Waikiki Vampire.

A Vampire Christmas.

A. J. Llewellyn.

Author's Note

In January, 2003 construction began on a superblock mall to be built on Keeaumoku Street in the heart of Waikiki, Hawaii. Workers on the already controversial project soon made a startling discovery. Twenty-five sets of skeletal remains were found, buried deep beneath the surface streets.

State archaeologists examining the graves backing onto Malaoa and Sheridan Streets believed these were the unfortunate victims of the catastrophic smallpox outbreak of 1853. They demanded work be stopped until further excavation could determine how many other gravesites were there, and also for the descendants of the victims to be contacted.

As the state of Hawaii's Historic Preservation Division struggled with court filings from property developers, decisions had to be made on how the remains of the graves would be treated.

Three other bodies located in the same burial site predate the smallpox deaths, according to archaeological reports, because the bodies were buried in the fetal position, which was the custom of ancient Hawaiians.

The discovery of these human remains reopened the issue of so many ancient burial sites being looted in the islands with caskets and treasures put on display in museums and some even sold on the international black market...

A Vampire Christmas is a work of fiction inspired by these events.

Chapter One.

Midnight. There was a kind of hush over the Misland of Oahu as we pa.s.sed from Christmas Eve into the big day itself. Somewhere, Santa Claus was dropping presents down chimneys as little kids fought sleep, visions of sugar plums, turkey...and all those toys. And boy oh boy, Santa had brought us a humdinger.

A baby in a basket right at our door.

My husband Tem looked at me with those big, dark cocoa eyes of his, the ones that seduced me from being straight to gay, and begged.

"Please, Div. Please let's adopt this baby. I love him so much!"

"We just found him five minutes ago. How much love can you have for him?"

"I loved you the second I saw you, Div."

d.a.m.n. My man knew how to shut me up. I rocked back on my heels as Tem gazed lovingly down at the hideous little beast in his arms.

"You want to adopt a demon baby." It was a flat statement, not a question. I wanted to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"Yes, yes, darling. I do."

Outside in the chilly night air, there was no sign of anybody who could have left the baby here. No signs of tire treads, foot prints, no written notes, no baby bottles or extra clothes, just the kid dumped in a basket in our garden.

Tem's face was serene and I glared at our cat Moontime, who'd dragged the little ankle biter across our threshold in the first place. And I do mean ankle biter. No more than a few hours old at most, this baby had red eyes, pointed ears, a forked tongue, sharp finger nails and, G.o.d save us, tiny, pointy, vicious little fangs. Moontime extended a paw like he was Sugar Ray Robinson delivering a nifty right hook and licked his claws clean. He was constantly bringing home stray animals. This was his first stray demon baby. Our home was host to an array of recuperating creatures. Sometimes I felt like Doctor Do-Vampo-little. And Tem knew I was vampire putty in his hands.

I tried again. "Let me get this straight. You want to adopt the incubus."

"It's Christmas, darling. Everybody deserves a fresh start, a family for the holidays. Look at him, isn't he adorable?"

No, he's not. He's G.o.dd.a.m.n ugly. Ten fingers, ten toes, blood-red eyes and teeth that would scare a tiger shark.

"It's not like you to think such mean thoughts," my husband sniffed. As usual he could read my mind, one of the less attractive qualities of being a vampire in moments like this. "Are you afraid I won't want you as much now that we're parents?"

Parents? Oh geez. It wasn't like we were talking about a cute kid, or even one of our own, like a baby vamp. I could even imagine living with a werewolf...maybe. But geez, a demon baby?

"It's going to be hard to find a pediatrician for him."

Tem beamed at me. "We'll have the odaisan look at him."

Geez, he already had an answer for everything. Our family priest and spiritual doctor was getting rich quick dealing with our family's many problems lately. The demon baby glared at me and I knew I had more than my hands full with this pudgy little monster.

I tried again. "What about school? We can hardly send him off to Honolulu Elementary."

"We'll home school him."

"I don't think either of us is qualified to teach our son-"

"Are you saying I'm dumb?"

"I'm not saying that at all. Tem, I adore you. You are the smartest, s.e.xiest guy I know. I just...I can't imagine the Honolulu Unified School district would qualify us as teachers. We're gay, we're .

vampires and, until three months ago, we were p.o.r.n stars."

"And your point is?"

I stared at Moontime, who stared back at Tem, whom he worshipped more than anything in the world, even more than freshly sliced ahi tuna three times a day. d.a.m.ned bossy psycho kitty. Why couldn't he be normal and bring home bugs and birds?

"Moontime, I'm going to put the baby down for a nap now." Tem fussed over the infant's grubby bedding. "You watch him for me, sweetheart. I want to have a little word with daddy."

Okay, I wasn't too upset about the idea of having a little word, especially since I had a spooky feeling s.e.x might be involved. I sprinted to our bedroom and ripped off my kimono, Tem arriving a minute later with a small bowl of frozen blueberries. Blueberries! Tem watched my c.o.c.k spring into happy antic.i.p.ation, pointing straight at him. I treasured what he did with frozen blueberries. He laughed at what he always called my royal salute, reaching one hand out to stroke the shaft, then pushed me to the bed, climbing on top of me.

"Tem, take that kimono off." I loved him naked more than anything, more than eating red velvet cake from his fingers three times a day. He removed his kimono, one of his own fabulous .

creations, his c.o.c.k hard now as he sat astride me.

"Divine Thunder, you honestly think I could ever love a child more than you?"

"Well..."

Tem shook his head. "How many times a day do we make love?"

Was this a trick question? "Three, maybe four," I mumbled as his hands slid over my body. In our p.o.r.n star guises, we were Jimmy Thunder and Angelis. At home, we were Div and Temeura Thunder. Just a couple of vampires in Waikiki...

Tem intruded on my thoughts. "And you think I would let anything stop that?"

"Babies are a lot of work."

"You're jealous!"

"Of course I'm freakin' jealous. We just got married three months ago. I love having you to myself." I looked up at that gorgeous man fate had miraculously allowed me to love and he smiled down at me. I still could not believe how beautiful he was. A mixture of Hawaiian, j.a.panese and New Zealand Maori, his skin was the color of milky coffee. His long black hair fell around his bare shoulders. One flick of his hot tongue across my lips, just one little kiss and it would be all over. He could have whatever he wanted.

I would beg him to adopt a houseful of harpies...I would swim across shark infested waters to bring him twiformed Scyllas, crawl on my .

knees up a sandalwood mountain to bring him a one hundred-armed Briareus. I would ford any stream he wished to bring him Satan's sp.a.w.n...oops...we already had Satan's sp.a.w.n.

Tem bent down and gave me a long and sultry kiss. I felt his teeth elongating against my tongue and I lifted my mouth from his.

"What's our baby's name?" I asked, already under my man's love spell as his head moved down to my c.o.c.k. His big brown eyes shone with happiness.

"His name is Beelzebub."

Aw, geez. Talk about advertising his satanic heritage. "Umm...bub? Because he's a baby?"

"You're so smart, Div."

Yeah, right, I know I'm being played.

"I might be a new doting parent, darling, but I can still read your mind."

Oh s.h.i.t. I mean, great!

"Er...don't you think he might outgrow the bub part, sweetheart?" It was hard to concentrate with Tem licking my c.o.c.k with such obvious enjoyment. When he was aroused, his canine teeth elongated, but he never grazed my c.o.c.k with them...not yet, anyway. I gulped in frustration when he took his mouth off me.

"We'll cross the name bridge when we get to it, Div. He's still a newborn, you know. But when he gets older, he can just be Beel." His smile was .

disarming, his tongue, oh so talented.

"Yeah...Beelzebub," I muttered. "Great name. Oh, Tem..."

"Have I told you lately how much I enjoy this lavish, uncut c.o.c.k?"

Actually, he told me all the time, but I believe in show rather than tell. Reading my mind, he placed a handful of frozen blueberries in his mouth and got back to work. The sensation of the frozen berries tumbling inside his mouth against his tongue and cheeks was indescribable. Tem had perfected this art of ice and fire and I had to fight not to come too quickly. Swallowing the first batch of berries that had warmed in his mouth, he picked up a second handful, gave me the wickedest grin I'd ever seen, took hold of my c.o.c.k again and, grabbing a handful of blueberries and stuffing them in my mouth, I upended my hot island hunk and found his c.o.c.k just ripe for the licking.

"Oh, Div..." Tem murmured around my c.o.c.k. The sounds of our impa.s.sioned sucking filled our bedroom and oh...yeah...I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill.

Tem and I coaxed one another to bone-jarring o.r.g.a.s.ms. My heart beat wildly against my beautiful man's chest as I turned him back around and held him in my arms. We gave each other sticky, sweet kisses. I heard him, felt him, .

breathing his contentment, his pleasure in our shared tranquility. Tem's eyes opened as I gazed down at his head on my shoulder and I saw the uncertainty there.

"Div," he whispered. "There might be one small problem." He gently bit my shoulder and I felt a frisson of joy shooting right down to my toes.

"What's that, my love?"

"How will we explain the baby's um...appearance to my mother?"

"Your mother?" The s.e.xual fog lifted from my brain. His mother was not our only problem. Half of the island of Oahu was coming to Christmas dinner, our first Christmas dinner as a family.

Yeah, how in heck were we going to explain the kid to anybody?

Chapter Two.

he kid in question was screaming, and it wasn't Tpretty. His beady red eyes oozed venom, his little talons opening and closing, his forked tongue zigzagging in and out of his minute slash of a mouth. He breathed in and wound himself up for another unholy hissy fit.

Tem, who was busy opening up shopping bags filled with eight hundred thread count bed sheets and the most elegant, expensive blankets available in Waikiki, had been buying house wares like crazy for the last month since we'd invited and were now expecting a house full of guests for Christmas dinner. Twenty people for dinner, ten staying for the next couple of days.

All the beds were made, the rooms dressed with tropical island flowers and these were extras. I didn't care what he'd spent, I cared that it was all going to h.e.l.l because we had a little maniac on our hands.

Tem took his time selecting the softest blanket in the bag, a blood red cashmere throw. At least he .

wasn't going to give the kid one of our family heirlooms, like my Aunty Genoa's antique Hawaiian quilts.

My sister-in-law, Clancy clapped her hands over her ears. "Make it stop! Please!"

Clancy's wife, my beloved sister Kalani, glanced at me in desperation. "Okay, I give up. What is that thing?"

I nudged Kalani into silence, not just because I'd caught Tem's sharp look, but because I was aware that what we were talking about, in spite of the unearthly racket, was after all, a baby.

There was a soft knocking on our back door. I was surprised we could even hear it with all the noise. I opened the back door and found a paper sack on the lanai. I peered into it. Bottles, formula, diapers and a baby bottle warmer. What was going on here?

Back in the kitchen, I handed it to Tem. "This was outside on the lanai."

We all looked at each other, then Tem busied himself opening the package.

Despite her initial disgust, my sister took a closer look at the screaming fiend. Kalani is the most nurturing woman I know. She picked up the squalling bundle of blubbering Beelzebub and held him close, well, as close as she could without anything important getting near those razor sharp little teeth. She cooed at the baby and his forked .

tongue slithered out in a menacing way at her right ear.

"Oh my G.o.d...did you ever see anything quite so...vile?" She held him away from her, wincing.