Sid-o-nee was still filling the stage.

"I know you sit before me, young, nervous. You think, how could I ever be like her? But I can still remember my own beginnings in this crazy, heartbreaking, cruel, wonderful, mad, mad world of art. The highs, the lows...let me not mince words, let me not blind you with dreams. There is no easy passage, no free lunch, this is a tough path...Your feet will bleed before you experience the golden slippers of applause!"

We looked at our feet.

Soon to be bleeding.

Sidone went on, "By the end of these few short weeks, some of you will be the 'chosen' and some of you will be the 'unchosen'."

When Sidone left the stage we were shown a film of students working at different projects at Dother Hall.

Ooh, look, here were students tap dancing, and some sword fighting in the woods. Students making a papier mache sculpture.

Jo whispered, "Why are they making a big stool?"

Vaisey said, "It's an elephant."

Jolly students painting outdoors. What a hoot! There was one photo of students dressed in black jumpsuits with painted white faces, looking at a motorbike.

I said to Vaisey, "What are they supposed to be?"

She shrugged.

The caption said at the end: Students produce a mime version of Grease.

Of course.

But funnily enough, although there were one or two shots of male teachers oh, and Bob banging at stuff with a wrench there were no boys around.

Until right at the end.

At last.

There was Martin making his tiny instrument. I elbowed Vaisey. "Look, there's Martin with his lute!"

There was a break afterwards. I felt quite dazed. 'Chosen' 'unchosen' 'bleeding feet' 'golden slippers of applause'?

We followed the signs to the cafe. Vaisey, me and Jo.

Jo said, "I'm really, really excited, aren't you? I didn't sleep a wink last night, well it wasn't the excitement of course, it was because of the whole dorm thing."

Vaisey nodded. "I'd quite like to see the dorm, actually. I wonder if..."

Jo said, "Oh, you weren't here last night, were you?

Vaisey said, "No. I was supposed to be here, but my bed wasn't quite ready, or something."

Jo laughed grimly. "Be glad you weren't in it, because that's where the roof came in over your bed. Bob nailed up an old blanket to keep the bats out and I think that is what caught fire. I'm not surprised, really, when Milly switched on her bedside lamp, it was giving off sparks. There was a dead pigeon in the loo. Maybe electrocuted."

As we got our tea and biccies I said to the other girls, "I don't want to go on about Martin and his lute, but, where is Martin and his lute? And where are Martin's mates?"

We looked at Jo.

Jo said, "Ahh, you mean Martin and his mates. Well, Dother Hall used to be mixed, but there was some sort of incident involving a game called 'twenty-five in a duvet cover' and since then boys are banned."

I said, "What a swizz. Still, at least there's Woolfe Academy."

We asked Jo if she knew anything about it.

She said, "No, but I would like to. At home, I'm at an all-girls school."

After break we were taken on a tour of the theatre department by Bob. I think he has given his ponytail a quick trim.

He was wearing a T-shirt that said 'Fat men are harder to kidnap'.

Bob said, "Sit down on the floor, Mr de Courcy will be with you in a minute. Don't play around with the lights, dudes."

As he went out, we saw that his T-shirt had ROCK on the back and that he was wearing very low-slung jeans with a belt that had all sorts of hammers and stuff hanging off it. And unfortunately, I think it is pulling his trousers down. I didn't want to look but there was something pale peeping out under his T-shirt. I think it may be his bottom.

One of the other girls said, "It's theatre in the round."

I didn't like to ask what that was. Only round people are allowed to be in it? Probably.

The girl who had said "theatre in the round" was the big girl who Jo had fallen into the lap of. So perhaps that is why she was so au fait with theatre in the round. She had thick-framed glasses on and dark hair in a ponytail with a big, clunky fringe. So that you couldn't see if she had eyebrows or not. She was looking at me.

I don't know why, I had my knees covered up.

I looked back. I was trying not to blink.

She didn't blink either.

I had accidentally entered a no blinking competition. On my first day at performing arts college. Things were hotting up.

Then the girl made her eyes go upwards so you could just see the white bits. Like in Night of the Zombies. It made me laugh. And that was the official end of the no blinking competition. We shook hands and she said, "Hello. You've got green eyes."

I said, "I know."

She said, "I know you know, but now I know."

And I said, "I know."

Two minutes later it seemed that everyone was chatting to each other. The zombie girl is called Florence, although her mates call her Flossie and she is from Blackpool.

I said, "Do you go on the pier and get candy, Flossie?"

She said, "Do you do that a lot?"

I said, "What?"

And she said, "Make really, really crap jokes?"

Jo and Vaisey said, "Yes."

And she said, "I think I might like you quite a lot."

A few people were doing handstands against the wall and the volume had gone up by a million when the door banged open to reveal a fat bloke. (I say things as I see things, and I couldn't see the door any more, so I know I am right about the fatness.) The bloke had little roundy cheeks, you know, the ones that look like there is a snack concealed in each one, for later. He was wearing a suit with a waistcoat. And a bow-tie. And he had tiny sort of piggy eyes. Or maybe they weren't really piggy eyes, they were just squashed up by his cheeks.

He clapped his pudgy hands together. "Mes enfants, mes enfants!! Tranquil! Tranquil!"

Everyone did go quiet, but I don't think it was because he had said 'be quiet' in French. I think it was the sheer size of his trousers.

He said, "I am Monty de Courcy, I have the privilege and the honour to teach you the wonders of theatre.

The magic of the-atre.

The language of the-a-tre.

You and I shall eat live breathe the the-a-tre. Let's to work!"

CHAPTER 4.

I don't think I can go a whole thummer without boyth

Where is Martin and his tiny instrument?

In the afternoon we were told that we could have the rest of the day to explore, but first we would be given our assignment for tomorrow. We were to gather in the entrance hall in twenty minutes.

When we arrived, Sidone was playing a cello dressed in a velvet trouser suit. Sidone, not the cello.

Monty de Courcy entered wearing a top hat and stopped in front of us.

Was he wearing eye-liner?

He took the top hat off and put his finger to his lips.

Then he shook the hat.

Had he got a rabbit in there?

He beckoned to us, so we shuffled over.

And stood in front of the hat. Looking at the hat.

After about twenty seconds, Monty started shaking the hat and nodding his head.

Jo said, "Sir, shall we take-"

Monty shook his head and put his finger over his lips again.

Jo said very quietly, "But, Sir, shall we take-"

Again Monty shook his hat, raising his eyebrows like he had had a tremendous surprise.

Then he started winking and tapping his nose and raising his eyebrows all at the same time.

Then, he came over to me and pointed a finger into the hat. Oh...there were envelopes in there.

Vaisey looked at me and shrugged. I shrugged back. We all shrugged.

Finally Monty lost his rag silently and handed the envelopes out himself.

On the front of the envelope it said: Open me just before you go to sleep. Dream on the contents.

We walked past Sidone, still playing the cello, and as we passed she said in a whispering voice, "Girls, my girls...soft, soft, what dreams are these?"

She looked at us.

And raised her eyebrows.

I have no idea. What dreams? What soft?

We popped to the loos to find that Bob had pinned a notice up in there, it said: Listen up, dudes, Dother Hall is seriously green.

THINK: Finished your bath? Wait! Why not rinse

out your smalls in the bathwater? Bob