He came up for air, gasping. aMega"a aPlease,a she breathed between more frantic kisses. Shead straddled him again, pushing him back on the bed, yanking down his briefs and freeing him completely from their confines. aI need you, John. Now.a She shifted her hips and would have driven him hard inside of her if he hadnat caught her and held her in place. Jesus! He started to sweat. aWe need one of those condoms.a She gazed down at him, breathing hard, a vision of female arousal. She needed him. Now. Hoo, baby. He was either a saint or an idiot.

aWhy?a she asked.

He could see in her eyes that she honestly didnat think it would matter. Birth control. Safe sex. What did any of it matter if they were going to die?

Shit. She still expected to die.

aWhat if we live?a he asked her, shifting her back so she was sitting on his thighs, still holding her securely in place. aI want to live. And Iam going to die myself before I let you die.a Emotion flared in her eyes. aI donat want you to die!a aGood, that makes two of us,a he countered. aSo letas decide right now. Weare not going to die, okay?a She shook her head. aPlease,a she said.

Great, now the gorgeous naked woman who needed him desperately was begging. Both an idiot and a saint would have long since caved ina"the idiot discovering some brain cells that worked, and the saint throwing over his sacred vows. But Nils was neither. He was just a mana"who loved her.

aDo you want to get pregnant?a he asked gently. aWill you please just consider for a second what could happen ifa"shit, not if, whena"when we live. When this is over anda"a aYes.a aa"weare still alive,a he finished. aExcuse me?a aI would love that more than anything,a she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. aAs long as weare pretending weare going to live happily ever after, letas pretend that, too, canat we?a aIf we donat use a condom, Meg, thatas not pretend anymore. Thatas real. Thatasa"a aPlease,a she said. aIf I live and Amy doesnat, if we find out tomorrow that sheas already dead, Iam going to want to die. Give me something, Johna"someone to live for. Please.a Oh, shit, that hurt.

aHow about me?a he said, all but slicing himself open and laying his beating heart out on the table. aCouldnat you maybe live for me?a She didnat answer. Whether she wouldnat or couldnat, Nils didnat know.

All she could do was whisper, aPlease, John.a It was all over. He could refuse her nothing she asked for. Not even this. Maybe especially not this.

And maybe he would get her pregnant. Christ, he hoped he did. Then head have her forever. Shead stayed with Daniel for Amyas sake; surely shead marry Nils if he got her pregnant.

And maybe, in time, it wouldnat matter so goddamn much that she didnat really love him as much as he loved her.

He lifted her up and lowered her down on top of him slowly, watching her face as she moved to receive him.

She held his gaze as he filled her, as she surrounded him. He knew she could see the tears in his eyes, knew he was unable to hide the crazy mix of emotions that crossed his face.

Anger, hurt, relief, need.

Love.

He pushed it all aside, all except the love.

He was here, right where head wanted to be for too many hundreds of nights. Meg loved him on some levela"he knew that to be true. He wouldnat be inside of her right now if she didnat.

He let all the other bullshit escape, let nothing remain but the sweet pleasure of her body around him and the liquid heat of his love for her. Let her see that. He wanted her to see that.

She sat there, atop him, intimately joined with him, for several long seconds, just looking into his eyes.

But then she fell forward and kissed him hungrily, moving in a rhythm that was much too fast, too soon. Nils caught her hips again, slowing her down, wanting and needing them to take their time, refusing to give in to the part of him that wanted her hard and fast and three years ago. He took control of her kisses, too, turning them languorousa"deliciously, wickedly slow.

She moaned her approval as he filled his hands with her breasts, and he swept his fingers across her bare skin, kissing and touching as much of her as he could.

Without a condom, the sensation as he moved inside of her, as they moved together, was impossibly intense. Each stroke brought him dangerously closer to his release. Each stroke was heaven, each withdrawal ecstasy. And the knowledge that when he came, he would send his seed deep inside her, was a total turn-on. He loved her. Forever. What better way to show that to both Meg and the entire world?

She was impossibly sexy, riding him the way she was, with her head thrown back, her breasts tightly peaked with desire. She was killing him, completely killing him.

He reached between them, desperate to take her with him. She was soft and slick and touching her was nearly enough to take him over the edge.

He lifted her up, turning her so that he was on top, so he could be in complete control.

She smiled up at him and spread her legs even wider, and he knew it was hopeless. She was sexy as hell on her back, too. Sexier, looking up at him like that.

She moved her hips up to meet him, faster now, still holding his gaze. He was supposed to be in control now, but he wasnat. It wasnat even close. He was completely under her spell, completely unable to slow her down, to do anything but give her all she wanted.

And right now, she wanted him hard and fast.

Nils kissed her, taking her mouth possessively, claiming it, claiming her as his own.

Or maybea"and far more likelya"claiming himself as hers.

He belonged to her. Completely. He had since the day theyad first met.

aIam going to come inside you now,a he breathed. aAre you ready for me to do that?a Meg nodded. aYes. Yes.a She wanted that as much as he did. And she was with him.

His release was like being hit by a train. It slammed into him, through him, not slowing down but instead building in intensity as he crashed into her. And she was right there, with him, beneath him. Part of him. Crying out his name as she exploded around him.

It was beyond pleasurea"and knowing she was feeling this, too, transcended anything head ever experienced in his life.

He lay on top of her, completely spent as the motel room began to reappear around him. He realized he was crushing her and he would have rolled off, but she stopped him. She clung to him, holding him tightly in place.

He would have spoken, would have told her that he loved her, but she must have felt him take a breath.

aShhh,a she whispered. aNot yet. Please, letas not talk yet. Letas just stay right here a little bit longer.a He was still inside of her and content to stay right there until the end of time, if she wanted.

There was no reason for him to withdraw, no need to worry about a condom leakinga"there was no condom.

Disbelief shot through him. But it wasnat followed by fear. It was followed by warmth. By certainty. By an intense surge of pleasure. Right now, maybe right this very second, a miracle could well be occurring.

Another miracle.

Nils breathed in the sweet scent of Megas hair as he closed his eyes and let himself drift, giving thanks for the miracle head already been given, and putting his list of requests for additional miracles right out on the table, for whoever might be up there to see.

In the past, head used a lot of different tactics when facing potential no-win scenarios. He wasnat afraid to ask for outside help if the situation called for it.

And this situation called for all the help he could geta"including divine intervention.

He wasnat asking mucha"just that Megas little girl be kept alive until he could get there. Thatas all he wanted.

He and his team would take it from there.

Twenty-three.

ALYSSA KEPT THE chain on as she opened the door to her hotel room. She didnat speak, she just looked at Sam, her face expressionless.

She was wrapped in a terry cloth robe, her hair still wet. Head caught her coming out of the shower. Which meant that she was probably naked under that robe.

And Sam no longer had to fantasize about what she might look like naked. After last night, he knew.

He had to clear his throat before his vocal cords would function. aSorry to bother you. I know Iam probably the last person you want knocking on your door.a She didnat say anything. She just looked at him, somehow managing to do it without ever quite meeting his eyes.

He cleared his throat again. aYeah, well, I just . . .a Shit, Starrett, just say it. aI wanted to make sure you were all right. I saw you limping, anda"a aIam fine. I twisted my ankle. Itas no big deal. Nothing a little ice and rest wonat fix.a She started to shut the door, but he leaned against it. aHow about your elbow?a She met his gaze at that, but only briefly. Just a flash, and then she quickly looked away. aScraped. Iave done way worse.a aDid you get it cleaned out okay?a aYes.a aItas hard to do that yourself. I mean, a knee, sure, no problem. But an elbow . . . If you want I coulda"a aItas clean.a Impatiently, she pulled back her sleeve and showed him.

aShit.a Shead taken off nearly the entire top layer of skin. It wasnat deep. It was just raw. And Sam knew from experience that it had to hurt like hell. Someone in the team was usually always scraped up like that and whining about it far more than Alyssa ever would. It was really no big deal, but seeing it on her otherwise perfect arm somehow made it seem worse.

aIall put peroxide on it,a she told him. aItall be fine.a Yeah, and that was going to make it sting like a bastard. Wisely, Sam didnat volunteer to come in and hold her hand. He suspected that would get the door shut in his face, fast.

aHowas your sister and the baby?a he asked, wishing she would take that chain off the door and let him in. Knowing she wasnat going to.

That question actually surprised her, and she looked at him again. She even almost smiled. aFine. Theyare both doing fine. Thanks.a aGood,a he said. aIam glad.a Quick, think of something else before she made her excuses and closed the door. aAre your ribs okay?a he asked. aYou got hit pretty hard anda"a aDid I miss something here?a That almost smile disappeared fast. aLike the part where you suddenly got your medical degree?a aNo,a he said. aIam just . . . Iam . . .a aFeeling nervous?a she asked. aDonat be. I just got my period. I already sent you an email about it. Pressureas off.a She wasnat pregnant. aOh,a Sam said. aWow.a He waited for the relief to hit, but it didnat come. Instead, he felt . . . wistful?

aSo now if you donat mind, Iam exhausted and I reallya"a aI didnat tell anyone,a he told her. aAbout last night.a She finally met his gaze and held it. aYeah,a she said. aI know. I was . . . I wasnat expecting that. I thought . . .a She shook her head. aThank you.a Despite his reassurances back in DC, shead actually thought he was going tell everyone on the team what head done last night. Shead probably even expected him to give some kind of locker room account, maybe even a blow-by-blow replay.

Christ.

aYou know, Locke, Iam a decent man,a he told her, anger making his voice tight and louder. aSome people even consider me to be an exceptional man. I made it through BUD/Sa"which is more than most mena"and any womana"can say. I passed all the moral and psychological requirements, too, and I got my ass assigned to Team Sixteen. Iam not this spawn of Satan that you seem to think I am.a aLook, I said thank you.a Her voice got louder, too. aBut thatas all Iam going to saya"or doa"so you might as wella"a He laughed in outraged disbelief. aFucking perfect! What, do you really think I expect you to go down on me in gratitude or something? Jesus!a Now she was thoroughly pissed, too. aI think you expected me to let you in, thatas what I think. Coming up here, pretending to give a damn about my ankle . . . ? Get real. Youare here because you want a replay of last night.a Okay, so maybe she was right about that. Shit, head wanted a replay four minutes after she drove out of that parking garage in DC this morning. But that comment about pretending to give a damn was going too goddamn far. aI came up here because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I came up here because I fucking care, all right?a Her laughter was decidedly derisive. aYeah, right. Youare a real prince. Give it up, Roger. Iam not letting you in. Iam not too drunk tonight to know that you are nothing but one big, dumb, rednecked mistake.a Dumb? No one called him dumb. He may have gone to college late, but once he got there, he was Phi Beta Fucking Kappa.

aFuck you,a he shot back at her. aNo, wait a sec, Iave already done that, havenat I?a She slammed the door in his face.

Sam kicked it, hard.

Shit.

He limped away, cursing her, cursing himself.

That hadnat gone quite as well as head hoped, but about as well as head expected.

Considering he was a fucking idiot and she hated his guts.

Impending death was a freeing thing.

Meg lay naked in Johnas arms, gazing up at the ceiling as he ran his fingers from her shoulder down to the curve of her hip and back. It was soothing and hypnotic.

It would have been easy to fall asleep. He was probably hoping shead do just that. But her life had come down to hours, and sleep seemed a waste of precious time.

aDo you trust me?a she asked John.

His hand stilled for a moment before continuing its endless journey up and down her back. aYes, but I know you donat think I do.a Navy SEALs were known for their high levels of intelligence. There were no stupid men in the teams. John had to know what was coming next.

Meg wanted to know who he really was, where he really came froma"shead made that clear to him before.

And now they were almost out of time. If he didnat tell her now . . .

aHow bad was it really?a she asked, surprising herself a little by her ability to be so direct. But that was one of the pluses of impending death. It was now or never, so damn it, she had to aska"now.

He pretended not to know what she was talking about. aHow bad was what?a aOkay,a Meg said. aIall tell you, and you can just kind of nod if I get it right, okay?a He laughed. aMega"a aYour father drank and when he drank he beat the crap out of youa"a aNo,a John said. aNot true. My father wasnat that kind of drunk, not likea"a He shut his mouth fast, as if he realized head just given too much away.

aNot like your uncle?a she finished for him. She lifted her head to look at him, her heart in her throat. aOh, John.a She hadnat really believed it. She hadnat actually thought . . .

aShit.a He closed his eyes.

He had a beautiful face, all clean lines and strong jaw. A perfect nose, and eyes that would have made him a fortune had he gone to Hollywood instead of Coronado.

She waited for him to open those eyes and look at her, but he didnat. He tipped his head back and looked up at the ceiling. aShit,a he said again, this time on a sigh of air.

And he still wasnat going to tell her. Meg fought the urge to cry. aIave trusted you as much as any human being can trust another,a she told him, her voice sounding very, very small to her own ears. aIave put Amyas life into your hands. And we just made love. That implies a certain amount of trust, too. Canat you trust me enough in return to let me inside of you? Just this little bit?a He was silent, and her heart broke for him. How badly had he been hurt, how bad had it been that head had to create an entirely different version of his life?

aIave already guessed a lot of it,a she told him. aI figured you grew up poor. Not just middle class, but hand-to-mouth poor. Food stamps. Evictions?a He nodded, still not looking at her.

aYouare really from Amagansett,a she continued. If youare going to lie, head told her once, use as much of the real truth as possible. aJust not the wealthy part of town.a Another nod.

aYou said your father was in the food industry.a That had to be another part of the truth. aWhere did he worka"in a restaurant?a John nodded again and finally spoke. aHe was a short-order cook for a while. Before that, before he went to aNam, he and my uncle Al owned a fishing boat.a He cleared his throat. aIam not sure if he drank because he couldnat keep up the payments on the boat, or if he lost the boat because he drank. All I know is that he loved that boat, loved that life, and he lost it. He lost everythinga"our house, everything. You name it, it was gone.a He looked at her as if he were angry she was making him talk about this, as if he didnat want to remember. As if by not talking about it all these years, it had somehow disappeared or ceased to be. As if her need to know was resurrecting his pain.

aWe moved into a shitty apartment with my uncle and his wife, my aunt Debbie. She drank too much, too. It was pretty much up to me to take care of them. I was seven the first time a neighbor called to say that my father had passed out in the parking lot. It was oh-two-thirty, and I had to go out there and find him and bring him inside.a Meg could imagine him at seven years of age far too easily. Too serious for his years, with sad brown eyes, still raw from missing his mother. aOh, God.a aAre you sure you really want to know this? Because itas pretty uglya"not just the stuff I had to live with, but the things I did. You know, there were times I got so hungry, I stole food. I got good at shoplifting, so I used it to get other stuff, too. I was a thief, Meg. My father would have died of shame if he knew. He was the most honest man Iave ever known.a aExcept he didnat manage to take care of you,a Meg pointed out. aIf you were the one taking care of him when you were sevena"if he was unable to keep you from going hungrya"how does that make him honest?a John shook his head. aWhy do you want to know all this?a She touched his face. aBecause I want to know you.a He kissed her. aMeg, you know me better than anyone in the world. What does it matter where I came from? It sucked, all right? And it got worse before it got better.a He shook his head. aIt didnat get better until I joined the Navy. And by then Iad gone to both Milfield and Yale, and everyone who met me after that thought Iad been raised at the yacht club alongside Ashley and Chip Moneybags.a What does it matter? head asked. aIt doesnat matter to me at all,a Meg told him. aWhy does it matter so much to you?a aBecause I donat have any room for pity. Poor Johnny Nilsson,a he said mockingly. aHis mother died, and his fatheras too much of a drunk to notice that his bastard of a stepbrother kicks the shit out of his kid every chance he gets. And believe me,a he added hotly, athe son of a bitch didnat get a lot of chances. I learned to be fast on my feet. I learned to move around the house without making any noise. I learned a lot of valuable skills that I should probably thank him for now.a She couldnat keep her disagreement ina"it escaped in a soft sound of protest.

He looked her in the eye again. He forced himself to. She could tell this wasnat easy for him. aSee why I like the story I made up better?a he asked. aCan you understand why I didnat want to be this John Nilsson? I didnat tell you about any of this because, youare right, I didnat really trust you. I was afraid you wouldnat like me if you knew. Iam still afraid that some of the things I could tell would be too hard for you to hear.a aHow could you think that?a she asked.

aHow could you be so certain weare going to die?a He looked at her intently. aHow could you be so willing to die?a Meg sat up. aSee, this is what you always do. The conversation gets too personal or intense, so you turn it around, throwing it back on me. Well, right now I donat want to talk about me! I wanta"a aI donat want to talk about me, either,a he cut her off. aIf you want to hear all my bullshit, all my pathetic poor-me stories about stupid things Iave done that I regret, youare just going to have to live through the next few days, Meg. Because Iam not going to talk about it anymore. Not now. Not until we get Amy back. Then you can have at me. You can rip open all my emotional baggage with a crowbar if you want. But you canat do it until this is over.a He was serious.

aSo,a he said. aThe way I see it, we could either make love again, or talk about something else.a She couldnat believe it. aThis could be our last chance toa"a John shook his head. aNo,a he said. aItas not our last anything. Itas our first. Itas the starta"of something thatas going to last a very long time. What do you think of Edward?a She blinked at him. He was gazing at her with that intensity that could practically knock her over. And he smileda"a hot, quick smile that warmed his eyesa"at her confusion.

aOr maybe Julie, if itas a girl?a he continued. His smile softened, and the warmth in his eyes turned to something else, something tender, something a little uncertain. He reached for her, covering her stomach with his hand. aThatas what I want to talk about. Names for our baby.a He kissed her, sweet and lingeringly, on her mouth. aUnless you want to double our chances at procreation and make love to me again?a Meg couldnat breathe. aYou think . . . ? You want . . . what?a His hands were exploring her body, making it even more impossible to make any sense of his words. Baby.

aOne thing weave got to discuss,a he told her between long, slow kisses, ais the best way to tell Amy. I mean, itas gonna be a shock for her. She gets kidnapped, and when she comes home, her momas going to get married anda"a Meg pulled away from him, out of his arms and off the bed. aDonat,a she said. aDonat! I donat want to do this anymore! I donat want to play your stupid pretend game! Itas not funny anymore! Iam not going to marry you, weare not going to have a baby! So just stop.a He followed her over to the sink that was outside the bathroom door, catching her arm and pulling her back to him. aPretend? You think this is pretend? We didnat use protection, Meg. That means itas not pretend.a aYes, it is!a She couldnat help it, she started to cry. aI have no future! Oh, God, he told me . . . He said . . .a She couldnat get the words out. She wasnat even sure she wanted to.

John pulled her to him and wrapped her tightly in his arms. aJesus, Meg. What havenat you told me yet?a She shook her head. If he knew . . .

aHe,a he repeated, trying to tip up her chin so that shead have to meet his gaze. aAs in the Extremist who first approached you in the parking garage. Whatad he tell you, Meg?a She tried to pull away, but he wouldnat let her go.

aHow am I going to know what weare up against if you donat tell me everything?a he asked. aHow the hell can I figure out how to beat this if you donat come clean with it all? And I mean all.a aPromise me you wonat stop me from going to wherever it is they have Amy!a She could see from his eyes that he didnat want to do that. Still, he was reading her pretty damn accurately, too, and he knew she wasnat going to move on this. aI promise. Fuck. What did he tell you?a aThat theyare going to kill me.a She managed somehow to get the words out. aThat even if I bring them Razeen, that part of my payment to get Amy back is my death. That even if I killed Razeen myself, that they would come after me and kill me, too. That one of us is already deada"itas either going to be me or Amy. And Iam not going to let Amy die.a aThe son of a bitch,a John said. He laughed, but there wasnat much humor in it. aMeg, he was lying.a aNo, he wasnat.a She knew liars, and this man had been telling her the gospel truth.

But John held her chin and looked into her eyes. aYes. He was. He was pushing your buttonsa"playing mind games with you, Meg. If you killed Razeen the way they wanted you to, what possible reason would they have to come after you? Why would they take that risk? Think about it. It doesnat make sense.a God, she wanted to believe him. But, aDoes any of this make sense?a aYes. They want Razeen anda"a John cut himself off. aLook, Meg, whether this guy is telling the truth or lying doesnat matter. If heas telling the truth, weare going to prove him a liar anyway, do you understand? If for some reason their intention really is to target you for death, we can take measures to protect you. And we will protect you.a aEven after itas over?a Meg asked.

aYes,a he told her.

aHow?a she asked.

aHowever we need to,a he said absolutely. aWhatever it takes.a She wanted to believe him. Hope flickered. God, she wanted so much to have hope again. Shead gone far too many days without any hope at all.

Meg looked into Johnas eyes. He stood there, looking back at her, meeting her gaze steadily, clearly trying to infuse her with his hope and his strength and his . . . love.

Head said he loved her. Head said it often over the past few hoursa"maybe too often.

Shead assumed it meant nothing, assumed it was simply something he said to help convince her to trust him.