I started typing out some dialogue, cackling merrily to myself. I didn't know if the dialogue was actually any good but I was having a ball writing it.

Everything was great until the telephone rang. It was Allison. She called to tell me that Amy was going to keep her there rehearsing until late that night so she wouldn't be able to see me. Maybe tomorrow.

Suddenly I didn't feel like writing any more. Nothing seemed very funny. I tried to read and couldn't keep my mind on the book so I went out for a walk.

There's a little park bordering the East River near where I lived. I sat down on a bench and gazed at the water. Light shone on the water from the hospital on City Island. The absurd little ferryboat chugged back and forth carrying hospital workers from and to the island.

Boy, did I feel rotten. Lower than a snake's garterbelt. I had been plenty depressed before but this was different. This was an alive pain where the other had been like a dead thing that dragged me down.

I didn't want to face it but I had to. I had thought that no one would ever mean anything to me again. And there I was sitting by myself looking at the river and being jealous. No use denying it to myselfa"I was in love with Allison Millay.

This time it was going to work out. It had to! I couldn't stand being hurt that way again. I'd fight with everything in me for Allison's love.

CHAPTER 5.

I don't know if Amy Ferguson was being clever or if the whole thing was the result of coincidence. All I know was that for the next week and a half, while I was supposed to be at the studio mornings, she kept me hopping. I had to walk her dog, do her shopping, bring her breakfast, pick up her costumes, etc. I couldn't say anything. It was all part of my job. I was Amy Ferguson's patsy as long as her own secretary wasn't there. Of course, Chris Salem never came to the studio. Amy had too much for her to do at home.

Allison and I waved to each other across the studio and talked on the telephone at night. That was all the contact we had. She couldn't stay out late nights because of early calls in the morning. Besides, many nights (too many) Amy called for special rehearsals.

In spite of everything, I didn't lose my awe of Amy Ferguson. She was still an extraordinarily charming and dynamic woman. And there was nothing I could pin on her. She hadn't done anything on the surface that was incriminating. I didn't know if she was being discreet or if my suspicions were right.

Marv Banner was back in town. He had completed an engagement in Chicago and was between jobs. By his own choice. Marv could have played lots of dates but he insisted on a two-week vacation. Happy was furious but he couldn't do anything. You can lead a comedian into a contract but you can't make him be funny when he doesn't want to work.

Marv hung around the office all the time. In the morning he would go around from Jack to Steve to Judy to Happy to me, getting in our way and interfering with our work but making us laugh so much we couldn't shoo him away. Afternoons he would go to a bar and return about five with a couple of females he had picked up in the bar. Between Marv's women and Happy's the office looked like a ladies' room in Port Said between five and six.

The shooting on the pilot was finished Friday. We had to wait two weeks for the film editor to release it for viewing.

Happy invited everybody on the production crew and the starring actors up to his house in the country for the weekend. Somehow Allison got invited too. She was the only bit player who was asked. Wonder who's idea that was?

Because Marv would have spent the weekend getting himself into trouble without Happy chaperoning him everywhere, he was invited too.

We got to Happy's place in time for c.o.c.ktails Friday night. I needed that drink. Allison was so near and yet so far. I couldn't even talk to her beyond making casual remarks that everyone else would hear. Besides, dear Amy made sure that Allison was with her every minute.

I did my best to drink myself into oblivion but I was an amateur at it. There were professionals in the crowd. By the time we went into dinner Marv and Happy were feeling no pain whatsoever.

Dinner was mostly liquid. The women drank wine with their meal but the men stuck to Scotch.

Dinner lasted three drunken hours. Marv kept everybody glued to the table with a long obscene monologue which even I in my misery had to admit was riotously funny.

After dinner I went to bed. I didn't want to hang around with that crowd any longer. It was agony to watch what was going on. Amy was turning on all her charm for Allison's benefit and Chris Salem was following the two of them around like a dyspeptic spaniel.

I was to share a room with Chris and Allison was sharing one with Judy. Wonder who arranged that? I undressed and got in bed. The noise from downstairs should have kept me awake but I had been drinking so much that I don't know whether I fell asleep or pa.s.sed out.

I couldn't have been asleep long when I was awakened by a knocking on the door.

"Chris?" I called.

The door opened. It was Marv Banner and Perry Matthews. They were so drunk they had to hang on to the door frame to keep upright.

"What do you want?" I asked with as much authority as I could summon up in my panic.

"We missed you at the party," Marv said as he came into the room. He stood by the side of my bed and leered down at me. "We came up to say h.e.l.lo."

"h.e.l.lo. Now get out," I said.

"She told us to get out," Marv said to Perry. "I don't think that's very friendly, do you, Perry?"

"Not very friendly at all," Perry said. "Girl should be friendly."

"If you two don't get out of here this minute, I'll show you how unfriendly I can be," I said.

"Marv, I don't like her att.i.tude. To h.e.l.l with her. Let's go get a drink," Perry said. He dragged Marv out of the room.

As soon as they left Allison came in to say good night. She was a couple of sheets to the wind too.

"Lady, you're stoned," I said.

"I know," Allison said. "That's why I came upstairs. The rest are still downstairs drinking. I'm played out. I'm going to sleep."

"Wish we were sharing a room."

"Me too. I've missed you, darling. Now that the pilot's finished we'll be able to see more of each other," Allison said.

"Kiss me good night?"

Allison bent down and put her arms around me. Just as our lips were about to meet, Chris came into the room.

"Hi," she said. "I think you two had the right idea. I'm bushed. You know, the rest of those fools are still down there drinking like there's no tomorrow."

She acted as if she hadn't thought there was anything peculiar about our position. Maybe she hadn't noticed. She looked pretty blind.

Allison left for her own room.

"Judy asked me to tell you to leave the door unlocked," Chris called to her as she was leaving. "She said to tell you she'll be extra quiet when she comes in so she won't wake you. She won't be up for a couple of hours at least, I'd guess. Judy's carrying on a mad flirtation with some guy down there."

We went to sleep. I had a horrible dream in which I was being beaten up by some old woman who was amazingly strong. People were fighting all around us. I could hear them groaning in pain and thudding as they hit the floor.

Then I woke up. The noises weren't in my dream. They were coming from the room next door. Allison and Judy's room.

I jumped out of bed. Chris was sleeping the sleep of the besotted. I ran to Allison's room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. I tried the k.n.o.b. It was unlocked. I opened the door.

Marv Banner, Perry Matthews and the crew manager, Herb Talman, were in there. So was Allison. The men were even drunker than they had been before.

Perry was holding Allison by the arms from behind. Marv was in front of her. Herb was sitting on the bed watching and egging Marv on. They had her pajama top off and Marv was trying to remove the bottoms. Allison was kicking wildly but Marv was so drunk he didn't seem to feel the blows. Perry's hand over her mouth reduced her screams to faint moanings.

I rushed at Marv and tried to pull him off. With one sweep of his ma.s.sive arm he sent me careening into the bed and Herb's arms.

"Hold her there," Marv told him.

Herb fell on top of me and held me prisoner. Jesus, he as strong. I fought like a tiger but I couldn't budge him from where we were lying I could see the others but I was helpless to stop them.

Marv gave up the effort of taking off Allison's pajama bottoms. He just reached inside the waistband and ripped them off her.

She was naked now. Even in my fury I couldn't help noting how beautiful she looked. The smooth golden skin as flawless. And, as I had expected, she had flesh where woman should have it.

Marv ran his beefy hands all over Allison's body. His little pig eyes were shining with excitement. Then he bit her. Hard on her breast. Allison kicked harder but Perry had her in a firm grip.

"Pretty girl," Marv cooed. "Be nice to me, pretty girl.a "Hey," Perry said, "get on with it. I want some too.a Marv a.s.saulted her. She wriggled and fought to get away from him. Perry held her closer, rubbing himself up against her with obvious pleasure. Marv finished. He offered to switch places with Perry but the other man liked it too much where he was. He was still holding her tight but his eyes were closed and he was moving rhythmically against her.

I watched with horror and a repulsive fascination. The woman I loved was being raped and I couldn't do anything bout it. I was helpless and the thing that was holding me prisoner had ceased to be human to me. It was like all the forces in the universe that fight against my kind of love were weighing down on me.

But it was a man who was holding me. He had been lying still, a dead weight that I couldn't budge but then I felt him beginning to move against me. Herb was getting his kicks too. It didn't bother him a bit that I was fully clothed.

Perry and Herb got what they were after at about the same moment. Then all three of them calmly walked out of the room as if nothing had happened.

Allison was lying on the floor sobbing. I ran over to her and put my arms around her. I couldn't say anything. What do you say after something like that?

Allison twisted and squirmed in my arms. Her body racked with sobs that seemed to be tearing her apart. I lifted her up in my arms and carried her to the bed. Slowly, she began to calm down.

Judy came into the room.

"You're sleeping next door with Chris tonight," I barked at her. "I'm staying here."

"Why? What happened? This place looks like you had a brawl here. What's Allison crying about?" Judy asked.

"Never mind all that," I said. "We'll talk about it in the morning."

She shrugged and left. She was too drunk to argue.

We lay on the bed for a long time. Allison curled up like a child in my arms, sobbing quietly until she fell asleep.

I got up and went into the other bed. Suppose someone had come in in the morning and found us in the same bed? What a laugh! After what had happened we had to be careful about our reputations!

When I woke up in the morning I found Allison already dressed and sitting in a chair.

"Good morning, darling," I said.

"I'm glad you're awake. I've been waiting to talk to you," she replied in a flat voice.

I got up and went to embrace her.

"Sloane, please!" She pushed me away.

I went back to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Ia"I'm sorry," Allison said. "I didn't mean to yell at you. It's not your fault. It's just that I couldn't stand to be touched now. Not after last night."

"I'm the one who should apologize."

"Sloane, please, let's not talk like this. Not like strangers. I need you. We've got to talk this over."

"What is there to discuss? We'll borrow a car and go into town and report Marv, Perry and Herb to the police. Then we'll go to a doctor to make sure you're all right. Then we'll go back to New York," I said.

"Don't hate me for what I'm going to say, Sloane. Try to understand." Allison reached over from where she was sitting and clasped my hands in hers. "I want to be an actress. I want that more than I want anything else in the world. For that reason, I'm going to pretend that last night never happened."

"But you can't! You..."

"Hear me out," Allison continued. "I don't like acting this way any more than you do. It sickens me that I even have to talk to you about it. You're the last person in the world I want to be in on this whole mess. But be that as it may, you are in on it.

"Now, as I see it, I'm the one who can't afford to have the police know. Sure, it could wreck the men's careers and whole lives if the story got out, but think of what it would mean to me. I'd never be able to get a job in the theatre again. Every producer in town would remember what I did to Marv Banner. The public would look at me and the only thing they would think would be something about how I probably asked for what I got." She buried her head in her hands and continued in a m.u.f.fled whisper. "It's horrible. The whole thing is horrible. Last night was hideous but I think acting the way I am is worse. But this world is pretty horrible and if you want to get anywhere in it you have to do some things that make you hate yourself. The only thing I ask is that you keep quiet about last night for my sake.

"No, I'm going to ask one thing more from you. Sloane, don't let what you saw last night make any difference between us. Please, Sloane, I need you more now than ever."

"Allison, Allison, baby, I love you. What difference could last night make?"

In answer, Allison pulled me close and put her arms around me. We hugged each other lightly, careful of our bruised bodies.

About half the guests came down for breakfast. The rest of them just couldn't make it. Those who did were a sorry lot. Hangovers had hit them like the bubonic plague.

There was no conversation at breakfast. Those who could eat, ate in silence. The motley crew grew motlier by the minute as others stumbled down to join us. They mutely drank coffee and avoided each other's eyes.

Happy finally came bubbling down the stairs. He had been been up for hours. Been out riding around the countryside, he informed the horrified a.s.semblage. He was all they needed. Everyone felt worse after his arrival.

I sympathized with them. I was hung-over and more. I didn't know what aches came from overdrinking and which ones from Herb.

Allison, Happy, Judy and I went out to the terrace. Happy recommended a bit of the hair of the dog. We all groaned in unison but when he had wheeled the bar cart out onto the terrace and started mixing the drinks we changed our minds. Anything would be better than going on this way.

After two b.l.o.o.d.y Marys I began thinking that I might possibly live until lunchtime. Then Amy Ferguson came out on the terrace to join us and I decided the effort wouldn't be worth it.

Amy was another one like Happy. She was as bright and chipper as if she had been drinking milk exclusively last night.

I watched Allison closely to see if there would be any change in her behavior. The difference was slight but it was there. She was polite and friendly with Amy but there was an inner remoteness about Allison that was new. She responded to Amy's flirting half-heartedly.

Was she still in a state of shock or had she reached some sort of decision about me? I had no way of knowing.

Marv, Perry and Herb didn't come down until after lunch. It was incredible but they didn't remember what they had done the night before. I watched them closely, listened to the way they talked to Allison and me. There was no mistaking it. They wouldn't have been able to carry off that much of an act. They had been so drunk that they couldn't recall what had happened. Or, if they did, they didn't remember who the girls had been.

I took Allison aside and discussed the matter with her. She had noticed too. We were the only ones who knew about it.

Allison confessed to me that she wasn't feeling very well. She had taken quite a beating the night before. We had to get her to a doctor.

Luckily, Happy was taking some of the men out to the golf course. We asked him to drive us in to the village so we could do some shopping. The ride was torturous. It took us a half hour to reach the town. Allison got sicker every moment. She was perspiring and her face had a greenish tinge.