She had managed to control herself enough to wait until they were back in the car before she hurled her accusations at him, the words almost choking her.

"Admit it. Garth," she demanded, 'because I won't let it rest until I know the truth. You are Tara's father, aren't you? "

"There's a strong possibility that I could be," Garth responded after a few seconds' silence, his mouth compressing as instead of looking at her, he stared straight ahead through the windscreen.

"A strong possibility? You share the same rare blood group. You must have--' " I knew that there was a chance that Tara could be mine, yes," he interrupted her grimly.

"But that was all. Believe me, Claudia, until today--' " Until today you hoped that she wasn't? "

Garth said nothing. What could he say? That he had determinedly and firmly put what Katriona had said to him to one side, telling himself that so far as he was concerned, his love for Tara was not dependent on whether or not he had physically fathered her. If he had, then it was his responsibility and perhaps even his right to be her father, and if he hadn't, well, she was still his daughter and he still loved her.

Although he suspected Claudia would find it hard to understand, part of him simply hadn't wanted to find out. Not for a single heartbeat of time would he want to deny Tara's existence, but there was a part of him that desperately wanted to ignore that he might have had any part in it. It had seemed better, wiser, safer, to simply put to one side everything that Katriona had said to him, to remind himself whenever he did think about it that Katriona herself had had her own reasons, had not seemed very sure about Tara's paternity and he certainly had no real memories of ever having been intimate enough with the girl to have fathered her except that. except those odd, haunting memories of a woman who didn't feel or smell quite right, a woman who had not perhaps been Claudia.

"All these years you've known that Tara is your child. All these years you've deceived me, lied to me...."

Claudia started to cry with a mixture of shock and anger, but as Garth made to turn towards her and take her in his arms, she pushed him off and shrank back in her seat, spitting at him like a small, angry cat.

"Don't touch me," she warned him.

"Don't you ever touch me again! You slept with Katriona. You had sex with her. Garth ... why ... why...?"

Tears streamed down her face.

"How could you? How could you betray me like that... betray ms like that? How often did you see her? How did you meet her? When...?"

"Claudia. It wasn't like you think," Garth pro n tested, adding,"Look, let's go home where we can talk about this properly. I promiseyou that until today I had no proof that Tara was my child."

"But you knew that she could be," Claudia insisted.

Gripping the steering wheel. Garth admitted curtly, "Yes. I knewthere was a ... possibility that she could be. Look, we can't talkhere," he told her.

"We need to wait until--' " Until what? " Claudia challenged him furiously.

"Until you've had time to come up with more deceit? More lies...?"

"I have never lied to you, Claudia," Garth retorted sharply.

"Yes, you have--by omission. You've already admitted that you knewthat you could be Tara's father, but you never told me... never saidanything. You let me walk in there today knowing--' " Claudia, I didnot. I had no idea that he. Look, please, Clo.

know what you must be thinking, but it isn't like. isn't like you think," he finished lamely.

"Isn't it? How much of a fool do you think I am, Garth? I know thatKatriona was Tara's birth mother. You've just admitted that you're herfather. So far as I know, there is only one logical way that that canhave happened, isn't there? Isn't there?" she stressed bitingly.

"Clo, please, if you'd just calm down for a moment," Garth begged herurgently, "I could--' " You could what? " As he stopped the car atsome traffic-lights, Claudia saw her moment and seized it. She openedthe door and sprang out, telling him, " The only words I want to hearfrom you. Garth, are the ones we both know you aren't in a position tosay. " And without giving him the chance to say anything more, sheangrily slammed the car door shut, turned on her heel and walkedsharply away.

Her pride kept her going as far as the first corner. Once round it,she could feel further hot tears starting to burn her eyes. Tears ofshock, chagrin, rage and, most of all, anguished, agonizing pain.

All these years and she had never known, never guessed.

Take her," Katriona had urged Claudia as she lay dying, and now Claudia knew why. God, how Katriona must have laughed at her. How they both must have laughed at her, lying in bed together as they-" Are you all right, love? "

The kind, motherly voice of the woman who stopped and put her hand on

her arm brought Claudia to her senses. Swallowing hard, she nodded her head and lied, "Yes... just something in my eye, that's all."

Something in her eye! That gritty, saw-tooth, sharply destructive dart of betrayal and jealousy had lodged deep within her heart and was already beginning to poison her emotions.

It wasn't just Garth's sexual betrayal that hurt. Agonizing though that was, it was his other betrayal that was hurting her the most--the knowledge that he had known and kept secret from her all these years the fact that Tara was his daughter. his child. that she was, in truth, far more his than she was hers. that between them was a blood bond there never would be between her and her beloved daughter. that Garth legally had far more claim on her than she could ever have herself. She hated him for that and hated herself even more for having such a feeling.

Automatically, she started to make her way home, hoping that she wouldn't bump into anyone who knew her, her actions instinctive, her one goal to get home. to seek refuge where she knew she would be safe. Until she got there, until she was properly alone, she couldn't, dared not, examine her feelings too closely, and yet certain thoughts kept surfacing to torment her.

How often had Garth seen Katriona? Where had he seen her? Not that wretched squat, surely. The thought of Garth with Katriona in that filthy place. the thought of Garth with Katriona anywhere made her want to retch, to scream, to tear at her skin, her hair, to cry out aloud her anguish and sense of betrayal. But she knew that she could not do so, must not do so; for Tara's sake, she must try to behave as normally as possible.

Why had Garth gone to Katriona? What had been lacking in their own relationship, their marriage, for him to do so?

"Soldiers, army men. They're the worst," Katriona had purred triumphantly. Had she known him even then? Had he. Garth, even then. Tears burned her eyes like acid. Hastily, she blinked them away but it was impossible for her to stop torturing herself, to stop imagining the two of them together.

She already knew that Garth would not be home that evening. He had a business thing he was attending, a conference where he was due to make a speech, and as she let herself into Ivy House, she told herself fiercely that she was glad she wouldn't have to see him; that she didn't want to see him, not now, not ever. Not after what he had done.

How many times had it happened? How often had he made love. had sex with Katriona? Had he enjoyed it more than he had done with her? He must have done, mustn't he? He must have wanted her more than he had done her, his wife, otherwise he would never have. And Katriona must have told him that Tara was his child. that she was carrying his baby while she, his wife, had been unable. Claudia could feel the hysteria bubbling up inside her, the pain that could only be voided by screaming it into the silence of the empty house.

Suddenly, she was re-experiencing just as sharply and agonizingly as though it had only happened hours ago all the feelings she had experienced when she first realised that she would never be able to have her own child.

But Tara was her child. Tara was hers, her daughter. She had been the one to love her, to teach her, to mother her.

Tara. Soon it would be time to collect her from school, a ritual they both enjoyed even though Tara sometimes complained that she was old enough now to be allowed to walk home on her own. It was one of their special times together, that walk home from school, when Tara would tell her all about her day, chattering happily at her side, her hand tucked in Claudia's.

Tara. Her daughter. Katriona's child. Garth's child, but her daughter.

She was, she discovered, slowly rocking her hunched body backwards and forwards as she sat on her bed, their bed, hers and Garth's. Suddenly, overwhelmingly, she knew she was going to be sick. Had Garth taken her to their bed? Had he.

She retched violently into the lavatory bowl and then leaned against the wall, shaking from head to foot.

Had Garth told Katriona that she could not have any children? Had he perhaps complained about her, bemoaned her inability to give him any children? Was that why.

Stop it. Stop it, she urged herself as she flushed the lavatory and then started to run the cold water tap. She had to pull herself together for Tara's sake. Tara was the one who mattered, the only one who mattered to her now, she told herself dully. Her marriage to Garth was over. She knew that. How could it not be.

How could he not have told her. warned her. All these years when every time he looked at Tara, he must have been remembering Katriona.

Perhaps that was why he hadn't told her--because he wanted to keep his memories of Tara's mother sacred, his memories of her conception sacred. Had he loved Katriona. loved her perhaps more than he had ever loved her?

He must have felt something for her. Was that why he loved Tara?

Because she was her mother's child? Round and round her thoughts went, faster and faster, spinning out of control, dizzying her with their intensity and their immense capacity for causing her pain.

Tara. She had to go and collect Tara. The phone was ringing as sheleft the house. Numbly, she ignored it.

Cursing to himself. Garth hung up. If Claudia was there, then quiteplainly she wasn't going to answer. If only he didn't have this damnedspeech to give this evening.

He needed time to talk to Claudia. to explain. to make her listen,but how could he talk to her with Tara there and. On impulse, hequickly dialled the telephone number of Claudia's parents.

As though surprised to hear his voice, his mother-in-law readily agreed to his request that she come to Ivy House to look after Tara for a few days while Garth took Claudia away for a surprise short break.

"I know it's short notice," he apologised.

"Don't worry about it," he was reassured.

"I think it's a wonderful idea. Where are you going to take her?"

"Er.-it's a secret," Garth told her, and after all, it wasn't untrue.

As yet, he had no idea himself where he was going to take Claudia, only that it would have to be a place where they could be completely alone so they could get this whole sorry mess sorted out.

Too caught off guard to argue and still shellshocked from herdiscovery, Claudia gave in numbly when Garth announced his plans. Hehad found a small country cottage to rent on the Welsh border not farfrom Hay-on-Wye. Claudia sat by his side in frozen silence all the waythere. Not because she was deliberately trying to punish him by notspeaking but simply because it was easier to remain silent than tounleash the pain she knew was waiting for her once she started to givevoice to her feelings.

The weather had turned cold and wet, and Claudia's face had a pinched,bloodless look that made her suddenly look very much older. Even theway she moved was different. Garth acknowledged when they eventuallyreached their destination and Claudia got out of the car and walkedslowly towards the cottage without waiting to see whether or not he wasfollowing her.

In the forty-eight hours since the truth had come out, he had cursed

himself a thousand, no, a hundred thousand times for what he had done, and yet, if it had never happened, there would be no Tara. He could still put his hand on his heart and swear honestly that he had no idea how he had ever come to have sex with Katriona. -and that it had certainly not been a premeditated or even a wanted act on his part.

The cottage had clearly been planned and furnished as a cosy retreat for two lovers. Down and Betray 323 stairs there was an open fire; upstairs there was only one large bedroom accompanied by a good-sized bathroom complete with a huge Victorian bath and discreetly hung mirrors. Every room had candles temptingly on display, obviously intended to be used, and the whole ambience of the place was one of sensual intimacy.

He could almost see Claudia recoiling and he suspected that if he hadn't been on his way back into the cottage carrying the box of groceries he was fetching from the car and blocking the doorway, she would have turned and walked out.

/! don't think this is a good idea," she told Garth bleakly as she watched him carry the groceries into the kitchen.

"We need to talk. We both agreed on that," Garth reminded her.

To talk! How civilised he made it sound. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to rant and rave, to scream and howl, to beat her fists, her head, her whole self against the wall in an agony of self-denigration and loathing that she could ever have been so stupid as not to realise what had been happening.

"How did you meet her?" she asked him tonelessly.

"How often did you...?"

"I saw her twice," Garth answered quietly.

"The first time was when I woke up to find her going through my clothes and pulling out the contents of my wallet. The second was..." He stopped and carefully bent down to put the milk and other fresh food in the fridge.

"The only other time was when I went to see her after she had contacted me to tell me about... about Tara." He straightened up, then slammed the fridge door, ignoring Claudia's stony silence.

"Claudia, it isn't like you think," he insisted emotionally.

"I don't even remember having sex with her.

She--' "You don't remember." Claudia swallowed a splintering, savage barb of angry laughter.

"What was she like. Garth? Much, much better than me, of course. Did you talk about me, the pair of you, laugh about me?"

"Claudia, don't," Garth groaned.

"You don't--' " I don't what. I don't understand. " She laughed again, the sharp sound reminding Garth of something shattering, breaking.

"Of course I understand. I understand that you had sex with her. That she conceived your child. That you and she... Where did it happen. Garth? m our flat... in our bed?"

She could feel herself starting to shake violently from head to foot.

The same nausea that had overwhelmed her before seized her again, but this time she managed to control it.

"Claudia, I promise you it just wasn't the way you're imagining it," Garth declared huskily. It was vital she should understand what he could piece together of what had happened. How he had woken to find Katriona in the flat and how she must have taken advantage of him while he was the worse for drink. Even to his own ears his words sounded suspect. But he was struggling to explain dearly what was still, to him, just a vague memory, a hazy dream.

He could see that Claudia had taken in very little, if anything, of what he'd said. Was refusing, almost, to let his words touch her.

"I.