But he was wrong.

Because Liu Sumeng was crying. No longer able to hold back tears, they tumbled freely down his face and he tried to keep his composure that threatened to shatter at any given moment.

In the midst of the rubble of the Wayward Wind Temple, he held Yuan Xuelan close to his chest. His one good arm around the younger's shoulder, his fingers in those wild black locks. His voice was choked, throat dry, "No, Xuelan, you can't die. Stay awake. Stay with me."

The blood was warm but his body was fast growing cold.

With a shaking hand, he took out the highest grade restorative pill he had on him, already knowing that it wasn't enough to mend the wounds on Xuelan's body in time.

But he was desperate! Anything, please, a miracle would do. He pushed the medicine past Yuan Xuelan's lips but it only fell out after.

Liu Sumeng was not the type to swear but in that moment he did. He refused to give up, even as Xuelan's life was slipping away in his very arms.

A second time.

This would mark a second time that Xuelan would die in his arms. His heart, his throat, his stomach went numb.

And this time…Yuan Xuelan who hadn't been terrible, who treated him kindly would die trading his life for Liu Sumeng's. How could he accept that? He couldn't!

Liu Sumeng put the medicine in his own mouth before clasping Xuelan's pale visage.

Xuelan's lips were chapped and dry and did not react under his touch. A breath so light it could easily be missed. Liu Sumeng pried those lips open with his own, and pushed the pill inside Yuan Xuelan's mouth with his tongue.

All he could taste was iron. Liu Sumeng did not give up and forcefully pushed that small, round pill down a weak throat that already had no more strength to swallow.

"Are you truly this stupid? You already know such a thing will not work."

But he had to try, he had to, what else could Liu Sumeng do? He didn't want Yuan Xuelan to die. Not like this. Not again. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, supposed to be…

He couldn't let this end. Not like this!

"Be quiet, will you? Your thoughts are so awfully noisy. This divine one is still weak, sleepy and in a terrible mood. But I've taken a liking to you and even this annoying rude-boy you have raised so tenderly. So I will help you out. Stop crying now, let this Dajie of yours fix things okay?"

Tears did not stop flowing.

Not even when Huo Tang fell out of his robes and enveloped Yuan Xuelan with a divine golden light, her tiny body merging with his.

…

Xianlong was a sacred sword that eclipsed even Silei in power and magnificence.

Liu Sumeng always wondered why the emperor gave him this terrible sword. But his heart always knew what he had to do with it.

He could already hear the shouting as he approached. "I'll kill them! I'll kill them all!"

Liu Sumeng was rus.h.i.+ng down the pathway under the eaves but by the time he made it to the pavilion in one of the palace's many gardens it was already too late. There were already bodies. And when the servants saw General Liu approach, they dropped his feet, begging and pleading.

"Please speak to His Majesty! Only you can speak to him. Make him see reason, please…!"

These violent tantrums only became more frequent. Yuan Xuelan stopped thinking twice before torturing and ending the lives of his officials, and even those of his innocent servants.

What had been a beautiful garden that surrounded a quaint lotus pond was already dyed red and decorated with fire and gore. Emperor Taixu swung his sword wildly while yelling, "How dare you look at me with those eyes!? Is that pity I see?! f.u.c.ker, know your place, you should know your place! I am not dependent! There is no one in this world that I need aside from myself, get out!"

No one knew who he was even shouting at. There was no one left standing around him. Even their corpses were beyond recognizable, left in b.l.o.o.d.y clumps and lumps of flesh.

The person who incited this raging fit was most likely dead already.

Liu Sumeng's hand traced Xianlong's hilt. He drew in a breath, sharp.

The small wooden bridge that the emperor was standing on had caught fire and his hair hung around his face, messy and disheveled. He was no different from a raging savage, a villain that saw no reason, kindness nor love.

'Ah,' Liu Sumeng lamented, 'Surely things didn't have to turn out this way.'

When the emperor caught sight of him, the first thing that Liu Sumeng noticed was the anger and rage that danced so vividly in his eyes. "Sumeng." The name was bitten through clenched teeth.

What was it this time? Did someone accidentally utter an off-handed comment? Did someone veer their eyes in the wrong direction? Or simply wore a color that displeased the emperor on this particular day.

Consort Nan was gone as well now. Xu Hexian was dead and so was Liu Suye. Hui Ziw.a.n.g. Yang Sehan. Peng Jipei. Zhao Fanyu. Chen Anyue. All these names became like distant echoes from another life that became muddied with resentment and bloodshed.

And though the palace was still lively, it also felt painfully empty.

The emperor's voice pulled his thoughts back to the present, "So are you here to end it all? My Sumeng."

The name Yuan Xuelan was also dead. Liu Sumeng hadn't known in the past how dearly he would miss it. He was full of regrets.

His hand trailed off Xianlong and circled around Mingshui instead. Perhaps it was not time yet. Not yet time to bring it all to an end.

(A lie.)

Perhaps he could wait a little longer.

(He shouldn't.)

Perhaps Emperor Taixu- no, Xuelan could still be saved.

(He couldn't be.)

"Sumeng, what are you thinking about? Hey, do you think you can--"

End it. Please, end it.

But Liu Sumeng was too weak to end it when he should have. He drew Mingshui, it's silver brilliance had dulled so much over the years.

He allowed himself to take the brunt of the emperor's rage and sparred with him through the rest of the day and the night as well.

And when it was over they were covered with cuts, bruises, and injuries so deep blood seeped into the soil and pond, coloring them red.

Mingshui finally gave in, unable to journey further down with Liu Sumeng though the spiral of chaos and madness. It broke at the hilt, the blade shattering to bits. And the emperor stood before him with dilated eyes.

"Xuel-"

A slap hit him across the face, silencing him.

"Don't use that name," and the emperor's voice was not angry and only tired. "Don't use that name anymore..."

"..." Liu Sumeng was quiet. The person who stood before him with his head lowered and eyes staring vacantly made General Liu think of the boy he watched go astray. The person that accompanied him through his darkest times, the child who loved sacred treasures and spicy foods.

"Sumeng. Liu Chao. Can I call you that?" 

The sky was dark and the flickers of flame that charred the once tranquil garden s.h.i.+ned vividly against the black of night.

Liu Sumeng stood stiffly. He gave only a slight nod.

Silei clattered to the ground. Yuan Xuelan reached for General Liu's hands. He unfurled the fingers still clasped around Mingshui's hilt and pried the broken sword out of the Ivory Sword Saint's grasp. In a rare moment of lucidity, he looked at Liu Sumeng with a frown and when he drew in a breath, his shoulders trembled.

"I've lost it, haven't I? I really can't think clearly anymore. I can't--" He approached cautiously as if fearing rejection.

When they were only a hair's width apart, the emperor seemed to freeze. Liu Sumeng didn't understand where this sudden awkwardness came from after all they've done together.

So Liu Sumeng threw his arms around this insane emperor and held him close, felt his heat and his heartbeat, and listened to him sigh deeply.

"Liu Chao." Liu Sumeng felt lips trace the sh.e.l.l of his ear. He s.h.i.+vered. "Stay with me till death. You're mine, you understand that right? Right…? You can't leave me…"

It was already too late for anything else, Liu Sumeng wondered why Xuelan couldn't understand that? But the emperor's insecurity was never one that bloomed from Liu Sumeng's actions and instead was the product of his own insanity. His desperation, his depravity.

He reached up and captured Liu Sumeng's jaw and kissed those tantalizing lips. Was there any love there? Neither of them knew. But both could understand that this act was one done out of necessity. Like breathing through a narrow straw when caught under the current.

Yuan Xuelan kissed Liu Sumeng aggressively, pressing down, biting lips and running his tongue over General Liu's teeth. And this Ivory Sword Saint, this Sumeng of his kissed him back with equal desperation, a begging, a plea.

Just a little longer.

Let it all end.

Please.