The next few days were a blur to me. I found every reason to avoid Jennifer as I did not know what to do now. I don't know why I was. I just did not know how to be around her without giving into my pa.s.sions for her. My fears of this relationship were coming to light now, and I was no longer sure if this was for me. I wrote out a list of the good and bad of it to help me.

Good: She seems to really care about me.

s.e.x is back into my life.

She has a lot in common with me.

I love how she makes me feel.

Bad: Things could get messy.

She is married.

She has kids.

There are complications.

This did not help until I realized that I wanted her in my life. I think what scared me the most was that I was falling in love with her. With that information, I knew I had to distance myself and get back to work on the clinic. There was no way that this could work. Was there?

With that running through my mind, I entered into the clinic with intent to finally see who all Kelly had brought me to hire on. I knew we needed staff ASAP and hoped she had not gone crazy dreaming of the big picture wish of a dream team. I saw Kelly right away and decided that it was best to just talk to her.

"Kelly. Got a minute?"

"Just the person I wa Ner be"0"nted to see. I always got a minute for you!"

"Thanks. Come to the office then. I want to talk staff."

"Sure you don't want to talk about why a certain RN looks so blue 'cause a certain ED is avoiding her?"

"No. I have to stay on work right now and will take care of that later."

We had worked hard to find a way in the budget to get what Kelly was wanting in staff. Interviews had gone smoothly and more turned out for them than we expected. Word of the clinic and the reputation of it being a wonderful place to work had spread throughout the community. We may not have been able to offer big packages of benefits and pay like some, but what we did offer seemed larger than that to all of us that worked there.

"Okay, Kelly. Time to tell me who you have decided on. I need to call them in to get going in dividing them up between those that we don't have to put before the board and the others I need to invite to the board meeting."

"Yes! This day has finally come! I will email you the names ASAP. Now, on to the other. Why you avoiding Jennifer?"

"You are going to keep pushing 'til I tell you, huh?"

"Yes. I would not be your best friend if I didn't."

I knew that there was no way of dismissing Kelly. She knew me better than anyone and really had my best interests at heart. I just could not get myself right now to open up to everything. I felt as though this had to stay between Jennifer, Trey, and me. Maybe what I needed was to get the two of them off to a dinner and discuss how this would work. I needed them to help make me understand. Yes, that was it.

"Well, Kelly. I was about to ask her out to eat soon, so don't worry."

"Great! Then I will send her your way as this gloom is bringing down the whole clinic!"

Before I could stop her, she was out the door and down the hall in search of my starburst beauty. All a sudden, I felt my palms get sweaty as I was not even sure how to react to her in the room with me. The most beautiful creature in the world to me was about to be in my office and I had not even given the common courtesy to stay in touch the last few days after we had s.e.x. I just wanted to crawl under the desk and do all this over the phone where she did not see the fear radiating off me.

"Hey, dapper lady!"

"Hey, yourself!"

"Before you say anything, you know you don't have to explain to me, right?"

This woman was amazing. She read my mind! I needed to know that I did not need to explain my actions. This was the first time someone did not question me about my actions or have me feeling so horrible for taking time to see what I wanted or needed. Maybe this could work. I had to figure this out and do it quickly!

"Jennifer, thank you for that! I actually was going to catch you later on my own, but you must know Kelly is pushy and always tries to get things done quickly--and her way. I want to know if you could manage dinner, but not for just the two of us."

"I don't follow."

"I want you, Trey, and me to go to dinner and talk about this. I need to know from all parties that this is okay and what the rules are. There must be rules, right?"

"Yes, but I don't know if Trey will agree to this."

"I tell ya what, why not Friday night? We meet for dinner at Agave around seven, and if it is both you and Trey, we go as planned. If it is just you, we make a new plan."

"Sounds great! I look forward to it! And no matter what, I do want some time with just you, please."

"Yes, that would be nice!"

"Can I kiss you?"

This time, instead of a verbal response, I kissed her. Oh, how I had missed those lips--their softness, their tenderness. These lips that belonged to this amazing woman that I was falling for. She was caught off-guard and, before I knew it, I could feel her melt away, as I was. If only I didn't have this need for us all to talk, I would take her back to the apartment after work and do all the things running through my head. I craved my starburst beauty. I needed her touch.

"Is that what you were asking for?"

"Mmm, yes."

"Then I am glad that I could provide it! Now, shoo. I have work to do."

With that, she was off, and I was looking at my email. I found the employees that Kelly wanted to hire and set out to make appointments for them to come in and fill out paperwork. I hoped then we could give a start date as I did not want to even think about it yet. My mind was still wrapped around that kiss and the need to have more. I knew now that I craved Jennifer and was falling hard for her. Some might even say I was falling in love. I just could not admit that yet. Maybe that would change to the point where I could say, definitely, that I was in love with her. Or maybe Friday would prove to be a bust and nothing would come of this relationship. Only time would tell.

Chapter Twelve.

"Trey, please come with me. I have the babysitter all set up. Afterwards, you can go hook up with Jill. I know you hit it off with her. Maybe she can be your girlfriend here."

"I don't know, Jen. No one has ever wanted a dinner just the three of us before. I don't trust her. Please understand. I won't get in your way of dating her, but I don't want to be a part of it in any manner. I just don't want to. I am not comfortable with it."

"This could be good!" Jennifer was not happy. All these years, Trey had hardly ever said no. She wished he would just give in and come, but she knew if she pushed anymore today, he would not come at all. With that, she went to the front room and helped the kids with homework until the pizza arrived for dinner.

Trey could not believe what was happening. A dinner? Really? What was there to talk about? What rules could there be that Jen could not go ahead and explain to Lexi? This was new to him. And, again, the pit of his stomach sank as he thought that this was going to end up taking Jen away from him if he did not do what she asked. Trey was debating whether he really wanted to keep doing this polyamorous thing. When he was young and they first married, he agreed, thinking it would be good, and he saw how it could benefit him. Now, though, he was didn't want to compete with anyone else for time with his wife. He did not want to see her in the arms of another. He wanted her happy, but watching someone else making her so--well, that was hard. He was ready to say it all had to stop or he was moving on, but then he thought of the kids.

He had promised himself that he would not leave until the kids were all in college. He entertained the idea of maybe staying it through until then, just not sharing the romance that there once was. Trey's love was the other block. Trey would give anything to and for Jennifer. He loved her more than life itself. The only thing bigger, though, was the pain he was feeling at the inadequacies of not being able to please her. He wanted someone that would just love him and be with him now that he was older.

Trey went to join the family when the pizza arrived and, at the look of them all laughing and playing together, he knew that this was worth any amount of pain. Jennifer looked up at him and smiled that smile that melted him, and he knew he was not going anywhere for now. He took his place at the table and joined in the fun.

Chapter Thirteen.

The big night for the dinner was almost upon me, and I had no clue what I was going to say. How did you approach this? I decided that tonight I would take one of my anxiety pills and at dinner might have a drink or two. I needed to relax for this, but that was hard to do.

I arrived a little before seven. There was no sign of them. At seven, I started to freak, thinking that maybe this was not a good idea and neither would show. I went ahead and went in to get a table, and that is when I saw her inside at a table. I did not see him and, for a moment, hoped that he was not there. This was a good thing. I walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Is this seat taken?"

"Yes, but you can sit on this side."

"So, are we alone? Or does that mean he is here too?"

"He just went to the restroom. I was starting to think you were not going to come."

"I was outside waiting on you two."

"Oh, well good thing you came in then!"

"Yes, very good thing."

"We have not ordered yet, and he is not sure about this, so please have patience. You may not find all the answers that you are looking for."

"Don't worry. I have no hidden agenda and will not push anything."

About then, Trey showed up and took his seat. We ordered our food and made small talk. I learned how they met, and I heard all about the agreement they made before they married that Jennifer would see women and one day find a special lady that would be her own. They also talked a little about the kids. I was not up to sharing much about my life, but hung on every bit about the life of my starburst beauty. When we finished eating, I decided that it was time to talk about why we were all meeting. We all ordered a drink, and I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Well, Trey, as you know, Jennifer and I have been seeing each other and have feelings. I am new to a poly lifestyle and still don't understand it all. I guess the reason I asked for this dinner was to see what you had on your mind of how this will look and what the rules are."

"Well, I don't know. We have always lived by a small few when it comes to this. One, we always know when the other is pursuing a relationship. Two, the other person has to be clean of STDs. And, three, neither that person or I can ask the other relationship to go away. This is something that has always been really something that I stayed out of when it came to the other people. It makes it easier that way."

"So, there are no rules about when dates are--no boundaries that you wish to have?"

"I guess the main thing is to stay out of our relationship and don't try to break it up. I will do the same with yours."

"I won't. In fact, I want you two to have as little stress and discomfort as possible. I d ^> "Thank you!"

Jennifer just sat there and did not say much. I don't know if she was even in the conversation with us or not. I was lost, and even though the information should have put me at ease, it didn't. I felt very uncomfortable and did not know what I was going to do yet. "Should I stay or should I go?" kept running through my mind.

"Jennifer, do you have anything to add?" Trey asked. I guess he felt the same need I did to have her give her thoughts and views.

"No. I just know I want to be with the both of you. Trey, I love you and have a beautiful life with you. Lexi, I think I am falling in love with you and want you to be part of that."

"Please be patient with me, this is happening so fast and is so new to me. I know I want this. I just don't know if it is something I can do."

"Lexi, just don't hurt her, and be honest. That's all I ask." Trey got up, kissed Jennifer, whispered something in her ear, and bid us farewell. I hoped that was a good sign, but it was unclear.

"Well, Lexi. You did something that no one else has ever done. You got Trey's respect, and that says a lot!"

"What do you mean?"

"He just said in my ear that his fears were fading and that he loved me."

"And that said I got his respect how?"

"He gave it by showing here, answering your questions, and then parting ways, leaving us to our evening."

"Wow! Really?"

"Really! Now, what shall we do with the rest of the night? I am yours 'til the morning, and this is where I want to be--right here with you."

"Well, I did not plan as I was not sure that we would make it this far. I am still uncertain of what I want, so please be patient with me."

"I will, sweetie. Don't worry."

"Thank you!"

"Want to catch a movie or something now?"

"How about pool? You play?"

"Are you kidding? I love pool!"

"Good, then we will go to the local lesbian club and shoot a few rounds and see from there. I am enjoying getting to know you and find you more interesting than any movie out there."

"Awe, you are too sweet," she said with a smile and blush.

When we got to the club, I did not see Kelly's or Amy's vehicles and figured it was safe. I did not want the two of them b.u.t.ting in on the date. That was what this was now, right? Of course it was! We went in only to find that Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb were inside.

"Well, look what the cat drug in?" Amy said sarcastically.

"Amy, Jennifer. J c, JWell, loennifer, Amy. Now if you two will excuse us, there is a pool table with our name on it."

"Nice to meet you!"

"Same here. Sure we cannot interest you into sitting here a bit and shooting the breeze with us?"