This Regret - This Regret Part 23
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This Regret Part 23

She looks at me confused, her eyes dancing back at forth, looking me in the eyes. "I have a feeling Adric trusted you more than anyone. I just hope one day, you will tell me what went on in that head of his. He should have known better than to take so many pills. He always seemed so happy. I will never understand."

Her body tenses and she reaches for the shower door. "I really have to go. Jen is going to wonder where I am." She gets ready to step out, but stops to look back at me. "You don't have to answer this. I'm not sure I want to know, but will I see you again?"

My heart fucking breaks in a million pieces. Shit! I run my hands over my face and lean into the back of the shower. She knows I'll never lie to her.

When I don't respond, she smiles sadly and steps out of the shower, closing the door behind her. I stand in the shower, head in hands for at least thirty minutes before finally pulling myself together and getting dressed. The water turned to ice about fifteen minutes ago, but I couldn't move.

I feed Rayne, take her for a walk and then head out to the shop. Tyler called me about ten minutes ago, saying there was a client asking specifically for me and even though I wasn't planning on going in today, I never turn down a client. It's against my passion for tattooing. Tattooing is my biggest release now. After the night with Phoenix, I don't think I can ever think of sex the same way. She's hooked me. I'm ruined.

I arrive at the shop, jump off my Harley and greet Tyler as I walk inside. "Hey, man. Where's this client?"

Tyler looks up from the tattoo he's giving to some middle aged pothead looking dude and nods his head toward the can. "I don't know, man. I think he's taking a shit or something. He's been in there for a while."

I lift my eyebrows at him and take a seat in my chair. Rolling to my station, I grab a pair of black latex gloves and pull them over my hands. Might as well be ready when he comes out. "Alright now, I didn't need that much info and I'm sure he doesn't want his shit aired out there like dirty laundry either. Do you know what he wants?"

"Nah, man. He wouldn't really say much. He came in with two guys, but I think the others left to go to that bar next door. They looked pretty fucking rough. I think their gene pool is a bit shallow if you get my drift. One of them was so fucking ugly . . ."

The bathroom door swings opens and a man with short blond hair comes through with a rod pierced through his cheek, just under his eye. He's wearing a leather jacket, black jeans with a chain hanging from the side, and big ass combat boots. His red eyes bore into mine as he makes his way over to the chair in front of me.

Well fucking shit! What the hell does this dick want? I curl my lip and watch him as he gets comfortable in the chair. It pisses me off because I don't want his nasty ass tainting my stuff. Who knows where all he's been. He probably has some kind of disease even Ajax won't wash off. "Well, look at what the fucking dogs drug in: Cape. What the hell do you want? You know not to show your face in my sanctuary. Why don't you go back to the streets where you belong. Don't you have some more lives to ruin?"

He stares at me with a smug smile. Then he kicks his boots out and crosses his feet, looking relaxed and at home. Like he owns the damn place. That's the problem with Cape; somewhere along the way, he got pretty big into drug dealing and got a big head, making him dangerous. When we were in grade school he wasn't so bad. "Good to see you too, mother fucker," he growls. "Don't look so surprised to see me; although, I should say, I'm surprised as fuck to see you're still around." He reaches over to touch my gun, but I place my hand over it first, snatching it away. "Come on, man. That's a nice gun you have there. Maybe I can show you mine someday. Sometime sooner rather than later."

I should rip this asshole's throat out. Is he seriously sitting here in my shop, threatening me? If I don't get a grip, I'm going to kill him with my bare hands right here in front of Tyler. I smirk and cross my arms, looking him directly in the eye. "Don't try to threaten me. It doesn't work or scare me. I'm used to your scare tactics by now. The thing is, my life doesn't matter. We've already had this discussion," I growl out, acting cool. "Plus, I still have a few more fucking days." I clench my fists at my sides, trying my best not to break something or show my anger, allowing him the win. "Just tell me what the hell you want and leave."

"Just wanted to say hi to your family, that's all. It's been a while, maybe I should introduce myself . . . friend." He chuckles, knowing that he hit some kind of nerve with me. "And to see how your visit is coming along. It must be nice, getting to spend time with your brother."

I take a deep breath and exhale through my nose.

He huffs and leans into the seat. "It must be nice having a brother that isn't ridden to a wheel chair, with a few crushed bones in his face that will never look the same. It would be a shame if that happened to Kade. You know . . . a brother for a brother."

My breathing picks up as my fists clench tighter at my sides. I tower over him and jab my finger into the side of his skull. "Shut the fuck up! Don't you fucking speak my brother's name?" I push his head with my finger.

He makes a sad face and tilts his head away. "Why not? I should be able to speak it freely. He is one of my employees. What kind of business would I be running if that wasn't allowed?" He smiles at my expression and stands up as the door opens. Larry and Kenny walk in with shit faced grins. "You wanted to know who kept selling those pills to Adric. Well, you were asking the wrong fucking brother, my man. Instead of snooping around my back door, you should have been at our own. You made a costly mistake."

The muscles in my arm twitch as I watch him turn and walk over to his rats. "You expect me to believe that!" I shout.

He stops, smiles and pulls out a piece of paper. He tosses it to the floor, nods at Tyler and his client, who have stopped to stare and then walks out the door.

"Is everything cool, man?" Tyler watches as I walk over to the piece of paper and pick it up.

I turn to him and nod my head. "It's cool. I just need a minute. I walk outside to get fresh air. If I don't, then I'm going to explode from the blood boiling beneath my skin. All I'm seeing right now is red.

"Fuck!" I rub a hand over my face, working my lip ring between my teeth and look down at the faded, wrinkled up piece of paper in my hand. The first thought that runs through my head scares the shit out of me as I open the paper to read. "Are you shitting me?"

I crumble the paper in my hand and place my palms flat against the wall, dipping my head, allowing the anger to consume me. Rational thought escapes me and I slam my fists into the brick wall, repeatedly, while cursing out loud. I continue to punch the wall until my fists are drenched in blood and I can no longer feel my hands. Then I lean my back against the wall and slide down, with my face in my hands. I balance my weight on my heels while taking long, deep breaths. My brother. My fucking brother.

The proof is right here in my hands, staring me in the damn face. It's Kade's cell number he's had since he was sixteen. It's written in Kade's sloppy as shit hand writing. What the fuck kind of business did he think he had, working for Cape? I wouldn't be surprised if he still is.

I can't even think right now. I just want to knock some sense into this idiot and choke him the hell out. All this time, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out who had gotten to him, when I turned my back for a moment and the answer was right in front of my face. There was barely a time I wasn't with Adric. I was scared to leave him alone for too long. Kade was one of the few that spent a little time with him when I wasn't around. That little shit. Betrayed by my own flesh and blood.

I jump to my feet, shove the paper in my pocket and head straight for my bike. Phoenix told me last night that Kade and Luna work the day shift today. He better be expecting to see his big brother because I have some words for this dick.

Through my rage, I somehow manage to make it to Spinner's without killing anyone on the way. I yank the door to the bar open so hard it could have pulled my shoulder out of socket and stride across the bar, my sights set on Kade. He's behind the bar, sweet talking Luna. Figures. All he seems to be able to think about is pussy. His dick is all he cares about other than himself, causing people to get hurt.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" I yell, causing everyone to stop and look my way. I'm so pissed, I could care less who's watching.

Kade exhales a deep breath and tosses the towel that's draped over his shoulder, down onto the bar. "Yeah, that's me. How the fuck can I help you? Did Phoenix tell you about last week? My bad." He grabs a beer, takes a swig and slams it down.

Ah, hell! Now my blood is really boiling. I better not hear anything about him doing anything to Phoenix. That is something to settle later. Right now, we need to settle something else.

I stop in front of the bar and slam the piece of paper down onto the top with my hand covering it. I look him in the eye, clenching my jaw. He better have a good answer. "What the fuck is this?" I take my hand away, revealing the number and he gives me a look to kill as he picks up the paper. "What the shit! No games."

His eyes widen for a second before he tosses it into the trash and grabs for his beer again. "It's my damn number." He sets his beer down and stares me in the eye. "Probably from one of the many girls that I have fucked over the years. If you're wondering if that's Phoenix then . . ." He smiles.

I lean across the bar, grab him by the shirt and slam my bloodied fist right into the side of his face. He stumbles backwards as I swing my legs across the bar and jump down in front of him.

Luna takes a step back, but smiles at me as if she finds it sexy. Of course she does. Then she leans against the bar and stares at me.

"What the fuck!" Kade grabs his face and looks up, flaring his nostrils. "You damn lunatic."

I grab onto his shirt and slam him into some glasses. "Don't you play stupid with me, Kade. You know damn well who you gave that number to. You never give your number to girls. You're a man whore, remember? You can't handle any kind of commitment aside from where to stick your dick next."

He places his hand on mine and yanks it away from his shirt. Then he shoves me back, causing me to almost trip over a mat. "I don't have to explain shit to you. You're the one that has explaining to do."

A random guy walks over to the bar and holds up his phone. "Should I call the cops?"

I turn to him. "Put your fucking phone away!" Then I turn back to Kade and grab him by the throat, squeezing just enough to get his attention. The fucking games are over. I lean in close to his face and push his head onto the bar. "You're fucking dealing for Cape," I say loud enough for only him to hear. I slam him again, but harder this time. "It's your fault Adric is dead. You damn piece of shit, I should kill you."

He reaches around and slams his fist into my side and I stumble a bit, letting go of his neck. He quickly grabs his neck and starts fighting for air. "You would kill your own brother over him, wouldn't you? He always was more important."

I look at him at a loss for words. Why the hell would he even think that? I love him more than anything, even though he's a cocky, arrogant son of a bitch. "What the hell, Kade!" Placing my hands on the bar, I bend forward trying to calm down. "What is that supposed to mean? Is that why you did it?"

He flinches as if I've just hit him again. "You think I did it on purpose? I didn't fucking know he would be so stupid about it. I was friends with Adric too, you know. At least I didn't run off like a coward after he died."

The words sting. I knew everyone would think I left because I was being a coward, but hearing it from my own brother hurts. No one knows the real reason. That reason being, if I didn't, Kade would probably be a vegetable right now and Phoenix would probably be dead. No one know's that I beat the shit out of Cape's brother to the get the answers. I knew that low life blood sucking leech, Echo, had the answers I needed. When he refused to give me what I wanted and then laughed in my face, I blew the fuck up and almost killed him. I got lucky I somehow found the strength in me to stop. I left him there, face so bloodied I could barely recognize him. The full effects of what happened didn't really sink in until Cape showed up with a gun pointed to my head.

"Answer me, Kellan. Do you think I'm that low?" Kade places a hand to his bruised face and pushes me again when I don't answer. "Fuck you!"

I grip onto the bar and look down at the floor, closing my eyes. I can't think straight right now. I'm still pissed as hell at him. My breathing picks up and my head feels clouded. "I need a minute to think," I snap. I stand tall and look him in the eyes like a man. "The truth is I want to kill you right now. A life for a life. You should have cared for your friends more than you did, but that's just it; all you think about is yourself. I can't touch you because your blood and killing you would be letting you take the easy route. Instead, I'm going to do nothing and let you live with what you've done. Your conscience is your biggest enemy. You have to look at Phoenix knowing what you've taken from her." His face goes blank as he processes what I've said. "You're my brother. And so was he, dammit!"

"You boys must have some crazy shit going on." Luna says as if nothing big is happening right now. "If I had to guess, my money would be on Kellan." We both look over and she shrugs. "Just saying, boys." She holds her arms up and backs away. "Please continue. This is making me hot."

Kade turns to Luna and throws something at her. "You pick a great fucking time to finally get hot. I guess I know what to do next time. Piss some mother fucker off and get my ass kicked a little. Great!" Just like that he's already back to thinking about getting laid.

I can't stand here and listen to this crap. I need to get out of here before I do something I regret. I turn my attention away from Luna and set my sights on Kade. "You get away from Cape and his shit. Don't let me find out you're still involved. You're lucky Phoenix doesn't know you're the cause of her brother's death. She deserves to know."

Kade straightens and walks to stand nose to nose to me. "If you fucking tell her, I will turn that shit around and say it was you." He points his finger in my chest. "You're the one that ran. Who do you think looks guilty?"

Is he serious right now? He's just digging himself deeper. There's no way Phoenix would go for that crap. Would she? Damn, I'm fucked! "I slap his finger away and rub my hands over my face. "Just stay away from Cape and stay the fuck away from Phoenix. Don't you fucking touch her. She doesn't want you, Kade. She's made that clear so move on. I will break your fucking arms."

Kade gives me a smug smile, but doesn't say a thing as I turn around to leave. That makes me think he's already touched her. Dammit! I won't even get into what he meant earlier about last week. That will drive me to lose my sanity. I just need to leave. I need to be alone to catch my breath. Make an attempt to pull my thoughts together. I need to go to the woods since those assholes won't stay away from my shop. I need to be alone before I kill someone.

Chapter Twenty.

Phoenix I step into the bar and get ready to walk past the office, but stop when I notice Dale sitting in the over-sized leather chair. His elbows are on the desk and his fingers are wrapped in his hair, as he stares down at the cash drawer in front of him.

Cautiously, I take a step inside, not sure if he wants to be bothered. I clear my throat, giving him the heads up that I'm there, before I speak. "Hey, Dale. Is everything all right?"

He inhales a deep breath before shoving the drawer into the safe and spinning the chair around. He gestures to the empty chair against the wall and says, "Come on in."

I glance out the door behind me to see Kade walk by, sporting a bruised left eye. He clenches the muscles in his jaw, turns the other way and keeps walking. Not really sure what that's about, I close the door behind me and plop down into the chair. "You look stressed, Dale. What are you doing hanging out around here?"

The lines around his eyes wrinkle and he lets out a frustrated huff and gives a tell me about it look. "I stopped in to check on a few things and decided it best, to stick around until those hooligans out there leave. Apparently, they don't feel the need to stop drinking anytime soon and I don't trust you by yourself with them, but until they do something really stupid, we can't just kick them out. It looks bad and don't want to cause a scene for other customers."

I lean forward in my chair confused. Surely he's not going to stick around all night just for that. "So you plan on staying all night until they leave? I'm sure I'll be okay, Dale. I've dealt with plenty of asses my whole life. I'm sure everything will be fine." I smile but he doesn't return it, so I change the subject. "And what crawled up Kade's ass? He looked really mad just a few minutes ago."

"His ego's a little bruised because someone handed his ass to him earlier." He tries to suppress a chuckle, but fails miserably. He's always told Kade that someday someone was going to give him a good ass whoopin if he didn't cool his cocky attitude. I guess he was right. "And I told him he's staying for a few more hours. I'm not leaving you alone. If it weren't for Kellan spending the day with Nancy, then I would have him here, but his mother needs him more right now."

My heart stops just from the mention of his name. I suck in a deep breath and choke. I actually choke.

Dale leans in as if he's about to slap me on the back. "Are you okay?"

I nod and wave my arms. When I can breathe again, I finally say, "I'm fine. I just choked on some spit. Went down the wrong pipe." I stand up and grab my purse strap, pulling it back over my shoulder. I can't even think right now. I thought he'd be gone. He must be saying his goodbye. "So Kellan is at your place?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. "It's nice to have him back, right?" I need answers.

His eyes light up and a tiny smile forms on his lips. "Yeah," he breathes. "It's a relief to know my son is safe. I gave up hope years ago we'd ever see him alive." He looks up, his eyes meeting mine. "Nancy couldn't be any happier. I decided to get out of the house for a few to give them some alone time. I couldn't handle her crying, then laughing, then crying again. That woman is something else."

"So is Kellan," I whisper.

Dale looks up from his watch in a hurry and taps it as if it has stopped working. "What was that?"

I smile and place my hand on Dale's shoulder, squeezing. "I said it's nice having Kellan back. I missed him." I walk toward the door and reach for the handle, turning back to look at Dale. "Did you want something else?"

His eyes widen as if he's just remembered something, then he stands up shuffling through some papers. "Yeah. Keep your eye on the staff because the drawer I counted isn't adding up right. If I find out someone's stealing and no one steps up to admit it, I'm getting all new workers. Got it? I'm done with the crap here. We already got rid of Saline, I don't want to have to get rid of anyone else. Oh, and we need to find someone to replace Saline. Get me someone by next week." Too bad it can't be Kellan.

I exhale and nod my head. I thought that problem was taken care of when we let Saline go. Who the hell else would be taking money? It started before Luna and there's no way Jen or Kade would steal from Dale. Now I need to figure out who can't count and find a new bartender. This should be fun. "Yeah, I'll keep my eye out. I should get out there before Kade freaks out."

He waves me off and sorts through his desk. "Keep Kade on track. He tends to need a little motivation sometimes," he grumbles. "I'll see you later."

I step out of the office, closing the door behind me. The first thought that runs through my mind is Kellan. He's already saying goodbye to his mother? This is not a good sign. When I asked him if I'd see him again, there was a look in his eye that told me, I wouldn't. My heart broke in two right there in front of him. I had to get out of there as fast as I could so he wouldn't see me cry.

After spending the night in his bed, talking, and laughing, with our naked bodies tangled together; I know for a fact, I'm madly, deeply in love with this man. Nothing else can compare to the way he makes me feel. When I think about losing him, I can't breathe, nor do I want to. He is the only one that is able to rip me apart from the inside, and shatter my soul with one look in the eye. I waited far too long to see those eyes again and I never want to go a day without seeing them. I want to believe with everything in me, that by the way he held me close to him last night, kissing me in my sleep every time I stirred in his firm grip, that he feels the same way. The way he held my body against his, his arm pressing my face into the comfort of his chest, felt as if he never wanted to let go. To be honest, I didn't want him to. I wanted to stay that way forever, lost in my emotions for him.

After we showered and he made it clear we could never be more, I snatched up one of his shirts and my skirt and got the hell out of there. I went home, crept inside to be sure not to wake my mom and I changed before heading to Jen's.

It was so hard visiting with Jen and listening to her talk about how much she enjoyed having Tyler around, without me wanting to tell her what happened with Kellan. I couldn't do it though. I don't want her knowing that when I curl back into my shell again, hiding myself off from the world that it's because of Kellan. I don't want her to hate him or Tyler and knowing her, she won't be able to be around Tyler without thinking of how Kellan crushed my heart into a million pieces.

I step behind the bar and Luna is crouched down in front of the cooler, taking count. She peers over her shoulder when she hears me shove my purse into the drawer and lock it. "Hey. I'm taking count right now then I'll be heading out soon." She tilts her head, nodding across the room. "Watch out for those pricks. They're rude as shit. I've already taken my shoe off once and threatened to shove it down that ugly dick's throat."

I laugh at her choice of words and turn my head to get a look. There are three guys by the pool table talking loudly and slamming back beers. They all three have leather jackets with chains hanging from their jeans and big black boots. They definitely look a little on the rough side. After getting a look at them, I'm almost relieved Kade is staying, even though he hates me right now.

"I wouldn't mind seeing that," I tease. "Sometimes that's what they need.

She stands up, grunts and closes the cooler door. "Last time I checked, their beers were getting low. Would you mind taking over? I'll transfer the tab. I don't think I can handle one more second between them and Kade's vagina hurting."

Knowing she's had it rough with these guys, I agree, so she can hurry up and get out of here. I laugh and pull my hair into a bun. "Yeah, sure. If they leave a tip I will give it to you later."

She glances over at them with disgust and adjusts her tiny blue dress. "I'm sure they won't so don't even bother. Damn shit faced morons. I just need to go. I can't. I'm going to kill someone today."

She stomps her way to the cooler, brushing past Kade, which is carrying a tray of freshly sliced fruit over to the bar.

When he steps behind the bar, he slams the tray down next to him and glares over at the group of guys, his jaw twitching. One of the guys, the one with short blond hair, gives him a look and Kade turns away. "Fuck! Today sucks. I get stuck here because these shit heads decide to hang around, being total asses." He looks up as Dale walks past us and waves on his way out. From the look in his eyes, he's relieved to see his dad leaving. They must have gotten into it about him having to stay longer. "I have places to be, you know. My shift was over a half hour ago."

He keeps glancing over at the guys nervously. I don't get what his deal is. He isn't even the one working their tab. The more I watch him, I start to wonder if one of them gave him the black eye. I kind of hope so. Serves him right, being a jerk. "Is that what happened to your face?" I can't help but allow a small smile to break free, somehow amused that someone can make Kade so jumpy.

He huffs and glares at me as if I've just hit a nerve. "No. And don't even ask who it was. The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off," he growls.

He turns away ignoring me. I'm almost glad for it. All I want to do is get him and these drunks out of here. It will probably be quiet tonight, so it will give me some time to think.

When I look behind me, toward the pool table, I see one of the men staring at me. The same one that made Kade nervous just a few minutes ago. When we make eye contact, he motions for me to come over by holding up his empty beer.

My stomach twists up into knots as I make my way over, all three of the men now looking at me, watching me intently. As I get closer, I recognize one of them as the strange man I noticed staring at me from the parking lot of the bar next to Kellan's shop. His long hair is tangled and greasy looking. As I get a closer look, I see that I was right about the scars on his face. This guy has had his ass handed to him far worse than Kade did. Damn, that must have hurt!

When I stop in front of them, the blond takes a steps closer to me and smiles darkly. He looks down at me with creepy red eyes, probably from a pair of those colored contacts they sell. Why he would want to look like death, I have no clue. It looks ridiculous. He even has a rod of some sort pierced across his cheek, stretching the skin. I can imagine if it weren't for the red eyes and hideous piercing that he might actually look normal and half way decent. More than the two men with him anyways.

"You're a lot prettier than I expected." He presses his beer bottle against my cheek and smiles, slowly revealing his yellowing teeth. "And you smell good as fuck too." He sniffs the air and the hair on my arms stand up in rage.

His guys laugh, but he puts up his hand stopping them. The way they obeyed so quickly, stuns me. Who is this guy? Is he someone important?

Is this guy serious? He may be able to control his side kicks, but not me. I knock the bottle away from my face and then snatch it out of his hand. "If you want to keep your arm, I suggest you never do that again." I smile and look over at his two friends to be sure they get the picture as well. "I'll get you all one more beer," I hold up a finger, "and then you're out. I don't tolerate people coming in here giving my staff a hard time and if you touch me again, you're out before you finish."

Before they can respond, I turn around, leaving them all staring at my backside. They better get a good look now, because they won't be getting to stay in here much longer. I can already feel it.

Kade grabs my arm as I walk behind the bar. He looks worried as he studies my eyes. "What did he say to you?"

I yank my arm away and peer over my shoulder to see them watching us, with smug smiles. "Not much, Kade. Just let me do my job so I can get them out of here. You just take care of the group coming in the door."

He turns around and grips the counter, before slamming his fist into it. He takes a long, deep, calming breath before walking over to help the smiling group of college kids that just walked in.

Taking my eyes from the guy smiling at me, I grab a few fresh beers from the cooler and walk back over to the pool table. The blond guy steps aside to let me through. As I approach, I slam the beers down onto the table. "Can I get you anything else?" I tighten my lips, hoping they get the hint that I'm pissed and won't be toyed with.

The pierced guy, rubs up against me and leans into my ear as he grabs one of the beers. "I'm not sure yet, but I'll figure it out soon, sweetheart. After seeing you, I don't think I can wait two more days after seeing this beautiful little body," he whispers. I jerk away and he grips my wrist squeezing it, hard. "I promise I will make our time worth it."