"Don't you think Jane is a better bathroom companion?"

She yanked his hand with a fake smile. "Come. On."

"Umm..." I began, but they ran off before I could stop them. I looked over at Louis, who seemed to feel as awkward as I did about being left alone together.

"So, they ditched us," I said.

"Yeah, looks like it."

We both laughed and the tension eased slightly.

"Are you on a break?" I asked, gesturing with my head to the building behind me. A DJ played throbbing dance music inside.

"We were just opening for some other bands. Our set is over."

"Oh, well you were really good."

A couple of guys walked by and stopped to talk to Louis. I waited, becoming very interested in the hem of my dress. He seemed to know a lot of people. Once they left, he turned back to face me.

"Where do you go to school?" I asked.

"Westchester."

Jackpot. The same school as Sarah Mae and Charlotte. Now I knew why Ava ditched me with him. Their school had the reputation of being very liberal and innovative with curriculum. From our research, I gathered most of the kids were stoners.

"Oh. Right. Hippy-alternative-call-your-teachers-by-their-first-name-school."

"Pretty much," he laughed. "And you go to Bates? With Christian?" I nodded and I busied my hands twisting the cap on and off the bottle of water. Stay calm, Jane, I thought. I needed dirt. And flirting with this boy may get me exactly what I needed.

"Christian says you're an artist."

Twist on. Twist off. "He did?"

"Yeah." He looked at his feet. Scuffing his black sneakers into the pavement. "I'm looking for someone to paint my guitar case. He mentioned you."

"What kind of design are you looking for?

He shrugged. "Nothing specific. Whatever inspires you."

"What? I couldn't do that. What if I made something stupid or silly that you hated?"

"I don't think I would hate it," he smiled. "If I did, I suppose I could paint over it, right?"

I placed my hand over my heart and pouted. "Ouch. You'd paint over my masterpiece? I'm hurt."

Louis moved closer. He rested his hand on the cement wall next to my leg. His movements implied nothing other than minor interest, but my heart pounded like an alarm. A completely unwarranted reaction. Totally premature. Or so I thought until his hand grazed the side of my own and he said, "Maybe we could meet up sometime then, and we can talk about it some more."

I opened my mouth to speak. I started to say, "Okay, sure, when would you like to meet?" even though my heart and mind told me to run. To self-preserve. I felt sick to my stomach. Guilt. That's what I felt. Guilt.

"Did you know Charlotte Brady?" I blurted out. Humiliation wiped away the guilt.

He nodded. "Yeah. She was in my cla.s.s. Kind of a friend. Did you know her?"

"A friend of a friend, I guess. He took her death really hard."

"Charlotte was a tough chick to get to know. She liked trouble and spent a lot of time out of school. We partied some together, but that's not saying much, she partied with everyone."

I'd like a better definition of party. "It's sad. I've been depressed before, but nothing like that." I reached for my hair and tried not to think about the box of hair in my drawer at home and the desperation I felt at the time.

"Speak of the devil..." Louis said with a raised eyebrow.

Panicked, I turned to face Charlotte but instead saw Sarah Mae standing against one of the back doors.

With Connor.

Charlotte would have been preferable.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "What?"

He pointed in their direction. "See that girl? That's Charlotte's BFF. Sarah Mae."

I forced myself to look. Her back pressed against the wall and her earrings glimmered in the shadowy light. She lifted a cigarette to her lips, blowing the smoke away from his face. And Connor. I hadn't seen him in days and it took everything in me to not go to him. And beat him senseless.

Jealousy did not suit me well.

"They did everything together. And I mean everything." He gave me a knowing look, having no idea that what he insinuated pushed beyond my comfort level. "Drugs, guys, running away."

"Ew... guys?" I burned a hole in the back of Connor's head.

He shrugged. "Some girls are into all that. The shock value more than anything else. That's why she's here tonight, I suppose. The self-destructive never know when to back off. I guess she found her newest victim."

By the grace of G.o.d, Ava appeared with Christian in tow and I hopped from my seat. "Which way to the bathroom?" I asked, and broke into a run in the direction Ava pointed.

On the long way back from the bathroom, I talked some sense into myself. I came to this party to get information. I just got more than I knew what to do with. I walked back to the group. Smile on my face. Normal pace. Until...

Connor stood in the middle of the group I'd just run away from. Sarah Mae clung to his side.

Ava caught my eye and I ignored the sympathetic look. "I'm back," I said squeezing between Ava and Christian, jostling them with my elbows. It's not like I could stand next to Louis. And I refused to stand next to Connor.

"Hey," Connor said, his eyes darting around. Busted.

"Surprised to see you here," I said. I decided against a follow-up comment about his ankle monitor.

"Released on good behavior, I guess," he said. Sarah Mae snorted next to him. When he adjusted his hat, I noticed a leather cuff around his wrist. Yeah, he better feel nervous.

Ava jumped in, all smiles and diversion. "Jane, Louis just told us how he and Connor have been friends for years."

"Yeah, Little League."

Great. I'm trying to stay mad at Connor, but really? Baseball pants? I thought of hipster-cool Connor wearing baseball pants and felt a little swoony under my anger.

"Hard to imagine."

"You guys go to school together?" Louis asked Connor, his eyebrows raised in an interested manner.

My not-boyfriend replied, "We do."

"I asked Jane about painting my guitar case."

"Oh, really. Huh." Somehow during all of this, Connor had moved away from Sarah Mae and now stood by my side. His shoulder pressed against mine. I gave him a look. A hard look.

"I'm Sarah," the short-haired girl said, stepping forward.

Connor waved between the two of us. "Yeah, Sarah, this is Jane."

Her eyes narrowed, checking me out. I could only nod in reply.

"Could you guys give us a minute," Connor said.

"Sure," Ava said. "Come on, Sarah. I need something to drink. Wanna come?"

Louis hesitated and I looked away during some sort of non-verbal exchange that took place between the boys. When I looked up, he had followed the others.

"What was that?" Connor asked me.

"What was what?"

"Louis, really?" his eyes flashed with anger.

I shot back. "Sarah whatever-her-name is? Really?"

His hand went back to his hair. "That's nothing."

"I'm tired of you telling me it's nothing but then acting like it's everything. What are you even doing here? No way your mom let you come to a party."

"Big deal. I just left."

"It is a big deal! You're wearing a leg monitor. They probably know you're gone already."

"They probably do. And I don't care. I'm tired of being shut in my house."

"I hope it's worth it." I shook my head at the disaster he'd become. "I hope she's worth it."

Connor's hand grasped mine. "I'm not doing this for her, Jane. Don't you get that?" he whispered. "Every time she sees us together, you're at risk."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." I looked at our linked hands. A flare of energy spiked between us. I pushed the wide leather band away from his wrist. I'd seen a dark mark inked in his skin, partially covered.

"What the h.e.l.l is that?" I asked.

He pulled his hand away. "Nothing."

"What is it?" I reached for him and flipped over his hand, moving the watchband. A small black ink tattoo covered the inside of his wrist. "Is that real?"

"Yeah."

"When did you get it?" I knew it wasn't there the last time I saw him.

"Yesterday. It's not a big deal."

"Stop saying that." I twisted his arm until I could see it better in the dark, shadowy corner we stood in. As soon as I made out the image, I dropped his hand.

"Jane," he said as I stepped away.

"No."

"Look it's not what you think..."

"What do you think I think?" I yelled. "Because I've seen that before. In the Ruins." I saw Ava pull the guys away, leaving us alone. Connor reached for me, pulling me by my waist. I let him. "What does it mean? Did she tell you to get it?"

"No! It's a Celtic warrior symbol. I found it in some books my dad had about Ireland." I grab his arm and push the leather strap back and study the circle. "It's for protection."

That word again. Protection. "What are you afraid of?"

"Everything. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid of her. I've been trying to balance everything and I pushed you away but..." He jerked away and his hands flew to his head. I watched, horrified as he began tugging on his hair under his hat and his eyes filled with tears. "I'm afraid I can't control this. Or her. I can't control her."

"Connor," I said, pulling his hands out of his hair and into my own. "I need you to tell me what's going on. Everything."

"You know I can't."

"Yes, you can. Charlotte's dead. Those secrets are keeping her here. Tormenting you and me both."

"What if I can't protect you?"

"We'll protect each other. Like always."

AVA OPENED THE back door and raised a finger to her lips. "My mom isn't here, but my older brother is home. He doesn't really care if I have friends over, but he has an internship and gets up at 6 a.m." She flipped on the kitchen light. "He'll kick my b.u.t.t if we wake him up. But we can play video games in the bas.e.m.e.nt or watch a movie."

Connor followed behind me, fingers tugging at the back of my dress. "Can we talk out here?" he said, gesturing to the small deck behind us.

Ava shot me a questioning look that I waved away. "We'll be down in a little bit."

Christian wrapped an arm around Ava and led her away. "Beat you in Guitar Hero?"

"You wish," she said, and they disappeared into the house.

I followed Connor to a couple of wrought iron chairs on the porch and sat on one that rocked gently with my weight. He claimed the chair across from me and leaned his arms across his legs. There were no lights on and it was so dark I could hardly see him, but that was okay, I wasn't sure how close I could be to him anyway. Not with what he was about to tell me.