I close my eyes for a moment. No thoughts, just longing-yearning-surges through my brain, and then I crush it, snapping my eyes open. "Not my thing. Thanks anyway."

"Yeah right," Aaron smirks. "I saw that look on your face. You want it bad."

"Maybe, but I'll never touch it again." My voice shakes a little.

Archie grabs Aaron's arm. "Leave it alone. Why's that guard hanging around you?"

Aaron shrugs. "Just being friendly."

"Bulls.h.i.t. He's after something, and he's setting a nice little bait for you. You watch him. Keep away from him. He's a b.l.o.o.d.y f.a.ggot."

Aaron snorts. "Don't be stupid. He's built like a tank."

"Do you think they all wear frilly dresses?"

Aaron screws his face up. "You're on the wrong track. He's an okay guy."

Archie turns and spits in the corner. "For a smart guy, you sure can be dumb sometimes."

Aaron shrugs. "More for me." He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it again. "Catch you." Then he bounces away, boxing lightly into the air.

Archie shakes his head. "I can't stand drugs. Makes you do crazy things. Them and grog."

"What drugs have you done, Arch?"

"I haven't. It was drink that got me in here-drink and being dumb." He shakes his head, a look of pain crossing his face, and lowers his voice. "I've probably done something a lot worse than anyone else in here." His voice catches in his throat, and he turns away, coughing unconvincingly. "I've killed two people, Luca," he says at last, head down, not meeting my eyes. I don't breathe. "Most of them are in here for theft or malicious damage, some for a.s.sault or even rape, but not too many are in here for causing someone's death." I can see his long eyelashes beaded with tears in the harsh light. I wish he'd stop, but he goes on.

"We kids used to run pretty wild. We nicked off from school a lot or just didn't go at all for weeks, so we had plenty of spare time. When we were younger, it was easy. We were happy just hanging around, maybe swimming or fishing, but when we hit about eleven, we wanted to do more. A few kids sniffed glue, but they just sat around like zombies. There was an older kid, Ryan, and he knew how to break into cars, but I'd never done anything like that.

"When we could though, we'd get older kids to buy beer for us, and we'd drink it even though it tasted like s.h.i.t at first. We wanted to look tough, like men." He shoots a quick look at me. "You know how it is. Anyway," he goes on, sighing deeply, "one night we went to a party at Ryan's aunty's place. We snuck heaps of wine and beer without being noticed. We walked into Carnarvon, up the main street, making a racket and kicking bins over. Ryan was jogging from car to car, testing every door, and then we heard him whistle in the darkness. We saw the inside light of a four-wheel drive go on. Someone had forgotten to lock it.

"We crammed into the back seat and next to Ryan, who was under the dash, hotwiring the car. He was a genius at that. Within about 30 seconds, the car started, and we were off down the road. We kept the lights off and drove slowly down the street, did a U-turn at the end near the fascine, and then we were off. Ryan drove pretty fast, and we were all yelling, and then he pulled over, opened the door and spewed."

"You drive for a while,' he said to me. I feel bad.' I was so excited. I'd never driven before, but I knew where everything was and this car was automatic. I slid over, and Ryan got in the other side. I pressed the accelerator, and we crunched back onto the road.

"Give it the gun, Archie!' the kids in the back screamed, so I pushed my foot down on that pedal hard, and we jerked forward and roared down the road. It was easy. The road was straight and long, and we just laughed ourselves stupid, the window open, the wind whipping through the car.

"I started feeling a bit sick myself with all that grog sloshing around in my gut, but I didn't care. I could do anything. Then Ryan shouted above the noise, Slow down!' I ignored him and put my foot down harder, and all the boys cheered. He tried again. Slow down! The turn off to Perth's up ahead!' I jammed my foot on the brakes to slow down, and the car just slid and jerked and rolled. I thought it would never stop. That car just went on and on, sliding and people screaming and..." Archie's panting now, and his top lip is dotted with sweat. I put my hand out and touch his arm, but he doesn't seem to know I'm even there.

"I came to in the darkness, the car lights still on and beaming ahead, but inside the car, there was nothing but someone crying in the back. I tried to speak, but something was stopping me, and it took a long time for any sound to come out. When I could finally speak, I whispered as loudly as I could, Jimmy, Ryan, Brett...' right through all their names, but only one answered apart from the one who said nothing, just kept crying like a puppy whining. I don't know how much later the ambulance arrived, and then there were lights and noise and voices everywhere.

"I woke up in hospital. My shoulder and arm were in plaster, but I was okay apart from a bad headache. I asked the nurse how everyone was, and she said the doctor would speak to me. The doctor came in a few minutes later and sat down. I remember his face really well. It was long and sad-looking, and I could see he hadn't shaved and most of his face had that blue look. I still see it."

Archie stops, and I see his chest rising and falling fast as he catches his breath. "The doctor said, Well, you're okay. In fact, you can go home tomorrow. You've had a bad b.u.mp on your head, but the breaks in your arm are clean. Your friends didn't do so well. The one called Ryan broke his neck and died at the scene, and another boy died 10 minutes ago. Apart from that, there are concussions, the odd broken bone and internal injuries.' Then he'd said the words that will stick with me forever: Was it worth the ride?'

"I'd sat there in the bed, saying nothing, his words hammering into me, but I was really only hearing two of them properly just then: Ryan...died.' I kind of stopped thinking then. I was in some kind of a daze, like my body was working but I was somewhere else."

Archie lets his head flop back on the headrest of his chair and closes his eyes.

"Me too, Arch," I say quietly.

He opens his eyes and looks at me. "What do you mean?"

I swallow. "Two people are dead because of me too."

His eyes widen, and he grips my arm. I feel my bottom lip start trembling out of control, and he blinks fast too. We sit there for a minute, and then he shakes his head, wipes his eyes quickly with the back of his hand and smiles.

"Look at us sitting here like a couple of snivelling old tarts. I've never talked so much in my whole life." We both laugh uncontrollably, and Aaron comes over and says, "What's the joke?" We find this incredibly funny for some reason, and we're still laughing, tears of-what?-running down our faces, when the siren rings for us to go back to our cells.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

Katy fit right into high school. She loved everything about it, and by Year Nine, there were plenty of boys hanging around her. She was popular and good at sport, especially softball. Life for her seemed perfect.

I liked it too. I'd started to grow but not as fast as most of the other boys. I'd always remembered Mr Squires' words about making sure you didn't have any ha.s.sles at home and at school, so I didn't make too much of a pain of myself in cla.s.s and I did my homework because it was better than being around Reid, plus I wanted to prove him wrong. I wasn't a loser.

One weekend, Katy knocked on my door and said, "Luca, I've got a game at Dongara tomorrow. Mum said we could stay there tonight at the hotel and come home tomorrow afternoon after the game. Do you want to come?"

"Is he going too?"

She sighed and pursed her lips, the bright lip gloss she wore making her mouth look like a squashed tomato. "Of course he is; duh!"

"I'll pa.s.s, thanks."

"Okay, I'll ask Erin to come, then." Katy shrugged and left, her face blank.

Mum came in a couple of minutes later, a frown on her face. "Come on Luca, you'll enjoy it, and you'll be on your own overnight if you stay here."

"I'm 15, Mum! Just go! I don't want to, and Katy will have a better time with her friend than with me."

Mum screwed up her mouth, just like Katy had. "That's not the point! We're going as a family!" I couldn't keep the look off my face, and she turned away angrily. "Do what you want then!"

Half an hour later, they left. Mum stuck her head in my room before they went and said, "There's cold meat and salad in the fridge and plenty of bread for breakfast and sandwiches tomorrow. I don't want anyone here while we're away, so no inviting any friends over. We'll be back by tea time tomorrow night."

I looked up from the book I was reading and nodded, and then she was gone. As soon as I heard the car drive off, I put my book down, leant back on the pillow and stretched. The joy of it! The whole house to myself! My room seemed to expand around me. It was nothing like the little old room I used to share with Katy. This one wasn't super big, but it had everything anyone could want. There was a big built-in wardrobe with mirrored doors, a set of deep shelves for all my books, and a chest of drawers.

The best thing was the window. It was wide and filled the room with light. There were plants outside to hide the neighbour's fence, but the right side of the window was clear of them, and I could see sky and sea across the tops of the houses lower down. I even had a glimpse of the war memorial, a white dome of metal gulls that glinted in the sun and glowed under a full moon. I had put my study desk under that window, which sometimes served as an escape hatch late at night. I'd only done it a few times, but it was easy to slide it open early on so that no one would hear me go out later. Originally, I'd just gone for a walk around the silent streets on a hot summer's night when I couldn't sleep, but lately I'd been joining a few kids down on the beach.

We'd just lie around and smoke a bit of dope. It was easy to get at school. Kids came into school from farms, and lots of them had stashes of marijuana they'd grown in some hidden place. It was easy to grow and dry, and they'd pack it into little cellophane bags and sell it pretty cheap. We'd stretch out on the sand, the waves rolling in and out and the moon washing everything white, and we'd puff away.

The big black dome of sky above us was that same one Dad and I had lain under, but how much more beautiful it was when I was high! No longer was it a scattering of stars. Now each one, as I looked at it, seemed to pulse forward and stand proud of all the others. I could have reached out and touched them. Each perfect star filled my vision, and everything else faded away around it. All I needed to do was look a little to the left or the right, and a new star-as though waiting just for me, for my undivided attention-would merge with my brain, its light filling my eyes, my mind, and soaking down through every part of me.

I had felt so relaxed. Everything was perfect. I loved my friends, the breeze, the sand under me, the sound of the waves. I wished I could stay there, held in the arms of each moment forever, but then it would slowly wear off and I would be left lying on the sand, getting cold, with the stars once again way beyond my reach. The other guys around me would start stirring, and we'd drift home, our mouths dry, our movements dream-like.

Well, tonight, I'd be down on the beach again. Someone would be there. I had a job at a cafe on the beach, and it was enough to keep me in weed. I didn't smoke it a lot-just down there, really. I'd never have brought it into the house. Someone would have smelled it, and Reid would have said nothing while Mum went off at me, but in his eyes, I would have seen his glee at my turning into the loser he'd predicted I'd be.

My glance dropped down to my desk. All my books were lined up neatly, the way I liked them. Mum had put a photo there of Katy and me taken at our primary graduation two and a half years before. I picked it up. Katy had changed. She was taller, and her hair was long and shiny instead of in those d.i.n.ky little ponytails she'd worn back then-and me, well... I looked closely. I looked so young in the photo. Then I crossed the room to my wardrobe and looked hard at myself in the mirror.

I was pleased with what I saw. I hadn't exactly grown a lot in height, but I was heavier, and my arms and legs were lightly muscled. I didn't look like a kid, that's for sure. My face had squared off around the jaw a bit. My eyes were dark and intense, and my nose didn't look so long anymore. My face had kind of grown around it. I'm not bad looking! I thought with a grin. My skin was olive, like Dad's, and there was a look in my eyes that hadn't been there back in primary school-kind of wary, as though I were sizing people up. In the photo, my eyes were kind of open and soft, like a child's.

I'm becoming a man! I thought proudly, and I turned side-on, stuck out my chest and struck an Arnie' pose. Then I had to laugh and shake my head; there was still a fair way to go. I was still a skinny 15-year-old kid.

I had a bit of homework to do but not today. This day was mine, and tomorrow too! I made a sandwich, put some music on and turned up the volume, singing along as loudly as I wanted. This was great! I left the stuff on the bench-I could clean up later-grabbed some money, my bathers and a towel, and I headed out the front door. This is what it was going to be like every day when I grew up and left. I'd have my own place and I could do exactly what I wanted.

It was a hot day, and by the time I'd jogged down the hill to the beach, I was sweating. The harbor stretched to the left along the far arc of the water, concrete silos like fat, grey test tubes huddled next to the wharf. To my right lay the marina, a few squat fishing boats rubbing shoulders with the odd yacht and pleasure boat. I pulled off my shoes and crossed the street to the beach, waving to a few kids I knew who were kicking a footy along the beach. I ducked into the change rooms, peeled off my sticky clothes and pulled on my board shorts.

Within three minutes, I was in the water, diving under the waves that were rolling over lazily a few metres out. Lying on my back, I kicked out until I was past them, and then I floated for a while, my eyes closed, body rocking rhythmically as the swell surged beneath me.

Something slid close by me, and I jerked up. There were plenty of sharks around Geraldton, so I struck out for the beach, willing my pounding heart to quiet down and not send distress signals through the water. Then I heard a high burst of laughter. Karol, the Croatian girl who'd started school here a few months before, was treading water in front of me. Every boy in my year l.u.s.ted after her. She was tall and athletic but slim, with green eyes and the smoothest skin I'd ever seen. And that skin, lightly tanned and gleaming wetly, was right there banded only by two tiny red strips.

"You think I'm shark?" she laughed, smoothing her wet hair back from her forehead.

"You can eat me any time," I grinned back and then ducked under the water in embarra.s.sment. What a stupid thing to say! She'll think I'm just a sleazebag now, I thought, but when I came back up, she was smiling just the same. Thank G.o.d her English wasn't good.

"Can you show me how to do that riding of the waves without a surfboard?"

"Body surfing?"

"Yes, yes, that's right," Karol said.

"No worries. We need to come in a bit closer to the sh.o.r.e."

We swam in towards the beach a little to where the waves started swelling. Karol couldn't swim very well, but she loved trying to catch the waves. Bad luck she was always too slow and didn't really get a decent ride.

After she'd tried about a dozen times, I said, "Here, get behind me and hang on tight around my neck, and I'll show you what to do." She grabbed me round the neck. "Aaargh!" I choked. "Too tight! Don't strangle me!"

She laughed, a real laugh, and I joined in. G.o.d, she was gorgeous, the salt water droplets caught in her eyelashes, her teeth white, her skin honey. Then I felt that smooth skin pressed against my back, and she hooked her arms under mine and held onto my shoulders.

"Not strangle now!" she said. I could feel every b.u.mp and curve as she clung to me. Thank G.o.d the water was cold. I could have just stood there forever and died happy, but she said impatiently, "When do we surf our bodies?" I snapped my head back and saw a nice little wave starting to gather strength.

"As soon as I start swimming, just kick as fast as you can, and if we time it right, the wave will carry us with it. Now!" I lunged forward with her clinging like a barnacle. We rode it right to the beach, and then she let go and we both rolled in the sandy water, trying not to gulp in any of it as we gasped with laughter. Her bikini bottom had ridden up, and the white skin looked so silky and touchable, and then she hooked them back into place with a shy laugh.

"Ha! I have sand in places where sand should not be!" she said, wading back out to where it was deeper, and I could see she was sluicing water through those straining red strips of cloth.

"I'll do it, I'll do it," I breathed silently, and then she struck out towards the deeper water, calling over her shoulder, "Again, Luca; I want to do it again!"

And that's how the whole afternoon went. If only it could have gone on forever. Finally, she said through chattering teeth, "I must become warm again. Look at my hands!" I looked and saw they were white with a bluey tinge. I grabbed one of them and started to drag her towards the sh.o.r.e. My G.o.d! My boardies were baggy but not enough to hide the mini-tent happening at the front. s.h.i.t! If I run up the beach with her, one of my mates will notice and burst out laughing. Everyone will see! Karol will be disgusted! Quick, horrific visions of lying on the sand and looking like a ski jump or tripping and pole-vaulting on the beach ran cartoon-like through my mind. I let go of her hand and said, "My towel's just near that flag. Lie down on it, and you'll warm up in a couple of minutes."

"Are you not coming?" she asked.

"I just want to catch one more wave, and then I'll be there." I turned before she could think of anything else to say and swam out fast. Five minutes later, I was nearly back to normal and ran up the beach and flopped onto the hot sand. It was so delicious, the contrast of hot and cold, those funny shivers coursing through my body.

She lay on her back, her arms folded over her face. I was belly down for safety, with my head turned towards her, resting on my elbows. I closed my eyes, but through my lashes, I was running my eyes from her toes right up to her raised arms. She was so close to me, her thigh touching mine. I lay my head down on my arms and just wallowed in the warmth of that long, smooth leg pressing lightly against me. h.e.l.l, here we go again! I wriggled into the sand, and then suddenly she sat up and began pulling her T-shirt over her head. "Thank you so much, Luca! I like that very much. Could you teach me again another time? I must go home now."

"But why? We could have a hamburger on the beach later. There are always people here Sat.u.r.day night."

Karol shook her head decisively. "No, my parents would not permit that. I must be home before dinner."

"Why not come down here after that?" I persisted.

She laughed, twisting her long, dark blonde hair back into a loose bun on top of her head. "I am not allowed out at night alone with a boy for another two years, but I can see you at school and here at the beach on the weekend." She smiled and then bent down and touched my cheek. "Thank you very much for today. You are very kind." Then she turned and walked quickly across the sand. When she reached the road, she turned and waved-how did she know I'd be watching her?-brushed the sand off her feet and was gone.

My mind was buzzing. How your life can change in a couple of hours! Before, she'd just been another pretty, out-of-reach girl in an ugly school uniform; now she was a golden G.o.ddess, warm and beautiful, and she liked me! She was going to come to the beach again. I lay back down on the sand and started imagining what might happen the next time; us swimming and then my arms around her underwater-maybe later, under a towel, a big one. I would have to buy one. This one was too small.

My mind drifted on.

"What're you doing, Luca? Want to get a burger?"

I sat up quickly. Three guys from school were there: Ross, Brian and Toby.

"Or do you want to lie there having a wet dream over that Croatian chick?" They laughed like drains, slapping Brian, the joker, on the back.

"Yeah, right, very funny." How right he was! Then I jumped up and ran at him, knocking him into the sand, and we rolled and scrambled, laughing, until we hit the water.

Watching the sun drop towards the horizon and the sky changing colour, eating a burger, pretty much in love, no one at home-life couldn't be better. For some reason, Dad popped into my mind, but I pushed him out again as quickly as I could.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

When it got dark, we went for a walk through the main street. I have to say, there was a lot more to do and see in Geraldton than where I'd come from. I still missed it, but I missed it like I missed being in primary school or playing hidey or helping Dad in the shed. It was time to put it away in my mind. All over.

We met a few other kids and hung around across the road from the pub in a small park. The music was really pumping out of there, but the bright lights, noise and people laughing just made us feel a bit depressed, I guess. It seemed like forever till we would be able to walk in there, order a beer, lean on the bar and talk, and then get into our cars with some good-looking girl and drive to wherever we wanted and do whatever we wanted.

"This is boring," said one of the girls, Ebony. She wasn't bad-looking-great, in fact, from the neck down-but she had such a snooty look on her face that it turned you off.

"Well, what do you want to do?" said Ross. Things were different when girls were around. Everyone acted like t.o.s.s.e.rs and said dumb things, crude things, bragged about themselves-anything to get attention.

"I feel like going to a party, don't you, Amanda?" Ebony's friend was nicer than her but shy. She nodded eagerly, and they both turned expectantly to Ross.

"I don't know about any parties anywhere, but why don't we get someone to buy us a few bottles, and we'll go down the beach and see what pops ups." The girls squealed with laughter, "Let's go!" and ran off, doing that weird run girls do when they're wearing tight skirts and high heels-kind of like their knees are hinged to kick out sideways instead of backwards.

Ross muttered, "You guys go ahead. I'll try and get some booze." The others pulled out a few notes between them and handed them to him.

"I'll stay with you," I said quickly as everyone else took off after the girls.