Matter-of-fact Geologists speak of the Earth's Crust as if there were only one Crust.

Thoughtful people (like ourselves) who can read between imaginary lines, know that there are (as in a pie) two Crusts, the Upper Crust and the Under Crust.

The Upper Crust is pleasantly situated on the top and is rich and agreeable and much sought after.

The Under Crust is soggy and disagreeable. The only apparent reason for its existence is to hold up the Upper Crust.

To quote the eminent Nonsensologist Gelett Burgess--

_The Upper Crust is light as snow_ _And gay with sugar-rime;_ _The Under Crust must stay below,_ _It has a horrid time._

When in the course of time the Upper Crust becomes too rich and heavy for the popular taste, the Social Pie flops over and the Under Crust becomes the Upper Crust.

These periodic flip-flops of the Social Pie are called Revolutions.

You would think that a Revolving Pie would be a disturbing thing to have in one's system, but the Giddy Globe doesn't seem to mind it in the least.

Balanced on an imaginary toe, she continues to pirouette at the rate of a thousand miles an hour, just as if nothing were the matter.

The latest specimen of Acrobatic Pastry is after a Russian recipe.

The Bolshevik Pie has no Upper Crust at all and is declared by the leading Chefs of Europe to be unfit for human consumption, but the proof of the Pie is in the eating, how would you like to try just a----*

* Take it away, or we won't read another word!

_The Reader._

Oh, very well! We never did care much for pie anyway, not even for breakfast.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CHAPTER VII

THE TEMPERATURE OF THE GLOBE

[Ill.u.s.tration]

In spite of incessant and violent exercise, the Giddy Globe (as we have remarked before) is unable to keep comfortably warm all over.

Her Temperature varies from intense cold at her upper and lower extremities to fever heat in the region of her equatorial diaphragm.

Ancient Geographers indicated these variations of temperature by means of _Zones_.

The Term Zone is derived from the Greek word ???? a Belt or Girdle, and a Girdle in the days of the First Geography Book was the princ.i.p.al (if not the only) garment of a well dressed person.

Today, however, the Girdle is no longer accepted as a complete costume.

No modern Costumer would countenance such a "model," it would be too easy to copy and consequently unprofitable.

Even the "Knee-plus-ultra" of Newport or Palm Beach Society would hesitate to pose for the Sunday Supplement Photographer in a one-piece Bathing Girdle.

You might explore the World of Dress, from the Land of the Midnight Follies to the Uttermost parts of Greenwich Village and find nothing exactly like it.

It is on its way, to be sure, but it will never be fashionable until--

_The two extremes of decollete_ _Of Ballroom and of Bathing Beach_ _Here meet in a bewildering way_ _And mingle all the charms of each._

Why, then, in this up-to-date Geography Book, should we depict the Giddy Globe in an obsolete hoop skirt of imaginary Zones?

In striving to answer the question, we have hit upon a pleasing compromise.

[Ill.u.s.tration: (A, E, C, D markers)]

At least it is up-to-date.

A. and E. are the two extremities of the Giddy Globe, which are quite bare.

They correspond to the Frigid Zones.

C. is the Corset, which being hot and uncomfortable corresponds to the Torrid.

D. is--that is to say are----*

* Pardon us for interrupting--but we thought this was to be a geography book.

_The Reader._

CHAPTER VIII

THE AGE OF THE GLOBE

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE NEW WORLD / THE OLD WORLD]

Some people are sensitive about their ages. The Giddy Globe has never told us hers.

Rude men of science, after careful examination, declare she can't be a day under five billion years old.

Theologians, ever tactful in feminine matters, set her down as a shrinking young thing of barely four thousand summers.

Real delicacy of feeling goes with the bulging tum rather than with the bulging forehead; who ever saw a thin Bishop or a fat man of science!