Sure. Raiden had been right. Being a bounty hunter was unconventional.

It was also totally cool.

Therefore I grinned huge and cried, "That's totally cool!"

He took in my grin, his face blank, and shook his head.

"No, Hanna, not the badge carrying, having arrest warrants, extension of law enforcement kind of bounty hunting. Cash under the table, getting a f.u.c.kuva lot more money kind of bounty hunting."

I didn't know what to do with that since I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I don't get it," I told him.

"I hunt fugitives and they definitely act outside the law," he explained. "But, when I find them, I don't deliver them to the police so they can do jacked s.h.i.t, get caught, get bonded out, do more jacked s.h.i.t, go on the run, get caught, then some bondsmen bonds them out again so they can do more jacked s.h.i.t. I deliver them to people who are willing to pay a lot of money to have them delivered."

This didn't sound good, but I still didn't get it.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I said softly. "I'm still not following."

He didn't move and his eyes never left my face as he kept talking.

"Then I'll explain. Right now, I got several jobs goin', the primary one bein' Knight's. He's a buddy of mine. He's got an enemy who keeps gettin' bested but won't let his grudge go. Knight had some s.h.i.t happen to his business because of this guy and he asked me to do him a favor. A favor he's payin' me to do. And that favor is find the man who infiltrated his business, injecting dope into it. This guy is doin' a favor for the other guy who's tryin' to f.u.c.k with Knight. But when I find him, I won't turn him and any evidence I have as pertains to his criminal activities into the police. I'll deliver him to Knight and walk away. When I do that, what Knight does with this guy and the s.h.i.t I give him is not my business. I just walk away. I always walk away."

This didn't sound good, either. In fact, it sounded worse, and the stuff before it already sounded bad.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know and was leaning towards not wanting to know, but still, I asked, "So this Knight person asks you to find someone. You find him and give him to Knight, he pays you in cash then your part is done?"

"Yep," he answered.

"And you don't just do this for Knight. It's your job and you do it for other people?"

"Yep."

"Is that legal?" I queried.

His body moved minutely. I almost didn't catch it, but I did and then he sat there looking at me like he had been. No change, except I felt it.

He was tense.

"Strictly speaking," he began, paused, then finished, "no."

Oh G.o.d.

"I... you... is it...?" I stammered, pulled myself together and went on, "Are you telling me you're engaged in criminal activities?"

The tension started pouring off him in waves, making me tense. Big time tense.

In fact, wired.

"Strictly speaking," he began, paused, then finished, "yes."

Oh G.o.d!

I'd put my plate on the coffee table, which was fortunate. It freed me to lift my feet to the seat of the couch and curve my arms protectively around my shins, hugging my legs to my chest.

Raiden's eyes dropped to my posture. He closed them slowly, then opened them and looked at me.

"Told you yesterday, years ago, I tracked down my Dad. To this day, I don't know how it came to me how to do it. We hadn't heard from him in two years. He lived two hours away. I had no resources, no experience, no money, not that first f.u.c.kin' thing to go on, and I was a minor. But it took me a week to find him. It just came natural, askin' questions to the right people, bein' smart about it, turnin' over rocks. Same went for when I drove my a.s.s up there and found his house empty. Didn't know that town, didn't know his MO. Still tracked his a.s.s down at his b.i.t.c.hes' houses. Same went for me breakin' in. Bought a lock at the hardware store, examined it, f.u.c.ked with it for hours until I figured out how to pick it. All this came natural. Some people are good with numbers. Others good with their hands. I'm good with this s.h.i.t."

None of this made me feel any better.

Raiden wasn't done sharing.

"I went into the Marines and I did it as a career choice. What I mean by that is I never intended to get out. Had no Dad who could help guide the way, never had any dreams of wantin' to be a cop or a fireman or an astronaut. But I examined my life to that point and knew where I was comfortable. I figured I needed discipline and someone to guide me, tell me what to do. I was good on a team, playin' sports, gettin' coached. I thought that was a natural progression. Once I got a directive, if I was trained how to do it, I went all out. And I was right. At first, the Corps worked for me."

His face changed, went hard and his eyes started burning.

"Then it didn't," he stated.

I understood why and understanding it killed me, but I stayed silent.

Raiden continued talking.

"I got out and remembered trackin' Dad. Figured I'd be good at bounty hunting, better at it after what I learned in the Corps. So I looked into that. Didn't like the way it played out. It was part of a system that was totally f.u.c.ked. Lots of rules. Lots of paperwork. But absolutely no reason to any of it. It was a dysfunctional cycle. To be successful, I had to write bonds, put my own f.u.c.kin' money on the line and live a life filled with lying sc.u.m, most of them intent on f.u.c.kin' me over. A buddy from the Corps came to town. We went out for beer, I shared this s.h.i.t with him, he told me about a man he knew named Deacon."

When he stopped and didn't carry on, I asked, "Deacon?"

"Bounty hunter, like I am now. But a cold motherf.u.c.ker. A six foot two, two hundred twenty pound wall of sheer ice. He got into it like I got into it. His wife went missin', the cops couldn't find her, so he descended into a world that was not his to find her. What he found was that he fit in that world. It was on the periphery, but he had talents in it, he had a place, so he stayed."

"Did he find his wife?"

His gaze, already locked on mine, bonded with it.

"Yeah."

Whatever this Deacon person found was not good and I didn't want to know.

Luckily, Raiden didn't tell me.

Unluckily, he continued to tell me other things.

"My buddy hooked me up with Deacon. He's a loner, but he's also the best in the business. Lots of work, not enough of him to go around. The thing was he didn't have anyone he respected enough to punt business to. He must have liked the feel of me *cause he took me on a couple jobs before he let me loose and started referring work to me. I did the jobs, established a reputation, got more work. So much I had to recruit and train a crew. I did. All the men left from my unit in the Corps who got out like me and found, also like me, they didn't fit back into the world they left when they entered the Corps. But they fit into this other world."

Suddenly, it came clear to me.

And it broke my heart.

"Raiden, this sounds like-"

"Save it," he bit off, interrupting me. "They don't know all this I'm tellin' you, but they know me and I figure they can guess. Not the specifics, but enough to tweak them, so I got that s.h.i.t from Mom. Got it from Rache. Didn't listen to it from them either. I live it, Hanna. I get it and I know my place, where I'm comfortable, where I fit and this is it."

"I'm not sure you're right," I told him carefully.

"You watch a friend you thought would be a friend for life-who'd stand up at your wedding, who you'd name your kid after, who you'd watch go gray while listenin' to him b.i.t.c.h for the next forty years about his wife spending too much money-get blown to f.u.c.kin' bits by a landmine, babe, you'll be in a place to say. Since that s.h.i.t will thankfully never happen to you, you aren't."

My heart broke more, but after that I stayed silent.

"You know all that, I'll give you the rest," he declared. "All of this is sorted. Knight's a buddy because Knight's connected to Deacon, Deacon connected me with Knight and Knight did me a favor. I get paid cash. None of that is on any books, but Knight's got a business and he cleans my money. I use a bogus partnership with him, which means I use his accounts to pay myself, my boys, make investments and pay taxes. It's all above board and legal as far as the government knows. We do legitimate jobs that have no results in a way no one will ever cotton on that the jobs we do are not legitimate. IRS takes their cut, turns the other way. I got an address. I vote. I got a license. Plates on my car. An honorable discharge from the Corps. As far as anyone's concerned I'm a respectable citizen, a veteran and a small business owner and the s.h.i.t me and my crew do is buried so deep under that respectability, it'll never be dug out."

"Paul Moyer said you were off the grid," I blurted, and his eyes got scary sharp before he appeared to relax.

"Paul Moyer talks smack because he wants to sound cool. For all intents and purposes, I operate off the grid, but I'm not off the grid. You meet Deacon, you'll understand off the grid. That is not me. I come home for a few days at Christmas, but don't reestablish life in Willow after gettin' out, he knows what went down with my unit, Moyer thinks he knows his s.h.i.t and runs his mouth. He doesn't know his s.h.i.t. He doesn't know anything."

"You said this was unsafe," I reminded him.

"Men who want men hunted and are willin' to pay tens of thousands of dollars to have them delivered, and the men who are runnin' from them tend not to be people you wanna ask to dinner," Raiden remarked.

This was very, very true.

G.o.d.

"This scares me," I admitted.

"Yeah, but you'll get used to it."

He seemed very sure.

I was not.

"I don't think I like this," I told him, my voice small. "Any of it."

Raiden didn't move.

But he did speak.

"Then you need to understand why I do it."

This meant there was more, and I really did not want more.

He gave it to me.

"Everything, every living thing on this earth, from plants to animals to humans, has a natural order. It's absolutely crucial to keep that order, Hanna. I've been in the thick of chaos and it is not a fun place to be."

Raiden went quiet and I nodded for him to go on, my heart clenching and the pizza in my belly sitting there in a nauseating lump.

He went on.

"The men who hire me keep order in their worlds. Each one of them rules their own empire. If something breaks free of their rule, chaos can result. In the worlds those men rule, if they keep control, it is very rare there's collateral damage. But someone steals from them, someone conspires to overthrow them, h.e.l.l can break loose. And when those fires burn, baby, they take out anyone in their path."

Weirdly, this made sense so I said, "Okay."

"When chaos can result, they call me in. I rein it in but I don't extinguish the threat. I'm not a moron. I know when I deliver a man who f.u.c.ked one of these guys over they don't sit him down in group counseling and work out their issues. But I don't give a f.u.c.k. I control chaos. No wife or mother or kid or girlfriend or just a person on the street who was in the wrong place at the wrong time gets pulled in to make a point, carry out a threat or used as shield, then I did my job and got paid huge to do it."

This made sense, too, and was kind of honorable in a twisted, criminal underworld kind of way.

I did not tell Raiden this. I just stared at him.

So he continued.

"That's my work, and the way you're lookin' at me I see it hasn't penetrated yet that in the natural order of things it's good work. I got a code. I don't hunt women no matter what s.h.i.t they pull-and they can pull some serious s.h.i.t-but that is not my gig and never will be. And if the man I'm huntin' is twenty or younger, I don't take the job. At that age, they can pull their s.h.i.t outta that life, turn themselves around. I don't ask questions. I don't counsel my prey. I tag and deliver. The kid might be pullin' s.h.i.t, but I won't know that and I won't live with it on my conscious that he's off tryin' to find a better life and I was responsible for dragging him back in."

Raiden went quiet.

"Is that it?" I asked, thinking that was at least something but not much of a code.

"Nope," he answered. "I don't do side jobs, deliverin' s.h.i.t if they know I'm headin' somewhere, which would usually be dope or firearms, but it could be anything. I do not touch any of their business because no matter what it is it's tainted, and that is not part of my life. I am not muscle. I gotta get physical on the capture, I do that. But I don't inflict injury unless it's unavoidable. I am contract only and not on any payroll. It is known wide I'm not looking for employment. Now they don't even offer no matter how good I do what I do and they want me on their crew. As for what my crew and I do, we do one thing. The job and only the job. There is not a menu of services available. We don't accept add-ons no matter the amount they're willing to pay. And unless I trust a man-and there are few I trust outside my crew, Deacon and Knight-I don't grant favors and I don't ask for them."

Raiden again stopped speaking.

I said nothing.

So he asked, "You got any questions?"

I shook my head but told him, "I think I need to process this."

He studied me a moment before his eyes warmed, his voice dropped and he ordered, "Then come here and process it closer."

My throat clogged. I shook my head, but swallowed and forced out, "I think this is the kind of processing you need to process alone."

A look that was hard to witness moved over his face.

He understood me.

That killed too.

"Hanna, come here," he whispered.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Why not?

"Raiden, you just told me you're a criminal and I'm not sure I'm down with that or if I'll ever be."

And I wasn't.

And that's why this was killing me.