"Go!" Milagros demanded. "Go! You've done enough! You do no more!"

Deacon continued to stare at me for long moments before he got in his truck and slammed the door.

It was a good thing my insides shriveled or seeing that would hurt like a bitch.

I stood there and watched him through his windshield as he put the Suburban into gear.

He reversed.

Then he stopped, shifted to drive, and my mouth dropped open when he drove up over the boulders that lined the side of the lane, likely gutting his undercarriage, his SUV bouncing into the snow as he drove until he stopped across from my house.

I'd quit breathing at the boulder maneuver and my breath came raspy as Milagros dashed down the snowy gravel to the foot of my steps.

Deacon was out, the handles of a plastic bag in his fist, and stalking her way.

She lifted a hand.

"Not another step, John Priest!" she yelled.

"Name's Deacon Gates," he replied calmly and I saw her body jerk.

As for me, my knees buckled and I had to lock them or I'd go down.

He'd surprised her so he got by her.

She recovered quickly and chased him up the stairs.

"Cassidy, get inside," she ordered.

I was staring into Deacon's eyes, my head tipping back to keep hold of them when he stopped nearly toe to toe with me.

"I'm calling Manuel!" she threatened, like five foot seven, at-least-seventy-pounds-less-weight-than-Deacon Manuel could help.

But he'd try.

And I couldn't let that happen.

I pulled my eyes from Deacon's and looked around him to my friend.

"I'll take care of this."

"Cassidy-"

"Honey, go home. I'll take care of this and call you later."

"This man, whatever his name is, hu-"

"I'll take care of it, Milagros," I interrupted her to say. "Love you, appreciate the support, but please, honey, go. Go on. Go home. I'll call you later." I drew in breath and finished, "Promise."

Milagros glared at me, knowing me, knowing I was stubborn and ornery and even she couldn't talk me down if I was intent on doing something. Then she stomped to our sides, eyes up to Deacon.

"You damage her more, only God will have mercy on your soul," she snapped, glared at me again, did it a long time, then stormed to the steps. She stopped at the bottom and yelled up. "You call me, Cassidy! I don't hear from you, I'm coming back, and I'm bringing every man I know with me!"

I sighed.

She tramped to her car.

I watched her get in and start to drive off before I looked up to Deacon. "You'll give me a minute then you can come in."

He said nothing, just stared into my eyes, face impassive.

He was good at that.

Nothing had changed.

So why was he here?

I didn't ask.

I turned with difficulty since there wasn't a lot of room for me to move between Deacon's big body and the door. I got it open, slid through, and immediately corralled my confused and whining dog.

Bossy wasn't going to see Deacon. If she remembered him, I didn't want to get her hopes up. She thought he'd been gone for a job and he'd come back. She had him less time than me and was devastated as the weeks turned to months and he didn't show.

I felt her pain.

For a while.

Now I didn't feel anything.

Or, at least, I told myself that.

I got her in the kitchen, whispered, "Be good. Be quiet. And stay." She looked up at me with her sweet brown eyes and sat on her furry booty.

My Boss Lady.

I closed the door, shored up my defenses, and stood in my foyer with eyes to the front door.

Moments later, Deacon walked in, closing the door on the cold behind him.

Bossy heard him enter and barked, deep and resonant, no longer a puppy (well, still my puppy but mostly she was a dog).

Deacon's eyes went to the kitchen door.

I shouted, "Be good, Bossy!"

She quit barking.

I launched in immediately and his gaze shot back to mine.

"I think you know there's nothing to say. But since you're here, I figure you think there is. In order not to upset Milagros, and get Manuel involved, you're here. But now that she's gone, I'd request that you be the same."

"My wife is dead. She's been dead for ten years."

I fought falling back on a foot, his words feeling like blows, staring in his face, seeing nothing but believing every word he spoke.

But why hadn't he told me that before?

"She died ugly. I didn't protect her from it. I didn't save her from it. I loved her. She died but she didn't let go. I left you, I broke you, and my man Raid reamed my ass, but it didn't penetrate." He dug in his pocket, pulled his hand out, and it was sheer reflex that I lifted my hands to catch the flash drive he tossed my way. "That penetrated. You taught me to let it penetrate. Listen to that, Cassidy. I'll be upstairs waiting."

He'd be upstairs waiting? Was he high?

He walked my way.

He was high.

I moved quickly to bar the stairs.

He stopped in front of me.

"You're going the wrong way," I informed him. "You need to use the front door, Deacon, or I'll call the cops, and we both know you don't want that."

"Don't give a fuck you do, except that'll prolong this and I wasted enough time."

He didn't care that I called the cops?

"Deacon-" I started.

"Listen to what's on the drive, Cassidy."

"I'm not listening to anything."

"I listened to yours. A million fuckin' times, I listened to it. You can give me once."

He listened to mine.

A million times?

No.

No, he was not getting in there.

"You left me, Deacon, time and time again, left me empty, broken-hearted, lonely, and you did it for seven years," I reminded him. "And you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Listen to it."

"I'm not letting you do it again."

"Listen to it."

I shook my head. "You let me get used to you and clean gutters and someone to get me a beer and go grocery shopping with and sleep beside at night, and it's easy, Deacon, so fucking easy to get used to that. But it's hard, unbelievably fucking hard, to get used to losing it. Now I'm used to it so you need to go."

I got in there. I knew because he winced.

I didn't let that penetrate either.

"I'm sorry your wife is dead but clearly it's fucked you up in a huge way and clearly I'm not the woman to sort that out."

He dipped his face to mine. "Listen to it, Cassie," he whispered.

But I was struck dumb by the look that had entered his eyes.

Eyes that were making me feel exactly what he wanted me to feel.

I struggled to fight it.

He kept talking before I could win.

"Listen to it, baby," he kept whispering. "Then meet me upstairs."

He said no more and didn't let me say a word. He edged around me and took the stairs.

I turned stiltedly and watched him do it, willing my body to go to my cell and call the police. Then I begged my body to do it.

But instead, my head bent, my hand lifted, and my fingers opened.

The flash drive was silver.

The one I gave him was pink.

"Call the police, Cassidy," my lips whispered.

My eyes went to the stairs.

Then my stupid feet took me to the office.

I shoved in the drive and just to be ornery (because that was me), I opened my desk drawer and nabbed my headphones, plugging them into the computer so when I listened, he couldn't hear me doing it.

When I pulled up the drive, what I suspected was there. I didn't understand the file name, but I knew that would be the extension.

BeautifulWar.mp3 I could listen then call the police.

Or I could listen, walk upstairs, and tell him he needed to go. He no longer meant anything to me. We were done. I was taking no more of his crap.

If he didn't leave, then I'd call the police.

I put my headphones in, brandished my mouse, and hovered over the file.

"Damn the man," I whispered and clicked on the file.