On a rare rainy day in early August of 1946, Ash instigated his first serious fight with his wife. He was storming and stomping his way around the bedroom as Fanny stared at him speechlessly.

"I don't damn well get it. You have slOl this help in the house, and you're telling me you can't go with me to this dinner. What you mean is you don't want to go. You'd rather.sit here and talk to your friend Billie in Texas and run up our phone bill. Then, when you're done talking to her you get on the phone and talk to Bess for hours."

"Because you're never here. Ash. You leave here at three in the afternoon and you don't get home till three in the morning. You sleep till one-thirty, get up, shower, eat and repeat the same process all over again. Aside from the children, I have no life. Furthermore, I only talk to Billie once a week, and we take turns calling. You resent my friendship with her because she's from your mother's side of the family. I talk to Bess twice a week, sometimes not at all. Don't lie, Ash, it isn't manly. You're acting like a spoiled brat."

"I know where you got that. You spend entirely too much time with my mother."

"What is it you want from me. Ash? Birch has a bad summer cold. Sage has an earache, and Sunny is coming down with the same thing. I can't leave them when they're sick. This isn't an important dinner, it's just a dinner. Do you know what I think, I think you hate this life, I think you compare it to your time in the navy when you were an . . . ace, and you got all kinds of accolades and praise. Civilian life bores you. I bore you, tlie children bore you, your parents bore you. The business bores you. Bringing up children can be boring. I'm sorry we aren't exciting. I'm sorry about a lot of things."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Fanny shot back, her stomach starting to churn. The wary look in her husband's eyes told her all she needed to know. Bess was right, Ash was seeing another woman, and trying to make her feel guilty about his infidelity.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"This is a small town, Ash. I know you're seeing someone. I smell her on your clothes. Everyone in town knows. I was probably the last one to know, but I do know."

"Unlike my mother and Devin Rollins. They don't talk about her, but they talk about me."

Fanny's heart fluttered in her chest. He wasn't denying it. "I deserve better than this, Ash."

"You're spying on me, aren't you?"

"No, Ash, I'm not spying on you. Stay home and spend the evening with me and the children. We need to talk. We need to put our marriage back together, it's starting to fall apart. Surely you can see what's happening."

"What I see, Fanny, is you are a nag. Pick, pick, pick. Nag, nag, nag. When was the last time you fixed yourself up? When was the last time you came into the Silver Dollar? It's been so long I can't remember. Look at you, you're round. That's what happens when you sit on your ass all day, eating and reading."

"I don't do that, Ash. Raising three children is a full-time job. I don't have time to sit and eat. I will not let you do this to me. I know your game, you did something unforgivable and you're trying to make me feel guilty. I refuse to live like this any longer."

"Run to my mother, then. She'll buy you a new house, a new car, get you a few more maids, cuddle you, and the two of you can commiserate about your rotten husbands."

"That just goes to show you. Ash, you know nothing about me. I wouldn't dream of going to your mother. I'd be too ashamed. I'll go back to Pennsylvania. My father would love to have me come home."

"Fanny, wait. This is all wrong. That's not what I want, and it's not what you want. We're both being stubborn. We need to work together. Okay, I'm going to stay home this evening. We're going to talk. But Fanny, jow need to do something. You can't just stay cooped up in the house like you do. Sometimes I think you're someone else, not the girl I married. What happened to her, Fanny?"

"She gave up because her husband didn't want her anymore. She channeled all her energies into her children to try and make up for his lack of attention. When was the last time you made love to me, Ash?"

"Not that long ago," he blustered.

"Six weeks, Ash."

"You're always asleep when I get in. I hate to wake you."

296 Fern Michaels "What about the nights when /tried to wake you? How do you explain that?''

"I guess I was exhausted. You know, Fanny, sometimes I come home and I pray that I can fmd a way to get a plane so I can fly and . . . everything seems so simple, so peaceful when I'm flying. There are days when I make myself sick in that casino, watching people gamble away their money. I get sick of the smoke, the booze, the whole damn thing. I hate never seeing sunhght, sleeping during the day and being cooped up all night in a smoke-fiilled room. You were wrong about me getting home at three in the morning. It's more like five-thirty, just in time to see the sun come up."

"It's what you always wanted to do. You said it was all you thought about from the time you were a little boy and when you were in the nay. Now you tell me all you want to do is what you did in the navy, when you were making that very wish. I don't think you even know what would make you happy. If you wanted to do something else, all you had to do was say something. I would have gone along with anything you wanted. I can always go back to work." Right then, at that very second, she almost blurted out about Jake's money. If Sunny hadn't wailed, she probably would have.

"Let Moon take care of her, Fanny, we're talking."

"No, Ash, Sunny is sick. When litde ones are sick they want their mothers."

"You coddle them too much. You need to talk about that with my mother. I know firsthand she doesn't. . . didn't believe in all that stuff". I also think you make up the rules as you go along, to suit yourself."

A moment later, Fanny said, "Sunny is running a fever, so you might as well go on to your dinner. Sage is very resdess, his fever isn't coming down. Moon and I are going to make a steam tent to help Birch breathe easier."

"How long is that going to take?" Ash asked irritably.

"Probably all night. Go on, go to your dinner. It doesn't matter."

"I thought you said it did matter. Make up your damn mind."

"Ash, did it ever occur to you that you could help me? You're their father. Aren't you concerned?"

"Kids get sick all the time. This is August. People get summer colds, so why can't a kid get a summer cold? For God's sake, Fanny, kids get bellyaches, earaches, snotty noses, and sore throats all the time. Kids run fevers. What they need is to get outside and play in the sunshine, they need fruits and vegetables. Take them to Sunrise.

You take them out for an hour a day and give them peanut butter and jelly because they don't want to eat regular food. They control you, Fanny, instead of the other way around. Try running that one by my mother and see what she says. As a mother, Fanny, you are a bust, and we both know it. Now do you understand why I don't want to hang around here and hold your hand?" To drive home his point, Ash stomped from the room, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled.

Fanny's shoulders shook as she walked the floor with Sunny in her arms. At midnight, she knew Sunny had more than a slight fever and a summer cold. She handed her over to Moon so she could call Bess's husband to make a house call. "She's burning up, Bess, and the alcohol rubs aren't helping. She's too . . . too lifeless. Please, tell him to hurry."

John Noble took one look at the beet red baby and called Thornton Medical Center to reserve a room in the pediatric unit. Fanny heard him say, "We need an oxygen tent. Fm bringing her myself."

"How long has she been like this, Fanny?"

"She was cranky all day, but she didn't have a fever. She didn't want any dinner. Around seven she started to feel a litde warm. The fever started to rise about an hour ago and she got all red in the face. What is it, John?"

"She's on the verge of pneumonia. Her throat is raw, that's why she didn't want to eat."

"Is she going to be all right?"

"Of course she's going to be all right. She's a robust, healthy little girl. Bundle her up. We don't want her getting a chill in the night air."

On the short ride to the medical center. Sunny clutched to her breast, Fanny said, "John, in your opinion, am I a good mother?"

"As good as Bess. That's a high compliment, Fanny. Why do you ask?"

"Ash and I had a row this evening. He said I was a bust as a mother. He said 1 don't feed them right, I don't see that they get enough fresh air. He said a lot of things. It's funny, isn't it, how a person can say a few words, and suddenly your life changes right in front of your eyes. I actually started to think he might be right."

"Well, he's wrong. You need to start looking beyond the end of your nose, Fanny. When people are unhappy with themselves, they attack other people. Don't pack your bags for a guilt trip, young lady."

298 Fern Michaels "I know about the other women, John. I was so devastated I wanted to die. Why am I talking about this when my child is so sick? Is there something wrong with me, John?"

"It's a nervous reaction. Do you want me to call Bess to come and sit with you?"

"No. I'll be all right. I really appreciate you coming out so late like this."

"I'd be pretty upset if you called someone else, Fanny. What do you think friends are for? Okay, we're here. Just sit still, I'll carry Sunny. After you finish the paperwork, come up to the pediatric floor. She's in good hands, Fanny."

Fanny was dozing in a chair in Sunny's room in the early hours of the morning when Sallie walked into the room. "Fanny, why didn't you call me? You shouldn't be here by yourself. WTiere's Ash?"

"We had a row last night and he stormed out. He might not even know we're here. Sunny's fever broke an hour ago. It came on her so quick. I thought she was coming dovm with a cold or at the very worst an earache and sore throat. I was so scared, Sallie. I thought. . . Ash said .. . it's not important."

"What did Ash say, Fanny?"

Tears burned Fanny's eyes. She rubbed at them. "A lot of things. He said things, I said things. It was one of those fights that come up from time to time. How did you know we were here?"

"Bess called. I guess John called her. I stopped by your house. The boys are fine. Moon said they slept through the night. Ash wasn't home. It's six o'clock in the morning, the Silver Dollar closed at three. He wasn't even there last night. Where is he, Fanny?"

"He wanted me to go to a Chamber of Commerce dinner, but I said I couldn't go. I don't know if he went to the dinner or not."

"Those dinners are over by ten at the latest. How long has this been going on, Fanny?"

Fanny shrugged. "I'm going to check on Sunny. If she's sleeping, I'll go home and shower and come back. She'll be frightened if I'm not here. Everything's okay, Sallie," Fanny said wearily.

"I'll drive you home. Bess said John drove you and Sunny in his car."

Fanny rubbed at her eyes. "That's true, I guess I do need a ride home. I'll be right back."

"Sunny is in good hands, Fanny. Look at me," Sallie said, cupping Fanny's face in her two hands. "This isn't your fault. Children get sick all the time. Sky-high fevers aren't normal, but they do happen. You did the right thing by callingjohn and bringing her here."

"I know," Fanny sighed.

"You're a wonderful mother, better than I ever was. Bess is too. It must be your generation."

They were almost to the lobby door when Fanny noticed the long shadow on the Tennessee marble floor. She started to step aside, felt Sallie grasp her arm just as she raised her eyes. She felt herself cringe before she bit down on her lower lip.

"Well, if it isn't the two Mrs. Thorntons, Senior and Junior," Ash said.

The bite in her husband's voice alerted Fanny that there was more to come. He needed a shave, his eyes were bloodshot, his tie askew, his shirt was half-in and half-out of his trousers. Fanny looked down at her husband's feet. "Where are your socks. Ash?"

Ash looked at the disgust on his mother's face. Both women appeared to be waiting for the He they knew would be forthcoming.

Ash rocked back on his heels, his arms crossed over his chest. The sneer on his face made Fanny's stomach lurch. "I'll meet you out front, Sallie," she whispered.

"Yes, Mrs. Thornton Senior, Mrs. Thornton Junior will meet you outside," Ash singsonged.

Fanny wished the marble floor would open up and swallow her. She'd been so careful not to involve SaUie in their hves. Now, Ash was making it all public.

"I'm very tired, Ash, I've been here all night. All I want right now is to go home and take a shower so I can come back. If Sunny wakes up, she's going to be frightened. Now, if you don't understand that, I'm sorry. Look, I don't care where you were or what you did last night. Just get the hell out of my way!"

"Just a damn minute! Are you accusing me of. . . are you saying I don't have a right to be here when my own kid has been admitted?"

"Ash, you're making a scene; people are staring at us."

"So what! The Thorntons own this medical center. They aren't going to look too hard."

Fanny brushed past her husband and ran out the door to the front driveway where Sallie was waiting, the car's engine running at full throttle.

The short drive home was made in silence. When Sallie brought the car to a full stop, Fanny leaned over and kissed her mother-in- 300 Fern Michaels law on the cheek. "I know how it looks, but it isn't as bad as it seems. Thank you for not. . . thank you for coming to the hospital."

"If you need me, Fanny, call me, day or night. Ring me later and let me know how Sunny is."

Tears dripped down Fanny's cheeks as she made her way into the house. She'd disappointed SaUie, the one person in the world she loved and respected. "Damn you, Ash. Right now, I wish I'd never met you."

Ash stopped in the men's room to straighten his tie, comb his hair, and tidy up. He yanked at his shirt to see if it smelled of perfume. It did. He rinsed his mouth and tried to clean his teeth with a wet paper towel. Where the hell were his socks?

In Sunny's room he sat down in the rocker. He stared at his sock-less feet, his thoughts chaotic. He sat for a long time trying to make sense out of his life.

Ash felt his heart start to crumble when he stared down into the crib at his sleeping daughter. She was picture-perfect, a cherub. For some reason he'd expected her to look like Fanny or even his mother, probably because they were females. Instead, Sunny looked so much like him it was incredible. His heart crumbled a litde more when he recalled how Sunny came into being-the result of his and Fanny's sexual encounter over Thanksgiving. They'd called her Sunny because she was like a ray of sunshine. He'd been the one to name her since Fanny named the twins. He remembered how Fanny had beamed her pleasure and said it was the perfect name. Even his mother had agreed.

Jesus, what was wrong with him? He'd acted like a first-class jackass last night when Fanny wouldn't go with him to the dinner. In his rage he'd gone out and betrayed all he held dear. And it wasn't the first time.

Ash hunched dov/n, his face eye level with the crib mattress. His daughter. His and Fanny's flesh and blood. Fanny said Sunny would be frightened if she woke in strange surroundings. Did year-old babies know the difference? Fanny said they did, so it must be true. His hand trembled when he reached out to touch the golden ringlets on the child's ears. Sunny stirred, her small clenched fist searching for her mouth. He helped her find it, a wide smile on his face. "I used to suck my thumb, bet you didn't know that," he whispered. "Your uncle Simon did too. Almost every day of my life I learn something about myself. Like today, I learned I'm not a very nice guy. I made your mother miserable. I embarrassed your grandmother. Sometimes it's easier to say mean, nasty things than it is to say something warm and nice. I don't know why that is.

"Take your mother now. She never says mean, nasty things. Don't get the idea that she doesn't have a temper, she does. I've seen her give your brothers a whack on their bottoms for bad behavior. That doesn't mean she doesn't love them, she does. I could have used a few good whacks growing up. I have a feeling you're going to be one of those perfect little girls who never does anything wrong. I think I might have a talk with those brothers of yours as they grow older so they don't put frogs in your bed, things like that. They probably won't let you in their tree house, either. I don't want you to worry about that because I'm going to build you a playhouse in the backyard. Your mother will put curtains on the windows, and maybe we'll give you a doorbell so the boys can come to visit.

"There's something else you don't know. All the time your mother carried you she sewed clothes for you. I'm the first to admit I don't know a thing about litde girl's clothes, but your grandmother does, and she said the outfits your mother made are priceless. That means they're special, made just for you. I don't know much about labels, but I understand ladies buy clothes based sometimes on the labels sewn in the neck. Your mother made labels for your clothes. She calls them Sunny's Togs."

Ash's hands itched to pick up his daughter. He got to his feet, his hands clenched into tight fists. Fanny was right, he was a disgrace. He couldn't pick up his daughter after the places he'd been and things he'd done the night before. "God, how do I make this right?" he muttered.

Four days later, Fanny carried Sunny from the hospital, her husband at her side, her sons scampering ahead, shouting, "Sunny's coming home, Sunny's coming home!"

"What's going on?" Fanny asked as she looked around at the circuslike atmosphere on the center grounds.

"The center Ls having a fund-raiser starting tomorrow," Ash said. "The board wants to raise money for some new medical equipment as well as some other things. Mom wants the community to get involved. She did a huge mailing asking for new things to be donated. Saturday night they're having a big auction. What should we donate?"

302 Fern Michaels "Oh, Lord, I forgot all about it with Sunny getting sick. I'll think of something."

"You could donate some of those things you made for Sunny."

"The second layette. That's a wonderful idea. Ash. I never would have thought of it. They're homemade, though. People like things bought in a store; I'd die if nobody bid on them. Just because I tliink they're prett- doesn't mean other people will think so."

"Ask Mom's opinion," Ash said, settling the boys in the backseat of the car. "Fanny, I've been thinking. Let's go to Sunrise for a week or so. It will be a lot cooler for Sunny. I promised to build a tree house for the boys. Don't get excited now, it will be low to the ground. Pop is coming up, so he can help. It will be your job to bring us lemonade and sandwiches. Pop got the boys toy tool kits. They'll have Chue's kids to play with. What do you say, Fanny?"

He was trying, really trying. "It sounds like a great idea."

"Now! Now!" the twins shouted from the backseat.

"I guess that's our answer." Fanny laughed. It was so nice when they acted like a family. Her heart swelled. She cuddled Sunny closer to her breast.

Ash swerved the car into the driveway. "All I ever wanted was to see them like that," Ash said, indicating his parents standing together on the front porch. "The only time they were together was holidays, and then there was so much tension even Simon and I could feel it. I don't want that to happen to us, Fanny. Honest to God I don't. If I falter, give me a swift kick."

"They love one another in their own way. Neither one of us has the right to judge them, .Aih."

"You're right about that, too."

"She's beautiful, Fanny," Philip said, holding out his arms to take Sunny. "It's amazing how much she looks like Ash. I see Simon in her, too."