*All that stuff you can do with anyone,' I said.

*You aren't making any sense,' she said.

*OK, I will explain it,' I said and stood up. *I will explain it so it makes sense. To sit and study with you is an exercise in double self-control. First I have to force myself to pay attention to these boring cases. Second, I have to avoid looking at your face as much as possible because when I look at your face, all I want to do is kiss you. But we have this stupid just-friends deal and you are all cool about it and so that leaves me whipping my mind to study nicotine-free cigarettes and not think about your lips and the little mole that is there below the lower one.'

*You noticed that mole? It's tiny.' She touched it.

*It may be tiny, but it at least has a fifty percent market share in terms of my mind-space. But hey, I am just a friend. I don't get the mole. I only get the full stops.'

She laughed.

*I am not being funny. You girls don't know what it is like to be a guy.'

*Those lips talk a lot. Yours I mean,' she said.

I froze. Ms Swaminathan didn't as she came close to me. In a second, her Frooti-laced lips were on mine. We kissed for three seconds.

*And now, before I realize the stupidity of what I have done, I am out of here,'

she said and opened the door. I was too dumbstruck to move.

Four boys from my dorm removed their ears from the door as Ananya pushed the door open.

*We were just locating our Frisbee,' one of the four boys said.

*It won't be in this room. This boy only likes to study,; she said and walked out of my dorm.

I didn't move an inch for five minutes. The remaining three minutes were spent realizing that the hottest girl in the campus had kissed me. I didn't know what I'd done right. But I didn't care. Maybe she had missed me too. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal for her. Maybe I was just imagining this and this hadn't really happened. Maybe I should stop dreaming like an idiot and run to her room. Maybe I shouldn't, as I had no idea what to do when I meet her. Maybe I should let a night pass and talk to her in class tomorrow.

*Don't keep mentioning it,' she said as the same lips that were on mine thirteen hours and twenty-two minutes ago sipped tea during class break.

*Yes, sure, OK....' I had already thanked her seven times. I changed the topic.

*The normal distribution is totally overrated,' I said, referring to the statistics class we had attended.

*And don't expect more,' Ananya said.

*More what?' I said. She had brought the topic back now.

*More meaning not anymore. Now, just back to what you said about the normal curve,' she said.

*Sorry, only one clarification. By more you mean no more kisses or no more than kissing?'

*Can you stop it? We are in the middle of a class.'

*But I am in the middle of a life crisis. Please tell me.'

*Is that all you guys think about? We have to study all these normal curve problems tonight.'

I looked at her and smiled.

*Any jokes about curves and I will kill you,' she promised as the bell rang for class.

7.

Needless to say, one thing led to another and within two weeks we had sex. You put a boy and girl in a room for a week and lots of boring books, and sparks are sure to fly.

*This is my first time,' she said after we did it and pointed to her mother's picture on the wall. *And if she finds out, she will flip.'

*We should cover these pictures when we do it. They freak me out,' I said, scanning her family members.

She laughed. *Was this your first time?'

*I'd rather not talk about it,' I said.

*Did you have a girlfriend in IIT?' She sat up to wear her top.

I kept quiet.

*Did you have sex with a guy?' Ananya asked eyebrows up.

*No,' I screamed and sat up. *Are you stupid? You, of all people, are asking me if I am gay.'

*I heard they make you do all sorts of stuff in ragging.'

*No, it wasn't that bad. I had a girlfriend.'

*Really?' She blinked. *How come you never told me!'

*I don't want to talk about it. It's over. It ended when I left college, two years ago.'

*Why? Who was she? A student?'

*Prof's daughter.'

*My, my, my! We have a stud here.' Then, *Pretty? Prettier than me?'

I looked at Ananya. Why do women size each other up in looks so much?

*Similar, though you are much smarter,' I said.

*Similar?'

*OK, you are better looking,' I said. The girl who asks the question is the better looking one, always.

*Thank you,' she said as she stepped off the bed to wear her track pants. *Why did it end?'

*I sort of had a deal with her father.'

*Father? What, he bought you out? Gave you a blank cheque like in films?' she laughed.

*No, he let me have my degree on time. Because of which I am here. But the implicit deal was, don't push it. Don't dream of being family. There was no future, so it died.'

My throat closed up as I thought about my previous girlfriend. Somehow, it never really gets over with an ex. You merely learn to push their thoughts aside.

Unless someone prods your brain again to think of them. *Can we leave it now?'

*Where is she now? Campus?'

*No, father went to the US to a senior faculty post in MIT. She found a geeky guy of the same community. Engaged in six months, married in a year. Rest I don't know. Now, even though we were naked a few moments ago, I do think I can make a case for invasion of privacy.'

*Well, it affects me. In case you are still involved with her.'

*I'm not. It took me a long time to get over her, but I am not involved anymore.'

*Did you love her?'

*Yes. And I feel sick I didn't have the courage to fight her father. And no more talk about her please,' I said. My ex-girlfriend and my father were off-limit topics.

*One last question. Is she South Indian?'

*How do you know?'

*You mentioned IIT, MIT, geeky software programmer, it wasn't that hard.'

I laughed.

*My parents are pretty conservative too,' she said, switching on her electric kettle.

*We haven't planned to get married yet.'

She stared at me. I wondered if I had said the wrong thing. I was being factual.

*You are right. We are just friends with benefits, right? Or what is it? Fuck buddies?'

She looked upset. It is amazing how the vulnerability in a relationship shifts from the guy to the girl after you've had sex.

*Hey, we.....'

But she interrupted me. *Sorry, I am freaking out. Have tea.' She passed me a cup. I twiddled with the handle for two minutes. Despite the sexual possibilities, we still had to study.

*Should we open the HR case? It is about a strike in a hotel,' I said as I opened my folder.

She nodded without eye contact. I racked my brain hard on what I could say that could make her feel better. *I love you,' I said.

She carefully closed her case materials and looked up at me. *Mean it? She said, her eyes wet.

*Yes,' I said.

*You are not just saying it so you can have sex with me again?'

*No. but are you saying that....'

*I am not saying anything. Is that all you think about?'

*We study together, eat together, go out together, sit in class looking at each other all day, the only time we are apart is when I have to go to sleep or when I have to use the toilet. So,' I paused.

*So what?'

*I love you damn it! Don't you get it?' I yelled.

*That's better. Now you sound convincing.' She smiled.

*And you?' I asked.

*I'm going to think about it.'

*Excuse me?'

*Well, I could be only using you for sex,' she said.

*Excuse me?' I said, this time louder.

She laughed. I threw a pillow at her.

*I told you. I have to think about it.'

Even though she never said *I love you', Ms Swaminathan moved in with me. I had freaked out about the idea when she arrived at my room one day with a backpack for overnight clothes. I'd have much preferred her place, as I didn't want her to be the only woman in the dorm with twenty testosterone-charged men.

Still, it was kind of nice. She brought her electric kettle, sweet smile and magi- making abilities with her. While we used to study together earlier, now there was even more discipline. When a woman comes into your life, things organize themselves.