"What do you want?"

"To finish this d.a.m.n science lesson."

His laugh breezed over her sensitive neck just before he rolled away.

She flipped to her side and watched him tear open the packet and sheath himself. He flung aside the wrapper and turned back to her. His knuckles grazed across her cheek, before he gathered her to his chest. "I'm sorry, hon, so d.a.m.ned sorry I can't give you that baby you want."

"Shhh." Couldn't they return to another lesson in Gray's Anatomy? At least then she didn't have to think about the outside world. "Don't talk about it now."

His finger fell to her mouth, outlining the tender pad of her bottom lip. "I tried, though, with Magda. I tried to give you the child you always wanted." His lips teased over the top of her head. "And I was right. You're so beautiful with her. You should have a houseful of them."

He stared down at her with eyes full of regret, his words filtering into her muddled brain.

Magda.

He'd wanted her to have a child of her own to love, and in the only way he could, he'd given her one.

Tears burned hot behind her eyes. Heaven help her, she tumbled the rest of the way in love with the beautiful, earnest, gorgeously flawed man over her. Not a very far tumble, after all, since she'd been teetering on the edge of loving him ever since the day she'd seen him plucking shrapnel from his leg, maybe even before that. This final nudge, however, might as well have been miles wide. There was no turning back.

Lori looped her arms around his neck, her back arching into him. His forehead falling to hers, he stared in her eyes and thrust inside her. He filled her body as he had filled her heart. Totally. Fully.

She moved with him endlessly until her body throbbed, vibrated with release, and all the while she wondered if she could ever fill his life as completely.

Chapter 16.

"When do you leave for Washington?" Lori snuggled against Gray's bare side and avoided looking into his eyes. Which scared her more? What she might see in his, or what he might find in hers?

He worked the twines of her braid free, one plait at a time. "I've delayed as long as I can. I have to report by Monday. Without fail."

She stifled the disappointment. For a crazy moment at the door, she hadn't been able to squelch a thought that he meant to stay. Of course, that wasn't possible. Not showing up for work could land him in jail for being AWOL.

Lori stroked her foot along his calf, both of them smooth and slicked from their body ma.s.sage. Then her foot rasped over his healing shrapnel wounds.

Oh, G.o.d. How was she going to let him go?

Loving Gray was different this time, because she knew him better. How would she ever get over him? She'd barely survived last time.

Part of her wondered what would happen if she stuck it out, worked a little harder. Maybe she could endure past his hang-ups on family. After all, she'd studied about families dealing with post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Lori forced herself to stop. She wanted to be his wife, not his counselor.

She didn't regret stealing these last moments for herself, but she couldn't allow herself to weaken. She wanted a life with children and roots, a family who wasn't afraid to share their feelings and lavish love on one another.

Gray spread her hair like a blanket over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "Come with me to Washington."

He'd said it so offhandedly Lori thought she must have misheard. "What?"

He propped on one elbow, the lemon-yellow comforter pooling around his waist, and looked straight into her eyes this time. "Pack up. Move in with me in Washington."

Did this man live to confuse her? "Are you trying to send me running for the door like last time? Because if you don't want to have s.e.x again, you can just say so. No need to go to such extremes to make me boot you out of my bed."

"No!" His arms locked around her as if she might run anyway. "I-" he swallowed heavily "-I want you to move in with me. I found this great house with a sunroom and a big yard. Lori, the past two weeks without you have been h.e.l.l. It's time we both quit fighting it and give in."

Not exactly the most romantic declaration she'd ever heard, but he seemed to mean it. She considered it. How could she not? Then she looked deeper into his eyes.

He regarded her so warily, she couldn't tell which he feared more, her saying yes or no.

Why couldn't he have asked with his clothes on, d.a.m.n him? She held strong all the same, and for good measure kept her eyes firmly planted on his face. "I have a job here. I'm building ties, putting down roots."

"Come anyway."

If he didn't understand she couldn't spend the rest of her life constantly on the move, he would never be able to give her what she needed. She wanted to build a stable home for herself, for her children, for the daughter she already had.

Still she yearned to go with him, to be with him. "I can't go."

"Because of your job."

"Because of Magda. I'm going to keep her, no matter how many courts and piles of paperwork I have to plow through. She's my daughter." Her words rolled free in an out-of-control tumble, not too different from her life at the moment. "Even if I could settle for your offer, I can't live with you. The courts will never go for that."

Gray eased off his elbow onto a pillow. His chest rose and fell deeply, twice. "Okay. Good point." Another deep breath later he continued, "So let's do it."

"Do what?"

"Get ... you know." He shrugged. "Let's do it."

Lori sat up, scooting as far away from him and temptation as she could without falling off the bed. "Geez, Gray! You can't even say the word and you expect me to marry you? What about love? You know, some women expect that when a guy proposes. Silly me, I happen to be one of them."

Even though he didn't answer, Lori decided to take the biggest risk of her life. Relinquishing control didn't come easily for her, but she couldn't spend the rest of her life wondering what would have happened if she'd tried. She placed her hand on his heart as she offered him hers. "I love you, Gray. But I need for you to love me, too, or it will never work."

He blinked. Nothing more. The jerk simply blinked.

Lori yanked the covers off him. "Get out."

"No." He whipped the blanket off her and threw it on the floor. "I'm not going until we talk about this."

The stubborn look in his eyes told her well enough he wasn't budging his gorgeous b.u.t.t from her bed until he got his way. Never in a million years would she have imagined she would run away from marrying Gray.

Lori swung her feet to the floor. She yanked her clothes on with vicious tugs before whipping her hair into a simple ponytail. "Fine, I'll go. I'm already late picking up Magda."

"Wait." Gray left the bed, stepping over the comforter pooled in the middle of the floor. "Give me three minutes to get dressed and I'll go with you."

"You're not invited." She spun for the door.

He grabbed her arm. "Okay, Lori. You want to hear the words? Fine. I have feelings for you. Feelings for you that won't turn me loose. And believe me I've tried." He drew in another one of those deep breaths as if bracing for combat. "I guess maybe you call that love."

She jerked her arm free. Did he have to trample all her dreams? Why not bomb her Barbie house while he was at it? Pain made her lash out. "Oh, wow! You're on a roll tonight, Major." She hitched her hand on her hip in her best aviator stud stance. "'Let's get ... you know,' followed by 'I guess maybe I love you.'"

"Lori, d.a.m.n it, will you just listen?"

Her hands slid off her hips, her anger sliding away, as well, to be replaced by a bittersweet ache. "You just don't get it, do you Gray? This is forever we're talking about. Everything. No guesses or maybes or temporary live-ins. You have to be sure."

At least he didn't blink this time, just stared back at her with solemn eyes. She had to hand it to him. For a man who made a habit of managing life with his charm and a smile, he was laying it on the line for her. His offering touched her, even tempted her, but it would never be enough to satisfy the longing in her heart.

Lori kissed him gently, then ducked out the door into the hall, a much safer place to be than in the same room with naked Gray and his "maybe love."

She made it all the way to the front door before he caught her. She would have likely made it outside if she hadn't paused to grab her purse hanging off the coat tree. But a woman needed her keys, right? It wasn't that she was delaying to give him a chance to catch her.

And then he was there. Beside her. Naked and unrelenting. His hand fell to rest against the door.

"I'm leaving, Gray."

"Go ahead." His hand, pressed against the solid oak, defied her threat. He could keep her trapped inside, and they both knew it.

She'd run a year ago fully expecting him to follow, had even known she would likely cave to his conditional offerings in the end. But the past weeks had changed her, and she couldn't settle for less than all of him this time. She'd flat-out exhausted her ideas on how to win his unconditional love.

She couldn't spend the rest of her life cringing every time that caged look crept back into his eyes. Her love for him deserved a better end than that. She tried to tell herself remembering Grayson gloriously nude and smelling of peaches wasn't too shabby a swan song for their relationship.

"Let me go." Her eyes stung in spite of her best effort to make a dignified exit. "Please, Gray, just let me go."

He brushed away her tear and caressed it between two fingers.

His hand dropped from the door.

She stole one last look at him as he towered over her, moving neither toward or away. The message in his eyes was clear. Stay.

And the choice was hers. No choice really. "Please don't be here when I get back."

The door snapped shut behind her.

Gray stood in her entryway, the echo of the door mingling in his mind with a single word.

Stay.

Had he said it aloud? He'd meant to. The fact that he couldn't even speak the word said enough about why Lori needed to walk away.

His every instinct screamed, Bail out! Bail out! Bail out!

She didn't want him. He'd even offered her the ring she expected, and still she'd walked. He'd given her all he could. Just like when he'd been growing up trying to piece his family back together, it wasn't enough.

They should be in the car together on their way to pick up Magda. Instead he stood bareb.u.t.t naked, smelling like some fruit farm.

Gray padded down the hall back to Lori's room, kicked aside the comforter and scooped up his clothes. What did he intend to do about the mess he'd made of their lives? Inaction wasn't even an option for him.

The way he saw it, he had two choices. Leave for Washington now. Tear up that house listing. Forget about her once and for all so she could find the love she needed.

That answer soured in his mouth.

Or he could track down Lori. He could fall on his sword and beg her to accept whatever he could give her. Even though he knew he would eventually break her beautiful heart.

Neither answer offered him much hope.

*** The next day Gray strode across the parking lot at his parents' condo. He wasn't sure what had drawn him there. He scratched his chest, freeing a fresh drift of peaches two showers hadn't been able to wash away. His room on base had been d.a.m.ned quiet, giving him too much time to think and offering up not even a single answer.

Nearing the front door, he saw his mom's car wasn't in its spot.

His father's car was parked in clear sight.

Gray turned to leave ... then remembered all the nights his dad had taught him about the stars. Gray's feet slowed as he thought of his night with Lori under those same stars. For the first time in too long, he'd enjoyed the memories of learning to navigate from his dad- without the bitter sting that followed.

He pivoted on his heel. He might as well stop in and say hi before he left. Things couldn't get much worse.

After three unanswered rings, Gray swept around to the back of the condo. He almost gave up, deciding his dad must be off on a walk, when he happened to look through the mesh webbing on the screened-in porch.

He found his father, sitting, staring out over the water. Gray loped up the three steps and shoved open the screen door. "Hey, old man."

His father straightened. "Hi, son. I thought you left for Washington."

"I did." Gray sprawled in the porch swing. "I came back to tie up business here."

"Something to do with Lori?"

Regret stabbed him, followed by a blanketing sense of failure. d.a.m.n it, he'd met his every goal in life. Except one. Lori. "That's over, Dad."

His father nodded slowly, his gaze staying fixed on the water. "Hmm."

A grunt from his dad. The usual response.

Gray hooked his arms along the back of the swing. His dad's chattiness at the family picnic must have been a fluke, or maybe he'd made an extra effort because Lori had been there. Whatever the reason, Gray was disappointed-for his mother's sake.

The older man folded his hands over his barrel chest. "I've been seeing this doctor out at the VA Hospital."

Slowing the swing, Gray recalled all the times his mother had asked him to visit recently. Had she needed his professional advice, and he'd blown her off, too preoccupied by the mess he'd made with Lori? Guilt was becoming a familiar companion these days. "Have you been sick?"

"Not the way you mean. Not that kind of doctor."

Gray planted both feet on the ground and stopped the swing. After all these years, his father was finally seeking help? h.e.l.l, acknowledging there was even a problem? Gray scrambled for something to say and came up dry. Instead he waited, opting to take his cue from his dad.

His father scratched a hand along his salt-and-pepper hair, still trimmed to military regulation even ten years after retirement. "We've been talking about those days in the camp. Getting some things straight in my head. If it were up to me, I'd just let it all lie. But your mother needs this. So I go. Sometimes we go together."

Those were more words than his father had strung together in as long as Gray could remember. The talkative bent at the family party hadn't been a fluke. "That's good, Dad. Real good."

"So your mother says. And I have to admit ... it helps." He stared out over the water, silent for one of those long stretches habitual since his POW days. Without looking away, he cleared his throat. "Back in 'Nam, there was this box they put us in."