1. An insurance salesperson more concerned with getting a larger commission as opposed to selling the most suitable policy sells the wrong kind of policy to a prospective client. This may be legal but unethical.

2. A young executive is driving over the speed limit, trying to reach the hospital with his bleeding child in the back seat of his car. Hardly anyone would question the ethics of breaking the law in this situation. It would be unethical not to get medical help to save the kid's life, even if it meant breaking the law.

Legality establishes minimum standards, whereas ethics and values go beyond those standards. Ethics and values are about fairness and justice. It is not about pleasing or displeasing people. It is about respecting people's needs and rights.

PURPOSE OF LIFE.

There are many kinds of desire. Desire for success, desire to do one's duty even at the cost of pleasure. Desire for purpose. Something worth dying for which gives meaning to life.

What good is it if you gain the whole world and lose your conscience?

A purposeless life is a living death. What is your purpose? Do you have one? Purpose brings pa.s.sion. Find or create a purpose and then pursue it with pa.s.sion and perseverance.

Every day we need to ask ourselves the question: "Am I getting any closer to my purpose in life? Am I making this a better place to live?" If the answer is no, then I have just wasted a day of my life. Life will reward us in proportion to our contribution.

The earlier we find a purpose in life, the better it is. It appears that the greatest challenge comes in the unending search for the purpose of life. Not only as an individual but for our families, organizations and country. Once our purpose and values are clear, conflicts between self-interest and social obligations find a moral balance between themselves.

We become aware of when to take a stand. That is the time we start making the right decisions for long-term gain rather than making the wrong decisions for short-term gain.

Wisdom and maturity lead to greater understanding of major issues.

Study as if you were to live forever. Live as if you were to die tomorrow.

--Mahatma Gandhi

We cannot help ourselves without helping others.

We cannot enrich our lives without enriching others.

We cannot prosper without bringing prosperity to others.

--Nanette Cole, Spellman College

Janette Cole once said, "Show me a person who is content with mediocrity and I will show you a person destined for failure." Life is not a spectator sport. We cannot sit back 169*and watch things happen. We need to find a purpose in order to make life meaningful and then strive to achieve that purpose.

170*LIVING WITH A PURPOSE

All of us are put on this planet for a purpose. We are part of a big picture. But very few people discover their purpose in life. Most of us just exist and keep counting our days rather than making our days count.

Dr. Albert Einstein was once asked, "Why are we here?" He replied, "If the universe is an accident, we are accidents. But if there is meaning in the universe, there is meaning in us also." And he added, "The more I study physics, the more I am drawn towards metaphysics."

I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than succeed in a cause that would ultimately fail.

--Wood row Wilson

WHERE DO WE LEARN OUR VALUES FROM?.

I recently read the story of a high-school values clarification cla.s.s conducted by a teacher in Teaneck, New Jersey. A girl in the cla.s.s had found a purse containing $1,000 and returned it to its owner. The teacher asked for the cla.s.s's reaction. Every single one of her fellow students concluded the girl had been foolish. Most of the students contended that if someone was careless, they should be punished. When the teacher was asked what he said to the students, he responded, "Well, of course, I didn't say anything. If I come from the position of what is right and what is wrong, then I'm not their counselor. I can't impose my views."*

If we do not learn values from our parents and teachers, who do we learn them from?

And when they don't teach us values, we pick them up by default from television and other such undesirable sources. No wonder society gets messed up. The teacher such as in the example above is not only irresponsible with distorted values but does not deserve to be teaching our kids.

WINNING VERSUS WINNERS.

What is the difference between winning and being a winner? Winning is an event. Being a winner is a spirit. Winners have kept winning in perspective based on their value system.

THREE INSPIRATIONAL WINNERS.

1. Olympics is a lifetime event. Lawrence Lemieux stopped racing in a yacht race to help a fellow compet.i.tor who was in trouble. The whole world was watching. His priority of safety for other people's lives was greater than his desire to win. Even though he did not win the race, he was a winner. He was honored by kings and queens all over the world because he kept the spirit of the Olympics alive.

2. I heard the story about Reuben Gonzales when he was in the final match of the racquetball tournament. This was an important event and he was playing for the world t.i.tle. In the final game at match point, Gonzales played a super shot to save point. The referee and the linesman both confirmed that the shot was good and he was declared the winner.

171*

* Journal of the American Family a.s.sociation, November / December 1991.

But Gonzales, after a little pause and hesitation, turned back to shake his opponent's hand and said, "The shot was faulty." As a result, he lost the serve and eventually, lost the match.

Everyone was stunned. Who could imagine that a player with everything officially in his favor, with winning in his pocket, would disqualify himself and lose. When asked why he did it, Gonzales replied, "It was the only thing to do in order to maintain my integrity." He lost the match, yet he was a winner.

3. A group of salespeople left town for a meeting and told their families they would be back home Friday evening for supper. But as with meetings the way they are, one thing leads to another and they didn't finish on time. They were delayed and had to catch a flight. They came to the airport just at the last minute, with tickets in hand, and ran, hoping the plane hadn't departed. While running, one of them hit a table and on the table was a fruit basket. All the fruit got scattered and bruised but they didn't have time to stop. They kept running and made it to the plane and all of them breathed a sigh of relief that they had made it, except one. He got in touch with his feelings, got up, said good-bye to his friends and went. What he saw made him glad that he came out. He went to the table that was knocked down and behind the table was a ten-year- old blind girl who was selling the fruits to make a living. He said, "I hope we haven't ruined your day." He pulled out $10 from his pocket, handed it to her and said, "This will take care of the fruits," and he left. The girl couldn't see what was going on; all she could hear was the footsteps leaving. As the footsteps faded away, she shouted from behind, "Are you G.o.d?" He missed his flight but was he a winner? You bet. One can be a winner without a medal and one can be a loser with a medal if winning is not kept in perspective.

WINNING IS AN EVENT; BEING A WINNER IS A SPIRIT.

Three people ran a marathon besides hundreds of others. The medal was won by a fourth person. But does that mean that these three people were losers? Not at all. They all went into the race with different objectives. The first one went in to test his endurance and he did and came out better than his expectations. The second wanted to improve on his previous performance, and he did. The third person had never run a marathon in his life. His objective was to complete the race and reach the finish line and he did. What does that tell us? All three with different objectives met them and they were all winners, regardless of who won the medal.

As Mark Twain said, it is better to deserve an honor and not have it than to have it and not deserve it. Because dignity is not in possessing but deserving.

If winning is the only objective, a person may miss out on the internal rewards that come with winning. More important than winning is winning with honor and deserving to have won. It is better to lose honorably than to succeed with dishonesty. Losing honorably may signify lack of preparation but dishonest winning signifies lack of character.

The real test of a person's character is what he would or would not do if he knew he would never be found out. It is not worth compromising one's integrity and taking shortcuts to win. You may win a trophy but knowing the truth you can never be a happy person. More important than winning a trophy is being a good human being.

172*Winners live and work every day as if it were the last day. Because one of these days it is going to be the last and we don't know which one it is going to be. When they leave, they leave as winners.

There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.

--Michael de Montaigne

WINNERS ARE GRACIOUS.

Remember, winners are gracious. They never brag about themselves, they respect and appreciate their team members and opponents.

Many people know how to be successful . Very few know how to handle success. And there is always something about success that displeases some other people.

BLUEPRINT FOR SUCCESS.

We conduct a three-day seminar t.i.tled "Blueprint for Success" globally for organizations in-house and open public programs. This is based on the philosophy "Winners don't do different things, they do things differently." This philosophy came as a counter to the belief "Winning is not everything, it is the only thing." This latter philosophy leads me to question the integrity of people who believe it to be true. It gives a distorted meaning to the words "killer instinct." If you ask a person on the street, "What is the meaning of killer instinct," most responses would be, "You have to win by hook or by crook." That is not killer instinct, that is pure dishonesty.

To a good sportsman, killer instinct means:

1. You don't put in 100% but you put in 200%.

2. To win, we must cash in on our opponent's mistake. Not cashing in on an opponent's mistake is a mistake. However, playing foul to win is not killer instinct, it is outright dishonesty. Unfair winning may give temporary success but certainly not fulfillment.

The reality is that life is a compet.i.tion and we have to compete. In fact, compet.i.tion makes compet.i.tive people grow. The objective is to win, no question--but to win fairly, squarely, decently and by the rules.

WINNERS LEAVE A LEGACY.

Great people leave something behind. Winners recognize that no one can make it alone.

Even though champions get the medals, they realize that there are many people behind their success, without whom it would not have been possible. Their teachers, parents, coaches, fans, and mentors. One can never fully repay those who have helped winners.

The only way to show a little grat.i.tude is by helping those who are following. The following poem says it all.

THE BRIDGE BUILDER.

An old man, going a lone highway, Came, at the evening, cold and gray, To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide, 173*Through which was flowing a sullen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim; The sullen stream had no fears for him; But he turned, when safe on the other side, And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near, "You are wasting strength with building here; Your journey will end with the ending day; You never again must pa.s.s this way; You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide-- Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head: "Good friend, in the path I have come," he said, "There followeth after me today A youth, whose feet must pa.s.s this way.

This chasm, that has been naught to me, To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.

He, too, must cross in the twilight dim; Good friend, I am building the bridge for him. "