"But not a single firework. Same for you?" He gave me a sheepish grin.

"Yeah. I mean, no. No fireworks," I mumbled. "Kind of cozy and warm."

Oliver hooted. "Yeah, cozy is exactly how a guy wants to be described when kissing a girl."

I shook my head. "You knew it was going to be that way, didn't you?" I asked.

"I kinda figured." He shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought we should probably try ita"just to be sure. Even though it isn't that way between us, I'll admit it, it irks me when you have Trevor written all over your face."

"But Ia""

"Nah, you don't have to explain. It's been that way since the moment I saw you. We're like brother and sister." He blushed. "Besides, if Trevor and I both felt like that about you, we'd have even more to fight over."

I gave him a giant hug. "About you and Trevora""

"Hey, listen," Oliver interrupted. "We're almost at the Haven. Walk the rest of the way with me and then you can go off and search for my b.u.t.t-head brother." He winked. "And just so you knowa"the way it is between you and me . . ." His finger flicked back and forth between us. "The Pa.s.senger thing, and me dying. I wouldn't change a thing. I love you."

I grabbed his hand in mine, tugging him down the path. I looked at him over my shoulder, hoping he could see how much I meant it. "I love you, too."

a a a As we walked through the front door of the Haven, I kept an eye out for David. Luckily, he was nowhere in sight, but Freddie was nursing a mug of coffee at the front desk while sorting through a large pile of keys.

I plopped my elbows on the desk. Oliver immediately began to help Freddie with his task.

I watched how they worked together intuitively, organizing things into groups that I couldn't figure out the pattern for. "You guys are freaky in your ability to communicate wordlessly." Freddie gave a two-finger salute and Oliver stood up straight.

"It takes special skill to pull off a job like this." Freddie pretended to be serious.

"The kind of job only a Pa.s.senger could do?" I asked pointedly.

"Well, now that you mention it, Pa.s.sengers do tend to be really good at unlocking things." Freddie stared me in the face. "So, you figured out that I don't work here, love." He pulled off his cap and put it right back on.

"You could have told me you were a Pa.s.senger." I tried to keep from sounding hurt, but when I said it out loud, I realized I was tired of not knowing things.

"It wasn't your business, Elliot, but even if it had been, I wouldn't have told you anyway."

"Why not?" I pouted.

"The waters. No need to muddy up the waters. You had enough stuff floating around to figure out. Sometimes it's best to let things settle, then you get to them when you get to them." Freddie stopped fiddling with the keys and looked at Oliver. "Son, I forgot all about it, but before we head out to the greenhouse, we're going to have to take a run over to Miz Connolly's room. She's been having a little trouble with her bed again."

"She could tell her grandson that her bed is not a trampoline," Oliver said.

"And you know as well as I that she feels guilty enough about him being herea"that ain't gonna happen."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"What I need you to do is run down to the bas.e.m.e.nt and grab my toolbox. If you'd be so kind."

"I'll get it right now." Oliver strode around the desk and headed into Freddie's office. He stopped short, turned, then bounded around and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"What was that for?" I asked, my fingers touching the warm spot, trying to keep it from disappearing.

"You'll be gone before I get back."

"How do you know?" I wrinkled my brow.

"I figure you're not going to like what he's going to tell you." Oliver lifted his chin in Freddie's direction. Freddie tossed a rag at his head.

"You know something I don't?" I asked.

"Nah, but how often do you actually find out news that makes life easier around here?"

He had a point.

"And don't let my brother sidetrack you with his grumpy bulls.h.i.t, okay?" Oliver gave my ponytail a little tug. I nodded, because what else could I say? I watched Oliver disappear into the office and listened as the bas.e.m.e.nt door opened and his feet double-timed it down the stairs.

"So, did you have something else you wanted to know, Elliot?" Freddie asked.

I sighed because I had a million things I wanted to figure out. "Yeah." I cleared my throat. "I understand why you didn't tell me about being a Pa.s.senger, but you've been kept here so long. That's incredibly unfair." I was getting p.i.s.sed all over again. "It's so d.a.m.n selfish to leave a Pa.s.senger stranded indefinitely at the Obmil. You must feel like you've been stuck here for an eternity."

"Thoughtless maybe, but probably not selfish."

I was about to interrupt and point out what a slimeball David was, when Freddie continued.

"Haven't you had a moment or two when you've been so engrossed in your own soul that you forgot to think about Oliver? He's your Pa.s.senger after all."

My face flooded red, remembering my thoughtless behavior in the woods and even worse, talking to Trevor about running away and never dealing with my past life. I hadn't given Oliver a pa.s.sing thought in that moment.

"I love Oliver. What I did was impulsive. I never would have allowed him to suffer because of me. I straightened myself out," I said.

"Elliot, my Third Timer loves me too," Freddie said, his voice steady with conviction.

I searched my memory, trying to think of a single moment when I'd witnessed David showing kindness or respect to anyone, but came up short.

"Any person who is forcing you to stay here is on some power trip, and that's just wrong. There is no way that can be called love!"

"Miss Turner, you've a lot to learn."

"Then teach me, for G.o.d's sake. I thought I was here to have some help."

"Hasn't Mel been helping you?" he asked.

"Of course she's been helping me. She's the one who told me that you were a Pa.s.senger and that David was a Third Timer. By the way, David and I had a little argument at Workshop."

"And?"

"And, Mel didn't have time to explain the rest. She went after Trevor and we came here, but it was easy to put the pieces together. I can't believe that you're David's Pa.s.senger. All along I thought he worked here as a guide like Mel."

Freddie had a funny expression on his face.

"Elliot, I'm not David's Pa.s.senger."

30.

a twist

of

faith

It was my turn to be confused. "What?"

"I'm not David's Pa.s.senger," Freddie repeated. "I'm Mel's." He reached for me, but I pulled away, feeling as if I'd lost my footing yet again and was spinning wildly out of control.

"Mel?" My heart plummeted into my stomach.

"Mel doesn't work here, Elliot. No one works here. This is simply a stopping place for souls. You stay until you go."

I continued to back away. Everything here was an illusion. Nothing was what I thought it was. It seemed so much simpler when I was just a dumb, forgetful dead girl.

"Please tell Oliver I'll meet him later."

"Don't run away again."

"I gotta go find Trevor and Mel." My feet were moving me backward toward an escape.

"She does, you know," Freddie yelled out as I neared the door.

I didn't want to be near him anymore.

"Mel, I mean. She loves me. She really does love me."

I was happy he didn't have the same doubts that I did.

a a a It wasn't long before I was cresting the mountain. It was easier to climb when my subconscious wasn't creating obstacles. Mel was sitting cross-legged in the exact place that Trevor and I had leapt from. It was surprising to see someone besides Trevor in our place.

"h.e.l.lo, Elliot. I was keeping an eye out for you," she said, without getting up. There was a sadness in her voice that I'd never heard before. I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

"I didn't figure you'd have too much luck finding Trevor, unless he was ready to be found." I plopped down beside her, my feet dangling out into s.p.a.ce. An unexpected calma"or was it numbness?a"had taken over. I glanced below and marveled at what a difference a single cliff dive could make in overcoming one's fear of heights.

"Truth?" asked Mel. Like I might choose a lie.

I raised my eyebrow in an imitation of her usual gesture.

"Ouch, I guess I deserved that," she said. "The truth is, I went after Trevor and sent you with Oliver so someone else would break the news."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"No good excuse, really. It's just that love happens in layers." She smoothed her skirt over her legs.

"What do you mean, layers?"

"I've known you through three visits to the Obmil, Elliot. Every time you came here, you were someone different. But your soul, that was constant. As I got to know that soul, I loved it a little bit more every day. At what moment do you love and trust someone enough to share everything? The day I realized that I loved you and trusted you that much was the same day I started wondering if you loved and trusted me enough not to think my admission came too late. It wasa""

"Like standing on the edge and not knowing if the leap would result in falling or flying," I finished.

"That wasn't my exact thought, but yes, that was the general feeling." She made a little noise in her throat that was hard to interpret.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"For?" Confusion flitted across her features.

"For not being perfect." I realized I was apologizing to myself as much as to Mel.

She reached out and ran her fingers through my haira"not for connection like Oliver and not charged with electricity like when Trevor touched me. This was different. Her bracelets jingled softly in my ear.

Her touch was absolution from my self-imposed sins.

a a a Mel cleared her throat. "So, now you remember everything." It was a statement not a question.

"I thought that when we remembered, it would all be clear, but it's just made me more confused." I sighed and tugged on a loose thread dangling from my shirt.

"Don't go back to being so hard on yourself. You'll make it unbearable for me."

My head whipped around in surprise.

"I've been here, lost in my own confusion, for so much longer than you. I have my own issues of failure to deal with. If you have the right to be so harsh with yourself then what should I feel like about my track record?" She smiled, softening the words, knowing how easily I took on new forms of guilt.

Curiosity nudged at me. "Can you tell me about it?" I asked. I needed something to keep me from leaping off this cliff and retracing what little I knew of where Trevor might have gone.