"Where are you?"

Mark quickly rattled off the address as he continued to stare at my mom in horror.

"Okay, sir, I've dispatched your location and paramedics are on the way. Can you tell me your name?"

"Mark."

"And your girlfriend's name?"

"Jules... Julie," he stuttered out, her name sounding like a prayer coming from his lips.

"Is Julie conscious, sir?"

"N-no." He started crying. Like, really, truly crying. This large, tattooed, bearded giant was practically blubbering on the bathroom floor.

"Is she breathing?"

"B-b-barely."

"Okay, the paramedics are almost there. Does she have a history of drug abuse?"

Mark wailed, the phone shaking in his hand. His sobs were too great to provide her an answer. I grabbed the phone out of his hand to finish the call while Mark begged my mother to wake up.

"Jules. It's me, babe. Please don't leave me. I love you. I love you." He sniffled as his hands gripped her face. "I forgive you. If you come back, I'll always forgive you, you know that. Just... please."

"Sir? Sir?"

My eyes were glued to her frozen form as I said, "Sorry, yes, I'm here. I'm her daughter and yes, she's a long-term abuser of heroin."

I didn't remember the rest of the call. I didn't remember anything of importance.

I remembered random things. The streaks on the bathroom mirror, like she had just cleaned it. The peeled label on the bottle of gin. The lower b.u.t.ton missing on her blouse. The way her light blue jeans had frayed at the ends. The chip in the blue nail polish on her toes.

I remembered the spider wedged in the corner next to the toilet, and the dust that had collected under the counter.

I remembered her face looking peaceful.

I only remembered what I could see. I didn't remember any of what I felt.

Probably because what I felt was nothing...

My mother was lying unconscious on her bathroom floor, and I felt nothing.

I knocked on her door, holding flowers in one hand and stuffing the other in my pocket. When no answer came, I frowned and checked my watch. Naomi went to tell her mother about her law school acceptance letters a couple of hours ago. She was sure she'd have plenty of time to make it back before our date.

Just as I was about to knock again, Alara answered, looking fl.u.s.tered and stressed. Her brows furrowed as she glanced between me and the peonies.

"What are you doing here?"

"Naomi and I had a date." I looked over her shoulder to find Gabe walking toward us with a packed bag.

"She didn't call you?" Her expression was one of shock and confusion.

My stomach dropped and my palms suddenly felt sweaty. "No, is she okay?" My slicked hands tightened on the stems as I stepped forward and looked for signs of her.

"She's not here." Alara glanced back at Gabe, who had stopped behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "We're actually on our way to her. She's at the hospital." Naomi's friend took a deep breath, looking close to tears, and opened her mouth to say more when I cut her off.

"She's in the hospital?" I asked in a panic. I had thought all of my ups and downs with Ellie had prepared me for something like this. But I wasn't prepared at all. I wasn't- "She's okay. She's not hurt," Gabe quickly cut in before squeezing Alara's shoulders and looking down at her. "Breathe."

"Why's she at the hospital?" I bit out, getting impatient. Gabe looked up at my cold tone and his eyes softened in sympathy.

"It's her mom," Alara said quietly as she looked down.

I stared at her in shock. And all I could think about was Ellie and what I'd feel if it were her in the hospital. All the air left my lungs and I squeezed the flowers harder as my hands shook.

"I'll take these." Gabe carefully pried them from my hand before walking away, and several seconds later, I heard water running.

"She's still alive?" I asked with my eyes on the ground.

"Yeah, Naomi, uh... Naomi found her." As Alara's voice cracked, my eyes closed and I drew in several deep breaths.

"I'm coming with you," I said when Gabe returned and picked up the duffle.

"We packed a bag for Naomi." He held it up before crossing the threshold and grabbing Alara's hand. "Wanna see if we missed anything?"

Nodding, I walked past them and down the hall until I reached Naomi's room. The second I crossed the threshold, I looked to the dresser where Naomi kept her "lucky" necklace. I didn't even need to open the box. It was lying right on top.

She'd been wearing it every day since she'd shown up drunk at Swerved. The only reason she was without it today was because Ellie and I had convinced her to go swimming last night and she didn't want to lose it, so she left it behind. And after I told her I loved her this morning, there was no way she was leaving my side. She only left about two hours ago because she was finally ready to tell her mom about Yale and all the other schools she'd been accepted to.

I quickly grabbed it before stuffing it in my pocket and striding back to the living room where Gabe and Alara were waiting, whispering to each other.

"I'll drive."

They glanced at each other in concern and I saw Gabe subtly shake his head at Alara before handing me his keys. We were at the hospital in no time. I didn't need to look at them to know my driving had probably scared them.

I threw the car into park before sprinting toward the entrance, not bothering to check where Alara or Gabe were. I was still catching my breath and looking around the lobby when they both came in behind me.

"Alara." All three of us turned to see a distraught guy walking toward us.

Alara breathed a sigh of relief. "Derek," she said as she stepped into his arms.

I watched Naomi's brother as his eyes drifted shut, trying to catalogue all the similarities they shared. This was the first time I'd ever seen him, I wasn't even sure he knew who I was. He slowly opened his eyes and let Alara go in order to shake Gabe's hand.

"How is she doing?" Gabe asked.

"Stable." He shrugged and shook his head. "Thanks for coming. We really appreciate it."

"Of course," they said in unison just as I asked, "Where's Naomi?"

His eyes flew to mine, like he just realized I was there. He gave me a slow once-over. "You Damien?"

I gave him a quick nod before repeating, "Where's Naomi?"

He cringed as he looked past me. "She's uhh... in the cafeteria... finishing up this final project she has."

"She's doing homework?" Gabe's brows rose in confusion and a little bit of annoyance, while Derek worked hard to keep his face impa.s.sive. I wasn't surprised-Naomi seemed exactly like the type of person to shut down and avoid this kind of pain. What was strange was that I had known her the least amount of time, yet how was I the only one who understood this about her? I looked up to find Alara staring at me as Gabe and Derek continued discussing Naomi's "weird" behavior. After she gave me a quick nod to a corner a few feet away, I followed, immediately noticing that the confusion in the other two was nowhere to be found in Alara's eyes.

"She's not heartless."

Nodding, I crossed my arms. "I know that. She's scared."

Alara's eyebrows rose in surprise as she quickly looked at her boyfriend and Naomi's brother. "Oh," she murmured.

"I'm gonna go find her, okay?" I stated it as a question even though I had already started walking away.

"Just... don't take anything personally," she called out, only to walk toward me when she realized people were looking her way. "She gets weird when her mom's involved." She shrugged as she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Naomi doesn't even remember her dad, and her mom, well... she did a lot of s.h.i.tty things. But I think this thing with Caleb has messed her up more than she realizes."

I froze; was Alara trying to tell me Naomi had loved Caleb more than she let on? Because I didn't believe that, not with the way Naomi spoke about him, and not with the way Naomi loved me.

Her roommate must have seen the question on my face because she rushed to say, "Not that she's in love with him or anything. They were never like you two are. It's just she thought they were stable, she thought they'd be together for the rest of their lives. And then it was all pulled out from under her. The plans she had and all the expectations turned to..."

"Chaos," I finished.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "She was reluctant to let you in and to let her mother back in because she realizes how little control she has over her life when she lets other people into it. She didn't want the upheaval again. Like this," she finished as she gestured around the hospital with a frown on her face.

"She'll push me away, won't she?"

Alara didn't even try to lie. She nodded her head and simply said, "Yeah. I think she will."

I shook my head. "I won't let her." A look of relief flashed over her face as a small smile graced her lips and she reached out to give me a quick hug.

Surprised, I briefly returned it. When we pulled away, I gave her one last nod before I left. I wanted to rea.s.sure Alara again that it wouldn't matter, that there wasn't a single thing Naomi could say or do that would make me walk away, but she wasn't the one I was worried about convincing.

"Hey," I said as I sat down in the chair opposite her. She barely glanced up as she offered her own barely audible h.e.l.lo. I cleared my throat and leaned back, trying to look as casual as possible. "What are you working on?"

"French."

My brows puckered and I looked down, too focused on her before to notice the very obvious foreign language textbook sprawled out in front of her. "I didn't know you were taking French. Are you fluent?"

"No, I'm not fluent... yet," she said, all the while keeping her eyes trained between her book and the paper she was writing on. Grinding my teeth, I leaned forward, no longer interested in taking this easy, especially if she wouldn't even look at me. My fingers gripped the edge of her textbook before roughly shutting it and sliding it toward me.

Her eyes lifted, narrowing and trying to pin me to my spot. "Give it back." She made no move to grab it from me, she simply set her pen down and crossed her arms.

"No."

"No?" Naomi laughed but it lacked humor. "What are we? Twelve? Are you going to start pulling my hair and pushing me down in the sandbox?"

Smirking, I said, "You like it when I pull your hair, so that wouldn't be much of a punishment, would it?"

I expected her to growl. Narrow her eyes. Cuss me out. Something. I wasn't prepared for her cold eyes to remain so lifeless. I lowered my voice as I scooted even closer. "Naomi, I'm sorry about your mother. I know-"

"I'm fine," she interrupted. "If you're looking for someone to console, go find Derek. Or Mark. Or pretty much anyone else in this hospital, because I'm fine." As she picked up her pen and started writing once more, still sans textbook, I saw movement from over her shoulder. Alara was standing by the door with a worried expression, her gaze pinned to the back of Naomi's head. I shifted my eyes back before Naomi noticed.

"We both know that's not true."

She scoffed. "Based on what?"

"Based on the fact that you're acting like you're okay."

Even though her head was tilted down, I could still make out the incredulity on her face. "So because it appears I'm okay I must not be okay?"

"You forgot a key word there, sweetheart. Acting."

Naomi looked unimpressed and bored as she started working once more. I growled in my head, frustrated with her dismissal of me.

"You're an addict, too," I threw out.

She froze, her pen hovering in midair. "What?" I heard a crack in her voice, the first sign something was penetrating her cold demeanor.

"You heard me. You are just as much of an addict as she is. But your addiction is control. And now that you realize you don't have it, you're shutting the f.u.c.k down."

"Damien." Her tone was leveled once more but there was an underlying hint of anger.

"And that control will ruin you just as easily as drugs are ruining her," I continued like she hadn't spoken, bulldozing through her mask of stoicism. "Like right now. You can use it to push people away, to push me away. You can let it destroy you."

"I am not my mother." Forcefully closing her notebook, she moved to stand when a throat cleared nearby. Both our heads spun toward the sound, where Alara was standing at the head of the table. I hadn't even seen her move, too focused on the girl in front of me.

"Derek wanted me to come get you. Sherry's here, and he thinks the doctor might be coming out soon." I nodded and started to stand while Naomi slowly put her belongings into her bag. I shoved her textbook toward her.

"You can leave," she said as she swung her backpack over her shoulders. Alara's eyes widened and shifted between us. She opened her mouth to talk, but I spoke first.

"And why would I do that?" I asked casually.

"Because there's no reason for you to be here?" She was looking at me like I was crazy, and it took everything inside me not to grab her and crash my lips down onto hers. But if she wanted to play dumb and unaffected, I could too.

"Even so, I think I'll stay."

"I. Don't. Want. You. Here. Do you understand that?"

"Naomi..." Alara cautioned as she threw me another nervous glance. "Stop it."

She glared at her friend. "You want him here?"

Alara stood a little taller as she said, "Mm-hmm."