After Kouta left, I simply laid on my bed in a

daze for a while. The sun had long since set by the time I finally began moving

again and turned to the mirror on my desk to put up my unfastened hair. But I

couldn't will myself to do it. The red hair band I had used for for so long

felt like it contained half of my self — well, that was an exaggeration, but it

definitely felt like it had been part of me. That was why it had been so

steeped in my magic. Kouta wasn't the only one under its influence; it had also

drained my desire to replace it.

I

decided to give up on the ponytail and leave my hair like this for a while.

Collapsing

onto my bed again, I ruminated on what Kouta had said to me.

I have to wonder, why do you

spend so much time confirming my feelings without voicing your own even once?

His

expression had been the same as always, and his voice had been gentle, but he

had clearly been reproaching me. It was the first time he had done so.

He'll just come to

hold you in contempt, and that'll be that. Later.

Yahara

had been right after all.

I'm a

magus.

That

may not be the most accurate way to put it. But I do actually have a special

power, and I call it magic.

Up

until I turned ten, I never displayed any external emotions. I was extremely

shy, never opening my heart up to anyone. By the time I was old enough to

realize what was going on, my parents had fallen out of love and fought

frequently enough that we even got complaints from the next neighborhood over.

They began living separately when I was eight, and they got divorced when I was

nine. I was an only child, so I didn't have any siblings that could intervene.

Back then, the atmosphere in our family always felt like someone had run a fine

knife through it.

Although

they were never physically abusive before the divorce, when my mother was in a

bad mood she would often treat me like I wasn't there. Even if I cried, she

wouldn't pay any attention to me. As this went on, I eventually stopped crying

altogether, along with laughing. And I didn't just stop expressing emotions, I

became numb and stopped feeling them altogether. My unnecessary functions were

deteriorating.

As you

would expect, none of my cla.s.smates wanted to get close to someone like that,

so I was alone at school as well. I didn't talk to anyone at school, nor did I

at home. That was how I spent my days.

It was

like I was invisible. In j.a.panese cla.s.s, I wrote poems along those lines as

well. When I did, my homeroom teacher would give their unaffected impressions,

usually something along the lines of "What an interesting perspective."

...Notice my cries for help already. Or had they noticed, but ignored them

after deeming them too much of a bother?

n.o.body

came to my rescue. The only reason I was saved was because I didn't give up in

spite of that. I longed for the warmth of others, I yearned for it, and that

tenacity was what eventually saved me.

—If

only I could use magic.

I

always fantasized about that. If only I could use magic to get along with

anyone and everyone. If I could use that kind of magic, my parents could get

back together, and I could laugh along with my friends. Those were kinds of

ridiculous delusions I entertained.

But

then one day, magic suddenly stopped being a mere delusion.

Although

I had noone to talk to, I was always enviously watching my cla.s.smates'

interactions. Now that I look back at it, I was watching them with an aberrant

level of concentration.

As an

outsider, I calmly observed their interactions. I scanned the patterns of their

conversations, unconsciously acc.u.mulating data.

And

once I did, I began to understand the regularities therein. What kind of person

what do what kinds of things to which other people, and how would those people

react? Ahh, sudden awakenings truly do happen. As if I had learned a new

language, the way I saw the world s.h.i.+fted.

Having

understood the regularities behind communication, I immediately put this

knowledge to the test. It took courage to move forward, but my hundreds of

simulations gave me confidence.

And the

result was — people responded exactly as I expected.

It felt

good beyond words.

I

changed myself through force. My emotions were still weak, but that actually

worked in my favor. If I didn't feel anything, then no matter what part I had

to play it wouldn't adversely affect me. I was at a little bit of a loss as to

what to use for my baseline personality, but I found being a cheerful airhead

to be the most convenient so I eventually settled on that. I was also aware of

my looks, and took full advantage of them. Personality isn't a single thing,

it's incident to one's outwards appearance. This can be observed particularly

strongly when guys are looking at girls. And the same manner of communication

leaves a different impression on each recipient. There are words that can only

be said and taboos that can only be broken in certain contexts. I steeled my

intuition, put that theory into words, and changed it into something I could

control.

Although

my good cheer was initially an act, it eventually took root in my personality.

In much the same way, my lost emotions initially felt like they were drifting

gently in the air above me but eventually became the real thing.

My days

became startlingly resplendent, and I was replete.

In my

greed, I desired even more bliss. I decided to use my powers not just to change

myself, but to influence those around me as well.

In

retrospect, I was basically cheating by using it against adolescent girls whose

egos hadn't fully developed. My "communication" bordered on brainwas.h.i.+ng.

Upon

accepted my interference and my value system, it became easier for me to

control someone. In middle school, I had a friend (or so she was perceived by

those around us) named Youko who I knew so well I could basically control. She

became an ent.i.ty dedicated to my convenience, as if she lived solely for my

sake.

I refer

to people like her as having taken on my attribute.By using the information

under my control, I can even manipulate them subconsciously. If I recite an

incantation, they'll go so far as to become my swords and s.h.i.+elds.

That's

why I call it magic.

But

ever since that incident, my magic had been getting cloudier. The incident

involving a ceremony I couldn't tell Kouta about.

Although

I didn't realize it at the time, it was an experiment.

I met

this girl — I don't know her name, so I'll call her A — over the internet. I

knew from her profile that she was interested in magic, so I took action. After

exchanging LINE IDs with A, we immediately hit it off and began chatting nearly

every day.

I had

already experienced someone taking on my attribute at school. The next step was

to find out how much control I could exert over a person, how much magic I

could use, that I had only ever interacted with online. That was how greedy I

was when it came to interpersonal relations.h.i.+ps.

But the

experiment ended in failure.

I had

planned on controlling her by introducing her to my value system and sharing my

magical delusions with her. But because I couldn't meet her in person, small

misalignments were born. My magic was imperfect.

One

day, A invited me to a magical ceremony. While all this was going on, I was

studying for high school entrance exams, and I declined her invitation because

I had a test coming up. But perhaps the true reason I turned her down was because

I sensed that her delusions were magnifying past the point of no return and

becoming dangerous.

After

conducting the ceremony on her own, something about A clearly seemed off. Her

LINE messages became increasingly unintelligible, and when I expressed my

confusion she became irritated, angry, disappointed, and ultimately ended up

blocking me. Her social media profiles became full of citations in a language

only she understood.

Then

she stopped updating her social media altogether.

Worried

about her, I took the train three hours to visit the middle school she went to.

There, I soon discovered what had happened to her.

A had

killed herself.

For the

first time. For the first time, I began having misgivings about my magic. I had

been manipulating people so casually, but was that really something so

permissible? Wasn't it wrong to change people like this? If I hadn't been

around, wouldn't A still be alive?

Hesitations

like that gradually chipped away at my magic. Magic became more powerful when

you accepted it blindly, and weaker when you doubted it. No longer certain that

I was in the right, I refrained from using magic and called myself a magus to

anyone who would listen, only interacting with people who would approach me in

spite of that.

But

then I found out about Kouta Hiiragi.

He

caught my attention from the moment I first laid eyes on him. As I watched him

merge seamlessly into his environment, nearly transparent, I thought that he

reminded me of mineral water.

Even if

I was restraining myself from using magic, Kouta alone I couldn't overlook. He

was simply in too much danger. I don't know how he looked to everyone else, but

to me he looked like he was strolling down the streets of Johannesburg with

rolls of banknotes pasted all over him.

I had

to protect him!

I was

overcome with a strong sense of duty. I willing to do whatever it took to

protect him. It was so strong, I didn't even mind if I had to offer him my

chast.i.ty.

But

taking a step back now and reconsidering, why had I been so fervent?

Once I

got my thoughts in order, the cause became clear. After driving A to her death,

I had likely been trying to atone. And Kouta had been a suitable individual. By

saving Kouta, I could reaffirm both myself and my magic.

It was

all for my own sake.

It was

for my own ego.

I was

well aware. I used my magic to manipulate others. But the one most strongly

manipulated by magic was me. Even my personality had been created to suit

magic's needs. My very emotions turned according to magic's convenience.

So I

didn't know any more.

Where

did my true feelings lie?

"See

you later, Kouta."

I

called out to Kouta from the hallway after school, then returned to my own

cla.s.sroom.

After I

kissed Kouta, I couldn't figure out how close we were. It wasn't even clear

whether or not we had broken up. I didn't know if it was okay to walk home

together with him, either.

On the

other hand, it also wasn't like he had completely cut off contact with me. No

conclusion seemed forthcoming, and I put off reaching for one.

As

someone who habitually made decisions quickly, this was a first for me.

"Say,

Miki, did you by any chance break up with that guy from next door?"

Sayuri

asked concernedly, wearing her trademark short skirt. I simply sat

uncomfortably, which she mistook for an affirmation and pounded on my back.

"Well,

I dunno who dumped who, but with your looks I'm sure you'll have plenty of much

better guys pounding at your door!"

"I

think Kouta's pretty good-looking, myself..."

That

was my honest evaluation.

"Oh, no

way. He's totally normal. Bland. No personality. Below-average. And for him to

break up with you so quickly, he must be a pretty s.h.i.+tty person. He's worse

than trash. I mean, that background character doesn't even compare to someone

like Makino."

"I

don't even know Makino. And besides, Kouta and I didn't break up. I think...

probably..."

I

realized my mistake the moment the words left my mouth. I'd said something that

the love story-crazed Sayuri would be sure to latch on to.

"What's

up with you two!? Now you have to tell me everything! That's it, how about you

tell your favorite love expert the details?"

I mean,

as far as I knew she had only ever dated one person, and she was still a

virgin... No, there was no need to bring that up. Sayuri was always center of

attention in our cla.s.s, so she needed to be perceived as experienced in the

ways of love. I shouldn't say anything to shatter that image of hers.

I ended

up attracting the interest of not just Sayuri, but most of the girls in cla.s.s,

so the whole matter took a good deal more time to resolve than I had expected.

I was on edge because I didn't want any strange rumors spreading around, and by

the end of it all I was dead tired.

By the

time I pa.s.sed through the school gate, the sun had already almost set.

I had

been hanging my head in exhaustion my entire way out, so it was by sheer

coincidence that I lifted my head when I did and saw what I saw.

Kouta

was with a girl from another school.

The

aging coffee shop they went to was near the school, but drinks there were

expensive and it wasn't particularly stylish. Perhaps the conversations about

romance I had been embroiled in were to blame for the fact that "affair" was

the first word that sprung to my mind, and my face went bright pink.

But

setting aside the prospect on affair, seeing the two of them side-by-side gave

me an ominous premonition. And the girl was clearly being possessed by some

manner of evil magic. It was hard to anything good coming of her interacting

with Kouta as he was now.

But my

legs simply trembled, refusing to take me to the coffee shop. No matter how

much faith I had in my premonition, the courage to get involved refused to well

forth.

Vexed

at my own powerlessness, my eyes welled up with tears. What I really wanted to

do was storm into that coffee shop this instant and protect Kouta from

everything that might harm him.

What

was so wrong about that?

The

next day, Kouta had clearly undergone some manner of transformation.

Yahara

was slowly corroding away at him. But a dead man's magic can't exert any new

influence, so I hadn't been treating it as an emergency.

But I

had been mistaken. Yahara's magic was stronger than I had imagined. And more

importantly, its target had been Kouta, whose magic resistance was zero.

Kouta

was completely submerged in the sorcery that was born from the ritual of his

death.

What

should I do? Kouta had already lost his confidence in me, so now that the issue

had progressed this far it was difficult to imagine him listening to what I had

to say. On the other hand, was it really for the best that I just leave him be?

Would any actions I took to save him here simply be to fuel my own ego?

"You

seem down again today, Miki. Probably have your head all full of that

good-for-nothing guy Kouta, right?"

Sayuri's

quip came in an intentionally-bright tone. When I met her eyes and gave a small

nod, she sighed exaggeratedly.

"...Say.

You haven't properly dumped him, and you haven't been properly dumped, am I

right? ...And, um, as an aside, I find Kouta's worth as a guy to be deeply…

deeply! Very deeply! Suspect! ...Suspect, but…"

She

continued with a wry grin.

"If you

like him so much, wouldn't it best if you tried really hard to make up with

him?"

"Eh?"

Like

him?

I liked

Kouta?

"You

know, I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on your whole situation-thing over

there. Like, why things between you two keep getting so complicated. ...Say,

Miki, you've never liked anyone before, right? This is just me guessing,

but Kouta asked you out, and even though it was Kouta you didn't hate the idea

so you just kinda went along with it. Then, when he wanted to move the

relations.h.i.+p along, your feelings still hadn't caught up and you got all

wishy-washy… and then he got all p.i.s.sy, am I on the right track?"

I was

impressed. There were a number of details she got wrong, but she had seen

through to the essentials.

"You

probably don't understand your feelings yourself, huh, Miki. But see, using

Makino as an example, you've rejected a bunch of guys before, right? But the

only one you've gone out with is Kouta. That's a pretty big jump, don't you

think? So I'm like, what if you just don't know what it means to like someone?"

"...I

don't have any personal experience, but I think I have a pretty good idea from

books and stuff. When you like someone, stuff like your chest getting tight,

not being able to swallow when you're eating, and being blind happen, right?

But nothing like that's happened to me. So I thought my feelings were something

else…"

"Y'know,

Miki, you're really good at picking up on people's true natures, right? Like,

creepily good."

I was

startled at having that so suddenly pointed out. I didn't think Sayuri had seen

through me to that extent.

"Miki,

the kind of like you're talking about is probably just when you have

illusions about the other party. Like, when you have an idealized version of

someone in your head and you fall in love with that version. But when that

happens, you're not really looking at the real them. You're just in love with

the idea of being in love. But because you pick up on people's true natures so

easily, you don't harbor illusions like that. I guess that makes you kind of a

realist?"

"Does

that mean I can't fall in love?"

The

creation of my very personality and emotions had been manipulated by magic. It

couldn't be helped if such impediments arose.

But

Sayuri just shook her head.

"No,

no, no. That kind of love is no more than kid's play. It's an egotistical,

conceited kind of love. Even a love expert like myself had a phase like that.

But every dreamer has to graduate from loving the idea of being in love. That

kind of violent love never lasts long. But I think that even without those

violent emotions, if you're always, always always, thinking about that someone,

then that's already love in and of itself."

I

understood the words coming out of her mouth, but I couldn't make them feel

real.

So

basically, I was already in love with Kouta?

"That's…"

"Actually,

maybe it doesn't have to be that complicated? Falling in love is something you

can only do if you want to. You couldn't do it because you weren't prepared

yet. Does that make sense?"

"I'm

really not sure it does…"

Sayuri

took on a voice like she was gently teaching a child who was doing poorly in

school.

"Okay,

then let's stop thinking about it all jumbled-up like that. Let's just confirm

something. Miki, what is it that you want to do for him?"

"That's—"

It

immediately came to mind.

I

wanted to make him happy. I wanted to protect him from evil magi.

"Do you

think about anyone else in the same way? Could you do the same things for

them?"

Kouta

was the only person I so desperately wanted to save. But that was because he

was a special, transparent kind of person. It was because he didn't have any

magic resistance. ...Or so I had thought.

"Just

do what you want to. Even if you end up being a bit of a nuisance, you're cute

enough that anyone would let you get away with it!"

"But…"

"No

buts! Ahh, all this tedious blathering is so unlike you! Once the Miki I know has

her mind set on something, she goes and does it! Where'd that a.s.sertiveness of

your go?"

"T...that's…"

"Ahh, I

can't hear you. Until Miki gets moving, I'm not talking to her anymore! That's

it, I'm done! I'm done being friends with her!"

Sayuri

really was meddlesome, I thought, as she pushed me forward repeatedly after

arbitrarily deciding that I was in love. But thanks to her fervent speech, I

was finally sure of my feelings.

—No

matter what, I couldn't leave Kouta be like this!

That

much I felt certain of. Whether or not it was my ego speaking, those were my

true feelings.

Sorry,

Kouta.

I can't

ignore these feelings of mine. No matter what!

As soon

as break rolled around, I immediately headed for the next-door cla.s.sroom. I had

nothing even resembling a plan, but my magic should still have some efficacy.

If I just talked with him face-to-face, I was sure I could come up with a way

to save him!

I

surveyed the cla.s.sroom, but Kouta was nowhere to be seen.

What

should I do? Should I wait for him…? Or should I go back after all…?

"Kouzuki.

May I have a moment?"

As I

hesitated, a skinny man in gla.s.ses called out to me. Though his gla.s.ses hid

them somewhat, dark shades stood in sharp contrast on his face. Although we'd

never spoken before, I knew him as the cla.s.s representative who always

instructed the cla.s.s to take their seats in the mornings.

"It

seems that you often visit our cla.s.sroom with Hiiragi in mind. What I would

like to inquire is, are you in fact his girlfriend?"

His

hypocritical courtesy and peculiar manner of speaking where he didn't allow his

facial muscles to move made me wary. I was a magus, so he couldn't fool me.

—This

person was bad news.

How

could I have not noticed such a blatantly evil person before? If he had always

been this bad, I should have noticed his peculiarity like I did with Yahara and

Matsumi-senpai and been on guard.

Had I

simply overlooked him? ...Or perhaps, had he only recently become this way?

"I

would appreciate it if you would answer my question."

In my

brooding I had completely forgotten to give an answer. As confused as I was, I

tried to give as innocuous an answer as possible.

"Um,

I'd say we're really good friends… or something like that."

"Is

that so? However, would you not say that you harbor affection for him as a

member of the opposite s.e.x?"

It

seemed impolite to me to ask such an intrusive question to somebody in your

first proper conversation with them.

He

didn't seem timid in the slightest. But it seemed my displeasure made it across

to him.

"That

was rude of me. What I'm trying to ask is, why Hiiragi? That about sums it up."

"What

are you trying to say?"

"I'm

asking why it had to be him. He doesn't have any particular talents, nor is he

exceedingly attractive. Why are you so fixated on him, in spite of all that?"

Did he

simply have romance on the mind, like Sayuri? ...No, there's no way, right?

There

was clearly some other motive behind his question.

I tried

to get get a read on what it was, but because it was my first time talking to

him I couldn't get it from his expression alone.

I had a

thought.

—I hate

this person.

The

reason I tried to tear Yahara and Matsumi-senpai away from Kouta was simply

because they were dangerous. But I didn't want to spend time around this guy

for a simpler reason than that. I hated him.

"I

don't really see how that has anything to do with you, and I don't really feel

any obligation to answer that."

"I

see."

The

bespectacled man didn't see overly concerned.

"Can I

go now?"

"Ah, I

apologize for keeping you."

I

turned away from him as if I were fleeing.

"Ah, my

apologies. May I ask you one last question?"

Not

hiding my displeasure as I turned around, I asked "What?"

"Do you

believe that it is possible, simply from seemingly normal conversation and

behaviour, to make others act according to one's whim?"

Without

thinking, my eyes widened.

—Could

this guy know about magic?

The

bespectacled man gazed interestedly at my panicked demeanor.

"...I

think… it's possible…"

"I see.

Now I understand."

He

spoke almost in a whisper. Then he laughed eerily, to the point that I wasn't

sure how concerned I needed to be.

My mood

worsening, I gave up on waiting for Kouta and fled the cla.s.sroom.

Had he

known about magic, and was investigating it? No… that wasn't the impression I

got. Then what in the world was he investigating?

But

there was one thing I was certain of.

He too

was a bad influence on Kouta.

Thanks

to my unpleasant encounter with the bespectacled man, I was somewhat fl.u.s.tered.

My sense of duty was flaring up as well, telling me that I had to do something

about Kouta. All throughout cla.s.s I found myself unable to think of anything

else.

When

lunch break came, I finally found Kouta in his cla.s.sroom.

"Kouta!

I, um… I have something I need to talk to you about!"

Kouta's

confusion was plain on his face. I couldn't blame him; through yesterday, I had

been respecting the distance we had placed between ourselves, and now I was

acting all a.s.sertive all of a sudden.

After

somehow convincing him, we made our way to the same courtyard as always.

Between the lush trees and the increasingly-overgrown lawn, it seemed less

likely than ever that we would be intruded upon.

"What

was it you wanted to talk about, Miki?"

"There's,

um, something I really wanted to tell you…"

A

phrase instantly sprung to mind.

I

like you.

I was

almost disappointed in myself. I was still being manipulated by magic. I knew

that if I confessed to him like this, he wouldn't be able to turn me down,

which is why I decided to do it in the first place. It was just like when I

kissed him.

Ahh…

this was the first time I've ever resented magic.

But I

stopped myself. I wanted to be sincere when I was with Kouta.

"I want

to release you from this magic that's nesting inside you."

I knew

that if I was so stupidly honest, there was a chance I would be rejected. But

Kouta would accept it. To the very end, he would never reject me.

I was

presumptuous.

This

late in the game, I was still presumptuous.

"Just

cut it out already."

So even

though I should have been able to antic.i.p.ate his reb.u.t.tal, I couldn't believe

it.

"Miki,

you're full of yourself. You're not even trying to understand how I

feel. ...No, even if you understand how I feel, you're still just trying

to shove your own ego down my throat. I thought you'd been reflecting on

that lately, but I guess I was wrong about that, huh."

"...I,

I have! But even so, I want to save you!"

"I'm

not some tool you can use to reinforce your magic. And I'm not some pet

you can use to stop being lonely, either."

"I know

that… or I thought I did, at least. But… Kouta, you're in a really bad way

right now! You're getting stained in Yahara's attribute, in a bad way, and it's

really dangerous! So I need to use my magic to—"

"Magic

is just,"

He

spoke with an exasperated look on his face.

"An

illusion. It's all in your head."

That

purposeful method of pus.h.i.+ng people aside, of hurting them, of keeping one's

distance from them.

It was

like he really was—

"I hold

you in a bit of contempt now."

Masato

Yahara, wasn't he.

He'll just come

hold you in contempt, and that'll be that. Later.

It turned out exactly

like he said it would.

Their speech

patterns, their appearances, their magic, everything was lining up.

"Later."

As if saying he

didn't want to even look at me any more, Kouta turned around and walked off in

a flash.

I was left alone in

the courtyard.

I was rejected?

—Right.

I was rejected.

I was

rejected so thoroughly as to fall into despair.

"...That's

weird."

My

magic existed just so I wouldn't be rejected by others. My magic existed just

so I could control others. Why so did this happen on account of my magic?

Why did

the person I least wanted to be rejected by, reject me?

"...Uw…"

Sadness?

Loneliness? Heartbreak? I threw out all those negative emotions at the very

beginning. I thought the only emotions I had left were those that I could

manipulate to my benefit. But then, what was this… They're all still totally

here.

"...Uwaa...Whaaaa…"

Tears

were something for me to manipulate others with. One of the convenient tools at

a woman's disposal. But although I had believed that, tears were streaming down

my face despite n.o.body else being around.

What

was going on… Get a grip already… Why was I crying?

"Uwaa,

whaaaaaaa!"

It

wasn't like I wanted to cry or anything!

After

fleeing from the courtyard, I holed myself up in a stall in the girl's

bathroom. The bell for fifth period rang, but I couldn't stop sobbing and

simply stayed put.

My mind

was in turmoil, but I tracked down the one calm part of myself and put it to

use.

Even if

Kouta ended up hating me, I wouldn't suffer any lasting damage. If an

influential girl like Sayuri started hating me it would likely affect the rest

of my interpersonal relations.h.i.+ps as well, but Kouta didn't belong to any

social circles in particular. In fact, due to his relations.h.i.+p with Yahara he

was somewhat isolated.

Even if

Kouta continued to be subsumed by Yahara, even if he pa.s.sed the point of no

return, it wasn't my fault. If I hadn't been around in the first place, the

only thing that would have changed would have been him getting taken over by

Yahara's magic even sooner. It was completely different than my friend who had

committed suicide.

Besides,

why had I become so engrossed in Kouta in the first place?

I have

this power. And even if they weren't to Kouta's extent, I've seen plenty of

people in danger like he is. For example, that girl from another school that

Kouta was with yesterday. But even knowing that, I never once thought to save

them. For better or for worse, I've been pretty cold since I discovered magic.

Why was

Kouta alone so special?

Why was

I so willing to give him my first kiss, even though I would recoil at the

thought of doing that with anyone else?

Why did

it hurt this much to be rejected by him?

—Ahh,

so that's it.

I'm so

stupid. It's so simple. Anyone else would have realized it in an instant. Only

I could have failed to see it.

I've

been violated.

Violated

by the most cliched magic imaginable.

The

magic of love.

"But…

I'm too late…!"

Why

hadn't I realized my feelings sooner? If I had been aware of how I felt, I'm

sure I could have come up with any number of ways to get him to like me. There

would have been any number of ways.

I

hadn't know what was driving me, so I hadn't known how to manage it. It was

just one failure after another.

The

instant I realized what the true nature of my feelings was, the notion of

"heartbreak" was born in my chest. It felt akin to the "loneliness" that had

tormented me in the past, but the two were hardly comparable. I was furious.

Furious at my inability to control my own emotions.

But for

some reason, I felt happy as well.

I was

happy that there was something that could move me to these lengths. Thank

goodness that my emotions weren't truly dead. Thank goodness that some parts of

me were still human!

Ahh,

who cares any more! Who cares that Kouta doesn't have any magic resistance any

more! Who cares that he's being possessed by Yahara any more!

As long

as I can keep being with Kouta from now on, who cares any more!

I

wanted to devote myself to Kouta. I wanted to make him mine. I wanted to stain

him in my attribute. Ahh, my heart was awash with my own selfish ego. So awash

with selfishness I might even disappoint myself. But I couldn't stop it!

Suddenly,

the saying about how first loves are never fulfilled floated to my mind.

The

first time I heard those words, I laughed with scorn. I'm a magus; I can

control people without them even noticing it. If I were to ever fall in love,

the thought of it ending in failure was laughable. I thought I'd just be able

to seduce whoever I fell for at a whim.

And now

look at me! How pathetic I am! How conceited I was!

"Uwaaa,

whaaaaaaaaaa!"

I'm so

sad!

How

could I miss this once-in-a-lifetime shot?

I

couldn't just run home on account of having left my bag in the cla.s.sroom, so I

timed my return with the bell signalling the end of fifth period. My eyelids

were puffy and red, so I was immediately grilled by my cla.s.smates.

 After

matter-of-factly tearing me away from the misfortune-starved horde, Sayuri

dragged me back to the bathroom. The two of us entered a stall. After making me

sit on the toilet seat, she leaned against the door and folded her arms.

"Let me

guess, that a.s.s Kouta dumped you, you finally realized that you're in love with

him, and you've been crying alone on the toilet for the past hour, right?"

"...Yeah."

After

making her promise not to repeat it to anyone, I told Sayuri everything. The

face staring back at me from the mirror earlier looked like death, and Sayuri's

response after looking closely at it was—

"Ahahaha!

So that's it! You're a riot!"

—irreverent

laughter.

What

was I to do? I was on the verge of livid. I, the supposedly emotionless

heroine, had recalled not only how to get sad but also how to get angry.

"W...what

are you laughing at!? I'm having an unrequited love over here! I'm so sad I'm

bawling my eyes out over here! What's wrong with you, Sayuri!? What, you want

to go? Come on, let's go!"

"Ahaha…

Sorry, sorry! It's just, you're so innocent, Miki, it's adorable…"

"Adorable!?

I've had enough of this… I'm going to cast a spell on you that makes you unable

to ever split your chopsticks cleanly…"

"I said

I'm sorry for laughing! ...But isn't it too early to call your love unrequited

just yet?"

Unsatisfied,

I spoke in a low voice, my face still twisted in anger.

"He

said he held me in contempt, you know? Other than unrequited, what else could

it possibly be…"

"I'm

telling you, if he really didn't want to go out with you any more, he would

have said it differently. It's proof that he just wants you to better

yourself."

Was it?

Wasn't it a matter of course that n.o.body who was that disappointed in me would

ever want to go out with me?

"You

were so unaware of your own feelings, all that the lucky guy you fell for heard

from you was 'I don't really understand, but I want you to stay with me. I want

you to put up with my selfishness. I want you to do as I say.' And why do you

think he was willing to do all that for you?"

After

hearing it put that way, I was all the more impressed at Kouta for putting up

with me for so long. It was no wonder he hated me now.

"...That's,

well, because Kouta is the kind of person who can't reject anyone."

"Nope.

It's because he's interested in you."

"What?"

That

was too far out of left field.

"This

is just my intuition talking, but Miki, did you by any chance have a bunch of

male friends in middle school? You know, doing you favors and stuff?"

"I

don't know about favors, but I did have friends…"

As long

as I had my magic, such a feat was simple. I had put a lot of effort into

getting people under my control, male and female alike. I had long thought that

my ability to do so was my one redeeming quality.

"You

know, those guys were probably all into you!"

"Ehh…?

Your logic's getting a little shaky…"

"You

really are blind to your whole s.e.x appeal, aren't you. I can definitely

tell that you didn't put much thought into romance up until now. Hmm… a quiz,

then. What would you say is the kind of girl that guys are the most likely to

fall for?"

"Huh?

Umm… Someone who's cute, mature, and respectful… and maybe good at cooking? And

long hair is probably better. Anyways, that sort of girly girl, right? I don't

really fit the type, you know."

"Well,

a girly girl like that'll be a hit with the guys for sure. But that's not it.

That type'll be popular, but not the most popular. The most

popular type is gonna be the type of girl whose looks are only so-so, is easy

to talk to, who they can be themselves around, and who looks like they're

having a good time when they're chatting. Other than the bit about the looks,

it's a description that fits you to a T."

"You're

not just saying stuff to cheer me up, are you?"

"I'm as

serious as can be. Girls are pretty much the same way, but guys don't really go

for girl who are out of their league. They fall for girls that they feel like

they have a shot with. And you're kind of a natural at provoking guys that way,

Miki. You try so hard to make sure the people you interact with are having fun,

it makes guys wonder if you might be into them. You're a master at accidentally

giving the wrong impression. The first time I met you, I wanted to kill you

because I thought you were doing it on purpose."

"You're

scary…"

"Wait a

minute, haven't you, like, had a bunch of guys confess to you?"

I was

silent. I couldn't refute it.

"So

what's up with that 'I don't know anything about love' aura you give off?

Anyways, you should be aware of how popular you are."

"...Well,

enough about me being popular—"

"I'll

kill you. Don't go getting c.o.c.ky on me. I'll kill you."

"Let me

finis.h.!.+ Geez, the look in your eyes is scary! ...But even if I'm popular,

that's different from Kouta liking me, right? I'm pretty confident that he

doesn't seem me in a romantic light."

"Maybe

the two of you are more alike than you think. I'm pretty sure he holds you in

good favor… Maybe he doesn't realize it, either."

...Now

that she mentioned it, Kouta had a habit of avoiding self-reflection, so him

being unaware of his feelings was only natural.

"And

for that matter, he didn't ignore you or anything even after you started acting

all arrogant around him, right?"

Thinking

back to how Kouta was originally, I mumbled, "I think so."

"Then

you got this in the bag."

"What

makes you say that?"

"Even

though he might not realize it, it's not your personality that's annoying him

so much. It's not your selfishness. It's what we were just talking about, how

you don't put things clearly. He's mad because you properly said that you liked

him."

I

wanted to tell her that there's no way that was the case, but something Kouta

had told me floated to mind.

I have to wonder, why do you

spend so much time confirming my feelings without voicing your own even once?

"Even

if Kouta's like you were and doesn't realize he's in love with you, all you

have to saying is something like 'I like you so much I can't leave you alone.

I'm sorry.' and he'd forgive you with a sappy look on his face. 'Cause it's

pretty clear he definitely has feelings for you. Guys are pretty simple, you

know, and they don't really get hung up on the past. So you've got this in the

bag. Or should I call it an easy win?"

I

immediately wanted to rebut, saying that there was no way it could be that

easy.

But

when I ran a simulation inside my head, I felt like the result would be exactly

as she predicted. I could almost imagine Kouta saying "It's fine, don't worry

about it," and forgiving me with a slightly fl.u.s.tered look on his face.

That

was amazing.

Sayuri

came up with an incantation to salvage a relations.h.i.+p that not even I could

think of a way to like it was nothing.

I gazed

at Sayuri with newfound respect.

"Sayuri,

are you by any chance actually a powerful magus?"

I had

thought that there was nothing I had left to learn from others when it came to

communication.

"Magic?

What are you going on about? Well, I guess it does make sense that you'd be no

match for me, given that you're just a little fledgeling when it comes to love

and I've got love on the brain twenty-four seven."

That…

made sense. There was no way I could compare to a romance fanatic like her.

Sayuri

gave my head a soft knock.

"Go get

'em, Miki."

"...Will

do."

It was

possible that despite my preconceptions, magic wasn't actually all that

special. It was possible that others could use similar abilities.

It

wasn't that n.o.body else knew that magic existed. They just didn't need to.

After all, you can do things similar to magic without even noticing.

But… I

still wanted to believe that my magic was special. I couldn't so easily discard

something that had supported me for so long.

There

may well come a day when I find the degree to which I was obsessed with magic

embarra.s.sing, but that day is yet to come.

I still

believed in my magic.

It was

still something deeply important to me.

I

decided to go see Kouta once school let out.

But

thinking about it, it would be difficult to hold a normal conversation with him

given how things ended last time. I had to resolve myself if I was going to be

able to make up with him.

I had

no choice but to confess my love for him.

Upon

realizing this I began to lose my nerve a little, and the next-door cla.s.sroom

began to seem farther and farther away. No matter how many deeps breaths I

took, my heart continued pounding away. My shoulders stiffened up from the

stress, and I even began to feel a headache come on. After slapping my

un.o.bedient legs over and over, I finally reached the cla.s.sroom.

Kouta

wasn't there. But his bag was, so it seemed likely that he'd be back for it

soon. With some hesitation, I headed for his seat and sat down. I fell

prostrate on the desk he used day in and day out.

That

was all it took for my affection to start overflowing. Self-awareness. My heart

felt so itchy that I wanted to scratch it. But at the same time it felt

pleasant, like the blood pumping out of my heart was warmer than usual.

How

odd. I hadn't realized what these feelings were until today, and yet I was well

past the point of doubting them.

I liked

Kouta.

I liked

Kouta a lot.

I would

confess to him, and make a request. An egotistical request for him to become

mine.

But who

cared if it was egotistical.

I liked

him, after all.

I loved

him.

So he

would forgive me, wouldn't he? That was what love meant, wasn't it?

In

order to hide my giddy face, I lay even flatter on his desk. Kouta didn't seem

to be coming back, but I waited for him anyways.

I was

so lost in the throngs of love that I had completely forgotten.

Kouta

was on the verge of not being Kouta any more.