"Alexis, what have you been doing to yourself? You've lost weight and you're anemic."

"I just don't have an appet.i.te. My ulcer is better, isn't it?" she asked with a forced smile.

"It would be better if you were eating right. I think you've learned to relax, but if you're not eating, there are stomach juices working on that ulcer all the time."

"You just can't be happy no matter what I do. I did what you told me to do and relaxed."

"Then why have you lost your appet.i.te? What happened that led to it?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"I don't know. I went on vacation. Learned how to take it easy sometimes and came back to work."

He sighed and shook his head. "Look, whatever happened, you need to get over it and move on. If you lose much more weight, I'm going to put you in the hospital with drips. In the meantime"-he pulled out a prescription pad and scribbled something on it-"take these to help build your iron back up."

"What are they?" she asked dubiously.

"Iron pills. I bet you've been getting out of breath easily." 122 "When I'm doing housework I do sometimes. What does that have to do with needing iron?"

"Iron makes hemoglobin, hemoglobin carries oxygen. If you are low on iron, you're low on oxygen-carrying hemoglobin."

"Is that all?" she asked.

He sighed. "Get that filled and take them."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Alexis, whoever he was, you really should think about going back. You have all the symptoms of being in love."

"It's not that simple."

"Is he married?" he asked.

"No. But it wouldn't work. Trust me."

"Then figure out a way to get over him, and soon, or you're going to end up in the hospital."

"I'll be fine. I just needed some grieving time, I think." Alexis walked out of the doctor's office after making a return appointment for six weeks instead of the requested three weeks. She knew what was wrong with her, but there wasn't a cure for it. It would take time. In the meantime, she needed to get herself back on track or she was going to have to endure Dr. Searcy's daily presence in the hospital.

She swung by the pharmacy and got the prescription filled then picked up some Chinese takeout for her dinner. She toyed with it but managed to get half of it down. How was she supposed to get over love? She guessed if she knew the answer to that, she would make a mint selling it to the public.

Sometimes, late at night when she had been lying awake, Alexis would pretend that she could have both of the men and live with them. She pretended that there wasn't anything wrong with it, and that she could be a part of their family. Sometimes, she would even pretend to have their babies, making their family a real family.

Then she would wake up the next morning and realize it had all been fantasy, a dream. The tears would start and she would end up 123.

wearing a ton of makeup to cover her reddened eyes. The brothers at the office didn't seem to notice anything different about her, so she figured she was doing fine at work. She knew she wasn't on the fast track to success anymore. She had slacked off and wasn't working all the overtime she once had. Neither was she working from home.

Instead, her home was her refuge. She buried herself there after work each day and on the weekends. Sometimes she would watch a movie and sometimes she just read. Mostly, like today, she thought about Neal and Mark and how they had made her laugh and feel wanted.

Three weeks later, Alexis was in the emergency room with stomach pains once again. Dr. Searcy shook his head and admitted her to the hospital.

"I told you to start eating or you were going to end up in here."

"I have been eating."

"Not enough, and you're worrying, too. Add to it the ulcer and you've worried yourself into a mess."

"What am I supposed to do? You tell me and I'll do it," she fussed with tears running down her face.

"What is it about this man that keeps you from being with him?

Does he not love you? You said he isn't married." Dr. Searcy sat on the edge of her hospital bed.

She worried the cover with her fingers without looking at him.

"Come on, Alexis. What could possibly be so bad that you can't tell me?"

"It's not a he," she said.

"I-see," he began with a deep breath.

"No, not a woman. It's a them. It's two men." He blinked a long, slow blink then nodded his head. "You're in love with two men and can't choose between them." 124 "Not exactly. I'm in love with two men and they don't want me to choose. They want to share me between them, a menage relationship." Dr. Searcy was silent for a few seconds. Then he smiled. "Why should you choose? Go for it."

"They live in Dallas, which would mean not only leaving my home and my job, but being a part of a group of bikers."

"This just gets better and better every minute. Again, I say, go for it."

"You don't think there is anything wrong with a woman living with two men?" she asked, totally astounded.

"It's not conventional, but if it works for you, why does it matter?

Are you worried about what others will say?"

"I don't think so. It just seems wrong. What happens if one of them decides they've found someone else?"

"That can happen with a normal relationship. You deal with it if it happens, but who's to say that it will happen, anyway?" he asked.

"I guess you're right. I don't know what to do." Dr. Searcy stood up and patted her hand. "Well, first of all, we've got to get you well. While you're lying here, you can think about it more. I think you're a fool if you don't pursue a relationship with them. Love only comes around so often, and you've gotten a double dose of it. I say don't throw it away on fears and what-ifs." He walked out of the room with that.

Alexis looked at the IV bag dripping fluids and nutrients into her arm. Next to it hung something for her ulcer. She looked down her body and saw for the first time just how much weight she had lost.

Her clothes had been hanging on her, but she hadn't paid any attention.

For the next hour, she let her weeks with the guys filter through her mind. She looked for anything negative or problematic but found nothing. Then she thought about their friends and how they were making a life for themselves as menages. What was she afraid of?

Was she truly so shallow that what other people thought of her 125.

mattered that much? It never had before. People had always talked about her, saying things like how she was a b.i.t.c.h or that she slept her way to the top, but she had never let it bother her before. Why was this any different?

She felt a twinge in her gut again and winced. She was worrying again. The acid was eating at her ulcer. She sighed and tried to relax and think pleasant thoughts. Unfortunately, they all centered around Neal and Mark. And following closely behind those were the worries about saying yes and living with them.

Finally, she settled down and fell asleep. Her dreams were naughty at first. Neal and Mark loved her from top to bottom and all over again. Then they would start over and she would pa.s.s out from sheer exhaustion. Then they turned to her problems. She could see herself sharing the house and thoroughly enjoying it. Soon, there were kids playing in the backyard. She still seemed okay with it all. It wasn't until they went out in public that she started to feel uneasy.

People pointed and laughed when they walked hand in hand on the street. They whispered behind menus when they went out to eat.

Then there were more of them. The other bikers with their women joined them and no one laughed or pointed or whispered about them then.

When she woke up later that night, the night nurse was making her rounds.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Oh, you didn't. I was having a dream and it woke me up."

"Must have been a good dream. You were smiling in your sleep." The nurse checked her IV bag.

"Was I?"

"Yes. You were. What were you dreaming about? A man?" She winked at Alexis.

"Two men, actually."

The nurse never blinked. "You lucky girl. I hope they're real. I'd give my nursing license for two men to love me." 126 "Really? You mean that?" Alexis asked.

"Oh, yeah. I can't imagine anything better than two men totally devoted to loving me." She patted her hand and walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.

Alexis smiled. Maybe she should really think about what it would mean to live with them. She would have to give up her job and her condo. She could sell the condo, so that wasn't a big deal. She liked her job, but she could find another job in Dallas. She didn't have to stay at home if she didn't want to.

If she got too attached to her job, the men would be there to distract her. Then she wouldn't end up with a stomach ulcer again.

They spent most of their time around their friends, so being with two men wasn't an issue with them. They were construction workers and were gone some of the time, so she would still have alone time when she needed it.

On the other hand, if she stayed where she was, she had her job and her condo and not much else. Oh, and an ulcer that might start bleeding at any time. She sighed. Everything pointed to the men. She should be happy, but she was scared. Starting a new relationship was usually a little scary. No one knew what to expect at first. What could she expect from the guys? Would they still be the same all the time, or would they change over time? Had she seen the real them, or not?

By the time Dr. Searcy came around again the next morning, she had made up her mind to put her fears aside and find out if they still wanted her or not. If they didn't, well, she would continue as she was.

"You're smiling. Have a good night?" Dr. Searcy asked.

"I was awake for most of it thinking."

"Then you must have come to a happy conclusion."

"I'm going to see if they still want me to live with them."

"I can't imagine them changing their mind if they truly love you, Alexis."

"Well, it has been four months now. They might have found someone else by now." Her heart ached at the thought.

127.

"Then it wasn't true love. Look at you. You love them and have been pining away for them all this time."

"Well, when can I go home so I can pack and leave?"

"Not for a little longer, I'm afraid." His expression turned serious.

"Why not?"

"That scope we did the other day shows two ulcers that are on the verge of bleeding. If they start bleeding, I'll have to do surgery. We need to get them under control before I let you go home."

"But I'm going to be okay now. I've made up my mind and I'm happy." Alexis couldn't believe he was suggesting that she had to stay a moment longer.

"Alexis. This is serious. If you start bleeding, you could bleed to death before you got help."

"It can't be that serious," she said with a frown.

"I'm exaggerating a little, but not a lot. You have to stay until you've had another round of medications in your IV, and I want you to make a serious effort to eat. If you are eating better by the time you finish your IV meds, I'll look at letting you go home." She frowned but nodded. What else could she do? She'd show him. She would eat better and think nothing but happy thoughts to keep her ulcer under control. Whatever it took to get out of there and on the road to see her men.

"Okay, I'll stay for now," she said.

"Good. I'll start the new medicine right away and we'll see how you do on it. You have any pain, you tell me so we can change the medication to something different. I want it to work."

"Okay."

Alexis waited for nearly two hours before they brought in the new IV medicine and hooked her up. She pa.s.sed the time making lists of what she needed to do to get ready to move. She didn't have much in her condo she really wanted to keep other than her bookshelves with her books. Books she'd never read because she had never let herself have time to. She would change that, as well.

128.

She figured she would pack her car with her clothes and necessities then ship her shelves and books separately. First, though, she had to be sure the men still wanted her. What if they didn't want her anymore? What would she do? A funny feeling in her stomach made her panic. She looked up at the new medicine slowly dripping into her arm. The funny feeling didn't return, so she figured it was her worrying again.

This time next week, she vowed to be in Dallas on her way to see Mark and Neal. One way or another, she was going to Dallas. She just had to get out of the hospital and get her car packed.

The door opened and a nurse walked in carrying her lunch. She looked at the tray and licked her lips with determination.

129.

Chapter Fifteen.

Neal and Mark pulled into their drive at three on a Sat.u.r.day afternoon. They would have been home sooner, but the townsfolk of Potts Camp had wanted to have a sending-off party for them that morning complete with cake and punch. They'd finished the school and then the hospital and were ready for a break.

"d.a.m.n, I'm tired," Mark said as they rolled their motorcycles into the garage.