*Well the answers are within us. People stay in the ashram for a few weeks to introspect, they attend satsang and ask questions of one of the gurus. How much time do you have?'

*I need to meet my girlfriend for coffee in two hours. Then head back to Chennai.'

Diana smiled and shook her head. *That's a pretty stiff deadline to sort out life's unresolved answers.'

*Maybe I shouldn't even try then,' I said.

*Wait, see the gentleman there,' she said and pointed to a seventy-year-old man in white robes who sat two rows ahead of us. *He is a guru. Maybe I can introduce to him.'

*No, no, please don't,' I said.

*Why not? If he is busy, he will say no.'

*Pranam Guruji,' Diana said and touched his feet. I followed suit and he blessed us. *Guruji, this is my friend. His name is,' Diana said and paused.

*Krish.'

*Yes, he has only two hours. But he wanted to seek answers to some problems,' Diana said.

*What do you have to do in two hours?' Guruji asked, his voice calm.

*He has to meet his girlfriend,' Diana said, excitedly stressing on the last word.

*And surely, the girlfriend is more important than the problem,' Guruji smiled.

*Actually, she is the problem,' I said.

Diana threw me a puzzled look.

*Not her. But her family,' I said. *It's OK. I know it is very little time.'

*Send him to my house in fifteen minutes,' Guruji said and left.

34.

I hovered at the open door of Guruji's house before walking in.

*Come in, Krish,' Guruji said. He sat on a day-bed in his living room. I had thought I'd be roaming around French cafes in Pondicherry. I had no idea I'd end up in a guru's house. The tiny house had sparse wooden furniture.

*You may find it strange to be here. But I'd like to think we were destined to meet,' Guruji said.

*Do you read minds?' I wanted to know.

*I read people. Your nervousness is obvious. Sit,' he said and stroked his white beard.

I sat cross-legged on the floor, facing him.

*What is bothering you?'

*My girlfriend is Tamilian, I am Punjabi. Our families are against our marriage. I am doing whatever I can, but it is stressful.'

*Hmmm,' Guruji said. *Close your eyes and speak whatever comes to mind.'

*I love her,' I said, *and we make each other happy. But if our happiness makes so many people unhappy, is it the right thing to do?'

I rambled for some more time; Guruji didn't make any sound. Since my eyes were closed, I had no idea if he was even around anymore. *She is my future,' I concluded.

*Is that all?'

*You are there?' I countered.

*Are you sure this is the only problem that is bothering you?'

*What do you mean?'

*There is a lot of ... pain in you, unresolved issues. Before you build a future, you must fix the past.'

*What are you talking about?' I opened my eyes. Guruji's eyes were shut.

*Close your eyes,' Guruji said.

*I have,' I said and shut them again.

*What keeps you awake at night?'

I kept quiet.

*Do you take a long time to go to sleep?' he probed.

*Yes,' I said.

"What kept you awake lately?'

*Various things. There is work, which I am not exactly exited about. There's uncertainty about Ananya. There's my father.'

*What about your father?'

*It's complicated,' I said.

*And a heavy load, isn't it?'

I sighed deeply.

*Let it go,' Guruji said.

*I can't. I don't want to. I haven't even talked about it.'

*I'm listening,' Guruji said. He bent forward and placed his palm on my head. I felt a new lightness. I felt transported to another world. It was as if my soul had disowned my body.

*Guruji, don't make me do it,' I begged, not wishing to revisit the pain that awaited me.

*Go on, I'm listening.' Guruji said.

35.

Three years ago My father came home at midnight. I had waited for hours. I didn't have time, I had to talk to him tonight. He refused dinner with a wave of his hand and sat on the living room sofa to take off his shoes.

*Dad?' I said, my voice low, I wore shorts and a white T-shirt. The T-shirt had a tiny hole at the shoulder.

*What?' he turned to me. "Is this what you wear at home?'

*These are my nightclothes,' I said.

*You don't have proper nightclothes?'

I changed the topic. *Dad, I want to talk about something.'

*What?'

*I like a girl.'

*Obviously, you have time to waste,' he said.

*It's not like that. She is a nice girl. An IIT professor's daughter.'

*Oh, so now we know what you did at IIT.'

*I've graduated. I have a job. I'm preparing for MBA. What's the problem?'

*I don't have a problem. You wanted to talk,' he said, not looking at me.

*The girl's father is taking her abroad. They'll get her engaged to someone else.'

*Oh, so her father doesn't approve of it.'

*No.'

*Why?'

I looked at the floor. *We had some issues with him, me and my friends.'

*What issues? Disciplinary issues?'

*Yes,' I said.

*Shocking. The son of an army officer has disciplinary issues. All the reputation I have built, you'll destroy it.'

*Those issues are history now.'

*Then why does he have a problem? Does your mother know about this?'

*Yes,' I said.

*Why hasn't she told me? Kavita!' my father screamed.

My mother came to the room, woken from a deep sleep. *What happened?'

*Why was I not informed about this girl earlier?' my father screamed.

*He told me only a few weeks ago,' my mother said.

*And you hid it from me, bitch,' my father said.

*Don't talk to mom like that,' I said in reflex. I would have said more, but I need him today.

My mother broke into tears. This wasn't going well at all.

*Dad, please. I want your cooperation. If you meet her father, he may reconsider.'

*Why should I meet anyone?' he said.

*Because I love her. And I don't want her to go away.'

*You are distracted, not in love.'

*Leave it, Krish, he won't listen. See how he talks to me. You don't know how I lived when you were in hostel.'

My father lunged menacingly towards my mother. He raised a hand to hit her. I pulled my mother behind me. *Don't,' I said.