WEIRD THINGS CUSTOMERS SAY IN BOOKSHOPS.

by Jen Campbell.

The Edinburgh Bookshop

The Edinburgh Bookshop [formerly The Children's Bookshop], Bruntsfield Place, Edinburgh, is an independent bookshop owned by Vanessa and Malcolm Robertson, also owners of Fidra Books publishing company. Their bookshop dog is Teaga, a Leonberger, who somewhat resembles Nana from Peter Pan.

www.edinburghbookshop.com.

CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I don't remember the author, or the t.i.tle. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean? I read a book in the sixties. I don't remember the author, or the t.i.tle. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?

CUSTOMER: Hi, I'd like to return this book, please. Hi, I'd like to return this book, please.

BOOKSELLER: Certainly. Do you have the receipt? Certainly. Do you have the receipt?

CUSTOMER: Here. Here.

BOOKSELLER: Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's. Erm, you bought this book at Waterstone's.

CUSTOMER: Yes. Yes.

BOOKSELLER: ... we're not Waterstone's... . we're not Waterstone's.

CUSTOMER: But you're a bookshop. But you're a bookshop.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, but we're not Waterstone's. Yes, but we're not Waterstone's.

CUSTOMER: You're all part of the same chain. You're all part of the same chain.

BOOKSELLER: No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop. No, sorry, we're an independent bookshop.

CUSTOMER: ... ...

BOOKSELLER: Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you? Put it this way, you wouldn't buy clothes in H&M and take them back to Zara, would you?

CUSTOMER: Well, no, because they're different shops. Well, no, because they're different shops.

BOOKSELLER: Exactly. Exactly.

CUSTOMER: ... I'd like to speak to your manager... . I'd like to speak to your manager.

CUSTOMER: My children are just climbing your bookshelves. That's ok, isn't it? They won't topple over, will they? My children are just climbing your bookshelves. That's ok, isn't it? They won't topple over, will they?

CUSTOMER: It makes me sad that grown up books don't have pictures in them. You're brought up with them when you're younger, and then suddenly they're all taken away. It makes me sad that grown up books don't have pictures in them. You're brought up with them when you're younger, and then suddenly they're all taken away.

BOOKSELLER: ... Yes. It's a cruel world... . Yes. It's a cruel world.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books by Jane Eyre? Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?

CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel? Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?

BOOKSELLER: ........ ........

CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book. I really enjoyed her first book.

BOOKSELLER: Her diary? Her diary?

CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary. Yes, the diary.

BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn't fictional. Her diary wasn't fictional.

CUSTOMER: Really? Really?

BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end that's why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp. Yes... She really dies at the end that's why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.

CUSTOMER: Oh... that's terrible. Oh... that's terrible.

BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful - Yes, it was awful - CUSTOMER: I mean, it's such a shame, you know? She was I mean, it's such a shame, you know? She was such such a good writer. a good writer.

CUSTOMER: Do you have any crime books involving speeding fines? Do you have any crime books involving speeding fines?

CUSTOMER (to her friend) (to her friend): What's this literary criticism literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books? section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Do you have a copy of Nineteen Eighty Six Nineteen Eighty Six?

BOOKSELLER: Nineteen Eighty Six Nineteen Eighty Six?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, Orwell. Yeah, Orwell.

BOOKSELLER: Oh Oh Nineteen Eighty Four. Nineteen Eighty Four.

CUSTOMER: No, I'm sure it's No, I'm sure it's Nineteen Eighty Six Nineteen Eighty Six; I've always remembered it because it's the year I was born.

BOOKSELLER: ... ...

WOMAN: Hi, where are your copies of Hi, where are your copies of Breaking Dawn Breaking Dawn? I can't see any on the shelf.

BOOKSELLER: Sorry, I think we've sold out of the Sorry, I think we've sold out of the Twilight Twilight books; we're waiting on more. books; we're waiting on more.

WOMAN: What? What?

BOOKSELLER: We should have some more in tomorrow. We should have some more in tomorrow.

WOMAN: But I need a copy now. I finished the third one last night. But I need a copy now. I finished the third one last night.

BOOKSELLER: I'm sorry, I can't help you. I'm sorry, I can't help you.

WOMAN: No, you don't understand, I've taken the whole day off work to read it. No, you don't understand, I've taken the whole day off work to read it.

BOOKSELLER: Erm ... Erm ...

WOMAN: I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! NOW!

BOOKSELLER: Erm ... Erm ...

WOMAN: Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon? Can you call your wholesaler and see if they can deliver this afternoon?

BOOKSELLER: They only- They only- WOMAN: And then I can wait here for them. And then I can wait here for them.

BOOKSELLER: I'm sorry, they only deliver in the morning. I'm sorry, they only deliver in the morning.

WOMAN: BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

BOOKSELLER: ... we have many other books... . we have many other books.

WOMAN (sniffs) (sniffs): Do any of those have Robert Pattinson in them?

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books in this shade of green, to match the wrapping paper I've bought? Do you have any books in this shade of green, to match the wrapping paper I've bought?

CUSTOMER: These books are really stupid, aren't they? These books are really stupid, aren't they?

BOOKSELLER: Which ones? Which ones?

CUSTOMER: You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends. You know, the ones where animals like cats and mice are best friends.

BOOKSELLER: I suppose they're not very realistic, but then that's fiction. I suppose they're not very realistic, but then that's fiction.

CUSTOMER: They're more than unrealistic; they're really stupid. They're more than unrealistic; they're really stupid.

BOOKSELLER: Well, writers use that kind of thing to teach kids about accepting people different to themselves, you know? Well, writers use that kind of thing to teach kids about accepting people different to themselves, you know?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, well, books shouldn't pretend that different people get on like that and that everything is 'la de da' and wonderful, should they? Kids should learn that life's a b.i.t.c.h, and the sooner the better. Yeah, well, books shouldn't pretend that different people get on like that and that everything is 'la de da' and wonderful, should they? Kids should learn that life's a b.i.t.c.h, and the sooner the better.

CUSTOMER: Do you have that book I forget what it's called; it's about people with large, hairy feet. Do you have that book I forget what it's called; it's about people with large, hairy feet.

BOOKSELLER: Do you mean hobbits? Do you mean hobbits? The Lord of the Rings The Lord of the Rings?