frank. After being with me about two years, he said he was tired of being a midshipman, and requested me to obtain his discharge into the merchant service. I remonstrated with him to no purpose. To prevent his deserting, which he declared he would do, I procured his discharge, and he entered on board a West India ship going to Jamaica. I had lost sight of this extraordinary being for more than eight years,' continued his lordship, 'when, as I was standing on the platform at Portsmouth, waiting for a boat from the frigate I commanded, I was much surprised to see Billy Culmer, in a dirty sailor's dress, a few yards from me. He perceived me, and pulled off his hat. "Hulloa!" said I, "Billy; where have you come from? I understood you were dead." "Not so hard up as that, sir," replied he. "I am d--d." "Explain yourself," said I. "Why,"

said he, "I am d--d in the King's service, for I shall never be able to enter it again, in consequence of my folly in requesting you to get me discharged." "I probably may have interest enough, Billy, to get you once more on the quarter-deck if you will promise me faithfully to remain steady." "I promise you solemnly I will," replied he. "Then meet me at the admiral's office to-morrow at ten o'clock," returned I. "And I suppose, from your appearance, you are pretty well aground. Here is something that will keep your body and soul together." He made a leg and took his departure.' But I am afraid, Lady Campbell, you have had enough of this rigmarole story, for it is rather a long one, and to those who know nothing of the man it may not be an interesting one." "Why, Captain M.,"

said Lady Campbell, "as the weather is disagreeable, and we do not intend to take a drive this evening, we may as well hear about Billy Culmer as anybody else. Do you not think so, Admiral?" The admiral, who appeared more inclined for a nap than to listen to a long-spun yarn, I verily believe, wished the narrator and the subject of his narration at the masthead together. However, he nodded a.s.sent, and the story went on.

"'On speaking to the admiral, Billy was again under my command,' resumed his lordship, 'and was appointed mate of the hold. When I was promoted to my flag, Billy and I parted company, for he had followed me steadily from the frigate to a ship of the line. As soon as he had served his six years, I sent for him and told him he must go to London to pa.s.s his examination.

"You must excuse me, my lord," was his answer; "I would rather remain the oldest midshipman than the youngest lieutenant," and he persisted in this whim for more than three years. At the end of that period the ship he belonged to arrived at Spithead, and he came on board me to pay his respects. "Well," said I, "Culmer, will you now pa.s.s your examination, or are you determined to die the oldest midshipman in the service?" "I have been thinking of it," was his reply, "but I have no money to carry me to London." "That," said I, "I will give you. And if you can mount a horse, I will procure that also." In a few days Billy started for London, where he arrived a week after, having sold my horse on the road, without informing me of his having done so. When he made his appearance before the Commissioners at Somerset Place, they were all younger than himself, and one of them had been a mid in the same ship where he was mate. This last addressed him, and in a half comic, half serious manner, said: "Well, Mr.

Culmer, I make no doubt you are well prepared for your examination." "And who the devil put you there," answered Billy sharply, "to pa.s.s one who taught you to be something of a sailor? Do you remember the _colting_ I gave you when you were a youngster in my charge? But I never could beat much seamanship into you. So you are to examine me, are you?" The two other commissioners, who knew the whimsical character of the person before them, called him to order, and requested he would answer some questions, as he could not obtain his certificate without doing so. "Begin," said Billy, turning his quid and hitching up his trousers. "You are running into Plymouth Sound in a heavy gale from the S.E.; how would you proceed in coming to an anchor? Your top-gallant masts are supposed to be on deck." "I would first furl all and run under the storm forestay sail, unfid the topmasts going in, and have a long range of both bower cables on deck, and the sheet anchor ready. On coming to the proper anchorage I would let go the best bower and lower the topmasts as she tended head to wind; veer away half a cable and let go the small bower; veer away on both cables until the best bower splice came to the hatchway. I should then half a whole cable on one and half a cable on the other."

"'"The gale increases, and there is a heavy scud, and you find both anchors are coming home. What then?"

"'"Then I would veer to one and a half on the best and a whole on the other."

"'"In snubbing the best bower, it parts in the splice. What then?"

"'"What then?" exclaimed Billy sharply, for he began to be tired of being interrogated respecting a part of seamanship he thought he knew better than themselves. "Why," replied he, taking a fresh quid of tobacco, "I would let go the sheet anchor."

"'"But," interrupted the elder Commissioner, "there is not, in consequence of having dragged the bower anchors, room to veer more than a few fathoms before you tail on the Hoe; consequently your sheet anchor, being only under foot, will be of little or no use, and the strain being on the small bower, it soon after parts."

"'"What humbug!" cried Billy, who could not contain himself longer. "I tell you, gentlemen, what I would do. I would let her go on sh.o.r.e and be d--d, and wish you were all on board her."

"'"Sit down, Mr. Culmer," said the second Commissioner, "and calm yourself. We shall leave you a short time. Probably we may ask you a few more questions."

"'"Hem!" muttered Billy, and he scratched his head. After an interval of half an hour, the Commissioner who had been his former messmate, entered with his certificate.

"'"I have much pleasure," said he, "in having the power to present you your pa.s.sing certificate, and I hope your speedy promotion will follow. Do you stay long in London?"

"'"Only to have a cruise in Wapping and to see St. Paul's and the Monument," returned Billy, "and then I shall make all sail for Portsmouth."

"'"Have you any shot in your locker?" asked Captain T. "As much as will serve this turn," replied Billy, "for Lord Hood has sent me an order for ten pounds on his banker." "Good afternoon, Culmer," said the former. "I wish you your health." "Thank you," replied Billy; "the same to you; but give me more sea-room next time you examine me, and do not let me tail on the Hoe."' Billy, through the interest of Lord Hood, was quickly installed lieutenant, but died shortly afterwards."

"Well," said the admiral's lady, "I think, Captain M., had I known this Billy Culmer, as you call him, I certainly should have made a pet of him."

"I am afraid, my dear," answered the Admiral, who appeared relieved now the story was at an end, "you would have found him very pettish." The admiral's play on the word produced a smile.

A young captain who sat near Lady Campbell asked her if she had ever heard of a captain who was, in consequence of his extravagant behaviour, called "Mad Montague?" "Pray, my dear," cried the Admiral, who appeared terrified at the idea of another story, "let us have our coffee."

The hint was sufficient, we sipped our beverage and _cha.s.se_, and departed in peace.

Being ready for sea we left the Downs, and in a few hours were off our old cruising ground to watch the terrible flotilla and the privateers, which were princ.i.p.ally lugger-rigged and carried long guns of different calibres, with from fifty to seventy-five men. Some few had ten or fourteen guns, besides swivels. The vessels forming the flotilla consisted of praams, ship-rigged, and brigs carrying one or two eighteen or twenty-four pounders, and the largest a thirty-two pounder (with sixty or ninety men), all of them flat-bottomed. They sometimes, when the wind blew fresh from the westward, ran down in squadrons close in sh.o.r.e, under the protection of their batteries, to Calais. One Sunday I chased twenty-seven and made the shot tell among some of them, until the pilots warned me that if I stood further in they would give up charge of the ship. I chased them, with the exception of one, who ran aground near Calais, into that port. In hauling off after giving them a few more shot, their battery favoured us with one which struck us between wind and water. As the sh.e.l.ls were now falling plentifully around us, I thought it prudent to make more sail, as one of the sh.e.l.ls had gone through the foretop-sail. Our force generally consisted of three sloops of war to watch Boulogne, the senior officer being the commodore, but in spite of all our vigilance the privateers crept along sh.o.r.e under cover of the night without being seen, and they sometimes tantalized us by anchoring outside, but so close in and under their batteries that it was impossible to get at them in that position. We, one morning at daybreak, captured a row-boat with twenty-two men, armed with swivels and muskets. We had disguised the ship so much that she took us for a merchantman, and before she discovered her mistake was within pistol-shot. Three months had now expired, which had been pa.s.sed much in the same manner as the last cruise, when a cutter came out to order us into the Downs.

CHAPTER XXIII.

THE SAME WEARY ROUND.

Leave to return home for four days-Visit of the Duke of Clarence-Again off Boulogne-Down Channel with a convoy-Boulogne once more-Refit at Plymouth-Return Boulogne-Run aground on French coast-Part of crew escape in boats-Author and nineteen men remain on board.

On our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to Sheerness. The commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a King John's man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the Scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. Some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good Christian. Be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. Where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more.

During the short period I was at home, I thought myself in the seventh heaven. Alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. How soon our joy is changed to sorrow. I tore myself from the house that contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. The admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not I repaired to the princ.i.p.al inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips. "It is very extraordinary, gentlemen," replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner. "There are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. But," added he, "I am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent." The following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the Duke of Clarence. At one o'clock he arrived in the commissioner's yacht from Chatham. I had the honour of being presented to him first, as I happened to be nearest. He asked me a few questions of no importance, and then pa.s.sed on to another officer. He inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. As he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with Commissioner Lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. The distinguished and ill.u.s.trious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. The little Admiral of the Port did not, for some reason, attend. His friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. I was not sorry when the Duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.

In a week's time we were ready for sea, and I left Sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. Off Margate the pilot had the kindness to b.u.mp us on sh.o.r.e, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. His wife had predicted this in her preceding night's dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. On arriving in the Downs, I was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anch.o.r.ed, fished, and frequently on Sundays engaged the old women's terror, the flotilla. We also took a _cha.s.se maree_ laden with plaster of Paris. As I imagined I should gratify the honest people at Dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amus.e.m.e.nt, by sending in a vessel with the English flag flying above the French, I was determined to do so, although I knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. A few days afterwards I received a note from the prize agent to request I would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for Proctor's fees, etc. Thinks I to myself, how odd.

So, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy's vessel, I am to pay for taking her. D--n me, Jack, that's too bad.

I'll write to Joseph Hume to bring it before the House of Commons. I know he is a great reformer and a sailor's friend, although he terms them a dead weight.

We were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anch.o.r.ed again in the Downs, where I was informed Sir G. Campbell had been relieved by Sir Thos.

Foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.

I waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on Lady Lucy, and was invited to dinner. The admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, I need not describe. His lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and I often reflect on the many pleasant hours I pa.s.sed at the admiral's house. I understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. Generally speaking, I do not admire saints.

They are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. A fortnight pa.s.sed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore Boulogne. Our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that I was ordered shortly after I sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as Portsmouth. On my arrival there I went on sh.o.r.e and waited on the admiral, Sir R. Curtis, whom I found walking, what he termed his long-sh.o.r.e quarter-deck, the platform. He was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. I informed him from whence I came, and that I had fulfilled my orders respecting the convoy. I then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship. "Come with me to my office," was the order. In going there we had to pa.s.s part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. He conversed in pa.s.sing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin. "Ho, ho!" thought I.

On breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers I had given him, he said, "I find all perfectly in order. How long have you been a commander?"

I informed him. "Your seniors," returned he, "may blush and take your correctness for a pattern." I made my bow. "You will sail to-morrow for your station," continued he. "Foley is a good fellow, and I will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him.

There will be a knife and fork at my table at five o'clock, where, if you are not engaged, I hope to see you." He then withdrew. If I had not known this gallant officer's character as a courtier, I should have been highly flattered by his compliments. Had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. However, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? At the admiral's table I met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.

At daylight I robbed Spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested Boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and I almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. This cruise we a.s.sisted, as the French say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship's company for the next cruise; what other good we did I say not.

At the expiration of another three months, His Majesty's sloop's anchors once more bit the mud in the Downs. On my going on sh.o.r.e to the admiral's office, I was informed that I was to repair to Plymouth and there refit. I was, as Sir R. Strachan said in his despatch, "delighted." I hoped we should be ordered to the Mediterranean. I dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail.

As I pa.s.sed the coast near Boulogne I made my bow and wished it good-bye, I hoped for ever. On the fourth day we graced Plymouth Sound. I made my bow to the commander-in-chief, Sir R. Calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where I came from, and what I did at Plymouth. I produced my order, etc. "This is a mistake of some of the offices; I have no orders respecting you. However, as you are here, I suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o'clock to dinner."

I repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into Hamoaze. At the appointed time I waited on the admiral. The dinner I thought pa.s.sed off heavily. There were no ladies to embellish the table, and after coffee I went on board. Next morning I waited on the commissioner, Fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as I was known to several of his family. As the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and I took lodgings on sh.o.r.e, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. The dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. During the fortnight I remained here, as I was well acquainted with several families, I contrived to pa.s.s my time very agreeably.

I expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me I was to go back from whence I came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. My mind had been filled with Italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, Sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. I was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see Dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of Boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appet.i.te. If I had had interest enough I would have changed the Board of Admiralty for having sent me to Plymouth on a fool's errand. My thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. Again I cruised, like an armadillo on a gra.s.splat, there and back again. After our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the Downs, I little thought for the last time. How blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!

On the ninth day His Majesty's brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. We wished Boulogne, Bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. On Sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anch.o.r.ed outside the pier, but so close to it that I fear our shot made little impression. At this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, Bonaparte, was to be placed. A large division of the army of England, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. We occasionally anch.o.r.ed at Dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. Our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. On repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along sh.o.r.e for Cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in sh.o.r.e as possible, in order to intercept them.

I again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! I had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber-that is, one eye shut and the other open-when I heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the French coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after I quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. I had only taken off my coat and shoes. I was immediately on deck, where I saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. I asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was. "The infant ebb of the spring," was the comfortable answer. "I wish you were both hanged," I replied. "So be it," responded the officers. During this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless-you might as well have tried to start the Monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel I commanded, she being the nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff.

A boat came from the sloop to request that I would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew. "Sooner said than done,"

replied I to the officer sent; "my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however I may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company." As the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, I ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. Our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. At length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. To make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. We had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. What a charming sight, as my Lady Dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and send to "Kingdom come" the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. The captain of the other sloop, finding I was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. This I declined, as I could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. Finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to England, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. We had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.(6)

CHAPTER XXIV.

TAKEN PRISONER.

Taken prisoner, and removed to Boulogne gaol-Asked to dinner by General Lemaroix-News of Perceval's a.s.sa.s.sination-Parole refused-Marched to Montreuil-sur-Mer-On to Hesdin; being footsore, author insists on having a carriage-Drives to Arras.

When the tide had receded sufficiently for the enemy to board us without wetting their delicate feet, about one hundred and fifty disgraced our decks. About thirty of these civil gentlemen, princ.i.p.ally officers, paid a visit to my cabin without asking permission. The wine, of which I had ten dozen on board, was their first object, which I make no doubt they found suited their palate, as they drank it with much zest. My clothes, spygla.s.ses, knives and forks, as well as the crockery-ware, were seized on in turn; and it appeared by their smirking looks and lively conversation that all they had achieved was perfectly to their satisfaction, and that instead of plundering a few ship-wrecked sufferers they had only been asked to a _fete_ given by me. The commanding officer of these brave and honest men desired us to go on sh.o.r.e, where we were met by another officer, who ordered us to the guard-house near the battery, and an hour afterwards we marched for Boulogne, which was four miles distant, escorted by about forty of our tormentors. On our arrival we had the unexpected happiness of being lodged in the common gaol, cooped up in a dirty tiled room of twelve feet by eight, with a small well-grated window. "Well,"

said I to the doctor, who had remained behind to dress the wounded, "what will the marines say to this? The sailors will never believe it." Whilst we were prosing with our elbows on our knees and our chins on our thumbs, looking very dolefully at each other, the ill-looking man who had locked us up made his appearance with a servant in a rich livery, who asked in French for the commandant. I stood up and said I was that person, on which he presented me with the following note:-

"Le General Comte Lemaroix, Aide de Camp de sa Majeste l'Empereur et Roi, Commandant en Chef le Camp de Boulogne, etc, prie Monsieur Hoffeman, officier, de lui faire l'honneur de venir diner avec lui aujourd'hui, lundi, a 4 heures.