HELENA. There's no doubt about it.

TSUMU. a.n.a.lytikos says there is much doubt about all things.

HELENA. Never mind what he says. I envy you your complexion.

TSUMU [falling prostrate before HELENA]. Whom the Queen envies should beware.

HELENA [annoyed]. Get up, Tsumu. You make me nervous tumbling about like that.

TSUMU [still on the floor]. Why does the great Queen envy Tsumu?

HELENA. Get up, you silly. [She kicks her.] I envy you because you can run about and never worry about getting sunburnt.

TSUMU [on her knees]. The radiant beauty of the Queen is unspoilable.

HELENA. That's just what's worrying me, Tsumu. When beauty is so perfect the slightest jar may mean a jolt. [She goes over and looks at her reflection in the shield.] I can't see myself as well as I would like to. The King's shield is tarnished. Menelaus has been too long out of battle.

TSUMU [handing her a hand mirror]. The G.o.ds will keep Sparta free from strife.

HELENA. I'll have you beaten if you a.s.sume that prophetic tone with me.

There's one thing I can't stand, and that's a know-all. [Flinging the hand mirror to the floor.]

TSUMU [in alarm]. G.o.ds grant you haven't bent it.

HELENA. These little mirrors are useless. His shield is the only thing in which I can see myself full-length. If he only went to war, he'd have to have it cleaned.

TSUMU [putting the mirror on a table near the QUEEN]. The King is a lover of peace.

HELENA. The King is a lover of comfort. Have you noticed that he spends more time than he used to in the library?

TSUMU. He is busy with questions of State.

HELENA. You know perfectly well that when anything's the matter with the Government it's always straightened out at the other end of the palace.

Finish my shoulder. [She examines her arm.] I doubt if there is a finer skin than this in Sparta.

[TSUMU begins to ma.s.sage the QUEEN'S shoulder.]

HELENA [taking up a mirror]. That touch of deep carmine right here in the centre of my lips was quite an idea.

TSUMU [busily pounding the QUEEN]. An inspiration of the G.o.ds!

HELENA. The G.o.ds have nothing to do with it. I copied it from a low woman I saw at the circus. I can't understand how these bad women have such good ideas. [HELENA twists about.]

TSUMU. If your majesty doesn't sit still, I may pinch you.

HELENA [boxing her ears]. None of your tricks, you ebony fiend!

TSUMU [crouching]. Descendant of paradise, forgive me.

HELENA. If you bruise my perfect flesh, the King will kill you. My beauty is his religion. He can sit for hours, as if at prayer, just examining the arch of my foot. Tsumu, you may kiss my foot.

TSUMU [prostrate]. May the G.o.ds make me worthy of your kindness!

HELENA. That's enough. Tsumu, are you married?

TSUMU [getting up]. I've been so busy having babies I never had time to get married.

HELENA. It's a great disillusionment.

TSUMU [aghast]. What!

HELENA. I'm not complaining. Moo Moo is the best of husbands, but sometimes being adored too much is trying. [She sighs deeply.] I think I'll wear my heliotrope this afternoon.

[A trumpet sounds below in the courtyard. TSUMU goes to the window.]

TSUMU. They are changing the guards at the gates of the palace. It's almost time for your bath. [She begins sc.r.a.ping the ma.s.sage ointment back into the box.]

HELENA. You're as careful with that ointment as Moo Moo is with me.

TSUMU. Precious things need precious guarding.

HELENA. It's very short-sighted on Moo Moo's part to send everybody to the galleys who dares lift a head when I pa.s.s by--and all those nice-looking soldiers! Why--the only men I ever see besides Moo Moo are a.n.a.lytikos and a lot of useless eunuchs.

TSUMU. Oh, those eunuchs!

HELENA [as she sits dreaming]. I wish, I wish---- [She stops short.]

TSUMU. You have but to speak your desire to the King.

HELENA [shocked]. Tsumu! How can you think of such a thing? I'm not a bad woman.

TSUMU. He would die for you.

HELENA [relieved]. Ah! Do you think so, Tsumu?

TSUMU. All Sparta knows that His Majesty is a lover of peace, and yet he would rush into battle to save you.

HELENA. I should love to have men fighting for me.

TSUMU [in high alarm]. May Zeus turn a deaf ear to your voice.

HELENA. Don't be impertinent, Tsumu. I've got to have some sort of amus.e.m.e.nt.

TSUMU. You've only to wait till next week, and you can see another of the priestesses sacrificed to Diana.

HELENA. That doesn't interest me any longer. The girls are positively beginning to like it. No! My mind is set on war.

TSUMU [terrified]. I have five fathers of my children to lose.