A few minutes later, Kellan walks out of the restroom and flashes me a dimpled grin. "Okay, I'm ready. Do you still want it exactly how you did the first time you came in? It's going to hurt there, but it will be worth it."

He takes a seat next to me and his eyes scan mine before resting on my lips. I see the hunger in his eyes as he looks up again waiting on an answer. "I'll promise to take it easy on you."

The husky sound in his voice almost makes me think he means something else but I don't act on it, because I could be wrong. "It's okay. I think I can handle it."

I swallow as he scoots closer and cups my face in his hands. His forehead rests on mine, as he looks me in the eyes. His bottom lip twitches closer to mine, the ring almost brushing my lip. "You're so beautiful it hurts. I never meant to hurt you."

His thumb brushes over my bottom lip and I watch as his eyes burn with need. He tilts his face closer to mine so his lips brush next to my lips. It makes me anxious, reminding me too much of the moment I shared with Kade days ago. Except this . . . this feels good and right and everything it should be.

"I wish I could make you happy." He kisses next to my mouth. "Your smile is the only thing that keeps me going when the darkness takes over." Balling his fist in my hair, he rubs my face with his other hand before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. His kiss is softer this time. Comforting. His tongue is soft against my entrance as he licks my lips asking for permission to enter.

I part my lips and drape my arm around his shoulder as I pull him to me, leaning backwards so he's lying on top of me. He supports his body weight on one arm as he rubs my face with his other hand, his lips softly sucking, nibbling and controlling mine. In this moment, I am at total peace with the world. This is my little bit of heaven and I never want to let it go.

I place both my hands on his back, running them up his flesh, digging my fingers in. I don't want to let go. Even with our bodies touching, he still seems too far away. His lips leave mine and I whisper, "You feel so good in my arms." I kiss his neck. "I never want to let go. Please don't make me."

His body stiffens. I've hit some kind of nerve. He moves his face so his lips are next to my ear. "Phoenix. It's not that simple." He gently runs his hand up my thigh and presses his lips to my neck. "I'll stay as long as I can. I can promise you that."

His promise lingers in the air as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying my best not to get emotional. The thought of him leaving kills me. I can't think of that now. Right now, I need to get as close as I can. I need to feel him while I can. Kiss him. Touch him. Taste him. Devour him.

I run my hands down his back and grab his ass through his fitted jeans. Oh it feels so good in my hands. He presses his hips between my legs and looks into my eyes. "I want you so bad right now, but I don't know if it's the right time. I want you to come stay with me tonight." His eyes dance in front of me as he waits for me to speak. "Stay with me."

"All right," I breathe. "I'll stay with you."

He smiles and shifts so he's sitting up now. His jaw muscles bounce. "I want you sleeping in a bed. With me. Not on the damn floor. After we leave here, you follow me home." He stands up and grabs the binder. "Are you still up for that tattoo?"

I am, but I'm not. I'm so tired that all I can think about is going home with him and falling asleep while he holds me. Maybe we should do this tattoo another day. A day where we can control our emotions better. Hell, he can't even look at that binder without his hands shaking.

"Can we do the tattoo a different day? I want us both to be in the right mind."

He closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. "I can handle it Phoenix. I would never attempt a tattoo on your body if I didn't think I could."

"It's not you. It's me." I smile and he does too. "I'm just really tired and emotional right now. I didn't get much sleep last night. As you know, I was up pretty early."

He stares at me for a long moment before reaching for his shirt and keys. "Let's go back to my house now. I'll let you relax in the hot tub and I'll make you dinner. You deserve a day of rest. Let me give that to you."

That sounds so good right now. I can already close my eyes and picture myself there, naked with him holding me. At least, I hope that's what he plans on doing.

"That sounds perfect." I reach for my purse. "You lead and I'll follow."

Isn't that the truth?

Chapter Eighteen.

Phoenix I slow my car as Kellan turns his bike into the driveway of a big white house with an attached garage. The door slides open and I see Kellan peek over his shoulder at me before pulling his bike into the garage and parking it next to his truck.

The house is beautiful with side-by-side picture windows and blue shutters, a screened in porch surrounded by some kind of red bushes and a brick path that leads up to the front door. I would have never imagined Kellan living in such a beautiful house if he only plans to stay for a short while. It surprises me.

I pull my car into the driveway and as soon as I kill the engine, Kellan pulls the car door open and grabs my hand. "You're about to meet Rayne, but don't worry, she doesn't bite . . . hard." The right side of his mouth pulls into a teasing smile as he helps me out of my seat. "Unless I tell her to."

"Say what?" I pull my hand away from his and grab my purse. "If I get bit by something named Rayne, I'm going to bite you."

His eyes land on my lips and now he's fully smiling. "Can I count on that? I wouldn't want you to make promises you can't keep."

"You ass!" I reach out to slap his arm, but he grabs it, wraps his arms around my body and throws me over his shoulder, causing me to squeal. "Hey!"

He slaps my butt and slams my car door shut. "You remember what used to happen when you called me names." He takes off walking fast to the back of the house, his boots pounding hard against the bricks leading the way. "That hasn't changed." He pushes the privacy fence open and steps through it and into the back yard.

"Oh no! Kellan no!" I place my hands on his butt for support, while I lift my neck enough to see a pool come into view. "No! I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Please put me down," I plead as we come to stand right next to the large underground pool.

His chest rumbles from below me as he laughs, clearly determined to toss me into the water anyway. "That's what you always said." He grabs my purse, drops it to the ground by his feet and walks us over the edge of the pool.

Once we hit the water, he pulls me into his arms protectively and kisses me as we sink to the bottom. The water is cold on impact but I recover from the initial shock. The chlorine is burning my nose, but his lips make it all worthwhile. His fingers tangle through my hair and he grabs my thighs one by one with his other hand, wrapping them around his waist. The next thing my mind registers is us breaking the surface, his lips still attached to mine.

Somehow, we end up pressed against the edge of the pool, with both of us fighting to catch our breath as our lips separate.

Kellan smiles and I can't help but to notice how sexy he looks wet. His hair is darker and slicked back with little droplets of water clinging to his long lashes. Each time he blinks, they fall to his cheek before running down his face and landing on his full lips. He runs a hand over his face and shakes his head. "I figured I'd throw myself in and keep you company this time. I guess I'm becoming a softie." He grabs my neck, leans in and slowly runs his tongue up the tip of my nose. "You have a little water here." He sucks in his bottom lip and smiles before running his tongue over the spot next to my lips. "And here." A groan rumbles in his chest as he bites his lip, leans in and looks me dead in the eyes. "And here." His tongue teasingly runs over my mouth, tasting me, before he sucks in my bottom lip and nibbles it. "Best water I've ever tasted," he somehow manages to say while still sucking on my lip.

I can't take this anymore. This is going to be hard. Really hard. I want him so bad, but I'm tired of this teasing. He's too in control of it. It's driving me mad.

I pull my lip away from his glorious mouth, smile and close my eyes. Placing my hand against his chest, I brush my fingertips over his defined abs, protruding from the wet shirt now stuck to his body, until I reach the end of my journey at the band of his wet jeans. Cupping his shaft in my grasp, I place my lips to his ear, grabbing the lobe between my teeth allowing my hot warm to caress his ear. "No one said I wanted to get wet, Kellan." I place the tip of my tongue to his ear and stroke his hardness through his jeans, hoping to have the same affect on him, he has on me. "You get me wet against my will and you've been doing it for far too long."

He watches me with a slight grin as I reach for his jacket and yank it open, sliding it down his arms, scratching my nails down his tattooed flesh on the way. I turn us around so his back is scraping the concrete of the pool and I push his chest until his back presses completely against it. "You're so hard, Kellan," I purr in his ear, still stroking him. "Do you like getting me wet?"

He wraps my hair around his hand and roughly pulls my head to the side, giving him the access to my neck he needs. He bites my shoulder and skims his teeth up my neck, toying with me and turning me on. "If I said I liked it, I'd be lying," he growls against my neck. "I fucking love it," he whispers. He takes control and flips us around, pressing my back against the pool and rips my shirt open.

A moan escapes my parted lips as he reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, pulling both items down my arms and dropping them into the pool. He looks into my eyes before trailing down until his sight reaches my exposed breasts and smirks. "You do realize I'm going to fuck you so hard, you're never going to forget my name. When someone else is offering to pleasure you, it's me you'll think of." He places my arms out to the side, on the ledge of the pool, to hold my weight as he reaches between our wet bodies with his other hand and runs his fingers over my swollen clit. Even through the fabric, I feel myself already threatening to release. "My dick is so fucking hard for you it hurts," he whispers next to my lips. "You're the only one that does this to me. The only way to get rid of the pain is by burying me deep between those thighs of yours while you scream out my name. I want it loud. So fucking loud it hurts my ears. Can you handle that?"

I nod my head and grab his hair, tugging it. Oh shit! I'm going to come even before we start. Why can't I control myself with him?

"Good." He kisses me hard as he slides my panties to the side, shoving his finger inside of me. He moves it in and out, slowly, moaning each time he pushes it in deeper. "I love your fuckin' pussy. Do you like that, baby? You're so tight, just the feel of your pussy around my finger makes me want to cum. Do you like making me cum?"

Holy fuck, yes! That dirty mouth does things to me. Makes me feel like a bad, bad girl. "Yes," I whisper against his hair. Yes to everything you'll give me. "Don't stop touching me. Don't stop. Shit!"

He slides his hand down my arm and cups my left breast in his hand, pulling it up and placing it in his mouth. His teeth softly tug my nipple as his tongue swirls around it, tasting it and driving me wild. Feeling his tongue on me makes me want it everywhere on my body. His tongue has some kind of magical spell over me I can't break free of.

"You taste so good, baby. I'm addicted after just a few tastes. I can't help myself when I'm around you." He releases my nipple and lifts my body, trailing kisses down my stomach, stopping right above the waist of my skirt. He peers up at me. "I hope you don't mind me getting another taste, because my body is going through serious withdrawals without it. I want to taste every inch of your body; slowly, teasingly, not wasting one bit of it."

My breath hitches in my throat and for a moment, I'm stunned speechless. "I'm yours to do whatever you want with. Even if just for tonight. I want you to want me as badly as I want you. I want you to want me so bad it fucking hurts."

His grip on my thighs tighten. He swallows hard and lifts me above the water, setting me on the edge of the pool. His eyes take on a smoldering look as he places his hands between my thighs, spreads them wide open and leans in running the tip of his barbell up my wet laced panties. I arch my back and moan as his tongue, licks, flicks and teases the hell out of me. My body jerks with pleasure when he hits my sensitive spot and I feel him smile against my sex before gripping my panties and slowly pulling them down my legs, his mouth trailing little kisses on the way.

When he reaches the bottom, he tosses my panties behind him and looks down at my naked flesh, admiring the sight before him. "Mmm . . . your pussy does things to me, I can't even begin to explain. I haven't stopped thinking about it since that night on the roof. I know I shouldn't want you like this, but one taste of you and I was hooked. I'm going to taste you as if I've just been given my first meal after being left without food for weeks, starved. I'm going to savor every last drop. Etch it deep into my memory and when I'm done, you're never going to be able to touch another man without thinking of me. Tonight, you're mine."

Oh my goodness! What in the world is he doing to me? Is he trying to ruin me for good? Take away my chance at happiness with any other man, even though I can't have him. 'Cause that's exactly what he's doing. Being here with him already makes me not want to ever touch another man. After this, he'll destroy me.

Before I can even think of a response, his head is buried between my thighs, his tongue working its magic on my aching sex. My hands grip onto his thick hair, pulling his brown locks as I hold his head in place. I scream as he devours me. It feels so good, I can't hold it in. He licks, rubs and nibbles while his finger slides in and out of me touching my sweet spot, giving me an unknown pleasure that sends heat surging through my toes and up my legs. The mixture of sensations has me lost in a world of bliss.

As good as it feels to have him touch me, it just isn't enough. I want him naked, on top of me, our naked flesh rubbing together. I want to dig my nails into his back while he looks me in the eye and buries himself deep inside me. "Kellan," I whimper. "I want you to take me inside. I want you fully naked, on top of me, fucking me rough. I want you to stop this teasing and give it to me."

He runs his tongue up my sex one last time before pulling his finger out of me and sucking my wetness from his finger. His eyes come up to meet mine and without saying anything, he places his hands on the edge of the pool and pulls himself out of the water. He grabs my hand, pulls me to my feet and then grabs my ass, picking me up. On reflex, I wrap my legs around his waist. Our wet bodies collide, my bare breasts pressed against the fabric of his wet shirt and I can feel the studs in his nipples into my puckered ones. The sensation of the metal causing friction against mine is driving me wild. I just want that damn shirt off.

We reach the back door and Kellan stops to dig in his pocket for keys. It takes him a second to get his hand into his wet pants, but finally he comes out with a set of keys, shoving the key into the lock as if he can't bear to go another second without him being inside of me. His desperation gets me so hot I can barely breathe. I reach my hand down between us and work on his belt the best I can manage.

"Oh, fuck! You're making me want you so bad." He kicks the back door open and slams his lips against mine, our bodies falling against the back door and then somehow into a bar of some sort. At least I think that's what it is. "You're so beautiful. Do you know what you do to me?" he whispers against my lips. He rubs his hands over my head, pulling my hair back tightly as he rubs it and looks me in the eye. "You make me wish we were both different people. That maybe I could be something more than I am."

My heart aches as I look into those dark, damaged eyes. I see the real Kellan wanting to come out and break past all pain he's holding inside. I wish I were enough to do that for him, like he is for me. "You are to me. You always have been. You're my hero. My dream guy that protects me through the bad and has a way of healing my heart where no one else has. You will always be that guy to me no matter what you've done over the years. I can promise you that."

His jaw clenches as he looks me in the eyes. He gets ready to speak, but stops when a growl sounds from below us. "Go lay down, Rayne."

I lean my head over his shoulder and look down at a massive brown pit baring her teeth at me. My heart jumps out of my chest as I throw my arms around Kellan. "Is she really going to bite me?"

He snaps his fingers and points toward the door. "Go to your room."

Suddenly, the huge pit doesn't look so big and tough under Kellan's demand. She wags her nub of a tail, shakes her head and takes off running down the hall, obeying her master. Thank goodness. I don't feel like dying tonight.

Kellan cups my face and presses his lips against mine for a quick kiss. "Hell no. I would never let anything hurt you. Do you get that? I will always do everything in my power to keep you safe." He presses his forehead to mine. "Look at me, Phoenix." I bring my eyes to meet his and his lips tighten. "I care about you too much to ever let you get hurt. I always have. You were like family to me and that is why this is so damn wrong. Me wanting you this way is wrong in so many ways, but I can't control myself around you." He rubs my face before wrapping both of his arms around me and pressing his face into the crook of my neck. "I love the way you feel in my arms," he whispers. "It's as if you were made for me to hold you. Sometimes I convince myself that it's okay for me to want you. To need you like I do."

"It is," I breathe. "I want you just as bad or maybe even more. You have no idea how I feel about you. I can't stop thinking about you. It's always been you. I've loved you since I was fourteen." I kiss the top of his head as he rubs his lips along my neck. "That hasn't changed."

His body tenses up and he sets me on the ground. He turns away from me, gripping his hair in his hands. "Dammit, Phoenix! Don't say that to me. Don't make this harder than it already is. There is so much you don't know." He leans his back against the bar and buries his face in his hands. "You're the only woman that has ever made me feel this way."

His words make my heart feel as if it just burst in my chest. My legs feel weak and wobbly, but I walk over to him anyway, pull his hands away and stare into his eyes, pleading with him to open up to me and just take this moment for what it is. "Nothing in this world could make me stop caring about you. I know that now. You taking off for eight years didn't change that so nothing can. Just please, can we take this moment for what it is?" I grab the bottom of his shirt and slowly start peeling it up his body.

His eyes soften and he lifts his arms, allowing me to undress him. We both stand here shirtless, just staring into each other's eyes, until he breaks the stare and kisses my forehead. "I've missed you over the years. I thought about you every day. I worried about you and Kade. I never meant to hurt anyone. I only did what I thought was best for everyone. I promise you that. If I could take back what I did, I would."

An unwanted tear escapes his eye and I quickly reach out, wiping it away with my bottom lip, smearing it up his face. "Make love to me, Kellan. I don't care if it's just for tonight. I want to experience this moment and I swear I can die a happy woman. Just one passionate night with you. It's all I've ever dreamed of."

He stands there, battling a silent war within himself, before gently wrapping his arms around me and lifting my legs to wrap around his waist. I close my eyes as his lips softly take mine and he walks us through the house and into what I assume is his bedroom.

Wrapping one of his arms under my neck, he gently lays be backwards until my body makes contact with a bed. His bed. The thought sends excitement through my body and I can hardly keep from losing it. There has been so many times I have imagined being in his bed and now here I am, him about to make love to me. I love it when he's rough, but somehow I need more with him. I want to feel that connection of our bodies and souls as one.

Placing his knees on either sides of my waist, he sits above me and tangles his fingers through my hair. My hands reach up and slowly caress his chest, down his stomach, taking in every curve of every muscle, branding it into my brain. This is a moment I never want to forget.

His muscles flex above me as he runs his hands along my sides, grabs my skirt and slowly peels it off me, him making his way down the bed along with it. He runs his hands up the inside of my thigh, spreading my legs. I lay here, completely naked with his eyes taking in every inch of my flesh, the passion clear in his eyes.

"I've never done this before. I'm not sure I can be gentle, but for you, I'll try." He leans in and kisses my thigh. "Let me know if I get too rough and I'll try to slow down."

I nod my head, lean up and reach for his pants, pulling him back onto the bed. He sits on his knees and watches me as I pull his belt aside, unbutton his jeans and pull them down under his butt. "I need to see all of you, Kellan. I want every inch of your body touching mine."

He grabs behind my knees, pulling me to the edge of the bed as he stands up. Grabbing the back of my hands, he places them over his jeans, so that my thumbs hook into the waistband of his briefs. "Tonight, my body is yours to do whatever you want with. I will walk around this house naked all night if that keeps you happy. Then, I'll go to bed naked, holding you and wake up naked to cook you breakfast. You have a way of making me want to do things I've never wanted to before."

Oh my, I love this man. I love him so much it hurts. Being with him tonight is only going to hurt me, but I don't care. I want him more than anything in this world. "You're so beautiful, Kellan. Everything about you is perfect to me. Always has been."

Our eyes meet as I peel his boxers down his legs, his hardness breaking free from the confinement of his wet boxers. I kiss the head and run the tip of my tongue in a swirling motion, making him lean his head back and moan. "You don't have to do that," he whispers. "I don't want you to feel dirty."

I run my hands up the ripped muscles that lead down to his prized possession and grab hold of his shaft as I continue licking, making a bead of cum ooze at the opening. I lick if off and it tastes like salt and chlorine, but somehow he makes it taste so damn good. "Nothing about you can ever make me feel dirty. Everything about you makes me feel sexy."

He swallows hard and places my hands on his jeans, silently telling me to pull them all the way off. I grip them in my trembling hands and pull them down, stopping at the top of his boots. I get ready to reach for his boots, but he gently guides me back to the bed and lays my head on a pillow. "You don't have to take my boots off. That's my job. Now your boots." He pauses and smiles. "That's also my job."

He makes me so happy. What I wouldn't give to feel this every day. I lay back and relax as we works on his boots and then pulls mine off, throwing them beside the bed.

Now, we're both naked. Nothing is separating our bodies from each other and there's nothing else in the world that can compare to this moment. He places one knee on the bed before sliding his body up mine so his erection is barely poking my entrance. His stomach is resting against my stomach, as he supports his upper body with his right arm.

His lips softly, passionately, take mine, our tongues tangling as he steals my breath away. I can't breathe, but I would sacrifice every last bit of air in my lungs just to have this moment.

His heartbeat quickens against my chest as he slides one arm under my neck and grips my head in his hand. "Do you want me to grab a condom? I didn't use one last time and I'm sorry for that. I didn't plan any of that to happen. I just had to have you. I wanted to feel you so bad I wasn't thinking straight." His eyes search mine waiting for an answer. "I have never had sex bareback with a girl and I always pull out even with a condom. It's different with you. With you, I want to feel all of you."

I know my answer right away. There is no doubt in my mind that I want the same as him. I want to feel him completely. I take my pills. I'm safe and I've only had sex unprotected one other time besides with him. When I did that with Aiden, I felt guilty afterward. With Kellan, I just wanted more.

I shake my head and bite my bottom lip. "I want to feel all of you as you make love to me. No condom. Not with you."

His eyes take on a look filled with passion as he tightens his grip around my neck and grabs one of my legs, wrapping it around his waist. He looks deep into my eyes and slowly, pushes his hardness inside me, being sure I feel every inch on the way in. We both moan against each other's mouths before his lips claim mine again, both of us breathing heavily as he slowly begins to move in and out.

In this moment, with our lips touching, our bodies connecting as one, I almost feel as if I can cry from the passion that is overwhelming me. This is what true love making feels like. I've never experienced so much passion from anyone in my entire life.

He pulls me up with the arm that's cradling my neck and I wrap my arms around his body, softly scratching my nails up his hard back. He pushes deep into me, still taking it slow. His lips are now brushing next to my lips. "I love how wet I make you. You're always ready for me. The thought of another man making you wet kills me. Does anyone else make you this wet, baby?" He thrusts inside me, stopping before he pulls back, takes it completely out and shoves it back in, slowly. I moan and scratch him harder. "Tell me I'm the only one that makes you wet."

"You are. I've never been so wet for anyone." His thickness fills me, completely, until I feel as if I'm about to break in two. "No one does this to me. Only you. I want you. Every day and every night. I want you as mine, Kellan."

He exhales a long, deep breath before pressing his lips into the crook of my neck and biting me. It hurts, but feels so good at the same time. He grips me harder, while thrusting deeper into me. We move together as one as he transitions to his knees, pulling me up with him so I can place my legs on either sides of his body. He pulls my body as close to his as he can and he tangles his fingers in my hair. "Can you feel me deep inside you, filling you to the max? Gah, you're so tight. If you keep squeezing my dick like that, I won't be able to hold on. I want you to come with me inside of you. Have you done that before?"

I shake my head. I've never been able to. I've only been able to have clitoral orgasms. "Never been able to."

He smiles and changes his rhythm to a slower, almost torturing speed that gets my body shaking. He alters his angle slightly and each time he thrusts, I can feel it hit my wall. The sensation is new. He grabs my head and brings my lips down to meet his as he steadily increases his thrusts, causing my body to seize above him. I can feel myself clenching around his hard dick and all I want to do is scream out in ecstasy.

"That's it. Don't hold back," he says against my lips. "I want to hear you."

My legs shakes against him as he keeps up his motions and I find myself digging my nails into his back, screaming. "Fuck, Kellan! It feels so good with you inside me."

He smiles and stills for a moment. "Damn, girl. You about snapped my cock off with that one." He kisses my neck and rubs his ring up to my ear. "Now it's my turn. I'm going to release my load deep inside you. I want you to feel it, filling you and coating you." He cups my face and forces me to look at him. "Watch me. I want you to see how you make me feel."

I breathe heavily, trying to catch my breath as he rocks our bodies, thrusting himself deep inside me, while never taking his eyes away from mine. His grip around me tightens as if he can't get me close enough. Then I feel him let go. His dick pulses inside my walls. He sucks in his bottom lip and moans while filling me with his warm semen. The thought sends my body into a frenzy and suddenly, I feel myself clenching around him again as I fall into another mind blowing orgasm.

"Kellan! Oh, you feel so good inside me. It feels amazing."

He smiles against my neck, both of us breathing heavily. "Holy shit! Just the thought of filling you with my cum makes me want to bust another load just sitting here idly. Do you know what you do to me? You do things to me I can't explain."

He rubs his hands over his face before grabbing mine and pulling it to his. He softly presses his lips to mine, before resting his forehead on mine, transferring the sheen of sweat that has perspired during our love making.

It feels so good being here in his arms. I've waited for too long to get this moment, and knowing that it's almost over saddens me. I don't know whether to be happy for this moment or cry. I'm so torn. I definitely don't want him to think something's wrong, so I'll have to keep it together.

I run my finger over his lip, taking in the softness as he reaches out to caress my cheek. "I should get cleaned up now."