What had he been thinking? That Meg would trade in Moore for someone like him? And even if she were willing, was he? He wasnat looking for a lifetime commitment here, was he?

Finally, finally, Meg came out of the embassy.

aIam so sorry about that,a she said.

She was trying not to cry and the sight of her standing there, chin held high despite the fact that shead been completely trashed by whatever that asshole had said to her, broke his heart.

He opened his mouth and uttered some of the most difficult words head ever said. aAre you sure you want to leave? If you really want to get back together with him, Meg, maybe you should bring him home with you. You know, to talk.a aHe has an important meeting in an houra"something that canat wait until tomorrow.a She laughed as she climbed into the cab, but it sounded brittle and thin. aHe wants me to go home with you tonight. He actually thinks I should sleep with you.a Nils stared at her through the open door, certain head misheard.

aGet in the cab, John,a she said. aItas your lucky night.a And then she burst into tears.

Thirteen.

EVE STROKED AMYaS hair. aRalph didnat leave for the army early,a she told the little girl. aHe stayed and helped me nurse Nick. He was there around the clock for a full week, no complaints, always willing to do the nastiest jobs. He was always there, covering me with a blanket if I drifted off to sleep, forcing Nick to keep drinking, helping him fight that terrible fever.

aHe was there when the fever broke, too.a Eve shook her head, remembering. aThat was a day, Iall tell you.a She smiled at the Bear, wishing he would stop scowling so. aI cried more that day than I did the entire week that Nick was so sick. And Ralph was there. Somehow he knew just to hold me, to let it all come out. And then he tucked me into my bed and made me sleep.

aHe was still there, sitting beside my bed this time, when I woke up.a It was extremely improper, Ralph alone with her in her bedroom. But the Johnsons and Doc Samuels all thought she and Ralph were lovers. They thought she and Ralph had . . .

She sat up. aWhereas Nick?a aHeas fine. Mrs. J. is with him. Heas sleeping now, but . . . He had two whole bowls of her chicken soup, Eve. I give him two days before heas out of bed and running around again, good as new.a She sank back against her pillows, suddenly shy, hearing the echo of her own voice, shrill and ugly, telling him to go to hell. aThank you so much for everything youave done,a she said. aI donat think I couldave made it through this without you.a Without you.

If this had happened two weeks from now, she would have had to. He was leaving.

Tears flooded her eyes again. How could that be? Surely shead cried herself as dry as Death Valley last night.

aHey,a he said, sitting beside her on the bed, taking her hands in his. His hands were so warm. aEverythingas okay now.a aBut itas not,a she said, and no matter how hard she tried to call forth the spirit of her mother, this time she couldnat do it. This time the tears spilled down her cheeks, and her lip trembled. This time the words escaped. aDonat leave me! Please, please, donat leave me!a And she was sobbing, again. This time not for Nicky, but for herself.

aOh, Eve,a Ralph whispered, holding her tightly. aI donat want toa"you have to know that the last thing on earth I want is to leave you!a She knew nothing of the sort. She only knew that head been so cool again after telling her he was leaving. She only knew head asked her to marry him a week ago as if it were an impending jail term, a life sentence.

aMarry me,a he said again now. aNot because we have to, but because we want toa"because I want to. God, Eve, I do want to. I love you.a He pulled back to look at her and there were tears in his eyes, too. aI did it all wrong when I asked you before. I thought you didnat want me, I thought . . . That day by the river when I told you about the letter from my fathera"I wanted to ask you to wait for me to come back, but I couldnat. Youare so young and so beautifula"it just wasnat fair. So I sat there, hoping, praying, that youad offer to wait for me, that youad promise to wait until I came back home. I couldnat ask it of you, Eve, but see, if you offered . . . But you didnat, and I thoughta"a aI will wait for you,a she said. aRalph, Iad wait for you forever.a He laughed at that, laughed and kissed her. His mouth was warm and he tasted of butterscotch. aThereall be no waiting. Not now. Iam not leaving you with the entire town talking about you and . . . Youare marrying mea" I mean . . .a He took a breath. aPlease, Eve, I love you, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Iave already filed for a special license. All you have to do is say yes, and we can be married tomorrow.a Eve looked down at Amy and over at the Bear. aHow could I say no,a she asked, awhen the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world was to say yes?a John was almost completely silent as he drovea"except for one finger that tapped out a Latin sounding beat on the steering wheel.

Meg knew that he loved salsa music even more than he loved countrya"although head never admit to liking either, not in a million years, not even to her. He pretended to listen to classical music, and had actually done his homework. He could tell Mozart from Haydn and could name pieces and movements and opuses. But classical music never lit his eyes on fire the way a fifteen-piece salsa band could.

Meg wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but she didnat dare. She was afraid of what he might say.

Of course, maybe she was flattering herself. Maybe, unlike her, he didnat spend hours of his life thinking about that night. That awful, terrible, wonderful night.

Daniel had been at the embassy party. Shead been surprised to see him. Surprised, and yet not surprised, too. It was completely like him not to call from the plane. It was his MO to assume that whenever he appeared, other people would simply change their schedules and rearrange their lives to accommodate him.

Daniel had taken one look at her there at the party with John, and head jumped to rather obvious conclusions.

Meg couldnat afford for this to get ugly, not careerwise, nor emotionally. So shead asked John to get her a cab. He didnat like leaving her there, alone with Daniel, but head gone out front to do as shead requested.

aSo how long have you been sleeping with him?a Daniel asked tightly once they were alone. aYou do know heas just using you to get back at me.a aIam not sleeping with him,a shead told her husband evenly. aThatas something you mightave donea"sleep with a friend. Not me. Not even if I wanted to.a And she had wanted to. Daniel was good at reading between the lines, and she knew he hadnat missed that implication.

Tears came into his eyes. But were they real tears? She honestly didnat know.

aYouare right,a he said quietly. aForgive me. Iam . . . jetlagged and jealous of everyone whoas even had the chance just to talk to you these past few months.a She wanted to believe that he meant it. But it had the same tone of his usual bullshit. Just once, she wanted the truth from him.

aGod, Iave missed you.a He reached for her, and she stepped back. aOkay,a he said. aWeare still there, huh? Not over the anger yet, apparently.a aWe have a lot of talking to do,a she told him. aYou didnat think you could write me a few emails, send a few presents, and then just move back in, did you?a But he had thought that. aIave already apologized more times than I can count,a he said. aIam not sure what else I can say. I canat take back what Iave done.a He wasnat being flip. He seriously didnat understand why she didnat just welcome him back into her arms. After all, head said he was sorry.

Sorry.

God.

Shead let him in one evening, back while they were still in Kazbekistan. Amy had been asleep, and Meg had let him weave his apologetic words around her. Shead let him back into her bedroom, and the entire time theyad made love, shead pictured him with Leilee.

And wasnat that fun?

Damn straight she wasnat over the anger yet.

aHereas what we should do,a Daniel told her now. aYou should go home. Iall convey your regrets to the ambassador anda"a aIam not sure tonight is the best time for us to talk,a she interrupted.

He looked at his watch. aNo, I canat tonight. Iave got a meeting in about an hour. I think tonight you should go home with your SEAL friend.a She stared at him. aExcuse me?a aYes,a he said. aYou heard. Thatas what I think you should do. Go home with him. You want him? Heas a good-looking kid, and Iam sure heas been very nice to you. So do it. Have a revenge affair, Meg. Get back at me by screwing Junioras brains out.a She couldnat believe what he was saying. Her mouth was hanging open.

But Daniel was serious. aGet it out of your systema"all the anger youare carrying around. Just . . . do it. Get back at me, and then we can both just let it go.a aYou actually want me to . . . ?a aI donat want you to,a he said. aOf course Iam going to be jealous.a He had to blink hard to keep from crying. Shead never seen him like thisa"certainly not in public. Dear Lord, it was possible he was finally being completely truthful. But, God, what a truth. aI donat know what else to do. I love you and I want you back. And I know you love me. Maybe if you do this, youall feel better and youall get over some of the anger. And then we can move forward with our lives.a He kissed her hand again, and walked away. Meg drained the glass of champagne she was still clutching, grabbed another from a passing tray. God, she needed a real drink.

Somehow, she made it out to the front of the embassy, and there was John, looking majestic in his formal dress uniform, with his hat and gloves. He had such concern on his face, such worry in his eyes, she almost didnat make it into the cab before she started to cry.

She was so inappropriatea"the things she said to him. But he got into the cab anyway, and just held her while she cried on his shoulder.

She couldnat tell him all of what Daniel had saida"not in the cab. She couldnat bear for the driver to overhear.

It wasnat until they were back upstairs, in the privacy of her apartment, that she told him.

Meg had one bottle of alcohol in her kitchen. A bottle of rum shead bought to make daiquiries last spring, when Nancy, her college roommate, was coming to visit. Only Nancy the party girl had come bearing stories of rehab and sobrietya"thank Goda"and theyad had virgin daiquiries. And Meg had hid the rum in the back of her cabinet.

She found it now and took it into the living room with two glasses.

aI think Iam going to pass on that,a John said as she held one of the glasses out to him. aI have this sneaking suspicion itas not going to help.a But head gone ahead and poured himself a stiff drink when shead told him what Daniel had said to her in the embassy.

aI know that he wants me to sleep with you only to cancel out his own guilt,a she told him, trying not to cry. aBut how could he even suggest this?a aHe shouldnat have,a John told her. aHe was completely out of line. If you want my opinion, you should ditch him for good.a The rum burned a numb path all the way to her stomach and she poured another glass. She wanted to feel that numbness all over.

aTell me the truth,a she said. aDid we run into each other by accident two weeks ago?a John sighed and shook his head. aNo. I knew you were going to be there at the foreign service office.a aAnd was I, um, was I supposed to be like . . . some kind of means for you to get back at Daniel for the trouble heas caused you?a He was silent, looking down at the drink he held in his hands, and Meg felt the world start to slip even more sideways beneath her feet. aOh, God . . .a aIt mightave started that way,a he said, looking up and straight into her eyes. aIt did start that way. And I am so, so sorry about that. I hadnat been able to stop thinking about you, about that kiss, and Mooreas been relentless about this pain-in-the-ass inquiry, and I think I probably thought . . . But it changed so fasta"it changed the second I saw you again, Meg. When you smiled at me, I knew everything else was bullshit. I just wanted to be with you. Thatas all that counted, all that mattered. There was no motive to it after that point, I swear to God.a Meg wanted to believe him. But how could she?

aThink about it, Meg,a he implored her. aIf I really only wanted to seduce you to get back at your husband, I wouldnat have spent two weeks saying good night to you at your door.a He managed a weak grin. aThat tongue down your throat thing wouldave happened a whole hell of a lot sooner.a That had to be the truth, didnat it? God, she was so sick of having to guess.

aHow much trouble are you really in?a she asked, wanting to know what else head lied about.

He shook his head. aNone,a he said. aNot really. It is just an inquiry, and no matter what Moore says, itas not going any further. Iam going in there and Iam going to apologize for the methods my team and I used to get Abdelaziz out of K-stan. But Iam not going to apologize for the fact that we got him out. Considering what we were up against, we executed our mission successfully, and in private, Iave been thanked and rewarded for getting the job done. In public, Iam taking the blame, and Iam being chastised to appease all the assholes. Iam going to be denied promotion for a year. That should make Moore happy. Donat tell him, but to me, itas no big deal. In return, behind closed doors, Iam getting some extra perks that more than make up for it.a She believed him. She chose to believe him. aSo. My husband wants me to have sex with you.a John knocked back some more of his rum. aYeah, Iam still feeling a little weird about that.a aThis has the potential to be devastatingly painful.a Meg poured herself another glass. aI mean, even if I wanted to, how could I be so cruel to you? To just use you, like some kind of toy . . . ?a aThere are, well, thereare worse things you could do,a he said. aI mean, being useda"in that way, as a sexual playthinga"itas not really that awful an idea considering that Iam dying for you to use me any way you want.a She stared at him.

aKidding.a He smiled weakly. aIam kidding. That was my Woody Allen impression. Howad I do?a Meg started to cry.

He moved next to her on the couch. aOh, come on, it wasnat that bad.a aDoesnat he know me?a she asked. aHow could he think Iad sleep with someone else, even with his permission? God, thatas so sick! Doesnat he know that those vows I made are sacred? Hasnat he heard anything Iave said to him all those years we were married? If he thinks I could just . . . God, maybe he never bothered to get to know me at all!a He gently took the glass from her hands, pushed the bottle out of her reach. aMaybe he knows you too well,a he countered. aMaybe by telling you to have an affair, he gets to relieve some of his own guilt. Yet at the same time, itas a double win for him because he knows youall never do it. Permission slip or not, he knows youare not going to sleep with me tonight.a God, John was probably right.

She turned to look at him, and realized that he was sitting right next to her. Right next to her. Up this close, his eyes were more than light brown. They were filled with flecks of green and gold and darker brown. They were filled with . . . desire.

He looked away, embarrassed, as if he were aware of what shead seen in his eyes. aI should go.a Meg knew exactly what she should do if she wanted to shake up Daniel, if she didnat want him to get away with playing those kinds of head games with her.

She should make love to John.

Not sleep with him or screw him or however crudely Daniel had put it. She should make love. She should love him.

She put her hand on his knee. aDonat go.a He looked at her hand, looked back into her eyes. aHmmm. Yeah. Iam thinking, um, that I should, you know . . . definitely leave. And now would probably be a good time.a Meg snatched her hand away, closed her eyes, horrified and embarrassed. aIam sorry. Oh, my God, Iave become Mrs. Robinson!a aWhat?a John laughed. aWait, are you nuts? How old are you? Thirty? Youare only five years older than me. Thatas nothing.a aIam thirty-one.a aSix years. Big deal. If you werenat married, babe, I wouldave been all over you a long time ago. And thanking the Lord that a woman as beautiful and intelligent and wonderful as you would want anything to do with me.a Meg opened her eyes. aThen donat go.a She touched his face. aPlease?a She could see everything he was thinking as it flashed across his face and in his eyes. He wanted to do the right thing, but he wanted her.

He wanted her.

As desperately as she wanted him.

She leaned forward and gently brushed her lips across his in the merest promise of a kiss.

aOh, God,a he said, and he kissed hera"really kissed her.

It was an explosion of passion, an eruption of need. He swept his tongue into her mouth possessively, as if he were reclaiming lost ground, as if he were reminding her that in truth shead belonged to him since head kissed her back in Kazbekistan all those months ago.

His arms were hard around her as he crushed her to him, as he kissed her longer, deeper, as he pulled her onto his lap and . . .

Meg sat up as John put on the signal blinker. He was taking the exit, pulling off the highway.

aWhat?a she said. aWhat are you doing?a He looked at her and she felt herself blush. That was stupid. Why was she blushing? There was no way he could know that shead just been thinking about kissing him. Thinking about that night. Except now that shead blushed, he could probably figure it out.

aI need some clothes,a he said. aThe sunas going to come up soon. There was a sign for a gas stationa"it said it had a twenty-four-hour minimart attached. I figured there was a chance that theyad at least have a T-shirt for sale. And while youare at it, I could use a serious cup of caffeine. Iam starting to hear voices.a Meg stared at him. aIam not leaving you in this car with Razeen.a Nils pulled into the lot across the street from the Shell station and turned off the headlights. The attached store was open, gas pumps lit up, but aside from the lone store clerk inside, it was completely deserted.

There was a repair garage on the other side of the convenience store, and the two big bays were dark. One was shut, but the other was open, as if it were being aired out.

The rain had let up to a soft drizzle, making the pavement shine.

Nils looked more closely at the open bay door. Was that . . . ? His vision was excellent, but it was too dark and they were too far away for him to see clearly.

aI donat know how weare going to do this,a Meg said tightly. aBecause Iam not leaving you in the car.a aRight, and as soon as I go in, you take off without me,a he said. aUnless I take the car keysa"except the clerk might notice I donat have any pockets to put them in.a aIam not going in there without you,a she said.

Nils chewed on his lower lip. The clothes were starting to be secondary to his need for coffee. He was lightheaded from lack of sleep. They could probably find a twenty-four-hour McDonaldas with a drive througha"although he was going to get some looks from the cashier when he approached the pickup window.

Unless . . .

He turned to Meg. aHow about we compromise? How about I borrow Razeenas pants, we lock him in the car, and we both go into the store. I get to hold the car keys, you get to hold your gun. In your pocket, of course. We donat want to get the clerk too upset, and the sight of me wearing Razeenas pants may be all he can take.a Meg laughed. It was a good sound.

But just as quickly she stopped laughing, and he knew she was trying not to cry. She was remarkably tough. If their roles were reversed, he wasnat sure head have made it even half this far.

aIam sorry,a she said suddenly. aWhen I asked for youa"back in the embassy menas rooma"my intention wasnat to put you into danger or to get you into trouble. I didnat plan for it to happen this way.a Nils nodded. aBut you did plan it, didnat you? When I came in there, you werenat really asking for help. You were just looking for a way to get Razeen out of the embassy.a He wanted her to tell him it was otherwisea"that she hadnat intended to deceive him at all, that she simply seized the chance she was given when she found herself and Razeen in the safe hotel, under relatively lax guard.

aIam sorry,a she whispered. aYou have to understand, Iad do anything to get Amy back. Anything.a She looked at him, and with the headlights off and the dashboard dark it was hard to see her. She was just a shadow. A gleam of eyes.

aBack at the safe hotel,a she told him, aI was ready to sleep with the guarda"and I would have if it hadnat been so easy to get his gun from him another way. Someday, when you have children, youall understand.a Nils shifted in his seat. He didnat want to hear this.

aI will kill him,a Meg said. aIf I have to, Iall kill Razeen. Donat think that I wonat.a He knew that she would. Head seen her eyes back in the motel room. She was capable of pulling that trigger if she thought it would save her daughter. aYou donat have to kill him, Meg.a aThatas right,a she said. aI donat. I can trade him to the Extremists.a aI meant, you can turn him in and let the FBIa"a aNo.a aHanding him over to the Extremists is the same thing as killing him. You might as well be pulling the trigger of the gun that executesa"a aI donat care,a she said fiercely. aHeas a terrorist. Heas a terrible person. Itas not as if he doesnat deserve whatever bad things happen to him. Iam not going to risk Amyas life to save his. Thatas a no-brainer, John.a She was talking to hima"that was good. He didnat like what she was saying, but at least she was talking.

aThere are lots of other options, Meg,a he said, abesides turning Razeen over to the Extremists. If we went back to DC, we could release a story to the news mediaa"we could announce that you lost it, that you started shooting in the menas room, and that Tuzak whatas-his-namea"whoever Razeen was pretending to bea"is dead.a Meg was already shaking her head. aI already thought of that. I canat risk it. If the Extremists doubted it at all, theyad kill Amy. There would need to be a body.a aSo weall have a body.a aA dead body.a aThe FBI can make it look real.a She wasnat buying it. aIam doing it my way. If I deliver Razeen to them, thereas no chance of any mistakes.a aAnd what makes you think theyall just let you walk out of there?a Nils asked. aAssuming theyare even still alive? Do you honestly think the Extremists will just hand Amy and your grandmother to you and let you all walk away?a She shut down. Just like that. And he knew there was something else she was keeping from him.

aI donat want to do this,a she finally said. aI donat know if I trust you to go into that store. What if you signal the clerk somehow? What ifa"a aI wonat.a aOh, Iam just supposed to take your word?a aYes. Trust me, Mega"a aLetas just keep driving. Weall deal with your clothes later. God, standing still like this is driving me crazy!a aMaybe if youare lucky,a he said loudly, over her, atheyall kill you first so you donat have to watch Amy die.a Meg flinched as if head slapped her.

aGee, Iam so glad you came along for the ride,a she whispered. aWithout you I wouldnat have been able to reach my full capacity for misery.a Nils closed his eyes and exhaled, hard. aIam sorry,a he said.

aYeah, right.a aDealing with terrorists is one of the things I do for a living.a He worked to keep his volume down, his voice calm and gentle. aI know about the GIK and the Extremists, I know the people weare dealing with here, Meg. Iam an expert, okay? Iam part of a team that governments come to when they need expert advice in dealing with terrorist situations like this. Because weare experts, they trust us to come up with expert solutions. They trust us, trust me. Why canat you do the same?a She didnat answer, didnat look at him.

aI thought we were friends,a he continued. aWhat happened? The Meg Moore I knew a few years ago would trust me enough to let me help. The Meg I knew would never be able to kill another human beinga"shead find another way to save her daughter.a The Meg he thought he knew wouldave called him when Daniel died. Or maybe she wouldnat have called right after. Maybe she wouldave waited a year, and then called.

Unless that night that had meant so much to him had meant nothing to her.

aTwo weeks,a she said. aWe were friends for two weeks, John. A little longer if you count the time in Kazbekistan. What makes you think you even scratched the surface of who I am? You donat know me. You never did.a He couldnat believe that. She was the most open, honest person head ever met. He was the one whoad withheld himself from her.

aPlease trust me,a he said. aJust a little. Just enough to believe that I wonat try to hand signal some night-shift store clerk whoas probably got an IQ of forty and wouldnat understand me anyway.a He put the car in gear, turned the lights back on. aWeall drive around to the back of the garage where no one will see us. Iall get out of the cara"with the keysa"and put on Ozzieas pants. Then weall drive back around to the front, and weall go inside. Together.a Meg nodded. Just once.

That was all he needed.

Nils pulled across the street, into the Shell station lot. He drove past the garage bays and . . .

He stopped. Backed up.

aWhat are you doing?a aLook.a Meg looked, but he knew she didnat see it. She wasnat thinking like a fugitive, but then again, he hadnat expected that of her.

aHanging right inside the garage,a he said. aThe easy answer to our prayers.a It was a pair of coveralls.

They were stained with grease and werenat looking too fresh, but they seemed large enough to cover him.

Stopped where they were, on this side of the building, the convenience store clerk couldnat see them. aWhy donat you just hop on out and grab them?a Nils said.

She looked at him. aI donat think so.a He turned off the engine, took the keys, and held them out to her. aThereas no way I can hot-wire a car in the two and a half seconds itall take you toa"a aYou want aem, you take aem.a Nils stared at her. aYou donat want to steal them,a he said. aYouall lie to the FBI and even execute a man without a fair trial, but stealing a forty-dollar pair of coveralls, no sir, no thanks, thatas going too far.a He started to laugh.

Meg grabbed the keys from his hand, opened the car door and was back inside with the coveralls before he could blink.

aDrive,a she said.

He drove.

Locke had lost Starrett.

Again.

Shead been right on him when head left the hotel in the early afternoon. Shead dressed in sneakers and jeans and a baggy T-shirt, and shead felt herself become invisible in the crowd of tourists that swarmed the streets.

Head gotten a sandwich from a sub shop and had eaten while he walked. Strolled, really.