Trust.

Cynthia Ozick.

For My Mother and Father.

"Everything is mine," said gold.

"Everything is mine," said iron.

"I'll buy everything," said gold.

"I'll take everything," said iron.

-Aleksandr Pushkin.

Offer the resourceful man one of two legacies: a mammoth trust fund by inheritance of wealth, or a minuscule fund of trust by inheritance of nature; and he will choose the one which least inhibits venturesomeness.

-from the unpublished aphorisms.

of Enoch Vand.

Part One.

AMERICA.

1.

After the exercises I stood in the muddy field (it had rained at dawn) and felt the dark wool of my gown lap up the heat and din of noon, and at that instant, while the graduates ran with cries toward asterisks of waiting parents and the sun hung like an animal's tongue from a sickened blue maw, I heard the last stray call of a bugle-single, lost, unconnected-and in one moment I grew suddenly old. All around, the purple-plumed band had broken ranks, making a bright dash for the cool of sugared grapes and lemonade on long tables under trees, and the members of the procession, doffing their hoods as they dispersed, raised in the air veils of blue, mauve, crimson, and jade, like the wings of geese. The bugle's voice unfurled, shivered, fell. Although I did not move and stopped my breath and hoped the wail would lift again-why? as a signal perhaps, the witness we spend our lives waiting for-it would not. Only the year before Enoch had told me that the sign of understanding would be the absence of any sign, that revelation came unproclaimed, that messiahship was secret; but Enoch was himself so abundant in signs, revelations, and messianism that, on the basis of his own doctrine, I did not believe him. Enoch would have said that because the bugle did not speak again its first utterance was also in doubt; after an hour of discussion he might even have convinced me that I had not heard a bugle at all, just as, in my childhood, he had once demonstrated that, since G.o.d had made the world, and since there was no G.o.d, the world in all logic could not exist. It was true; the world did not exist; Enoch was middle-aged, and knew.

After a while, because the bugle would not rise again, no longer expecting the sound of redemption I ceased even to hope for it and took of! my white shoes to save them from the mud and began to cross the field. The goal posts were hooks for garlands: flowers woven through wires had turned them into awnings, and gardenias clambered down the poles like breeding moths. It was late, the field was half-deserted, the gatemen had let the porters through; they came swarming after the camp chairs, shutting them with loud snaps and piling them, dozens high, in barrows. I pa.s.sed under one of the goal posts and a pink flower, loosed from its plaiting, tumbled onto the sleeve of my gown. If another had fallen, and a third, or a rain of those fleshy petals, I might have been cheered, and willing to believe myself saved after all. But it was only a single one; already browning at the edges, the stem twisted dry, a tiny pale worm feasting in its eye; so I brushed it sadly away. A little girl ran to s.n.a.t.c.h it up, but when she saw how uglily it was blighted, she tossed it to the ground and challenged me with her contempt. "My sister's getting married tomorrow," she told me spitefully, and rubbed the bridge of her nose with an admirable gesture. Under the trees all the weddings of the world had coalesced, vapor into vapor. A straw pierced my stocking and stuck up through my toes while all the brides in their black cloaks embraced one another with green grapes between their teeth, and all the visitors applauded decorously, like Roman senators. There was a shimmer of ma.s.s marriages. To whom would they be wed, these nuns and sisters, these blooming abbesses? I knew at once, without speculation: to the world. From my sudden agedness, I looked out at them with envy in the marrow, because I was deprived of that seductive bridegroom, I alone was deprived of, his shining hair and the l.u.s.ter of his promised mouth. Envy-Invidia, they named it in a Latinist and sacramental age-ought not to be accounted sinful, for sinning is what we do by intent, and envy, like the plague-fly, desires us against our will. I did not wish to envy them, I felt disgust for myself, but greed for the world had bitten me. I longed to believe, like these black-gowned brides, in pleasure, in splendor, in luck; in genius, in the future, most of all in some impermeable lacquer to enamel an endless youth.

The rows of chairs had all vanished by now; their sharp little feet had left pock-holes in the turf, and the gra.s.s, again revealed, looked less green than before, trampled and spa.r.s.e everywhere. Already a crowd of servingmaids was removing the striped cloths from the refreshment tables, shaking off crumbs as deftly as mariners hoisting sails. The ceremony had long since ended, and now the celebrants were scattering at last, uncurling their make-believe diplomas and dropping them to the ground. The rolled paper sheets, blank as snow, covered the gra.s.s like wet laundry-our real diplomas would come weeks later, routinely, anticlimactically, in the mail. Was there nothing that was not a fraud? Under the highest branches a gracile Puerto Rican, incarnation of some sacred cat, went from shade to shade spearing the blowy papers into a sack with the keen point of his gardener's pick, tilting at them as though they represented something more n.o.ble than merely garbage. He stabbed and stabbed with considerable rhythm, so I gave him my own doc.u.ment, still whorled and ribboned and like all the others utterly empty, to pierce. With the art of an islander, a born fisherman, he lunged-a leg in the air-and harpooned it for his crackling canvas bag; and from his fleshless smile, his broken golden teeth, his ruined and crooked Spanish, I took evidence of sham and imposture, deceit and hoax: he was not what he pretended, no brown joyful boy with paper-pick, but rather some principle of Time marking out his choices with a honeyed wand. When first Time makes himself known to us, it is not as that ancient progenitor who comes to announce that we are mortal, but inadvertently, accidentally, in a moment unforetold especially by himself; and we see him then in his everyday disguise, that of a young bridegroom, and he brings us then not death but recognition, and not the end of knowledge but its beginning; and he whispers, in a ruined and crooked Spanish, "fraud!"

No aunt, cousin, mother, sister, father had come to see the commencement of this strange diaspora. I surrendered the hired costume and went into exile alone. And when, approaching the graveled road, I put my shoes on and ventured through the gate of that place and from an open window heard the buglers in their locker-room blaring jazz, I could think only of the peril, falseness, and allure of the world. And I reflected mournfully how bitter it was to wear the face of youth, to be rooted among jubilants, to feign delights, and all the while to keep close that clandestine disenchantment, that private corrosion of illusion, which belong to the very old.

2.

A few weeks after graduation my mother returned from Paris, bringing with her, as usual, a great many boxes of dresses. She kept me with her in her room as she displayed them to herself in front of her long mirror; and while I b.u.t.toned, hooked, and zipped, or was made to appraise hemlines and bodices, she gossiped persistently. Enoch had been delayed in Geneva by. the arrival of a Bulgarian, she explained. "We were about to take off, so I saw him only for a second, through the plane-window," my mother said. "He had a long brown beard, like a spy. It must have been fake. And he gave Enoch one of those polite continental kisses."

My mother regarded herself as a woman of comedy. She was anything but witty-she did not love language enough-but, because her generation valued solemnity and responsibility and believed very much in banks and political parties, she had taught herself to think everything amusing. She laughed at the League of Women Voters and at the President of the United States (F.D.R., Harry, and Ike in turn); she was exultant when anyone seemed anxious oVer the High Cost of Living or the Threat of Another Depression; she t.i.ttered at phrases like Iron Curtain and Asian Bloc and Free World. She was determined to be taken in by nothing and to respect no one, and to ridicule whatever presented itself as awesome, fearful, or holy. Unfortunately she was incapable of satire and too intent for burlesque. Her intelligence failed her at the point just beyond laughter, and she could not make a weapon of scoffing, or turn amus.e.m.e.nt into scorn. Hence no one imagined her as dangerous.

Although my mother did not approve of me (she thought me too serious) I found her altogether attractive and fantastic. She was, I believe, a kind of entertainer, in the cheap public sense: she liked simply to be looked at, and, if possible, to be talked about. She rarely told the truth, not because she was an avid liar, but because the truth was too commonplace. Consequently she had no friends and while other women of her age endured one another's society tediously and without irony, my mother turned over the pages of all the morning newspapers, hoping to come upon her name, or, lacking that, one of her scandals: and occasionally her vanity was satisfied.

The scandals were minor, of course. Once, having hidden her few unimportant jewels (she always wore the important ones) in an old evening purse, my mother telephoned the police to declare them stolen. The next day the papers carried photographs of the confessed burglar, a poor fellow on narcotics whom the detectives had selected for a likely culprit. I was away at school at the time (this happened years ago) so I don't know how the affair was untwisted-though I do remember that the raffish innocent (my mother's clipping shows him as cross-eyed and surly-looking) was jailed anyhow, for illegal possession of heroin: they found it ip a little bag tied around his waist under his clothes, and they thought surely it was the jewels. My mother, it seems, was good-naturedly forgiven: the headlines identified her, with a certain affection, as "Foiled Society Prankster." "He was a thief anyway," my mother liked to justify it long afterward, whenever the story was recalled; "all I did was help catch him." I think she was proud of herself: it was the only time she had ever come out squarely against criminality.

Plainly, none of my mother's devices was original. She gleaned them all from the tabloids-her memory was good-and to the tabloids they were in the end returned. Another time, during a bad first act-but this, too, happened a long while ago and I tell it as a legend-my mother left a big old-fashioned vest-watch wrapped in tin foil under her seat, and complained to the ushers of a queer bothersome ticking noise. The whole theatre had to be emptied while a bomb squad, attired gingerly in blastproof masks, crawled on all fours like comical musketeers between the rows. The audience was first alarmed, then unnerved; n.o.body stayed for the rest of the play and it closed the next day. But my mother, in spite of these episodes, was not really a practical joker: she abhorred that sort of mediocrity. Beneath all her travesties there remained some residue of her native and primary temperament, which was humorless and ambitious, so that she was able to laugh at everything except herself. Like many deeply moral people who have betrayed themselves, she needed the gorgeous gesture, the sign of recklessness; she had to declare that she was not responsible. And she was able to act as she pleased because she was very rich.

"How rich?" she echoed me. "Oh, I don't know, it's not in dollars, you can't count it. It's the kind of rich only lawyers understand. Ask William."

"It isn't money then?"

"Of course it's money. You'll get some of it if there's any left when I'm through. Though I don't expect to die very soon. It's all in securities and mortgages and bonds and trusts and things. I don't know what any of that means, I just know it turns into money and then I get it Here," she said, and browsed among her boxes, "I brought you a ball dress."

It was all of silk, of an unbelievable golden color, like leaf-metal: there was a great silver sash which, untied, became a dazzling train.

"A graduation present," my mother said. "I suppose there's a round of parties?"

I tried to explain that the parties-there had been only a few-were all over.

"Then give some."

"There's no one to ask any more. All the girls have gone to find jobs."

"And the boys?"

I shrugged at her stupidity. "Mostly they've left for the Army."

"Oh, the Army!" She looked at me half-startled, as though I had suddenly reminded her that there was an Army after all. "Well, if they want to make idiots of themselves ... there's no culture in all that, you know! If we keep this up, sending off our young men like that, well end like Sparta"-my mother specialized in historical abominations-"with naked girls and drowning the weak babies and iron money and everything!"

"Really," I began hastily, "I don't need a ball dress. It's a very old-fashioned idea."

"Well, you have to dance in something," my mother insisted.

"I don't want to dance."

"It's a very nice dress. You see how it's made? The trick is in the facing in the bosom-stiff, so it stands away. They're very clever about that in Paris. I can't understand why you don't have a bosom of your own-heredity is so mysterious," toy mother observed, showing off her high cla.s.sical front. "My corset-woman over there thinks my figure is amazing for my age!" She examined me contemplatively. "She's a Baroness, you know. White Russian. They shot her whole family. She's married to the man who runs the elevator in the Eiffel Tower."

These remarks failed to astonish me.

"It's true," my mother protested. "You mean she might not be the real thing? So many of these Russian n.o.bles aren't. This one is, though, I can tell by her manners-they're so coa.r.s.e. When she's draping you she always says 'backside' straight out, never 'derriere'-an impostor wouldn't have the nerve! Do you know what her business motto is? The Baroness wrote it down for me; it's a proverb or something." My mother immediately produced a sc.r.a.p of tissue paper scribbled over in a foreign hand. "Here it is: 'Ogni medaglia ha il suo rovescio.' It's very apropos."

"Is that Russian?"

"Don't be foolish-it's Italian, of course. Etymology explains everything. 'Ogni' comes from our 'ogee,' I'm perfectly sure: an ogee's an architectural term, I looked it up once, ft means a sort of curved arch. 'Ogni medaglia ha il suo rovescio,' " she repeated in her haughty literary-voice. "'A nicely arched posterior deserves a medal,' you could translate it. It's one of those down-to-earth sayings they have over there."

"But you said she's Russian."

"Yes, but then exiles are very cultivated, you see. She speaks nothing but Italian and a little bad English. She visits the Louvre every day." She hesitated. "I suppose we ought to begin making arrangements in that direction."

"Arrangements?" I said.

"It's time you saw Europe, after all."

"I've been to Europe."

"Nonsense, you were only ten. I kept telling everyone you were too young to appreciate travel. Oh, how I suffered! Till my last breath I shall never forget how you vomited all over the South of France," my mother finished gloriously. "You had one of those nervous stomachs, just like your father."

My mother rarely mentioned my father; she never thought of him, since she was concerned only with the present. Occasionally-perhaps every three years, but with great irregularity-she would receive a letter from my father, and then she would be reluctantly reminded of him. "Well, it's starting again," I would hear her tell Enoch. "Go ahead and do it and get it over with," Enoch would advise her, and from their tone-although nothing was ever said to me-I suspected that my father had written to ask for money. I was faintly ashamed of him, as of an invisible and somehow disreputable intruder. At the same time I had very little curiosity about him; quite early in my life my mother had dismissed him as a figure of no importance and less reality. "To be perfectly objective about it," she remarked once, "all that is terribly remote. After all, I was with him for less than two years over twenty years ago! You can't reasonably expect anything but the vaguest impression by now. It's hardly left a trace," she said, and looked out at me from her wedge of curls with an uncharacteristic bewilderment-"except for you." This was not the case with her first husband, who had preceded my father-not only was her impression of him still lambent, but she did not appear to have any desire to extinguish it. Of the three lawyers she retained, this man, my mother's first husband, was the one she most often consulted; now and then he would dine with us, and my mother would call him "dear William," and ask after his wife. He was married to a woman so different from herself-so clearly diligent and domestic, so innocently self-aware and eager to be courted-that it was obvious, even to my mother, what had been the trouble. William was too august and substantial a personage to be diagnosed as happy or unhappy; it was plain, however, that my mother thoroughly respected him, since in his presence she chose dull and meagre endings for stories which, in other company, she used to conclude in the liveliest manner imaginable. And William, while he was rather stiffly cordial to my mother, and very gentlemanly toward Enoch, seemed less than charmed by the dinner chatter. He would quietly talk trusts and investments, and finish by handing my mother a check in the gilt-edged envelope of his firm, a bi-monthly mission which he only very rarely allowed the mails to perform Once he brought with him to dinner his oldest boy, a correct, wan-lidded adolescent with an artificial stammer, who was so submissively attentive to the rite of pa.s.sing the croutons that I was horrified lest Enoch's imprecations, muttered bearishly into his soup, be overheard. To tell the truth, William's son fascinated me. He looked remarkably like a dog of a choice and venerable breed. His dark glazed head was too small for the padding in his shoulders, but otherwise I considered him formidably handsome, even elegant. He was known to be precocious: he already had an interest in jurisprudence and he carried under his arm a copy of Holmes' The Common Law. This reputation for intelligence, and the trick he had of faltering in the middle of a syllable, ravished me from the first moment. William's son seemed to me the image of brilliant commitment, of a confident yet enchanting dedication to dark philosophies-in short, of all that I might have been had my mother's marriage to her first husband endured. It was not that I wanted William for my father: I wished merely to have had him, in that preconscious time, for my sire. Since we are born at random, as an afterthought, or as an enigmatic consequence in a game of Truth, and are not willed into being by our begetters, they accordingly fall under the obligation of surrendering much of themselves to us, in the manner of forfeits; hence we are burdened not merely with their bone and blood, but with their folly and their folly's disguises. Nonetheless William's son had somehow been exempted from this fraudulent heirship, this pretense that we are auspicious inheritors when we are in reality only collectors grimly fetching what is due us:-those evils (dressed as gifts) which we are compelled to exact although we do not desire them. William's son was sound, he was fortunate, he had providentially escaped his birthright. I saw him as the brother I had lost through my mother's absurdity. The more so, since we shared the same surname.

As is the custom with divorced women, in order to display her proper status my mother had retained the latter part of her marriage t.i.tle against the time when she might acquire a new husband, and, with him, a new name. But after her separation from my father, she explained, she had reverted to the name she had carried as William's wife; she did not care to style herself, or me, after my father. As a result, while my mother through her third alliance had long ago become Mrs. Vand, I continued to be called after her first husband. I was generally believed to be William's child. My father was by this means virtually obliterated from our lives, since I was not permitted even to bear his name. For many years it was not revealed to me: I discovered it by chance myself one afternoon, when, rummaging in Enoch's desk for a stamp, I came upon an empty envelope, the address run over in a watered and rusted ink. Some notion about the handwriting, which was educated but wild, as though scratched on by fingers used to grosser movements, made me search after the sender. He appeared to have been reluctant to record himself plainly; not only was he absent from the face of the envelope, but from the back, and when I found him at last, it was in a hidden place, on the inside of the flap, a little furtive and blurred by the glue: Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck

Duneacres

Town Island

New York

That this was my father I was convinced at once, although I was fleetingly put off by the starkness of his lodging, for I had imagined him as living under a congestion of tenement flats in a far and uncongenial, perhaps sinister, city. It had always been my idea that my father was some sort of artist-or perhaps a kind of sailor, a voyager or adventurer-although no one had ever told me this. I supposed him to be improvident, impoverished, and discreditable; I was given to understand, subtly and by prudent indirection, that he was a great embarra.s.sment to us all. My school applications had always cautiously evaded mention of him, and I can recall awkward conversations when, looking away, I did not dare to deny my interlocutor's convenient a.s.sumption of William's paternity. It was a substantial relief to pretend to a relation with William, who was red-faced, jut-chinned, and white-haired, like an elderly and reliable monument toward which one has patriotic feelings. I thought of my father, on the other hand, as dun and dank and indecent and somewhat yellowish; I thought he had yellow-tarred teeth, and a porous nose, and bad eyes. At the same time it seemed perfectly plausible that such a man might be a genius. The nature of his talent my imagination did not explore, it being quite enough that I saw the man himself as moist and dirty, quartered in a moist and dirty cellar, in the manner of geniuses. It was not inconceivable that he might be an inventor, and I even believed it likely that he was a foreigner, since the only thing certain I knew of him was that he had marched with my mother in Moscow. That she, with all her gaiety, her fabrications, her enthusiasms, her adorations, could have been attracted to the repugnant wretch I had fashioned did not, to be sure, seem altogether reasonable. And yet it was not impossible: she was stupid enough to talk romantically of "indeterminate taints" and "vital sparks " and she was quick to spot, in queer people whom everyone else avoided, "un homme de genie." Still, I had no real reason for my judgment that my father was in some way singular, or at the least unorthodox. I had only my guilty instinct for his character. Sometimes, when my mother would stare at me in a certain apprehensive way-her painted eyebrows pulled together in a cosmetic frown-it would seem to me that I was wrong, or crooked, or even bizarre; and that some source of error in me, so perverse and elusive that I was not myself sensible of it, had reminded her of my father. But immediately afterward she would be laughing again. "It's not like the fairy tale, you know, where you can tell the king by the mark on his breast!" she took up mockingly. "I'm sure / don't speak of that person from one year to the next-though that's not the point." In spite of her hilarity-acrid and nervous and somehow shackled-I could not see what she insisted was the point. Nevertheless she did not deny the truth of my surmise. She only demanded that I explain it. "Oh, well, if you want me to believe some formula about blood will tell, that sort of thing," she accused when I could not oblige her; "you saw your father's name and you simply knew. Not," she finished without pleasure, "that we ever kept it from you!"

In this way, and alone, I learned who my father was. But, lest my mother feel the shame of my shame, I was discreet; I did not disclose all that I knew. There was nothing extraordinary in my recognition. Toward the end of a dark March, while an endless snow lay swarming on the sills, going by my mother's door I heard the rattle of bracelets on her furious arms; she clanked them like shields and cried out; and then, while I stopped wretchedly aware, Enoch's voice came maundering from the fastness of her room: "It's all right; come, there's nothing else to do; besides, it doesn't matter. Let's go ahead and get it over with." It was all hidden, and all familiar; it meant a letter from my father-a summer's beetle swaddled in the cold storm, prodded and found miraculously preserved, and more, atwitch with ugly life. My father's letters, infrequent as they were, always brought their own oppressive season into our house, suggestive of a too-suddenly fruitful thicket, lush, damp, growing too fast, dappled with the tremolo of a million licking hairs-deep, sick, tropical. And then my mother's eyes, which delighted her because of their extravagant decorative roundness, like roulette wheels, would shrink to hard brown nuts. We came to live with heat, barely breathing; we came to live with the foul redolence of heat, like fish rotting in a hull. Outside my mother's windows the snow continued to ma.s.s, but in the house we sickened, enisled, hung round with my father's rough nets. "What does he want?" my mother cried out behind her door in that frozen March; "how much now?" And Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck like some indolent mariner lay on the beach of his island, nude to the waist; I saw him-my father; he lay there cruelly, like refuse; he had the patient lids of a lizard, and a yellow mouth, and he was young but half-blind; and he lay alone on his beach, in the seaweed-littered sand, among sh.e.l.ls with their open cups waiting; and he waited. And with confidence: the day came, it would always come, when my mother could withstand the siege no longer. Then gradually my father's presence, humid and proliferous, thick and invisible, less an untutored mist than some toxic war-gas pumped by armored machines into the flatulent air, or a stubborn plague-wind slow to cool away, would recede and die. Unseen, unknown, proclaiming himself with doubtful omens, like a terrible Nile-G.o.d Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck invaded, vanished, and reappeared. Nothing would secure his eclipse but propitiation of the most direct and vulgar nature, and my mother, as enraged as any pagan by a vindictive devil, had to succ.u.mb. Money was what he wanted. Money came to him at last where he lay, and he blinked his torpid jaundiced lids and was content. My mother had her peace then, which she would celebrate at once by a journey abroad, to some cold and rain-washed country, perhaps in Scandinavia: a far and bitter place where my father had never touched. And yet the money was an act of allegiance, it appeared; she reviled the Nile-G.o.d but she rewarded him. It was not for charity, and not for pity, and not for the sake of a righteous heart: for charity, pity, and a righteous heart would not have seized her with fury or churned those wrathful cries. And afterward she had to travel, as for relief after excess. Was it love then that he sent her-my father, the man of talent-in his jagged inkings? And year after year was it love turned to money that reverberated from her hand? As I have said, my mother had no concern with the past, which she considered eccentric, because it differed from the present. Everything old struck her as grotesque, like costumes in photographs of dead aunts. She did not believe in old obligations or old loves; she was wholly without sentimentality. Every autumn I saw her give away capes and hats and purses which she had cherished effusively only a few months before. She had no regard for an article on the simple ground that, because she had loved it once, it must for that reason alone merit her warmth. She considered that everything wore out extrinsically, by virtue of her own advancement, no matter if it were as good as new. I began to see that her indifference was not for the thing itself, but rather for her former judgment of it: it was her old self she discarded.

Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck alone endured and transcended-if not corporeally, then in the actuality of his nature. It was an extraordinary victory-he could not be ousted. He took her money, I imagined, as a man takes a trophy-with a modest smile, yet smelling conquest. But if she did not yield it up for alms' sake, still less could it have been in tribute to used-up desire. Between them lay waste and silt and the endless shards of my father's yellow beach, and the long barren shoal. They had left that old time depleted. It was not love or the memory of love-and yet something active, present, and of the moment festered there: some issue turned mysteriously in the sand. My mother felt its sting under her hand that March, as our private sirocco blew woe into all the rooms, upstairs and downstairs; and not long afterward the empty envelope in Enoch's desk acquainted me with Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck, and not only with that unknown name, but with how much they had paid him, and in what sequence, and how much was promised for later, all rapidly registered in Enoch's hook-like unmistakable pencilled digits-and what gave it away was March. I saw that they had last sent money to this person in March. It was all obscure; it was all penetrating; and what gave it away, as I say, was March. To whom else would those sums (in amounts not impossible, not unreasonable, remarkable rather for their disjointed recurrences) have gone in the very month when my father's perspiring ghost breathed the money-stckness into the secret fissures of our lives?

But I did not tell my mother any of this. It comforted her to think that I was unaware; I pretended that some oddity of intuition, or else an accidental and unremembered word, had brought me to my father's ident.i.ty. I did not say that I knew him to be a mendicant and a leech. Nevertheless, she was careful to turn the key to Enoch's desk, and during the tranquil period that followed I heard nothing of that languid merchant of the past, that inventor or sailor, that homme de genie, Gustave Nicholas Tilbeck.

3.

My mother decided that the "arrangements" which were to send me to Europe should begin the moment Enoch returned from Geneva.

"They'll have to clear you for a pa.s.sport," she explained. "And that means they'll have to clear me"

"But you already have a pa.s.sport. You've been cleared."

"They'll have to clear me again, watch and see. The Government is very simple-minded when it comes to these matters. After all, I was a Party member. I am the author of Marianna Harlow.'

"Well, I'm not the author of anything."

"Only because you have no talent. At your age I had already published in the Worker. It was a letter to the editor. I think it was about strikes. Not that I knew anything about strikes," she added accommodatingly, "but I thought I ought to have them on my conscience."

"It's a free country," I pursued. "I don't see what my pa.s.sport has to do with you."

"Guilt by a.s.sociation," my mother said glibly. "You could tell them you went away to college and didn't a.s.sociate with me for the whole four years. It's practically the truth. Anyway, Enoch will take care of it h.e.l.l see some people who can simplify things. G.o.d knows how, with my record."

My mother, with typical perversity, was very proud of her "record," which she exaggerated in order to shock. As I understood it, she had joined the Party the very season she was to have come out: it was the first, possibly the most flamboyant, of her scandals. She showed me clippings of the event-it was her habit to save everything that had ever been printed about her-and crowed over them as though they had been fresh that morning. "Debutante Puts Solvent Daddy in the Red," one said. There was even a picture of her holding up a banner-The World in One Peace." It all looked stale-the slogans, and my mother as a young girl, and the date on the newspaper. "I wasn't the only, one to get interested in the working cla.s.s," she defended herself, "of people of our background, I mean," and she began to name several sons and daughters of wealthy families, some of them famous, who had taken jobs in factories. In my mother's factory-she was fired after two weeks, not for inciting the workers, but for inefficiency-they made chocolates. "It wasn't a bad place," she reflected; "the washrooms were very clean. But I couldn't tell the cherry creams from the plain cherries-they were the same shape only the creams had a different sort of curlicue on top-and I packed them into all the wrong boxes, and three whole shipments were sent out mixed up like that, and then they let me go. And after that we all came and picketed. Then it began to rain and we tried to go inside to get dry, and they sent for the police."

"Then what happened?"

"Naturally they arrested us. I think it was for trespa.s.s. Anyway, your grandfather was so angry he wouldn't put up the bail. The other parents did, but they really were working-cla.s.s, so it made sense for them-and that left me there overnight all alone. It was rather nice, though. It's where I learned to play bridge."

"In jail?" I marveled.

"Oh, it wasn't a cell or anything. We just sat up all night and drank hot cocoa-three policemen and me, and one of them said, 'If she plays, we've got a fourth,' and they taught me how."

I thought I recognized this scene. "Isn't that in Marianna Harlow?"