That can't be.

I mean... ...he and I are complete polar opposites.

The Calamitis I wrote about was a fearless, heartless a.s.shole who cared not for morals. The words "Shame" and "Embarra.s.sment" didn't even exist in his vocabulary.

Compared to him, I'm a cowardly daisy.

I'm a really nice person. (Although I do admit I'm a bit of a sn.o.b.) I'm also lazy and introverted. Oh! and I can't forget! I'm DEATHLY afraid of spiders. Emphasis on the "Deathly".

There's just no way!

Maybe this is a coincidence, right?

Right!

Okay, let's test this out. In my novel I had written that when Calamitis opened the s.h.i.+ning door, he was met with a System message that asked if Calamitis wanted his freedom. He of course answered "Yes" and was then was asked if he was willing to be a teacher to Thomas Hark and Fur Charleston. Who are these two gentlemen you may ask? Why, they're the Protagonist and Antagonist of course!

If I am really Calamitis, and not some random smoke monster thingy which had coincidentally coincided with Calamitis's plot, then I should be asked to teach Thomas Hark and Fur Charleston. If I am not, I should be asked some other random question like, I don't know, do you wish to gain your freedom by turning into a donkey? Honestly any question is better than being here as long as I am not Calamitis.

Okay...

It's time for the moment of truth.

I slowly reached out my left hand and held the k.n.o.b.

I took a a deep breath. I then slowly exhaled.

One...

Two...

Three...

GO!

I pushed open the door with all my force, making it slam open with a loud "BANG!"

...

...

...

Am I safe?

Just beyond the door is a completely white room.

I wasn't given a System message... ...do I go in?

I lifted up my leg.

And at this moment, I decided to quote Neil Armstrong and say: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind".

Because honestly, the fate of mankind rests on who or what I really am.

...

I step into the room.

And then it came.

[Ding!]

[h.e.l.lo, resident of the Corridor of Wandering Souls. I'm sure you've had enough time to reflect on your mistakes. That is why I will give you an opportunity. Do you want your freedom?]

OH! IT CAME!

"Yes, please."

I decided to be polite for good measure.

[Well, isn't that refres.h.i.+ng? Well, dear resident. Are you willing to complete a task for me? Don't worry, it's an easy one. Even a toddler could do it. Would you please teach and raise two very important individuals for me? Their names are Thomas Hark and Fur Charleston.]

（＊〇□〇）...!

...

This must be a prank, right?

I just got here... ...am I really fated to destroy the world? I'm pretty sure that over time, this world will get to me and I'll want to keep it safe.

Another thing--I can't kill anyone. Yeah, sure, I think I can stomach killing a squirrel or something but a Human? Or Elf? Or Beast man?

NO WAY!

There is no way in h.e.l.l that I'd be able to do that!

And besides, what if I meet up with Calamitis's father? He's going to beat the s.h.i.+t out of me because his a.s.shole (and bad a.s.s) son became a milk-drinking, blanket-hugging coward!

Just thinking about it makes me s.h.i.+ver with fear.

"No." I decisively answered the System. I'd rather stay in this h.e.l.l hole then experience the life of a world destroyer!

I was greeted with silence. Oddly enough, I didn't get another message. Neither did the door close on me like it should.

Did the System glitch out on me? Or is it still processing?

I waited for a few seconds before I attempted to step back into the Corridor of Wandering Souls.

That's right. I ATTEMPTED to step back.

But guess what happened?

You guessed it.

I can't move.

Not. An. Inch.

Urrrrrrrgghhhhhh. Move you d.a.m.n foot!

Systemmmm!!! I know this is your doiiiiinnnggg!!! Why?!

I played a game of internal tug-of-war before I gave up.

"System?" I asked the white void. I didn't really expect an answer back.

[Could you please repeat your answer, o' resident of the Corridor of Wandering Souls?]

Oh s.h.i.+t.

Was the answer "No" just a fancy decoration?

That is just f.u.c.ked up!

As a human, I have my rights! I'll get my lawyer on you System once I find one!

"Yes."

Fine. I'll play your game...

..until I think of a better plan.

You won't get away with this!

Because believe or not, I'm your Darth Vader!

I'M YOUR FATHERRRRRR!!!!!