I was sitting cross-legged on a large boulder, on a rock-strewn hill, high above the deserts outside Corona.

I was, in fact, not too far from where Brian Meeks had been found. Or dumped. It was a quiet spot, miles from any major roads. Just me, the lizards, and the coyotes. And maybe a rattlesnake or two.

In the far distance I could hear the steady drone of the 15 Freeway. In the near distance, all I could hear was the wind, moaning gently over the boulder and, subsequently, me. Rocking me a little. I let the wind rock me, as I felt the latent heat from the boulder rise up through my jeans.

My minivan was parked on a dirt service road not too far from here. The service road had been closed off by a locked gate. Amazingly, the lock just happened to fall apart in my hands as I innocently examined it. Shoddy workmanship.

So, what the h.e.l.l, I let myself in.

Now my jeans were dusty and my cute shoes were officially dirty. But I didn't care. I needed to be out here. Craving the solace, the peace, the oneness.

I closed my eyes and rested my hands on my knees. My children were at home with the sitter, and so I let all worry for them disappear. I took a deep breath, not because I needed the oxygen, but because I wanted to center myself. Years ago, I had done yoga. I knew something about centering myself.

Months ago, I had learned the art of automatic writing, in which one channels another ent.i.ty to receive messages from angels, or the spirit world, or from Jim Morrison.

Either way, the results were interesting, but now I was determined to go beyond automatic writing. To go deeper, straight to the source. And what was the source? I didn't know. Not entirely. But I was determined to find out.

With my eyes still shut, I tilted my face up toward the heavens, and was met immediately by a mostly cool breeze laced with some tendrils of heat. I always welcomed heat, no matter how small or fleeting.

I focused on my breathing, releasing my thoughts to the wind, where I imagined them being s.n.a.t.c.hed up and escorted far away. To meditate-to do it right-I had to have my mind blank. As blank as I could make it.

Breathing was the key. No, the act of focusing on my breathing was the key. Focusing on something simple. Mindless. It settles the mind. Relaxes it. Bypa.s.ses the ego. The ego, the fore-mind, that thing with which we use to calculate and imagine and worry and ponder, didn't like to be bypa.s.sed. The ego liked to remain in control.

So I continued concentrating on the fresh air flowing into my lungs. Despite my best efforts, my mind drifted to my son and soon worry gripped me, but I released that thought, too. To the wind.

Breathing.

Flowing in and out.

In and out.

Over lips and teeth and tongue...deep into my lungs.

I thought of blood dealers and corpses hanging upside down.

I shivered and released that thought, too. Into the wind.

My mind felt blank, although fleeting images sometimes crossed it. Kingsley. Fang. Sherbet. Strong men. Strange men. s.e.xy men.

I released those thoughts, too.

I felt myself relaxing as I did more deep breathing. I didn't need to breathe, granted, but oxygen in this case wasn't the purpose here. The purpose here was to relax my mind. To calm it. To calm it so completely that I could access...what?

I didn't know.

But I was about to find out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, Samantha.

Just breathe.

It's easy. Yes, so easy. Do you see how easy it is, Sam? Focus, child. There now. Good, good. Just focus on your breathing. You're almost there. Good, good.

Good...

It took a moment for me to realize that the thoughts in my head were no longer my own.

Welcome back, Samantha Moon, said the voice.

Chapter Twenty-five.

I knew I was still sitting on the boulder overlooking the desert, but I also knew that something very, very strange was happening to me.

The strangeness boiled down to a feeling. I felt unhinged, disconnected from my body. I knew I was sitting cross-legged on the hard surface, but I felt as if I were somewhere else, too. Not necessarily above my body. Somewhere else. Where, exactly, I didn't know. As I thought about this, I suddenly felt a jolting wave of dizziness.

Ground yourself, Sam, said the voice.

I knew something about grounding, having done it back when I was doing the automatic writing. Quickly, I imagined three silver ropes, attached to my ankles and lower spine, reaching all the way down into the earth-down, down-all the way to the center of the earth, where they fastened themselves around three ma.s.sive boulders. Grounded. To the very earth itself.

Very good, Sam.

Instantly, the feeling of separateness ceased. I was back in my body. Although my eyes were still closed, I began seeing light appear at the peripherals of my vision. The light continued filling my head, growing steadily brighter, so bright that I was suddenly sure it wasn't coming from inside my mind after all. Surely it was coming from somewhere beyond me. Above me. Around me. Within me. From everywhere.

And from within that light I saw a vague shape materialize. A woman. A glowing woman. Her face and body remained indistinct.

Baby steps, Samantha. I'll reveal more later. Once you've gotten the hang of this.

Hang of what?

Speaking to me.

Who are you?

Everything and nothing.

I don't understand.

You will. In time.

The light coalesced into a room made of crystal. Now the burning white light shone brightly beyond, refracting through the crystal, exploding, washing over me. For the first time in a long, long time, I didn't shrink from the light.

Where am I?

The woman stepped closer to me. She was, in fact, a lovely older woman. Roundish. Happy, smiling face. Pink cheeks. She looked like anyone's kind grandmother. Serenity surrounded her, radiated from her.

You are in a safe place, Samantha.

What's happening to me?

You've bypa.s.sed the physical world and entered into the spiritual.

But I'm still sitting here on the ledge.

Yes, Sam. The spiritual is never very far away. In fact, it's closer than most people think.

I don't understand.

You will. In time.

You keep saying that.

Because it keeps being true.

So I'm in the physical, but also in the spiritual? I'm in both places?

You are more than your physical body, Sam. The body is the physical receptacle of the soul.

Except my body can't die.

Not anymore. Not in the traditional sense.

Then I'm a freak.

You are the result of ent.i.ties long ago attempting a shortcut, ent.i.ties who lived in fear.

Lived in fear of what?

Dying. Their creation-the vampire-lives on to this day, as do similar creations.

I never asked for this.

Not overtly, Sam.

What does that mean?

It means that, on some level, you did ask for this. On some level you did ask to become more than you were, stronger than you were, faster than you were, braver than you were.

And this is the answer? To turn me into a ghoul?

It was an answer. An answer that you would accept.

But I'm living a nightmare.

You are choosing to live a nightmare, Samantha Moon. Choose differently.

I grew silent, fully aware that I was still sitting on the boulder overlooking the desert, but also aware that my mind-or spirit-was in this crystal room. I'm certain the sensation would have disoriented me, if not for the grounding done earlier. The woman moved a little closer, her hands clasped before her. She seemed content to watch me sweetly, lovingly.

Who are you? I asked, thinking the words. And please, no cryptic answers.

Now the woman in front of me disappeared. So did the crystal room. I was given a view of the universe, which spread before me in every direction. I sensed everything, saw everything, felt everything. I also sensed a glorious presence that infused everything, a presence from which all things were born.

Is that you? The thing that which is in all things? Everywhere and nowhere?

A good way of looking at things, Sam.

But, then, why are you talking to me?

As I thought those words, I was once again back in the crystal room. I sensed that if I would open my physical eyes, all of this would disappear and I would be back on the boulder, alone in the desert, and no doubt wondering if I had dreamed all of this. So, I kept my eyes closed. Yes, tightly closed.

Because you are seeking answers, child. I have the answers.

To everything?

In a word: Yes.

I let that sink in. Beyond the crystal walls, the shining white light seemed to grow in intensity, its radiance reaching through the walls and through me, too. My body felt cleansed. My body felt light. There was no judgment in this light. It just was. Pure and perfect and eternal.

The smiling woman before me c.o.c.ked her head to one side. You are here for a specific reason, Sam.

I am.

Tell me what's on your heart.

I thought of my son, of his increasing strength. What would happen to him? What other vampiric attributes would he take on? I thought of this and more, as fear and uncertainly coursed through me. As these thoughts filled my head, the light wavered along the peripheral of my vision. The woman in front of me faded, too. She nodded, and I knew she knew my thoughts.

Release the fear, Sam.

But I...can't. He's my son. I'm so scared.

More darkness encroached and the light beyond dimmed.

She gripped my hands even tighter. What do you want, Sam?

I want my son to have a normal life.

Then proclaim it. State it. Feel it. Believe it. Do not grovel for it. Do not beg for it. Instead...be it.

But something's happening to him.

Yes.