Volume 2 Chapter 7 Violet Evergarden

Volume 2 Chapter 7

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I like

flowers. I like poems. But what I enjoy writing about the most are battle

depictions. I want to become strong. I took Violet’s name from a poem I love, “Roses

are Red”. People’s names always have some sort of meaning.

—Akatsuki Kana

When had

that feeling sprouted within him? He had no idea what the trigger had been. If

he were ever asked what he was fond of about her, he would not be able to properly

express it in words.

“Major.” Before he had realized it, he was happy

whenever she called out to him. He believed he had to protect her as she

followed him from behind. His chest pounded with immutable devotion.

——For whom and for what purpose is that

devotion? Supposing hers is for my sake… her lips would automatically only

speak words that sound pleasing to me. Since she seeks subservience and orders,

having the approval of the Lord she submits to is her motivation. Then… what

about my own life? What about my love? For whose sake are they?

The Major and His Everything

Emerald

eyes opened. They belonged to a small child. The wide-open orbs of a young

infant who had yet to complete six years of age and had just awoken from his

slumber reflected the world around him.

As he

hopped off the carriage he had been sleeping in along the course of the road, a

summery scenery spread in front of him. The first thing that caught his

attention was the beauty of the trees lined up on the way to a green forest.

While nestled close to one another, from old ones to saplings, they stood dignified.

The shadows formed by a soft, pure light cascading to the earth from the gaps

between their leaves almost looked like dancers. Said leaves swayed in the wind,

sounding like the giggles of little girls.

During such

season, white flowers blown into a storm of petals were a remarkable trait of

Leidenschaftlich. Almost as the blizzards of the northern countries, the

flowers floated about in the air. Their vines were a.s.sociated with heroes who had protected the nation against no trivial number of invasions, and could be

found planted all over the country. Beautiful blossoms bloomed from them during

the change from spring to summer.

“It’s our family

flower.” His father whispered that one sentence, walking ahead of him.

His eyes,

which had been moving about in many directions as he was led by his older

brother’s hand, landed on his father’s back. Perhaps sensing his son’s

thermal stare, the father turned around once, and though he could not tell, it

could have been to confirm if he was properly following from behind. Same as

his young self, his father’s irises were green, except of a slightly different

shade, and bore a strict gaze.

Just from

the fact his father had turned backwards, he was happy to the point of wanting

to break into dance. Most likely, that was idolization. However, although his

heart was pleased, his expression was stiff. All he was concerned about was

whether he had done anything warrant being admonished during that instant.

“What’s

that stuff… about ‘our family flower’?” His older brother poorly imitated

their father’s words in a very low tone.

The parent

and children followed down the green path. Beyond the scene created by the

beauty of nature was what seemed to be an area for military training

facilities. In it were several people who wore the same purplish black uniform

as their father. The little one acted as though exploring something peculiar, and

what lay before his pupils that twinkled with stars of curiosity was the figure

of soldiers in a march that did not disarray for a single second.

The father

took his sons to what seemed to be seats for authorized people in order to

watch something that was about to start. Leaving them on chairs arranged

outdoors, the father left their side.

In addition

to those who wore the army’s uniform, there were also soldiers wearing the navy’s

white high-collar one. Surrounding the fighter and reconnaissance planes, they

chatted amongst one another, cleanly divided into two parties. Although both were

defense forces, they appeared to be self-conscious of and unfriendly with each

other. From the eyes of a child, it was a bizarre sight.

Perhaps

becoming nervous due to not seeing his father anywhere, he flapped his arms and

legs, aimlessly dropping his gaze to his feet. A petal of bougainvillea, which

his father had called their “family flower”, fell down. As he stretched his

hand out in a forceful attempt to take it into his palm while remaining seated,

his older brother sitting next to him held his body back down.

“Gilbert,

behave.” As his brother told him with a sullen tone, Gilbert tamely complied.

He was an

obedient child. His home was Leidenschaftlich, and he was the descendant of a well-known

southern military nation’s heroes.

For the

Bougainvillea men, it was customary to enlist into the army. It was not the

first time that his father, who had a high-ranking position in it, had brought

his brother and himself to similar events.

His brother

grasped his hand and held it tight. Even without him doing so, Gilbert was not the

kind of boy to repeat an action after being scolded for it.

“If you

disgrace the Bougainvillea name, I will be the one punished for neglecting my

duty of supervising you.”

Since his

brother receiving a lecture along with a reprimanding fist from their father

was something often witnessed in their everyday routine, it was only the

expected for him to show a well-attuned response, as to not spoil their

father’s mood. Gilbert understood that much.

In the

Bougainvillea household, where Gilbert and his older brother lived, each person

had to act out their conduct with utmost care; otherwise, it felt as if the

house’s walls, protruding with needles, nails, swords, and rose thorns, would

pierce their bodies and draw blood. Rather than it being a comfortable place,

it was as if it judged them constantly. Such was their home.

“So

boring…” his brother said, half-pouting. His eyes were directed not at the army

soldiers, but at the navy ones. “This kind of thing… seems boring, doesn’t it,

Gil?”

Although

Gilbert was asked for agreement, he was at loss for an answer. He could not consent.

——Why do you say that?

He believed feelings such as boredom had to be

discarded in that situation. Regardless of how tedious it could be, they had to

endure it. That was why he had ceased acting as a restless child who was easily

influenced by others. His brother was supposed to be aware of that as well, so

why did he go as far as orally seeking concordance?

Since Gilbert was still only an infant, he replied

in a child-like manner, “You can’t say things like that.”

“It’s fine. It’s okay for you and me to talk

about this in a low voice. As if I would let even my thoughts be controlled.

Y’know, Gil… this is definitely… something that Dad and Dad’s father, and

even Dad’s father’s father have done. It’s the worst, right?”

“Why is that bad?” Gilbert asked.

“Isn’t it as if they don’t have a will of their

own? Listen, the reason Dad has brought us here today is to say, ‘you are going

to become like me’.”

“Why is that bad?” Gilbert asked.

“It’s to make us understand that we can’t

choose anything other than this.”

“Why is that bad?” Gilbert asked.

As he did not comprehend his brother’s feelings

no matter what, the latter seemed frustrated and annoyed, lightly balling a

fist and strongly hitting Gilbert’s shoulder with the hand that had been

holding his. “I want to become a sailor. Not just any sailor. A captain. I’d

lead my comrades and venture all around the world. I also want my own s.h.i.+p.

Gil, you’re a good learner so you could become a voyager too. But… I… we will never be allowed to become what

we want.”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Gilbert said, “Since we

are from the Bougainvillea family.”

The household was neatly composed of a

pyramidal hierarchy where the father stood at the top; beneath him was the

mother, uncle and aunt, and beneath them was the oldest brother, Gilbert and their

sisters. In the house Gilbert had been born into, it was natural for the lesser

people to lower their heads to their elders, and opposing them was not

tolerated. Gilbert and his brother were little gears meant to give continuity

to the Bougainvillea family by protecting its heroic honor. Could gears proclaim

what they wished to do? No, they could not.

“You’ve been… completely brainwashed, huh…”

With a voice that hinted pity, his brother whispered in disdain.

——I wonder what…

‘brainwash’ is.

While he was lost in thought, the fighter

planes took flight. In order to see the iron birds rendezvousing and drawing

arcs in the sky, Gilbert looked up towards the heavens. The planes intersected with

the Sun and disappeared for a moment. It was incredibly dazzling. However, his eyeb.a.l.l.s

ached as if burning, causing him to close his lids slowly.

Perhaps due to the

stimulation from the sunlight, tears had formed.

Emerald eyes opened. They belonged to a wise young

man. The orbs that bore sternness taken after not only his father but also

perhaps his own personality, as well as kindness and loneliness, were staring

at a doll. Rather, a girl that looked like a doll. In the corners of his field

of vision was the figure of his older brother, who had grown up just as Gilbert

himself.

The room was filled with refined decorations.

They were expensive arrangements. However, the fact that the fine quality of

the ornaments was the criteria to decide who could afford staying in the place was

laughable.

Everything was a mess. The room had become the

murder scene of five men at once. The girl, bloodstained, was the culprit. Even

with her clothes and scent washed in blood, her beauty remained undamaged

by it. She was the most beautiful a.s.sa.s.sin in the world.

“Hey, you’ll take it, right, Gilbert?” putting

on an amicable smile, his older brother pushed the girl’s back.

She took a step towards Gilbert’s side.

Automatically, Gilbert took a step back. His body had moved reflexively in

refusal and fear. She was horrifying.

——Don’t look at me.

His brother had relentlessly insisted that the

girl in front of him was a ‘tool’ and forcefully handed her over. Indeed, she

was treated and acted as a tool. However, her breathing was still heavy.

While he wiped her hand, sticky with blood and

fat, with his cufflink, she stared at him as though inquiring what the next command

would be.

——Why are you looking

at me?

He empathized with his older brother’s inhumane

utterances to a certain extent. The pyramidal hierarchy existed not only in their

home but also in society. In order for children, who were at the bottom of it,

to ascend to its top, efforts were required. And not simply by one’s own power. So as

to live, so as to be successful in life, it was necessary to make use of a

variety of a.s.sets. It was not something to be praised for, yet it was something

Gilbert desired. Undoubtedly, if he learned how to properly use her, she could

become the best s.h.i.+eld and sword.

——Why are you…

looking at me?

The automated a.s.sa.s.sin doll desired Gilbert as

well.

In the end, everything had gone as his brother

had planned, and the young Gilbert, who still had features that could be

considered that of a youth, stood in the middle of a street downtown. His two

orbs of a mysterious hue stared at the one his arms. The doll, wrapped in his

jacket, smelled of nothing remotely sweet, instead enveloped in the odor of the

blood she had just bathed in. If she had monster-like features, he would have

expected that much, yet her appearance was akin to that of a pixie from some fairytale.

“I am… scared of you.”

The girl did not react to the honest words that

leaked from his lips. Her blue eyes simply watched him.

“I am… I am scared of… using you.” Gilbert

continued while embracing her tightly. “You are terrifying. Right now, in fact…

it’s possible that I’m actually supposed to kill you.” Muttering painfully, he

never let go of the girl. He also did not attempt to drop and leave her on the

road, shoot her head with the gun in his pocket, or squeeze her slender neck

with his hands. “But… I want you to live.” He held onto her despite his

fears. His words were frank. “I want you to live.”

It was a truth that shone faintly amidst a

cruel world. The problem was whether they would be able to endure its harsh

reality. Could he do it?

Uncertain, Gilbert closed his eyes. He prayed for

the idealistic thought that it would be wonderful if everything were solved

once he opened them again.

Emerald eyes opened. A situation far worse than

when he had been praying unfolded before them. The girl proceeded to murder men

who had become unable to move by spanking their heads with batons. She would

hit them. Blood would fly. Screams would rise. She would hit them. The one who

had ordered so was Gilbert himself.

Something other than life was being lost in

that s.p.a.ce. Violence was giving birth to something in place of reasoning,

conscience and other values that had been given names by someone. It was…

——Suspicious. This is

not for justice. For her, mine and this country’s sake… that’s what this was

meant for.

A little bit of pleasure was born within

Gilbert amidst enough guilt to make him want to vomit, along with a l.u.s.t for

conquest from getting his hands on an overwhelming power – which was a girl who

would not listen to the orders of anyone but him –, and a sense of superiority

as though he had taken over the world.

With the justification of escorting her to the

spare room that she had been given, he temporarily excused himself and escaped

from the circle of superior officers coming to ask questions regarding the girl.

Stepping onto the pool of blood of the people she had slaughtered, he headed

for her.

It was as if she would make blood come out of

whatever she touched. The blood of her victims, that is. Never her own. Yet her

current image seemed to be a copy of one Gilbert would probably see again someday,

of her completely covered in blood. That was what he was attempting to do.

The feelings that had abruptly risen within him

were gone, like a candle being extinguished. Her breathing was heavy once more.

——There’s no helping.

There’s no helping it. Gilbert told himself.

Indeed, it was a decision that could not be

helped. There was nothing that could be done, as it was only the expected of

him to want to keep the frightening weapon he had acquired, which possessed

awareness, within his view. He feared she would harm others. In such

circ.u.mstances, it was best to use her while maintaining her at reach, and the

tool herself wished for that as well.

——It can’t be

helped… in order for us… to be together. For her to stay alive.

Even so, the insides of his eyes hurt exactly

as the time he had stared directly into the Sun.

Gilbert took the girl to a deserted corridor.

She was a tool. Not his daughter or little

sister. She was someone soon to become his underling. It would be troublesome

if other people perceived their peculiar relations.h.i.+p. Unless they kept a

distance, they would not be able to live side-by-side.

——Still…

He made her walk, walk and walk. Once no one

else was on sight, he turned around and stretched his hand towards her.

“Come.”

He could not hold back. The fact that his

uniform would be soiled with blood did not go through his head. He had to hold

her at that very moment, moving automatically to embrace her. When they had

first met and when he had taken her with him, he had ended up doing so as well.

The girl had the same reaction. She trembled

agitatedly, but unlike the other times, her tiny fingers gripped onto his

uniform – firmly, as though to say she would not let go.

She was a living being with temperature

and weight. Back when his sisters were babies, he used to carry and soothe them

often. The feeling of those days overlapped. She was soft, as if she could

break, to the point of making Gilbert believe he had to protect her no matter

what. She fit in his arms more perfectly than he had first thought.

His face, distorted with extreme sorrow,

reflected in her blue eyes. Grievously, Gilbert whispered, “Do you really want…

a Master like this?”

He could not directly face the excessively

innocent glow of the girl’s eyes, and closed his own as if to run away.

Emerald eyes opened.

“I cannot comprehend… what you are saying.”

Even though he was still at an age where one would be complimented for their youthfulness,

his precocious...o...b.. showed exasperation as he stared at a telecommunication

equipment.

It was raining outside. The sound of droplets

pouring onto the building interfered with the conversation. Everywhere was too noisy.

Gilbert, commanding the Special Offense Force of

Leidenschaftlich’s Army, carried the duty of traveling around the country to terminate

the various conflicts happening in it. Moreover, he had the role of raising the

one who would become the strength of the Raid Unit in the upcoming final

battle. In addition to that, he had suddenly received one more job.

“About the location, a driver has been arranged

to take her there. Prepare her and order her to kill. Just that will suffice. Eliminate

everyone living in that building. She’s not to worry about anything else and

should come back as soon as she’s done.”

Having unexpectedly received a message from a

superior officer during his stay at the army divisions’ base, he opposed to the

contents of the operation. “But…!” although he had waited for his turn to talk, he closed his mouth after raising his voice. “If this is meant to put disturbing

elements under control, my entire troop should partic.i.p.ate. Why are you pus.h.i.+ng

this mission onto Violet alone…? It’s not something a single soldier could

do.” He was unable to subdue the disapproval dripping from his tone.

“It’s because the least people who know about

this, the better. The target is a national arms dealer who signed an exportation

contract for an anti-government organization. This has been reported by a spy

who infiltrated in it. We can’t leave the matter to be solved by itself. After

all, they are quite aware of our blemishes. The moment is opportune. We must settle

this. It’s regretful to call it an overthrow, but there are certainly many people who

will take it that way. If we end up exposing

to the world

even the dubious ideals we embrace, this will be of importance.”

“If that is the case, then all the more reason

to a.s.semble personnel capable of accomplis.h.i.+ng the mission.”

“Which is your doll. A killer weapon who

desires only your orders without questioning them. There’s no one more capable

than her, right? I haven’t forgotten that spectacle you presented to us. How

many did she murder back then again? How old was she? With your guidance, the

precision of her killings should have improved even further. I won’t let you say

she can’t do it. Rather, if you had to pick between her doing it or not, which

would it be?”

“That’s…”

“Could the most prominent symbol of national

defense that is the Bougainvillea be a fake?”

Unable to speak properly, Gilbert clutched his

clothes on the area next to his lungs. During the few seconds of silence, an

image surfaced in his mind of himself commanding Violet to complete the

aforementioned task. She surely would reply with an obsequious “yes”. There

would be no hesitation. She was not one to falter. If it were something Gilbert

ordered, if it were for the sake of the Lord who looked after her, she would do

anything. And what distressed Gilbert the most was that Violet would probably

execute her role without difficulties.

He then pictured the future he had predicted in

his head. Within it, he could see himself unable to sleep in the barracks,

simply awaiting her return.

“She can do it.” His voice finally came out.

“She can do it, but Violet needs specific on-site directions. If you have

witnessed the slaughter of back then, you understand that, right? She cannot

function as a weapon unless I give instructions. Allow me to accompany her.”

It had finally come out, but not with what he

had wanted to say.

“Violet, are you ready?” clad in his purplish

black military uniform, Gilbert gazed down at the girl with his emerald green eyes.

They seemed intense in the dark interior of the vehicle.

Besides his own, the only other pair of orbs

that glistened blazingly was the girl’s. As to expand her field of vision, her golden

hair, which complimented her beautiful eyes of a color lighter than the blue of

the sea and deeper than the blue of the sky, was tied inside of a military hat

identical to the one Gilbert wore.

“Yes.” Her curt response was dispa.s.sionate yet

br.i.m.m.i.n.g with confidence. The girl who could not speak was no longer there.

Gilbert handed a knife and handgun to the female

soldier of a rare beauty. “We are going there with the pretense of just talking,

but that is not our intention. What we are about to do… will serve as example

to all arms dealers involved with Leidenschaftlich.”

“I am aware.”

“The inside is not s.p.a.cious enough for big

fights. I want you to adapt to the conditions of this battleground as fast as

possible. You can’t use Witchcraft. But I will go in as well. I will protect

you. Think only of defeating the enemies.”

“Yes, Major.” As she nodded, no matter how one

looked at her, she did not give off the slightest impression that she was about

to kill people. Her slim shoulders and delicate physique indicated her to be in

her mid-teens or somewhere below.

Gilbert glanced at her despondently and left

the car. It was pitch-black outside. A night sky without stars created a serene

atmosphere.

“It will take no more than thirty minutes. Wait

here.”

After he informed the driver, the two of them stepped

into the property that interposed two alleys. In front of the place that did

not appear to have any irregularities was a hard-faced man guarding the gates,

holding a rifle as though for display.

There were several houses nearby, but none of

them had lights on. It seemed to be an abandoned residential area at the back

of a housing district deep within a suburban town. There was a reason why no

one lived in it anymore – no normal family would wish to be in a neighborhood reeking

of blood and violence.

“I am an affiliate of Leidenschaftlich’s army,

Major Gilbert Bougainvillea. I’ve come to see the arms dealer. I know he is

here. Tell him I have something to discuss.”

The gatekeeper evidently showed a face of

displeasure at the sudden visitors. “Aah…? What’s with you guys? Don’t f.u.c.k

around. Who do you think you’re talking to?”

At the unbecoming att.i.tude of spitting on his

shoes, Gilbert remained expressionless while muttering, “You should watch your

language as well.”

With a quick action, he held down the gatekeeper’s

rifle in one hand, simultaneously sinking a fist into the other’s stomach. He

then pointed the rifle to the top of the groaning gatekeeper’s head, hitting

him with it. It did not end there; the instant the latter fell onto his knees,

Gilbert landed a kick on the side of his face with his military shoes. A large

amount of blood and a crowned tooth spilled from the gatekeeper’s mouth.

Gilbert glared coldly as he shouted in agony with yelps and grunts. His

ruthlessness had increased from thras.h.i.+ng the man’s profile.

“Disappear. I will use a gun next time.”

The order was for them to murder all of those

in the building. They were not inside of it yet. He had let the other live due

to mercy. However, a few seconds after the man fled, the girl accurately shot his

head with her gun as he ran away. The hand of the man that had been shot held a

hidden revolver.

“Violet.”

“Major, he was aiming a gun at you.”

A few minutes after the two entered the

building, vicious gunshots and shrieks echoed like music pieces. Sounds of

bursting flesh and breaking gla.s.s, cries of deathly agony. They were played in a timed

harmony and went on repeatedly, until at last, the brutal pursue came to an end

with a particularly lurid scream. The building that was the only source of

light in the area eventually lost its gleam and its interior became completely

quiet.

The world had finally regained its true form.

It was a time of silence where living beings would fall into deep sleep.

“How dull.” Loading his pistol, which had gone

out of bullets, Gilbert sighed and sat down on a sofa. The legs of the bodies

lying on the floor were on his way, but he ignored them as there was nothing

else he could do.

It was Violet that the superior officers had nominated

to take care of the arms dealer. She was actually supposed to have come to that

place on her own.

——She already handles enemy

soldiers, but now she has to do even this kind of dirty work. The higher-ups

are treating her as nothing but a murder tool.

If the disposal of troublesome elements was for

their country’s sake, he could do it free of obscure thoughts. Had he been by

himself, he would not have been thinking such things.

“Major, is something wrong? The mission has

been cleared. There are no survivors.” Even in such a situation, the girl in question checked

the corpses with a calm face.

Gilbert knew better than anyone that there was

no need to accompany her.

“No.” As he let his gaze wander around the

floor, the feet of a man he had killed came into view. Disturbed, he averted

his eyes. “I am fine. You’re tired, right? Take a seat too.”

As he gestured to the sofa, she wavered slightly

but obediently sat down. It was a strange scene – a man and a girl relaxingly

taking their time in a room filled with dead bodies. The blissfully striking moonlight

poured from the window and illuminated the two felons.

Violet observed her superior – rather, someone

whom she considered far more than just her superior – as he refused to look at

her. What was the owner of those blue eyes thinking? It was as if she saw

nothing else but him; such was the kind of stare that she regarded him with.

“Is it all right to not leave immediately?”

“Just one more minute and we’re off. Once we

are out of here, we will return to the barracks and to our traveling routine.

We will exterminate the enemy units as the higher-ups tell us to, travel again,

and exterminate.”

“Yes.”

“There’s… very little extra time for me to

spend… just with you.”

“Yes.”

“Even though we’ve been together since you were

small, lately, it’s only at times like these that…”

“Yes.”

He felt as if his throat would clog with

sorrow. It was the product of feelings that did not match his cool-headed

outline. They were all brought by the girl sitting next to him. That was

because the one who raised and managed that cold-blooded female soldier was Gilbert

himself. He who directly used her as an a.s.sa.s.sination tool was in no position

to berate others.

“Hum, Violet… sorry, but could you open the

window? The smell of blood is terrible.”

After sounds of her stepping onto the pools of blood

on the ground ensued, the window was opened. Although it was a starless, dim

night, the moon was now out. Exposed to the moonlight, her frame reflected hazily

in Gilbert’s eyes. Her beautiful facial features were already fully developed, despite her still being so juvenile. Blood droplets had splattered on her white

cheeks, tainting her pure appearance.

“Major?” Perhaps uncomfortable from being

stared at so intently, Violet tilted her neck at Gilbert.

“Violet, you’ve become taller again.” His voice

came out hoa.r.s.e. He covered his head with his arms folded against his knees.

Whenever he looked at her increasingly gorgeous figure, an indescribable pain

would boil in his chest.

“Is that so? If Major says so, it might be

true.”

“Do you have any injuries?” It was not easy for

him to speak without stuttering.

“No. Major, are you all right?”

“Do you despise me?” As he spoke as if spewing

blood, the girl blinked in surprise. She must have been truly shocked.

After a while of silence, she replied in a

low voice, as though whispering, “I do not understand the question.”

To Gilbert, that had been a predictable response.

A dry smile naturally came to him.

“Have I… failed at something?”

“No, that’s not it. There’s nothing you’re at

fault for.”

“If there is anything wide of the mark, please

tell me. I will fix it.”

Her figure as she took the posture of a tool no

matter what was hard to bear for Gilbert.

——However, I have no

right to think that this is sad or that she is pitiable.

It was hard, yet he had no means to escape from

that suffering.

“Violet, there’s nothing you’re at fault for.

It’s true. If there’s anything to be criticized, it’s the fact that you are by

my side, killing people without hesitation for my sake. And the one to blame

for all of this is me.”

Violet did not possess a sense of good and bad

from the start. She did not ‘know’ what could be considered righteous or

erroneous. She merely chased after the adult who gave her orders.

“Why is that? I am Major’s weapon. It is merely

obvious that you would use me.”

It was because Violet’s words held no lies that

each note of each one pierced Gilbert’s whole body. She was simply a tool for ma.s.sacre,

devoid of emotions.

“Anyhow… I’m the one to blame. I don’t want

you to be doing this. Still, I make you do it.”

Regardless of how beautiful she was, regardless

of how much the man by her side held her dear…

“To me, you are not a tool…”

…she was a doll devoid of feelings…

“Not a tool…”

…that wished only for orders.

Gilbert wanted to shout. He had probably wanted

to do so ever since he was a child, had he been allowed to. Had he been permitted

freedom, without having to care about being well-behaved, the truth was that he

had always, always, always, always, always wanted to shout, “As if I could conform

to something like this.”

——As if I could

conform to something like this. As if I could conform to something like this.

As if I could conform to something like this. As if I could conform to

something like this. As if I could conform to something like this. As if I