"Trevor's a persistent b.u.g.g.e.r isn't he?" Mel said.

I nodded, watching Trevor gesticulate wildly while talking to Oliver. Oliver's head bobbed in agreement and he let go of the b.u.mper. Finally, it looked like they were going to stop this nonsense. But both of Sally's doors closed, one after the other like an echo. The significance of the sound registered moments too late for my yell to have any effect. There was no common sense between these boys and now both of them were gone.

31.

deeper

understanding

I took off at a sprint. I didn't care that there were rocks below, that the drop would be messy and I didn't have a vehicle to take the brunt of the landing. I was not going to be left behind. The edge of the cliff was in my sights when my feet left the ground. There was a sharp pain and my whole scalp felt as if it was being peeled off of my head. Instead of seeing the water of the lake below, I saw bright blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds. Just as suddenly as I'd taken flight, I'd landed on my back, pulled back down against the hard ground right where I'd been standing. The air was forced from my lungs and all I could do was wheeze. Julia leaned over me, blocking out the sky above.

"Sorry." She held out her hand. It looked as if a good portion of my ponytail was still stuck to her sweaty palm. "I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that you shouldn't jump. Sometimes you've got to let other people figure out stuff on their own."

I groaned and rolled over.

"Besides if you hurt that much from this landing, then it wouldn't have been pretty down there, even if you healed yourself quickly." Her head started bopping like a bobblehead doll. I pushed up to my knees and jumped to my feet, feeling better already.

"Oh, for G.o.d's sake, will you stop that crazy nodding? You convinced me." I straightened my crooked ponytail. "You couldn't have grabbed my shirt instead?" I gave it a little pull for emphasis. She frowned but didn't say anything. "So, when did you turn into Hercules, by the way?"

"Oh." Julia blushed. "I think it was the adrenaline. I was worried about you."

I studied her face. Took my time, really trying to read her. "You love me. You really love me, don't you?"

She radiated light as if she'd eaten the sun and now glowed from within. "Yes!"

She shined brighter, if that was even possible.

"But you're going to leave without me?"

"Yes." Everything about her was peaceful. She must have felt the shift in me and known that the anger and hurt were gone. Those emotions had flown off the cliff without me when she'd yanked me back.

"You're going right now?"

She reached her hand out, palm facing me. I did the same, my thumb interlocking with hers, our two hands creating the shape of a bird. We both wiggled our fingers, flapping our wings. It had been our secret handshake back when we were twins. When we felt like two halves of the same whole.

"Tell everyone I said good-bye, especially your boyfriend." She winked.

"He's not mya""

"We'll discuss that at a later date." She squeezed my hand.

"You don't know that for sure."

"But I believe it." Julia's thumb slowly unwound from mine. "I left you something in our room." She turned, blew Mel a kiss, and then she was gone to the Basin. Before I could digest what it all meant, Trevor's truck landed back on the top of the rock with a thud that gave Sally's shocks a heavy workout.

My heart raced as the engine revved once more. What was he doing? Was he going over again? Suddenly the truck shifted gears and flew backward all the way to the tree line. Then it circled around twice and headed straight for us.

Everything dropped away. All I could see was Trevor.

He was grinning all the way up to his baby blues. It took me a minute to realize that Oliver was bouncing along in the seat next to him, giving a whoop every time Trevor hit a b.u.mp. From the expression on Trevor's face, I would've bet anything that he was. .h.i.tting every gully he could find, just to hear Oliver's laughter and know he was the cause of it. Finally, something had changed for the better.

Right in front of me, Trevor threw it into park and jumped out. He was different. I couldn't put a finger on it at first but then I realized he appeared lighter. He had on a deep green T-shirt instead of his usual black one, and it was missing his typical commentary. He also wore a pair of jeans and brown leather boots. Before I could tease him about his new look, he strode toward me and crushed me to his chest. He rested his knuckle under my chin, tilting my face to his.

He leaned in close and whispered, "We need to talk, but we only have a minute. My little brother wants to speak with you. He's been jabbering about you nonstop in the truck, yapping about this special connection you both have. I love him, but we'd better sort this out before I forget that." He didn't seem mad when he said it, but I was cautious. I'd gotten to know him pretty well lately.

Staring up at him, I knew with certainty that ice could burn. I didn't expect my knees would work much longer if he kept whispering in my ear like that.

As if he could read my thoughts, he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me tighter up against the length of him. It was becoming harder and harder to remember how much I'd disliked him when we had first arrived here.

I reached for him, up on tiptoes. A hairsbreadth separated us. I was mere seconds away from melting into a puddle when I felt Oliver tap me on the shoulder. He was lucky that I loved him just as much as his older brother.

"Elliot, tell him that I'm not in love with you."

My gaze stayed locked on Trevor. "He's not in love with me."

"So I've heard. What I want to know is, do you love him?"

"Yes, I do." Trevor's face paled. I hesitated a moment. "I love him like a brother."

Trevor turned to face Oliver. "Are you sure you're not trying to steal my girl?" he asked.

"Do you ever listen when I talk to you?"

"Just answer the question." Trevor was more serious than I'd ever seen him, which was saying a lot.

Oliver sighed. "You're just as pigheaded as whena"never mind. No, I am not trying to steal your girl."

I interjected, "I'm standing right here. I'm not your favorite skateboard, guys." Both of them were starting to get on my nerves with the whole possessive cowboy routine. "Do I get a say in this?"

Trevor cleared his throat. "Good." His shoulders visibly relaxed.

"But you have to share." Oliver gestured first at his brother, then at me. "We're best buds, right, Elliot?"

They were impossible. If I was smart I'd run and catch up with Julia, but I couldn't leave them. After eyeballing each other for over a minute and sniffing the air, checking out each other's testosterone, they both stuck out their hands and shook on ita"whatever it was. I stepped back and all of a sudden they were back to being kids, wrestling with each other and goofing around. I turned to Mel for a little help.

"Don't look at me, you picked 'em." She chuckled and I groaned, jumping between the two of them like some kind of referee. They were still playfully jabbing at each other as I grabbed their hands and yanked them toward the truck.

"Where we going?" they both asked at the same time.

I nodded at Sally and glanced sharply at Trevor. "I need to know what happened after you left me, literally treading on thin ice. Where did you go? You seem different . . ."

Trevor threw his leg over the side of the pickup, climbing into the truck bed, and extended a hand to pull up Mel. Oliver and I followed.

"Well, that is easily answered," said Trevor. "I went to h.e.l.l and back."

32.

h.e.l.l

and

back

"You did what?" I asked, glaring at Trevor from across the truck. He looked amused and I noticed his shirt. BY THE TIME YOU'VE READ THIS, YOU'VE ALREADY READ THIS. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. Then I leaned back against the tire well, using Oliver's arm as a pillow.

"Well, after I stalked off and left you on thin ice"a"he shruggeda""I was half crazed."

"Ha"" I'd started to say "Half?" when I saw Mel shake her head. My jaw reluctantly banged shut.

"As I was saying, I was not in my right mind. I'd picked a fight with you. I was trying to push you away before you were taken from me. When I came up out of the middle of the lake, with my memory intact and you in my arms, it was heaven. Then I realized the implications of what I'd done. That I might lose you. It was worse than never having you at all. I just had to get out of there. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I didn't help either," I whispered, wishing he were sitting next to me. "I was stupidly wrapped up in my own absolution. I was overjoyed that I hadn't jumped on purpose. It was so thoughtless of me." Oliver grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. I was waiting for Mel to chastise me for interrupting again, but she just listened.

"Well, I got about halfway up the mountain, on the other side of the lake, and I got really mad at you. You wouldn't have liked the things that were running across my shirt." Trevor swallowed another laugh. "Anyway, long story longera"I was mad at you because I wasn't a hiker."

"You were mad at me for what?" I was flabbergasted. "You hiked with me all the time in our last life and you certainly hiked with me here at the Obmil."

"And I enjoyed it, but it's your thing. Remember that first time we left Oliver's grave and went up the mountain together?"

I nodded. It was hard to believe I'd ever forgotten.

"You said that we were going to the place where you went to think. The climb cleared your head. Do you remember what I told you I liked to do?"

"You drive," I said.

"Well, I was so upset and angry to start with, that I didn't know what to do with myself. I became focused on wanting to drive my truck. Then I got even angrier when I realized that I'd never seen a single vehicle here at the Obmil. I was murderous as I thought of everyone hoofing it all over the place. That's when I decided to quit."

"Quit what?" I asked, unable to stay quiet either.

"Quit hiking," Trevor said. "I decided that if I wasn't moving on to something better, then I was going to drive to h.e.l.l in the truck of my dreams with the radio blaring." He reached his arm over the side and gave Sally's fender a good rub with the sleeve of his shirt.

"I focused everything I had on visualizing my red truck. I was at the frog pond sitting in the little gazebo, concentrating like crazy, when the tree line opened up. Out of nowhere, a packed dirt road and my truck emerged. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, but I'd never created anything at the Obmil that didn't seem organic to the place. Everyone creates weather and helps to create the buildings. We all create other little characteristics that make the place feel right for us. This seemed different, like it was a sign that I really was on my way toa""

He broke off when he saw the hurt in my face.

"So then what? You drove to h.e.l.l? And you decided to take Oliver along for the ride. You left without saying good-bye to me." I would have murdered him if he weren't already dead. I thought I was done yelling at him, but I got a second wind. "What if you hadn't come back?" I said, feeling the loss of him all over again.

He hopped to his feet and gave Oliver a look that very nicely asked him to scram. Oliver leaned in my direction. "Just remember, you picked him." His voice was playful and he ruffled my hair as he stood up and moved over to Mel. I leaned back, ready to settle back against the tire well whena"whoosha"Trevor grabbed me up onto his lap, tucking my head beneath his chin, arms wrapped around me tight.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean it that way, I swear. I tried to picture saying good-bye to you for good. I couldn't believe that it might be possible for me to die when I was already dead."

I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. It would have been excruciating.

Trevor continued when he felt me relax in his arms. "So I had my truck and I had my destination, and I just needed a way to get from point A to point B. I figured if leaping off a cliff worked to go back in time, maybe it would push me forward into h.e.l.l."

"So I got in the car and started driving. There was only about a driveway's length of road in front of me at any given time and when I checked the rearview mirror, the trees fell back into place, erasing where I'd just been. It was kind of weird, because I couldn't see where I was going. All I could do was picture where I wanted to be. I definitely didn't want it to be on our cliffa"that place had become special. So I created the waterfall."

I sucked in my breath. "Did it hurt to hit the rocks?" I tried to block out the hideous images, but my imagination ratcheted everything up another couple degrees. "You're reckless!" I spat, jumping out of his arms so I could see him better.

"Shhhhhhha"it didn't really hurt. It was kind of like taking a metal crowbar to a light post. It was a very intense vibration. I also made sure to start thinking about healing myself on the way down. I antic.i.p.ated," he said sheepishly.

"I went over the cliff fourteen times, but I only would have had to do it once if I was paying attention. I hadn't realized that I'd landed straight in the middle of h.e.l.l on my first launch."

"Please explain," Mel asked quietly.

"Well, the first time I sped off the cliff, I reflexively closed my eyes. I didn't open them again until the vibrations had settled down. I realized I wasn't knocked into a Delve, so I just floated there for a while. Down in the depths below Sally, there were bubbles and a deep iridescent blue glow. It reminded me of what it felt like to die and come to the Obmil through the lake. My mind was made up. I was going to see it through. I was determined to find my way to h.e.l.l. So I kicked my feet and headed downward."

"I can't stand this, Trevor, spit it out! Was it h.e.l.l? If it was, why didn't you know it was h.e.l.l the first thirteen times you were down there?" I asked.

"Every single time I came close to reaching the light in the depths of the lake, I couldn't quite make it. I didn't need to worry about running out of breath, so I strained against this force, a gravitational pull toward the surface that wouldn't let me get too close. I swam down with everything I had and that's when I saw it."

I held my breath, imagining a zillion different things. "What did you see?" I asked in a whisper.