Vivenna heard footsteps on the stairs leading down to the cellar, and soon the door opened and Denth appeared. He closed the door then walked over and handed Jewels something that looked like a large wineskin. The woman took it and immediately turned back to her work.

Denth sat down beside Vivenna.

"They say a man doesn't know himself until he faces death for the first time," he said in a conversational tone. "I don't know about that. It seems to me that the person you are when you're about to die isn't as important as the person you are during the rest of your life. Why should a few moments matter more than an entire lifetime?"

Vivenna didn't respond.

"Everyone gets scared, Princess. Even brave men sometimes run their first time they see battle. In armies, that's why there's so much training. The ones who hold aren't the courageous ones, they're the well-trained ones. We have instincts like any other animal. They take over sometimes. That's all right."

Vivenna continued to watch as Jewels carefully placed the intestines back into Clod's stomach. She took out a small package and removed something that looked like a strip of meat.

"You did well, actually," Denth said. "Kept your wits about you. Didn't freeze. Found the quickest way out. I've protected some people who will just stand there and die unless you shake them and force them to run."

"I want you to teach me Awakening," Vivenna whispered.

He paused, glancing at her. "Do you... want to think about that a bit first?"

"I have," she whispered, arms around knees, head resting against them. "I thought I was stronger than I am. I thought I'd rather die than use it. That was a lie. In that moment, I would have done anything to survive."

Denth smiled. "You'd make a good mercenary."

"It's wrong," she said, still staring forward. "But I can't claim to be pure any more. I might as well understand what I have. Use it. If that d.a.m.ns me, then so be it. At least it will have helped me survive long enough to destroy the Hallandren."

Denth raised an eyebrow. "You want to destroy them now, eh? No more simple sabotage and undermining?"

She shook her head. "I want this kingdom overthrown," she whispered. "Just like the slum lords said. It can corrupt those poor people. It can corrupt even me. I hate it."

"I-"

"No, Denth," Vivenna said. Her hair bled a deep red, and for once she didn't care. "I really hate it. I've always hated this people. They took my childhood. I had to prepare. Become their queen. Get ready to marry the G.o.d King. Everyone said he was unholy and a heretic. Yet I was supposed to have s.e.x with him!

"I hate this entire city, with its colors and its G.o.ds! I hate the fact that it ripped away my life, then demanded that I leave behind all that I love! I hate the busy streets, the placating gardens, the commerce, and the suffocating weather.

"I hate their arrogance most of all. Thinking they could push my father around, force him into that treaty twenty years ago. They've controlled my life. Dominated it. Ruined it. And now they have my sister."

She puffed, teeth gritted.

"You'll have your vengeance," Denth whispered.

She looked at him. "I want them to hurt, Denth. The attack today wasn't about subduing a rebellious element. The Hallandrens sent those soldiers in to kill. Kill the poor that they created. We're going to stop them from doing things like that. I don't care what it takes. I'm tired of being pretty and nice and ignoring ostentation. I want to do something."

Denth nodded slowly. "All right. We'll change courses, start making our attacks a little more painful."

"Good," she said. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling frustrated, wishing that she was strong enough to keep all of these emotions away. But, she wasn't.

She'd kept them in too long. That was the problem.

"This was never about your sister, was it?" Denth asked. "Coming here?"

She shook her head, eyes still shut.

"Why, then?"

"I had trained all of my life," she whispered. "I was the one who would sacrifice herself. When Siri left, I became nothing. I had to come and get it back."

"But you just said that you've always hated Hallandren," he said, sounding confused.

"I have. And I do. That's why I had to come."

He was silent for a few moments. "Too complicated for a mercenary, I guess."

She opened her eyes. She wasn't sure if she understood, either. She'd always kept a tight grip on her hatred, only letting it manifest in distain for Hallandren ways. She confronted it now. Acknowledged it. Somehow, Hallandren could be loathsome yet transfixing at the same time. As if... she knew that until she came and saw the place for herself, she wouldn't have a real focus-a real understanding, a real image-of what it was that had destroyed her life.

Now she understood. If her Breaths would help, then she would use them. Just like Lemks. Just like those slum lords. She wasn't so high. She never had been.

She doubted Denth would understand. Instead, Vivenna nodded toward Jewels. "What is she doing?"

Denth turned. "s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g on a new muscle," he said. "One of the ones in his side got cut, sheered right through. Muscles won't work right if you just sew them together. She has to replace the whole thing."

"With screws?"

Denth nodded. "Right into the bone. It works all right. Not perfectly, but all right. No wound can ever be perfectly fixed on a Lifeless, though he will heal some. You just sew them up and pump them full of ichor-alcohol. If you fix them enough times, the body will stop working right and you'll have to spend another Breath to keep them going. By then, it's usually best to buy another body."

Saved by a monster. Perhaps that was what made her so determined to use her Breath. She should be dead, but Clod had saved her. A Lifeless.

She owed her life to something that should not exist. She should be dead. Even worse, if she looked deep within her, she found herself feeling a traitorous pity for the thing. Even and affection. Considering that, she figured that she was already d.a.m.ned to the point that using her Breaths wouldn't matter.

"He fought well," she whispered. "Better than the Lifeless that the city guard was using."

Denth glanced at Clod. "They're not all equal. Most Lifeless, they're just made out of whatever body happens to be around. If you pay good money, you can get one who was very skillful in life."

She felt a chill, remembering just that moment of humanity she'd seen in Clod's life as he defended her. If an undead monstrosity could be a hero, then a pious princess could blaspheme.

Or was she still just trying to justify her actions?

"Skill," she whispered. "They keep it?"

Denth nodded. "Some semblance of it, at least. Considering what we paid for this guy, he'd better have been quite the soldier. And that's why it's worth the money for us to take the time to learn how to repair him and keep him going, rather than buy a new one."

They treat him just like a thing, Vivenna thought. Just like she should. And yet, more and more, she thought of Clod as a 'he.' He had saved her life. Not Denth, not Tonk Fah. Clod. It seemed to her that they should show more respect for him.

Jewels finished with the muscles, then sewed the skin closed with a thick string.

"Though he'll kind of heal," Denth said, "it's best to use something strong in the sewing, so the wound doesn't rip apart again."

Vivenna nodded. "The... juice."

"Ichor-alcohol," Denth said. "Discovered by the Five Scholars. Wonderful stuff. Keeps a Lifeless going really well."

"That's what let the Manywar occur?" she whispered. "Getting the mixture right?"

"That's part of it. That and the discovery-again by one of the Five Scholars, I forget which one-of some new Commands. If you really want to be an Awakener, princess, that's what you have to learn. The Commands."

She nodded. "Teach me."

To the side Jewels got out a small pump and stuck a small hose into a little clasp on Clod's shoulder. She began to pump the Ichor-alcohol, moving the pump very slowly, probably in order to keep from bursting the veins.

"Well," Denth said, "there are a lot of commands. If you want to bring a rope to life-like that one you tried to use back in the alleyway-a good Command is 'hold things.' Speak it with a clear voice, willing your Breath to act. If you do it right, the rope will grab whatever is closest. 'Protect me' is another good one, though it can be interpreted in fairly strange ways if you don't imagine exactly what you want."

"Imagine?" Vivenna asked.

He nodded. "You have to form the Command in your head, not just speak it. The Breath you give up, it's part of your life. Your soul, you Idrians say. When you Awaken something, it becomes part of you. If you're good-and practiced-the things you Awaken will do what you want them to. They're part of you. They understand, just like your hands understand what you want them to do."

She nodded slowly. Outside, a shadow pa.s.sed the window and Tonk Fah entered.

"Well?" Denth asked.

"Looks safe," he said, eyeing Clod. "How's the stiff?"

"Just finished," Jewels said. She leaned down, saying something very soft to the Lifeless. Clod started moving again, sitting up, looking about. Vivenna waited as his eyes pa.s.sed over her, but there didn't seem to be recognition in them. He wore the same dull expression.

Of course, Vivenna thought, standing. He's Lifeless, after all. Jewels had said something to make him start working again. Was that the security phrase Denth had talked about? She realized it was probably the same one Jewels had used to make him stop moving in the first place. That odd phrase...

Howl of the Sun. Vivenna filed it away, then followed as they left the building.

A short time later, they were home. Parlin rushed out, asking after their safety. He went to Jewels first, though she brushed him off. As Vivenna entered the building, he moved up to her. "Vivenna? What happened?"

She just shook her head.

"There was fighting," he said, following her up the stairs. "I heard about it."

"There was an attack on the camp we visited," Vivenna said tiredly, reaching the top of the stairs. "A squad of Lifeless. They started killing people."

"Lord of Colors!" Parlin said. "Is Jewels all right?"

Vivenna flushed, turning on the landing, looking down the stairs toward him. "Why do you ask about her?"

Parlin shrugged. "I think she's nice."

"Should you be saying things like that?" Vivenna asked, noticing half-heartedly that her hair was turning red again. "Aren't you engaged to me?"

He frowned. "You were engaged to the G.o.d King, Vivenna."

"But you know what our fathers wanted," she said, hands on hips.

"I did," Parlin said. "But, well, when we left Idris, I figured we were both going to get disinherited. There's really no reason to keep up the charade."

Charade?

"I mean, let's be honest, Vivenna," he said, smiling. "You really haven't ever been that nice to me. I know you think I'm stupid; I guess you're probably right. But if you really cared, I figured that you wouldn't make me feel stupid too. Jewels grumbles at me, but she laughs at my jokes some times. You've never done that."

"But..." Vivenna said, finding herself at a slight loss for words. "But, why did you follow me down to Hallandren?"

He blinked. "Well, for Siri, of course. Isn't that why we came? To rescue her? " He smiled fondly, then shrugged. "Good night, Vivenna." He trailed down the steps, calling to Jewels to see if she was hurt.

Vivenna watched him go.

He's twice the person I am, she thought with shame, turning toward her room. But I'm just finding it hard to care any more. Everything had been taken from her. Why not Parlin, too? Her hatred for Hallandren grew a little more firm as she stepped into her room.

I just need to sleep, she thought. Maybe after that, I can figure out just what in the name of the Colors I'm doing in this city.

On one thing she remained firm. She was going to learn how to Awaken. The Vivenna from before-the one who had a right to stand up tall and p.r.o.nounce Breath to be unholy-no longer had a place in T'Telir. The real Vivenna hadn't come to Hallandren to save her sister. She'd come because she couldn't stand being unimportant.

She'd learn. That was her punishment.

Inside her room, she pushed the door closed, locking the bolt. Then she walked over to pull the drapes closed.

A figure stood on her balcony, resting against the railing. He wore several days worth of scrub on his face and his dark clothing was worn, almost tattered. He carried a deep black sword.

She jumped, eyes wide.

"You," he said in an angry voice, "are causing a lot of trouble."

She opened her mouth to scream, but the drapes snapped forward, wrapping around her neck and mouth. They squeezed tightly, choking her. They around her entire body, pinning her arms to her sides.

No! she thought. I survive the attack and the Lifeless, and then fall in my own room?

She struggled, hoping someone would hear her thrashing and come for her. But n.o.body did. At least, not before she fell unconscious.

Chapter Thirty-Four.

Lightsong watched the young queen dart away from his pavilion and felt an odd sense of... guilt. How very odd for me, he thought, taking a sip of wine. After the grapes, it tasted a little bitter.

Maybe the bitterness was from something else. He'd made the comment about the G.o.d King's death in his usual flippant way. In his opinion, it was usually best for people to hear the truth bluntly-and, if possible, amusingly.

He hadn't expected such a reaction from Siri. What was the G.o.d King to her? She'd been sent to be his bride, probably against her will. Yet, she seemed to take the prospect of his death with apparent grief. He eyed her as she fled.

Such a small, young thing she was, all dressed up in gold and blue. Young? he thought. She's been alive longer than I have.